Hermione and the E.W.B.P (European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant)
*** Over 50 reviews! Seriously, I am in deep shock and extremely pleased- never before have I received so many for just three chapters. Please keep it up, because you encourage me to carry on typing up chapters! Usually there are 3-4 chapters put up a week so you'll find one quite often! Sometimes I might have to make you wait a little longer than usual and I apologise for that, but within the next two months I have my flute grade and my SATs exams, so it's study study study right now for me.
Natyslacks~ hope this keeps you off your coursework a little bit longer! Lol thanks very much, what do you think of this chapter? I look forward to another crazy review!
Smokeline~ As you'll find out in this chapter, the makeover results are really quite remarkable... well anyway, keep reading and you'll find out! Thanks for the review!
Le Brittes~ Thanks very much! Your idea sounds really cool- why don't you try writing it? I'm sure you're a better writer than you think.
SiriuslyMione~ hi Caitlin! *waves* I remember you from Hermione Grows Up- lol I got some cool reviews from you in the past. As for the- interesting- first review of this chapter, no problem; you certainly were recognised! Thank you for the posts and please keep it up.
Midnight Solitaire~ Hehe, yep, I don't know about the line though... read on for more information on that! And we all know Tom Felton rocks... *drools* he is waaay hot!
DemonicallyDeliciousWithin~ Thank you very much for the nice long review :) hehe, yes I realise I shouldn't rush; I'll try and bear it in mind. Hopefully time passage will slow down during the following chapters, as this is when things really heat up... after all, Hermione's had her makeover... Thanks again and keep posting.
Livvy~ thanks pal, and no, Hermione has never met Rita before this fic. It's totally AU, which means that everything is adapted to my story and nobody will have met before.
NOTE: HOW many reviews did I receive about that song? "You wanna hug me, you wanna kiss me, love me and marry me..." or whatever it goes! Lol I don't really know if I can possibly put it into this story without making it sound totally ludicrous but if I can, I will, if only to please all you people!
DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine, being Harry Potter and all, and the plot's based on the wonderful film Miss Congeniality. ***
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Chapter 4
"What could be possibly be taking this long?" Malfoy asked exasperatedly, leaning against the bonnet of the pale blue car. He and four other Aurors had been waiting for six hours now, even after returning from a sleep back home. But STILL Lupin insisted Hermione wasn't ready.
"Yeah, I knew she wasn't model material but in this time, even I could look beautiful," Smith said from inside the car. "Does anyone want a doughnut?" He eagerly pulled out several squashed boxes from underneath his feet, which were immediately pounced on by the other Aurors and devoured.
"I'm not hungry," Malfoy said, still not getting in the car. He stroked it with his fingers; despite being mainly used by Muggles, he had always had a passion for cars. The way the engine hummed and it travelled along as smoothly as if you were floating, was a magical sensation- sadly, this was only a Ministry of Magic car and felt nothing like that whatsoever.
Lighting up a cigarette, he paced the ground in front of him relentlessly, not being able to work out why he was so on edge. Was it the thought of seeing Granger resembling anything other than a mutant? Or, even more unlikely, seeing her resemble something feminine? It wasn't going to happen- in fact, any minute now he thought Lupin was going to pop out from the drawbridge and announce nothing could be done, sorry, she's too ugly, you'll have to get someone else.
"You're making me feel dizzy Malfoy," an Auror complained. "We might as well fuck off for a bit and come back later. What's the point in hanging around?"
Taking a deep drag on his cigarette, he was surprised to hear himself say: "Not yet. It won't be long now."
Time dragged by and still there was no sign of Hermione. Smith had managed to doze off, a bit of cream and jam still stuck on his podgy chin, whereas Walker and Hynes looked as if they were in comas. It was only Malfoy who continued to grit his teeth and watch, still not getting in the car. He was waiting.
"Let's go," he said dejectedly, hours later, and was just about to climb into the vehicle when a slamming sound could be heard from behind him. Turning his head, he noticed the rickety drawbridge being lowered, and dozens of stylists could be seen emerging from the dark entrance.
"It's time boys," Walker said gleefully, arousing from his sleepy state.
Time seemed to go by as if in slow motion: limitless men and women walked past carrying bags, pushing trolleys, heaving suitcases and dragging mini vehicles loaded with make-up and other vanity enhancers; Remus Lupin himself strolled past, grinning rather harder than usual; a whole row of women dressed in pink overalls passed Malfoy, smiling and giggling. And seconds later, though it seemed like years, Hermione appeared.
But it couldn't be her!
But it was.
Long, thick mahogany hair fell upon her shoulders, ripples of gold cascading through it in a glistening waterfall. Large eyes like pools of coffee gazed out from underneath arched eyebrows; a pert nose (how had he not noticed that before?) and a pair of full red lips enhanced the strikingly sharp featured face that descended into a swan neck and slender shoulders. But that wasn't the best thing- her figure was like that of no other. Pert, full breasts and curvaceous hips were contrasted with a petite waist, giving her the distinct hourglass curves that made Malfoy and most of the male population's jaws drop. She wore a pale blue dress that clung enticingly to every curve and crevice upon her body, revealing the swell of her breasts and the tenderness of her neck and cleavage. The dress stopped mid thigh, revealing long, tanned legs ending with white stilettos.
This couldn't be Hermione Granger. It just couldn't be.
***
Meanwhile, Hermione's heart was hard in her chest at the sight of everyone's eyes upon her? Why did they have to stare? It didn't make her feel any better at all; it just made her mouth go dry and her steps stumbling. But if she were like this now... what would she be like at the beauty pageant? There'd be more than a couple of Aurors with their eyes on her.
She noticed with disdain that Malfoy in particular was gazing at her, and tossed her head proudly, showing him she didn't care. The movement of her head sent ripples down her silky hair, but Hermione was unaware... all she could think of was getting into the car and away from here with minimal fuss.
"You look beautiful," Lupin smiled and kissed her on the cheek; and for the first time in ten years Hermione felt herself blush, though she did pull away rather quickly.
"Yeah well, thank the make-up artists," she answered wryly, stiffening at the sight of Malfoy making his way towards her, a strange look upon his face.
"Granger," he began, almost hesitantly, but was promptly cut off.
"I haven't slept for two days, eaten nothing but carrot sticks, Lupin's told me I have to give up smoking and I have gel in my hair to boot- don't mess with me Malfoy," she warned sharply, not looking him in the eye.
"My pleasure," he said curtly. "Now hurry up and get in the car."
Following everyone else, she made her way to the Ministry car- but walking in her heels was almost impossible. With a sharp twist she tripped on her heel and landed flat on her face, her dress riding up and her hair tangled around her head.
"I'm okay," she said breathlessly, getting shakily to her feet with little grace and tottering into the car.
"That's her alright," Smith chuckled, revving up the car.
It had been magically enhanced so that everyone- Lupin, Malfoy, Walker, Smith, Hynes, Parks and Hermione- managed to fit in with comfort and enough space to park all of Hermione's belongings too. She was squeezed in between Lupin and Malfoy, the latter of whom was staring straight ahead, his mouth set in a straight line.
"I'd better take this opportunity to explain all the equipment you'll have attached to yourself," Lupin said matter-of-factly, opening one of the suitcases. "Here's your pageant banner, you have to wrap it around your shoulders;" here Lupin passed Hermione a long sash that she put on rather inexpertly (it read, of course, "Miss Finland"), "and here's your identity card and other equipment, as well as your ear plug, which magically transmits waves to us so we can hear exactly what you're saying, and here's your pin camera that you keep attached to your chest. And lastly, your wand."
A huge pile of equipment was tipped onto Hermione's lap and she sorted through it, examining each piece incredulously. Examining the identity card, she gave a deep groan.
"Who thought of giving me such a cheesy bimbo name?" Hermione demanded, glaring around suspiciously. "Hermie-Lou Freebush? C'mon!"
All of the other Aurors in the car stifled giggles and suddenly became interested in staring at the traffic ahead, evidently trying not to smile. Only Malfoy turned to her, a sneer plastered across his cruel, hard features. "I knew that was the sort of image you wanted to convey," he said maliciously.
"If we weren't on this mission Malfoy, I'd punch your lights out," she said quietly, anger bubbling inside her.
The rest of the journey was passed in stony silence, with much uncomfortable and guilty shuffling from the other Aurors, who regretted hurting their colleague and friend. Only Malfoy appeared to be coolly oblivious or unaffected by making Hermione upset, though of course, she told herself, it wasn't like she cared anyway.
Finally they did arrive, and all of them shuffled out of the car, preparing to say goodbye to Hermione. She glanced up nervously at the cheery cream building, which had a banner announcing it as: "Beauty Pageant Headquarters".
"There's several Portkeys inside," Lupin told her, passing suitcases to a few bulky guards standing nearby. "In ten minutes the Portkeys will be ready, so we can't waste time. Inside will be the other Pageant girls- remember to stick to your mission and find out as much as you can about the potential killer."
"I will," Hermione promised. "But I'll be seeing you all soon, right?"
"Yes," Malfoy answered abruptly from nearby. "We have to take a different route, but we'll be in touch tonight."
"Can't wait," Hermione said coldly. "Well... see you later then."
"Bye Granger," Smith said, patting her gruffly on the back. "Remember to lay off the doughnuts, and Weasley said he'll kill you if he finds out you've been smoking."
"I made sure she couldn't smoke or eat doughnuts," Lupin answered, laughing. "I took her cigarettes and money."
That's what you think, Hermione thought silently, subtly feeling the slight lumps against her dress. She had to keep her wand and other equipment attached to her leg with Velcro under her dress so it wasn't visible... but her real "treasures" (chocolate, cigarettes, money and various other delights that had managed to escape sharp eyes) were hidden in her underwear, so Lupin didn't have a clue. Trying to look innocent, Hermione turned to leave.
"Bye!" was chorused by everyone- everyone, of course, except for Draco Malfoy. There was something strange and brooding about his behaviour- even stranger than usual. The hawk-like handsome features had been gazing at her with something other than animosity today.
Putting Malfoy out of her mind, Hermione stepped through the doors and found herself in a room crowded with around forty other women, all of them indescribably beautiful. Hermione felt extremely self-conscious (A/N: don't forget, Hermione hasn't seen herself in a mirror yet) and tugged at her dress before stepping over to Rita Skeeter who was standing in the centre of the room.
"Hi," she muttered quietly, as not to attract attention, though she needn't have bothered, for everyone was chatting and there was a lot of bustle with bags.
"Hello," Rita said, then did a double take. "Is that- is that Miss Granger?"
"No, it's Miss Hermie-Lou Freebush," Hermione said meaningfully, emphasising each word. Rita was still staring, she noted with a stab of annoyance.
"You look absolutely perfect," Rita said, though strangely enough, without any real flattery in her words. It was as if she was gritting her teeth as she said it. "Sonorus," she said, taking out her wand, and immediately her voice became magnified. "Good morning girls- it's time for the Portkeys to be passed around now. There's one between around six, so if you could just touch the nearest pageant poster, as they're all Portkeys- that's right, that's right."
Every girl approached the nearest poster and raised tentative fingers to it. "According to my calculations," Rita continued, touching one of the posters herself. "It should be around- nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww."
And with a whoosh! Hermione found herself in the Beauty Pageant Hotel.
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Hope that was okay- there'll be proper introductions to the other Pageant girls next chapter, and there'll be a few familiar faces. Heehee! Please click on that lil button, I want to hear your opinions! Emma xxxx
*** Over 50 reviews! Seriously, I am in deep shock and extremely pleased- never before have I received so many for just three chapters. Please keep it up, because you encourage me to carry on typing up chapters! Usually there are 3-4 chapters put up a week so you'll find one quite often! Sometimes I might have to make you wait a little longer than usual and I apologise for that, but within the next two months I have my flute grade and my SATs exams, so it's study study study right now for me.
Natyslacks~ hope this keeps you off your coursework a little bit longer! Lol thanks very much, what do you think of this chapter? I look forward to another crazy review!
Smokeline~ As you'll find out in this chapter, the makeover results are really quite remarkable... well anyway, keep reading and you'll find out! Thanks for the review!
Le Brittes~ Thanks very much! Your idea sounds really cool- why don't you try writing it? I'm sure you're a better writer than you think.
SiriuslyMione~ hi Caitlin! *waves* I remember you from Hermione Grows Up- lol I got some cool reviews from you in the past. As for the- interesting- first review of this chapter, no problem; you certainly were recognised! Thank you for the posts and please keep it up.
Midnight Solitaire~ Hehe, yep, I don't know about the line though... read on for more information on that! And we all know Tom Felton rocks... *drools* he is waaay hot!
DemonicallyDeliciousWithin~ Thank you very much for the nice long review :) hehe, yes I realise I shouldn't rush; I'll try and bear it in mind. Hopefully time passage will slow down during the following chapters, as this is when things really heat up... after all, Hermione's had her makeover... Thanks again and keep posting.
Livvy~ thanks pal, and no, Hermione has never met Rita before this fic. It's totally AU, which means that everything is adapted to my story and nobody will have met before.
NOTE: HOW many reviews did I receive about that song? "You wanna hug me, you wanna kiss me, love me and marry me..." or whatever it goes! Lol I don't really know if I can possibly put it into this story without making it sound totally ludicrous but if I can, I will, if only to please all you people!
DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine, being Harry Potter and all, and the plot's based on the wonderful film Miss Congeniality. ***
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 4
"What could be possibly be taking this long?" Malfoy asked exasperatedly, leaning against the bonnet of the pale blue car. He and four other Aurors had been waiting for six hours now, even after returning from a sleep back home. But STILL Lupin insisted Hermione wasn't ready.
"Yeah, I knew she wasn't model material but in this time, even I could look beautiful," Smith said from inside the car. "Does anyone want a doughnut?" He eagerly pulled out several squashed boxes from underneath his feet, which were immediately pounced on by the other Aurors and devoured.
"I'm not hungry," Malfoy said, still not getting in the car. He stroked it with his fingers; despite being mainly used by Muggles, he had always had a passion for cars. The way the engine hummed and it travelled along as smoothly as if you were floating, was a magical sensation- sadly, this was only a Ministry of Magic car and felt nothing like that whatsoever.
Lighting up a cigarette, he paced the ground in front of him relentlessly, not being able to work out why he was so on edge. Was it the thought of seeing Granger resembling anything other than a mutant? Or, even more unlikely, seeing her resemble something feminine? It wasn't going to happen- in fact, any minute now he thought Lupin was going to pop out from the drawbridge and announce nothing could be done, sorry, she's too ugly, you'll have to get someone else.
"You're making me feel dizzy Malfoy," an Auror complained. "We might as well fuck off for a bit and come back later. What's the point in hanging around?"
Taking a deep drag on his cigarette, he was surprised to hear himself say: "Not yet. It won't be long now."
Time dragged by and still there was no sign of Hermione. Smith had managed to doze off, a bit of cream and jam still stuck on his podgy chin, whereas Walker and Hynes looked as if they were in comas. It was only Malfoy who continued to grit his teeth and watch, still not getting in the car. He was waiting.
"Let's go," he said dejectedly, hours later, and was just about to climb into the vehicle when a slamming sound could be heard from behind him. Turning his head, he noticed the rickety drawbridge being lowered, and dozens of stylists could be seen emerging from the dark entrance.
"It's time boys," Walker said gleefully, arousing from his sleepy state.
Time seemed to go by as if in slow motion: limitless men and women walked past carrying bags, pushing trolleys, heaving suitcases and dragging mini vehicles loaded with make-up and other vanity enhancers; Remus Lupin himself strolled past, grinning rather harder than usual; a whole row of women dressed in pink overalls passed Malfoy, smiling and giggling. And seconds later, though it seemed like years, Hermione appeared.
But it couldn't be her!
But it was.
Long, thick mahogany hair fell upon her shoulders, ripples of gold cascading through it in a glistening waterfall. Large eyes like pools of coffee gazed out from underneath arched eyebrows; a pert nose (how had he not noticed that before?) and a pair of full red lips enhanced the strikingly sharp featured face that descended into a swan neck and slender shoulders. But that wasn't the best thing- her figure was like that of no other. Pert, full breasts and curvaceous hips were contrasted with a petite waist, giving her the distinct hourglass curves that made Malfoy and most of the male population's jaws drop. She wore a pale blue dress that clung enticingly to every curve and crevice upon her body, revealing the swell of her breasts and the tenderness of her neck and cleavage. The dress stopped mid thigh, revealing long, tanned legs ending with white stilettos.
This couldn't be Hermione Granger. It just couldn't be.
***
Meanwhile, Hermione's heart was hard in her chest at the sight of everyone's eyes upon her? Why did they have to stare? It didn't make her feel any better at all; it just made her mouth go dry and her steps stumbling. But if she were like this now... what would she be like at the beauty pageant? There'd be more than a couple of Aurors with their eyes on her.
She noticed with disdain that Malfoy in particular was gazing at her, and tossed her head proudly, showing him she didn't care. The movement of her head sent ripples down her silky hair, but Hermione was unaware... all she could think of was getting into the car and away from here with minimal fuss.
"You look beautiful," Lupin smiled and kissed her on the cheek; and for the first time in ten years Hermione felt herself blush, though she did pull away rather quickly.
"Yeah well, thank the make-up artists," she answered wryly, stiffening at the sight of Malfoy making his way towards her, a strange look upon his face.
"Granger," he began, almost hesitantly, but was promptly cut off.
"I haven't slept for two days, eaten nothing but carrot sticks, Lupin's told me I have to give up smoking and I have gel in my hair to boot- don't mess with me Malfoy," she warned sharply, not looking him in the eye.
"My pleasure," he said curtly. "Now hurry up and get in the car."
Following everyone else, she made her way to the Ministry car- but walking in her heels was almost impossible. With a sharp twist she tripped on her heel and landed flat on her face, her dress riding up and her hair tangled around her head.
"I'm okay," she said breathlessly, getting shakily to her feet with little grace and tottering into the car.
"That's her alright," Smith chuckled, revving up the car.
It had been magically enhanced so that everyone- Lupin, Malfoy, Walker, Smith, Hynes, Parks and Hermione- managed to fit in with comfort and enough space to park all of Hermione's belongings too. She was squeezed in between Lupin and Malfoy, the latter of whom was staring straight ahead, his mouth set in a straight line.
"I'd better take this opportunity to explain all the equipment you'll have attached to yourself," Lupin said matter-of-factly, opening one of the suitcases. "Here's your pageant banner, you have to wrap it around your shoulders;" here Lupin passed Hermione a long sash that she put on rather inexpertly (it read, of course, "Miss Finland"), "and here's your identity card and other equipment, as well as your ear plug, which magically transmits waves to us so we can hear exactly what you're saying, and here's your pin camera that you keep attached to your chest. And lastly, your wand."
A huge pile of equipment was tipped onto Hermione's lap and she sorted through it, examining each piece incredulously. Examining the identity card, she gave a deep groan.
"Who thought of giving me such a cheesy bimbo name?" Hermione demanded, glaring around suspiciously. "Hermie-Lou Freebush? C'mon!"
All of the other Aurors in the car stifled giggles and suddenly became interested in staring at the traffic ahead, evidently trying not to smile. Only Malfoy turned to her, a sneer plastered across his cruel, hard features. "I knew that was the sort of image you wanted to convey," he said maliciously.
"If we weren't on this mission Malfoy, I'd punch your lights out," she said quietly, anger bubbling inside her.
The rest of the journey was passed in stony silence, with much uncomfortable and guilty shuffling from the other Aurors, who regretted hurting their colleague and friend. Only Malfoy appeared to be coolly oblivious or unaffected by making Hermione upset, though of course, she told herself, it wasn't like she cared anyway.
Finally they did arrive, and all of them shuffled out of the car, preparing to say goodbye to Hermione. She glanced up nervously at the cheery cream building, which had a banner announcing it as: "Beauty Pageant Headquarters".
"There's several Portkeys inside," Lupin told her, passing suitcases to a few bulky guards standing nearby. "In ten minutes the Portkeys will be ready, so we can't waste time. Inside will be the other Pageant girls- remember to stick to your mission and find out as much as you can about the potential killer."
"I will," Hermione promised. "But I'll be seeing you all soon, right?"
"Yes," Malfoy answered abruptly from nearby. "We have to take a different route, but we'll be in touch tonight."
"Can't wait," Hermione said coldly. "Well... see you later then."
"Bye Granger," Smith said, patting her gruffly on the back. "Remember to lay off the doughnuts, and Weasley said he'll kill you if he finds out you've been smoking."
"I made sure she couldn't smoke or eat doughnuts," Lupin answered, laughing. "I took her cigarettes and money."
That's what you think, Hermione thought silently, subtly feeling the slight lumps against her dress. She had to keep her wand and other equipment attached to her leg with Velcro under her dress so it wasn't visible... but her real "treasures" (chocolate, cigarettes, money and various other delights that had managed to escape sharp eyes) were hidden in her underwear, so Lupin didn't have a clue. Trying to look innocent, Hermione turned to leave.
"Bye!" was chorused by everyone- everyone, of course, except for Draco Malfoy. There was something strange and brooding about his behaviour- even stranger than usual. The hawk-like handsome features had been gazing at her with something other than animosity today.
Putting Malfoy out of her mind, Hermione stepped through the doors and found herself in a room crowded with around forty other women, all of them indescribably beautiful. Hermione felt extremely self-conscious (A/N: don't forget, Hermione hasn't seen herself in a mirror yet) and tugged at her dress before stepping over to Rita Skeeter who was standing in the centre of the room.
"Hi," she muttered quietly, as not to attract attention, though she needn't have bothered, for everyone was chatting and there was a lot of bustle with bags.
"Hello," Rita said, then did a double take. "Is that- is that Miss Granger?"
"No, it's Miss Hermie-Lou Freebush," Hermione said meaningfully, emphasising each word. Rita was still staring, she noted with a stab of annoyance.
"You look absolutely perfect," Rita said, though strangely enough, without any real flattery in her words. It was as if she was gritting her teeth as she said it. "Sonorus," she said, taking out her wand, and immediately her voice became magnified. "Good morning girls- it's time for the Portkeys to be passed around now. There's one between around six, so if you could just touch the nearest pageant poster, as they're all Portkeys- that's right, that's right."
Every girl approached the nearest poster and raised tentative fingers to it. "According to my calculations," Rita continued, touching one of the posters herself. "It should be around- nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww."
And with a whoosh! Hermione found herself in the Beauty Pageant Hotel.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope that was okay- there'll be proper introductions to the other Pageant girls next chapter, and there'll be a few familiar faces. Heehee! Please click on that lil button, I want to hear your opinions! Emma xxxx
