Hermione And The E.W.B.P (European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant)

*** Summary: When Hermione Granger, a twenty-seven year old Auror working for the Ministry Of Magic, has to go undercover at a beauty pageant, who knows what chaos will follow? Especially when she has to work with her worst enemy...

Disclaimer: Most of the characters are copyright of J K Rowling, and as the plot is based on the film Miss Congeniality, I don't own that either. Just a little note to all the readers- you DO NOT have to have seen this film to understand the story. And yes, it will be similar in some places to the film, but most of it is entirely original.

Another note: You may notice that things have been omitted, like a character will be in this story (e.g. Remus Lupin) and Hermione will have never met him before. That's just the way it goes- it's AU.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story, I really appreciated it. Please keep it up and don't hesitate to tell me what you think is right or wrong about it!

Rubyqueen17~ thanks, 4*s isn't bad at all! Please keep on reviewing- I hope it stays to your liking.

Smokeline~ Thanks, enjoy the chapter and please tell me what you think.

Natyslacks~ Hi Nat! Well I must admit you did twist my arm a little bit, but I doubt I needed much persuasion to begin a Hermione/Draco fic! Thank you and keep reviewing.

Aquaprincess1~ Ha, lol I don't know if Hermione will sing at all... doubt it... but it's a funky idea! Thank you and you never know who may have their eyes on our lil Hermione... ;)

Chocoliciouz~ I haven't killed "And So It Begins"... lol; it's just taking a break! Though it did nearly "die" when my idea well started drying up. Please keep reading and thanks!

Dark Star~ Thanks! Here's my update, so how is it? Hope to hear from you pal! :)

Befuzzled~ Thanks, keep reading.

So there it is, and here's Chapter 2! I know it's quite soon but I always get excited when I get reviews. ***

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Chapter 2

Hermione's jaw dropped. "What? Sorry sir, I think I must have mistaken your meaning... I just thought you said that I, ME, would be the undercover agent planted in the pageant?"

"You heard right, Granger," Percy Weasley said brusquely. "We need a female agent, and considering that there isn't much choice around here, you're our only hope."

"But SIR! Mr Grant, Minister, I beg you. How could you choose ME to do something like this? To be in a beauty pageant you have to be all... well... lipgloss, fake tan; all that shit. Pardon my French sir," she said hastily, watching Grant swell slightly; "but there is absolutely no way I can accept this job. I'd be willing to work on the case, but I can't go undercover."

"Now you listen to me," Grant boomed, his familiar authorative tone ringing clear. "Do you want to keep your place at this job?"

"Yes, but-"

"And do you want to make up for the mistakes you caused today?"

"Ye-es but how-?"

"Then there's nothing more to be said," Grant said finally. "If you wish to stay here and make up for what you've done then you have to do exactly what we say. And if we say you're going undercover, you're going undercover. I understand you would have to fit in-" His eyes lingered on Hermione's dirty fingernails; "and so we're going to have to organise some sort of 'makeover'. We will make sure you go as unnoticed as possible.

"You will be Miss Finland; we managed to wangle you the place subtly after finding out the witch who was supposed to be representing that country, has been in a number of, ahem, risqué films. Naturally, as soon as the authorities found out she was a porn star, she was disqualified and another entry had to be chosen."

"So if I did this, I'd be Miss Finland? But that's-"

"We'll sort out other details later on. You're going to be Miss Finland and you'll pretend you were born there to all the other witches. We've arranged for you a meeting with the woman who runs the Pageant. You can sort out something between you, so that a minimal amount of people know your true identity."

"Sir," Hermione said quietly. "I don't think I can do it. I just don't think I'm cut out for that kind of work."

"Granger, if you want to stay in this job you will do it," Weasley snapped. "I'll give you an hour to decide whether you accept it or not- and if you decide not to, you can hand in your Auror badge first thing tomorrow morning, because you're sacked."

"In an hour I want you in my office with your decision," Grant stated.

The interview was over. Grant and Weasley got to their feet, both of them with grave expressions on their faces, and exited the room, leaving Hermione to her numb disbelief.

Her? In a beauty pageant?

The whole point of going undercover was that you were invisible; you sunk into the background and were the eyes and ears of everyone at the department. But how could she do that with her appearance and behaviour? She'd stick out like a sore thumb. Whenever she'd seen pageants, the women had always been crying with happiness when they won, their hair and make-up immaculate, and their perfect bodies squeezed into swimsuits and bikinis that left little to the imagination. Shuddering, she got to her feet and paced the room. No- she'd just have to tell them she couldn't do it.

But she LIKED her job. Crazy as it sounded, she enjoyed working for the Ministry and knowing she was helping others and making a good living. Didn't she deserve it after seven years of training? And that wasn't going to be taken away from her: not by a pompous red haired authoritarian, or a balding Minister, and especially not by a crazed psycho determined to murder some pageant bimbos. But she COULDN'T do the job- no makeover could change her that drastically, and she especially couldn't change her behaviour.

Hermione hated the women that obsessed over nails and skin, the women who lived up to the expectations of men that females were nothing but superficial airheads. She was proud to say that she was a woman who was making her own living in something deemed by many as a "man's job." But how would she be able to keep her job AND turn down this ridiculous case? She couldn't degrade herself that much for anything.

She turned out of her office, locking it lazily with her wand and putting it back in the pocket of her black trouser suit, as she turned down the corridor and proceeded along it. There had been many modifications made to the Ministry building recently (mainly due to Hermione complaining it was practically ancient), one of which there had been made a canteen where staff could eat during breaks or whenever they were hungry. Hermione turned into it, the familiar smell of mashed potatoes wafting up to greet her grateful nostrils.

After impatiently waiting in the small queue and complaining about the service at the top of her voice, she was served with mashed potatoes, chicken and gravy. She grabbed a seat on a solitary table and tucked in with fervour, a little bit of gravy dribbling down her chin in her eagerness.

"Hey Granger," Smith called. He was one of her associates, a round plump man in his late forties. "How did the meeting with Grant and Weasley go?"

"Rubbish," she grimaced, still chewing on her chicken. "They want me to take the new pageant case, and they said if I don't then I'm sacked."

Smith smirked a little. "That ain't the one where we need someone undercover? Granger mate, sorry but it wouldn't work."

"I know that." Hermione's tone was flat and unemotional, but inside she was a trifle hurt; did he think she wouldn't be able to handle it? "But they insisted, and they've given me an hour to decide whether I'll do it or not." She slammed her knife and fork down on her plate moodily, wondering if that would be the last time she ever ate a meal in the Ministry canteen. Probably, she thought to herself.

"Granger," came a drawling voice, and stood nearby was Malfoy, a tray balanced carelessly in one hand, the other in his trouser pocket. He did as usual, look cruelly handsome, with his pale hair slicked back to reveal a masculine but slightly pointed face; his pale grey eyes were fixed malevolently on Hermione and his stance was just as arrogant and proud. The very air about him seemed to be superior; hell, even his clothes were better than everyone else's.

"What, Malfoy?" Hermione snapped, folding her arms and staring back just as unflinchingly at her colleague.

"Did you accept it?"

Hermione stopped being disdainful, temporarily shocked at what he had said. "Excuse me?"

"Did you accept the undercover job?" Malfoy repeated slowly, exaggerating every syllable as though speaking to an infant.

"What makes you think I've been offered it?" Hermione was suspicious- exactly how did Malfoy know Grant had asked her to do it?

"It was a lucky guess," Malfoy said, grinning in a sneering sort of way. "Well, of course, I might have got the impression they would ask you... mainly because I was the one who suggested it."

"WHAT?!" Hermione sat up, anger flooding through her veins. "Why the fuck would you want me to do it?"

"Because I thought you'd enjoy it," Malfoy leered. "I know how you've always cared so much about your appearance Granger... I'm sure you'll enjoy dressing up all pretty in heels and a pink skirt. Tell me, what will you wear underneath? A thong?"

Hermione snapped. Fury and humiliation was blinding her senses so much that she lunged at him, just grazing his shoulder with her fist. "You knew that I would hate this sort of job," she snapped. "God, you're so conniving!"

"That's me," Malfoy grinned. "Don't be too angry. And best of all, I also managed to slip in that if you didn't take the job, maybe they should consider how seriously you take your work." His face gave a mock look of sympathy. "Ah well, looks like it was too tough for Granger to go undercover as an actual female."

In the heat of the argument, Hermione decided spontaneously what she was going to do. "I'm taking the job," she replied angrily, "and then at least while I'm undercover I get away from you!"

"Oh I don't think so- honey," he leered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "As I happen to be Head of the investigation, you'll be seeing me everyday."

Hermione groaned. Trust Malfoy to have been made leader of the case! Now he was going to have power over her- something that she didn't like at all. Shivering at the thought of him being even more superior than usual, she got to her feet and scraped her plate into the bin.

"I've taken the job," she said bitterly. "But it doesn't mean I'll take any shit from you, Malfoy."

"I'm quivering," he answered coldly, and took his seat next to Smith. "We'll continue this discussion later."

"Can't wait." Hermione stalked out of the canteen, heading straight for Grant's office further along the corridor. She burst in without knocking, still flustered and raged from her encounter with Malfoy.

"I'll do it."

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A bit of a short chapter I know, but mainly this was all tension between Hermione and Draco. I just wanted to get the message over that she only accepted because Malfoy believed she couldn't do it- that's what drives our Hermy on! I hope this was easy enough to understand, if not don't hesitate to post and I'll try and sort out any bits that didn't make sense. Thanks and I hope to read lots of reviews! (By the way, the next chapter will be a lot longer) Emma xxxx