Notes: This is it, guys, the rejection! Get the tissues ready!
This chapter had been redone, and I wanna say a big thanks to Sparkle Itamashii for your review and suggestions. I used most of them, but kept a couple of things because that's how I like it. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to you, because I think it's a lot better now and it's all thanks to you.
We hadn't received a mission for over a week. At first the break was welcomed as a nice relief from the fighting, but I was a Gundam pilot and Shinigami to boot. I thrived on danger. I was addicted to the adrenaline rush. I loved dancing that sweet edge. So after the fifth day of nothing I was getting bored, restless, agitated. So was Heero.
Our Gundams were hidden four miles away, through rocky terrain, little crops of rocks jutting up from the ground, not really big enough for cover, but big enough to be damned annoying, and a hazard in the dark. We were in a tiny little cabin in the middle of nowhere. There was very little room. Too little. Guys like Heero and me need space to function. We especially need space from each other. Putting both of us in such a small cabin was like putting two tigers in one cage. We snapped and snarled at each other readying for a fight. But I knew that the pain we caused would not be physical. No, this pain would be much, much worse.
Hot does not describe the temperature of the cabin. There was no thermometer around, so I couldn't check the temperature exactly, but my god it was hot. I was sweating as if I'd just had a three-hour workout session, and I was only lying on the sofa, fanning myself with an old manga I'd had stashed in my bag. Heero was sitting in the armchair, typing something on his laptop. Sweat beaded his skin, but he didn't show any signs of discomfort in the godforsaken heat. For some reason, that pissed me off.
"Heero, aren't you hot?" I asked, and he glanced at me.
"Yes."
"You don't look it."
"Hn."
"I mean, come on, Heero, it's got to be triple-degrees out there, and you're acting like it's nothing!"
"Temperature is irrelevant."
I snorted. "Bullshit! They may have done some weird shit to you, Heero, but this heat would annoy even Superman!"
"Duo, I am trying to work." His voice was that cold and calculated one that he uses right before he starts shouting, sort of like when a little kid is pestering his daddy and he's trying to be patient with him. Hm. Bad analogy.
"Work on WHAT? We haven't received any missions that we need to plan for, we sent our reports for our last mission days ago, we have nothing to work on!"
"Duo..."
"Why don't you just leave that fucking laptop alone and play a game with me? Twenty questions? I spy? Truth or dare? The name game? Either or? The-"
"Dammit, Duo, shut the fuck up!"
I jumped at the sound of his angry voice, staring at him with wide eyes. He was using his Death Glare on me, not that I was affected, and his hands were clenched into fists. He was about two seconds away from hitting me.
Having him so pissed at me, coupled with the unbearable heat, made me equally pissed. I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to shoot him. I wanted.... I took a deep breath and shut the fuck up.
~*~
Remember how I complained about how hot it was? Well, apparently, this was one of those places that is really hot during the day, and fucking freezing at night. As soon as darkness fell, all the heat went poof! I did not like that. I like some warning before the weather does a one eighty, so I am not outside sunbathing in my boxers when the temperature drops a few hundred degrees. That little experience had not improved my mood, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'd had three fights with Heero in four hours, before he stormed off to the bedroom. It was nearing midnight, but I wasn't sleepy, and I don't think Heero was either.
I was sipping my coffee, brooding, when Heero walked out of the bedroom. He was only wearing a pair of ratty jeans with the knees slashed, his feet and chest bare. (Did he not fucking care that it was freezing outside?) My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was so primal and predatory....
"Missions?" He asked. The question was completely unnecessary because my laptop was sitting on the sofa, and he would have heard it beep.
"Nope, not a word."
"Damn."
"Don't worry, Heero. We'll get to go out and blow something up soon."
"Hn." He turned, heading for what was laughingly called a kitchen, and I felt my stomach turn to ice as his eyes lingered on me for just a second longer.
No. It couldn't happen now. I wasn't ready to do this. I wasn't ready to watch his heart shatter because of me. I didn't want to do this. Don't make me do this.
"Duo?"
A light touch fell on my knee and I snapped my eyes open, unaware that I had been squeezing them closed, to find that it was his hand. He was sitting next to me, my laptop now on the floor, and he was only inches away. His eyes were drowningly deep, the colour of sapphires, his skin bronzed from the sun, his muscles hardened from fighting. He was... perfect. All the hardness was gone from his eyes, leaving them naked with emotion, and his face wasn't scowling, but... curious, almost as if he were searching for something in my eyes.
"Heero, I-"
"You looked scared. What's wrong?"
"N-Nothing."
"Oh." He looked down at his hands and I used the pause to take a deep breath. I had to do this. I had to do this. I HAD TO DO THIS!
He looked up at me again, his blue eyes swimming with emotions. The air tingled, sparks dancing along my skin. His face was so close to mine, his eyes... his lips...
The urge to kiss him welled up inside me stronger than ever before and I leaned forward a fraction of an inch.
NO! This couldn't happen! I couldn't allow it! It would kill us both!
I pulled away sharply and watched confusion join the emotions in his eyes. I forced a laugh, though it was a touch shaky, and waved a finger at him.
"Watch what you're doing there, buddy. I'm not interested."
Disappointment welled up in his eyes, along with darker things that I didn't want to name. And I nearly cried at the sight of his heart dying.
"I-"
"Hey, it's cool, no offence taken, ya know, just don't try it again."
"I-I-I'm sorry." He fled the cabin before I could even blink and I let my head fall into my hands.
My tears were hot against my skin, splashing silently onto my cheeks. I do not make sounds that indicate vulnerability, not since my days on the street, so there was no whimpering or sobbing, no wailing to go with the weeping, just a faint tremor running through my body.
My immense pain was lessened slightly by the knowledge that he returned my feelings. Heero didn't know that. He thought he had been rejected the one time he'd dared to reach out. God, I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. I longed to rush after him and tell him it wasn't true, that I did love him, that I did want him, but I COULDN'T DO THAT!
A tiny hiccuping sob escaped me and I fled to the bedroom. I hid under the luxuriously thick quilt as I cried myself to sleep.
This chapter had been redone, and I wanna say a big thanks to Sparkle Itamashii for your review and suggestions. I used most of them, but kept a couple of things because that's how I like it. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to you, because I think it's a lot better now and it's all thanks to you.
We hadn't received a mission for over a week. At first the break was welcomed as a nice relief from the fighting, but I was a Gundam pilot and Shinigami to boot. I thrived on danger. I was addicted to the adrenaline rush. I loved dancing that sweet edge. So after the fifth day of nothing I was getting bored, restless, agitated. So was Heero.
Our Gundams were hidden four miles away, through rocky terrain, little crops of rocks jutting up from the ground, not really big enough for cover, but big enough to be damned annoying, and a hazard in the dark. We were in a tiny little cabin in the middle of nowhere. There was very little room. Too little. Guys like Heero and me need space to function. We especially need space from each other. Putting both of us in such a small cabin was like putting two tigers in one cage. We snapped and snarled at each other readying for a fight. But I knew that the pain we caused would not be physical. No, this pain would be much, much worse.
Hot does not describe the temperature of the cabin. There was no thermometer around, so I couldn't check the temperature exactly, but my god it was hot. I was sweating as if I'd just had a three-hour workout session, and I was only lying on the sofa, fanning myself with an old manga I'd had stashed in my bag. Heero was sitting in the armchair, typing something on his laptop. Sweat beaded his skin, but he didn't show any signs of discomfort in the godforsaken heat. For some reason, that pissed me off.
"Heero, aren't you hot?" I asked, and he glanced at me.
"Yes."
"You don't look it."
"Hn."
"I mean, come on, Heero, it's got to be triple-degrees out there, and you're acting like it's nothing!"
"Temperature is irrelevant."
I snorted. "Bullshit! They may have done some weird shit to you, Heero, but this heat would annoy even Superman!"
"Duo, I am trying to work." His voice was that cold and calculated one that he uses right before he starts shouting, sort of like when a little kid is pestering his daddy and he's trying to be patient with him. Hm. Bad analogy.
"Work on WHAT? We haven't received any missions that we need to plan for, we sent our reports for our last mission days ago, we have nothing to work on!"
"Duo..."
"Why don't you just leave that fucking laptop alone and play a game with me? Twenty questions? I spy? Truth or dare? The name game? Either or? The-"
"Dammit, Duo, shut the fuck up!"
I jumped at the sound of his angry voice, staring at him with wide eyes. He was using his Death Glare on me, not that I was affected, and his hands were clenched into fists. He was about two seconds away from hitting me.
Having him so pissed at me, coupled with the unbearable heat, made me equally pissed. I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to shoot him. I wanted.... I took a deep breath and shut the fuck up.
~*~
Remember how I complained about how hot it was? Well, apparently, this was one of those places that is really hot during the day, and fucking freezing at night. As soon as darkness fell, all the heat went poof! I did not like that. I like some warning before the weather does a one eighty, so I am not outside sunbathing in my boxers when the temperature drops a few hundred degrees. That little experience had not improved my mood, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'd had three fights with Heero in four hours, before he stormed off to the bedroom. It was nearing midnight, but I wasn't sleepy, and I don't think Heero was either.
I was sipping my coffee, brooding, when Heero walked out of the bedroom. He was only wearing a pair of ratty jeans with the knees slashed, his feet and chest bare. (Did he not fucking care that it was freezing outside?) My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was so primal and predatory....
"Missions?" He asked. The question was completely unnecessary because my laptop was sitting on the sofa, and he would have heard it beep.
"Nope, not a word."
"Damn."
"Don't worry, Heero. We'll get to go out and blow something up soon."
"Hn." He turned, heading for what was laughingly called a kitchen, and I felt my stomach turn to ice as his eyes lingered on me for just a second longer.
No. It couldn't happen now. I wasn't ready to do this. I wasn't ready to watch his heart shatter because of me. I didn't want to do this. Don't make me do this.
"Duo?"
A light touch fell on my knee and I snapped my eyes open, unaware that I had been squeezing them closed, to find that it was his hand. He was sitting next to me, my laptop now on the floor, and he was only inches away. His eyes were drowningly deep, the colour of sapphires, his skin bronzed from the sun, his muscles hardened from fighting. He was... perfect. All the hardness was gone from his eyes, leaving them naked with emotion, and his face wasn't scowling, but... curious, almost as if he were searching for something in my eyes.
"Heero, I-"
"You looked scared. What's wrong?"
"N-Nothing."
"Oh." He looked down at his hands and I used the pause to take a deep breath. I had to do this. I had to do this. I HAD TO DO THIS!
He looked up at me again, his blue eyes swimming with emotions. The air tingled, sparks dancing along my skin. His face was so close to mine, his eyes... his lips...
The urge to kiss him welled up inside me stronger than ever before and I leaned forward a fraction of an inch.
NO! This couldn't happen! I couldn't allow it! It would kill us both!
I pulled away sharply and watched confusion join the emotions in his eyes. I forced a laugh, though it was a touch shaky, and waved a finger at him.
"Watch what you're doing there, buddy. I'm not interested."
Disappointment welled up in his eyes, along with darker things that I didn't want to name. And I nearly cried at the sight of his heart dying.
"I-"
"Hey, it's cool, no offence taken, ya know, just don't try it again."
"I-I-I'm sorry." He fled the cabin before I could even blink and I let my head fall into my hands.
My tears were hot against my skin, splashing silently onto my cheeks. I do not make sounds that indicate vulnerability, not since my days on the street, so there was no whimpering or sobbing, no wailing to go with the weeping, just a faint tremor running through my body.
My immense pain was lessened slightly by the knowledge that he returned my feelings. Heero didn't know that. He thought he had been rejected the one time he'd dared to reach out. God, I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. I longed to rush after him and tell him it wasn't true, that I did love him, that I did want him, but I COULDN'T DO THAT!
A tiny hiccuping sob escaped me and I fled to the bedroom. I hid under the luxuriously thick quilt as I cried myself to sleep.
