Notes: Thanks for all your reviews, I love you guys! Y'all wanted Heero to find Duo crying, and I liked that idea, too, but it didn't mesh with what I wanted to happen, so I had to be really mean to Duo, but I like it like this because I'm an angst-addict, so just don't hate me! Enjoy and review!

I was so cold, a deep iciness in my very soul. I rejected him. The one person I had ever loved, the one person who was so afraid of reaching out, and I rejected him. what kind of heartless bastard was I?

Deep down in my heart, I knew I had done the right thing, but that didn't stop the rest of my heart shouting obscenities at me. Gods, he was so fragile, on the inside, that's why he had such thick armour, and he had dared to open a crack in the armour and let me in and I had smashed his heart with a sledgehammer!

Why hadn't I tried to explain why we couldn't get together? He's a smart guy, a bloody genius, he'd have understood! He knows that the war comes first, that nothing can interfere with The Mission! He wouldn't go all love-sick stupid just because of his feelings! He's the frigging Perfect Soldier, he would've understood!

The door opened and I froze, heart stopping. Soft footsteps approached my bed and stopped. Faint breathing, barely audible. What was he doing? What was he gonna do? Hit me? Yell at me? Ignore me?

Before I knew what was happening, my lovely quilt was sliding at an incredibly fast rate, down my body, and landing in the floor. I blinked, gasped, and stared at Heero, very aware of my tear-streaked face.

His expression was... weird. Well, okay, he didn't have much of an expression, he never does, but his eyes were definitely weird, and I've learned that you have to search his eyes to find the emotions. And his eyes were dark and emotional, but I just didn't know what emotion.

I was scared, I admit that freely. I had just shattered the heart of the guy who bends steel, and I didn't know what he was gonna do. And honestly? I don't think I would stop whatever he wanted to do. Because I deserved it. Right or wrong, I had hurt him in the worst way imaginable. If he wanted to yell, I'd listen. If he wanted to hit, I'd let him. If he wanted to kill me... I'd give him the fucking gun.

A very slight frown creased his brow as he crawled onto the bed beside me, pulling me into a sitting position. I sniffed and raised a hand to wipe my cheeks, but he stopped me with his own hand. Wordlessly, he reached up and ran a thumb under my eye, taking away the wetness. Starting directly into my eyes, he raised his thumb to his lips and licked it, tasting my tears.

I couldn't think. My brain had shut down around about the time when Heero had touched my face. I saw everything happening with a strange sort of detachment, like I wasn't in my own body anymore.

"Why are you crying?" he whispered, just the breath of a whisper.

"Because I hurt you," I replied, without really meaning to.

"Don't cry because of me. I hate to see you sad."

"Heero, I-"

"Sssshhh. No more words."

Then, he leaned forward and kissed my tears away. I think I stopped breathing, but I'm not sure, because I still had that not-my-body thing going on. The feel of his lips on my skin was... odd. It was soft and warm and... odd.

He drew away just enough to look in my eyes again, searching for... something. I tried really hard to figure out what was going on, but my brain had apparently gone on vacation. I think that was a combination of shock, confusion, and Heero being so close. You try thinking rationally and logically when the personification of wet dreams is just a few inches away.

His eyes drifted closed, and he leaned forward again, and I honestly had no idea what he was planning until his lips brushed mine.

Suddenly, I was back in my own body again, and the feel of Heero kissing me was enough to make me shudder. Unthinking, I kissed him back, letting my tongue dance with his and explore his mouth.

My brain had returned from its vacation to completely short-circuit on me. The mere thought that Heero could be kissing me was enough to completely shut down all my thinking. Heero was kissing me? Heero couldn't be kissing me. Heero was kissing me.

And my God it was good. So soft and sweet and predatory and viscous and so many things that didn't make sense.

It lasted for an eternity and wasn't long enough. When lack of oxygen became a serious problem, we drew away and stared at each other. Heero had kissed me. Why had Heero kissed me? Heero hated me.

"I love you, Duo," he whispered, and I felt hope surge through my heart. He loved me? I hadn't hurt him? I hadn't shattered his heart?

"You-You do?"

"Yes. I love you with every breath that I have."

He leaned forward for another kiss, eyes closing, lips drawing ever nearer....

.... And the dream exploded into fiery ashes.

I woke up, gasping for breath, struggling to maintain that gorgeous illusion, and left only with bitter reality. A cold, harsh reality where Heero hated me and I was alone.

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes, splashing onto my cheeks, and Heero wasn't there to kiss them away. Heero would never be there. I was alone. I was alone and cold and hurting and that would never change. I had been offered a single chance to know happiness and love and I had smashed it, destroyed it, and I would not get another chance. Heero was gone. And he wouldn't be back.