Hermione and the E.W.B.P (European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant)

*** First of all, a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed me so far, good or bad, because everything you write helps to make this story better or gives me the confidence to continue. I'm hoping that after this chapter I might hit the "100" review mark or possibly even further, which would be absolutely great, so I urge you all to please click on that lil drop down button!

I realise now that I get many reviews saying that the plot is still too similar to the film, and I do understand that it's best being original. However, I do constantly remind everyone every chapter that it's based on the film, and that the main plot is going to be quite similar. I've thrown in a few little extras and changed some of what happens (and also happened to add a few steamy scenes coming up in the future, but more on that later!) but the essence of the fiction will stay the same.

Disclaimer: Most plot copyright of Warner Bros, who made Miss Congeniality, and most characters copyright of J K Rowling.

Smokeline~ thanks very much for such a sweet review :) hehe, late night, Hermione in a silky slip, Malfoy waiting outside her window... who knows what's on his mind? As for Lotte, thanks- it's great you've warmed to one of my own characters. As for Fleur, more on her later...

Natyslacks~ I feel for you with pesky parents. My dad's just the same! Thanks chuck, please review this chappie.

SiriuslyMione~ my longest review so far! *grins* Yay! Thanks for such an in- depth post; I took notice of everything you said. I see you're digging the little scene I've cooked up for this chapter- in fact; you seemed rather ecstatic about it! And thank you for the compliment- it's so flattering to know that people enjoy your work, and it still hasn't sunken in for me!

Trinity Marquise~ that's quite all right; I understand the review was meant with the best of intentions. And thank you for coming back to read more! It's really good you think my writing flows, and I hope it continues to do so! This was my other longest review, lol, so please keep posting and telling me what's right and wrong. I need your guidance.

Dark star~ you're not the only one addicted to chocolate! If it had zero calories, I'd eat it all day everyday. Sadly that isn't the case, and instead I stick to rubbish low fat alternative food, or carrot sticks. Hooray. Anyway, thanks for posting and keep it up.

This chapter's a lot longer than the last and tackles Hermione's first night at the pageant, so yet again it's quite in-depth and long-winded. Oh well, it gives plenty of opportunity for sexual tension! Without further ado, here's Chapter 7. ***

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Chapter 1

"Jesus Christ!" Hermione hissed, stepping back behind the curtain and clutching at herself with her hands. "Malfoy, what the fuck do you think you're doing? Anybody could have seen you- and I'm half dressed."

"Clearly," Malfoy said quietly, smirking slightly. "May I add, Granger, that you look positively feminine, which makes a change. Now hurry up, I haven't got long. We need to have a meeting."

"I'm exhausted," Hermione whispered angrily. "How could you be so selfish? Can't we discuss this tomorrow? It can't be that important- not important enough to drag me from my bed at this time of night."

"Hey, if you didn't like it, you shouldn't have accepted the case."

With a sigh, Hermione pushed open the patio window and stepped outside, the chill breeze making ripples across the paper-thin material of her nightie. She shivered visibly, goosebumps appearing on her arms and chest, and the wind blowing tendrils of her brown hair around her face.

With a snap back to earth she realised Malfoy was staring at her strangely, as though examining her, and for the second time that night she felt completely naked.

"It's rude to stare," she said irritably.

"Well maybe," Malfoy said, his voice dripping with sarcasm; "maybe you should have put a dressing gown on, and at least then you'd be warm. Then again, you look better with your body on show."

Hermione flushed deeply as she realised he was laughing that deep, drawling laugh of his that made her blood boil. Pushing back the patio window again, she hurried back inside and grabbed her black nightgown, pulling it on as she closed the window. "There," she said breathlessly. "Now we can get back to why you're really here."

"Right," Malfoy said in a more business like manner. "We're trying to narrow it down as much as possible, and after listening to your little breakfast this morning we were able to deduct a few things. Firstly, my old pal Crabbe has managed to somehow wangle a job working at this here pageant, secondly that Lockhart's quitting it, and thirdly we found out who the witches in the actual contest are. The English and Irish contestants used to go to Hogwarts didn't they? What strikes me as odd, is that the Irish contestant isn't even Irish."

"Lavender was born there," Hermione said reasonably, sitting on a wall next to Malfoy. "It makes perfect sense for her to be chosen. She's pretty, she's got a good personality, and she lives there with her husband Seamus."

"Seamus," Malfoy said, his pale brow creased in concentration. "Not Finnigan from Hogwarts?"

"The one and only," Hermione grinned, deep in memory of the sandy haired boy she had known so well. It was terrible that she'd managed to lose contact with so many friends since Hogwarts, and sometimes she wished she'd made more of an effort to stay in contact. It was just that her job took up so much of her time that for the past ten years she hadn't had time for a social life, or indeed much of a life at all apart from the time she spent at the Ministry.

Hogwarts life had been truly amazing, the good times and the bad. Everyone in Europe considered it a blessing to ever have gone to such a fine school, which tutored some of the best witches and wizards alive, and she felt grateful to have attended. But nothing compared to the actual feeling of being there, fitting in, making friends and discovering whom you are. It was queer to think that ten years ago she would never have even talked to Malfoy unless it was to defend herself against his latest venomous attack, or to insult him with the most barbarous words she could conjure up; yet now, here she was working on the most important mission of her career with him.

Hermione gazed up at the star strewn sky, strangely awake for such a late time. All around her lay the beautiful garden of the Pageant hotel, the trees reaching up for the sky with their branches and the perfectly clipped grass stretching out alongside a peaceful swimming pool, the crystal waters reflecting the moonlight. Despite sitting next to her worst enemy, she still felt strangely quietened and at harmony with nature. Malfoy seemed to be lost in thought too. His hands were placed quietly on the wall either side of him, his eyes revealing nothing of his thoughts. They raked the scene silently, taking in everything like a watchful hawk. Though nothing was said, Hermione knew he too was pondering on the past.

"Maybe we should get to this meeting then," she said eventually, breaking the comfortable silence. As much as she would have loved to carry on a trip down nostalgia lane, she realised they had better hurry up if she wanted to get any sleep at all that night.

"We're meeting in the Hall down there," he said curtly, pointing in the direction of the trees. He stood up and sauntered over, his usual confident charisma back in place. With a sigh Hermione followed, still a little chilly in her thin dressing gown. They slipped in through a side door into a well-lit room, where lay the stage and the hundreds of rows of chairs that would constitute the audience. At the front sat all the Aurors, who wolf whistled jokingly as Hermione entered.

"Hey Granger!" they called mockingly, their eyes twinkling. "Nice dance moves today. Pure class."

"Thanks," Hermione grinned sheepishly. "Where's Lupin?"

"Right here Miss Granger," came a soothing voice, and out stepped Lupin from a side door, his arms laden with a long frilly flamingo dress. He looked much more handsome than Hermione remembered, though perhaps it was due to the fact he was smiling now rather than frowning.

"Hi," she said. "Did I really have to be woken up? I need my sleep if I don't want to come out of this looking the fool. Besides, I'm hoping you have some really good leads on the case already because the sooner this is over the better, you know. Hey, is that a doughnut?" Hermione took a grab at the tray of food enticingly displayed on a long tray on the front of the table, but Lupin patted her hand warningly and whisked the tray away.

"Sorry," he answered, passing the tray to the other eager Aurors. Now change into this Hermione and we'll go through walking down the stairs correctly, if that's okay. After that I'll leave you all to have a discussion on the case, and then it's back to bed for your beauty sleep. Here, go get changed in that side room."

Taking the dress, Hermione hurried through the doorway and pulled the door to, but not fully shut, so she could hear what was being said- she didn't want anything getting past her. The dress was shorter than she'd thought, with frills around the breastbone and bottom hem, but the sleeves were long and fluted. It really wasn't her type of thing at all- not that any dress was, but this was definitely the wrong colour being that of a flamingo, and her style was a lot less fussy. Still, she thought, surveying herself in the mirror, it doesn't make me look bad. Not bad at all.

Hermione had always gone to the gym and worked out, as well as leading an active lifestyle, but her fondness for food meant that she'd never been stick thin. Her breasts were round and full but not particularly large, which descended into a narrow waist with a flat stomach, broader, womanly hips and long muscular legs. However, the dress's frills seemed to make them look softer and shapelier, and the ruched waist enhanced her hourglass figure. Still- the dress would have to go. There's absolutely no way she could wear this in any part of the competition!

She was just about to step outside and make her views known to Lupin, when the man's usually reasonable voice sounded out across to her and made her halt. "...I don't know what you expect me to do," he was saying, in a rather loud voice. "I've done everything I can in my power, but I can't give her a talent!"

"You're saying she can't do it then?" came Smith's voice.

"I'm not saying that at all, because I don't know her. What I AM saying though, is that you should have prepared Miss Granger for this before she arrived, before she accepted, because you can't spring something like this on me the night before the event!"

Why are they on about? Hermione leaned closer to the crack on the door, listening intently.

"The talent contest is a highly important occasion," Lupin continued, in a calmer voice. "It accounts for a high amount of marks in the full score and is also performed in front of an audience, then again in the final. If she doesn't do well then it could result in the exposing of her undercover mission!"

"What are the exact rules for the talent, Lupin?" This time it was Malfoy in his sharp, harsh tones.

"That the witch's talent has to be purely non-magical. At the end of the show the winner must perform a spell to the audience, but the talent contest is to present Muggle abilities, and Muggle abilities only. In the past there's been singing, a bit of acting, instruments, performing, the usual. The only rule is that it has to have no magic whatsoever. Do you think Miss Granger can do that?"

"Well if she can't, it's your job to make sure she can by tomorrow," Malfoy answered. "You're getting paid for making her look credible. She's not going to make a fool of us."

"I can't possibly do that!" Lupin sounded alarmed. "Talent isn't something you can teach somebody. It's just not feasible."

"You also said it was impossible to make her look good," Malfoy reminded him. "And you only have to look at her now to see how beautiful she is."

Hermione stifled a gasp, her heart thudding wildly in her chest. Beautiful?!? She smiled a little to herself. Oh, she could get him back with this little snippet of information.

"I have talent," she announced, making her appearance known as she strolled out of the room. "You forget I went to a Muggle school before I went to Hogwarts, and both my parents are Muggles. I was brought up one."

"You were listening? The whole time" Lupin asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Of course," Hermione said, glancing with entertainment in the direction of Malfoy. He seemed to be staring furiously at the floor, his cheeks slightly pinker than usual.

He thinks I'm beautiful, Hermione grinned, noting how ridiculous it was. He HATED her.

Oh, it felt good watching him squirm.

"So what talent do you have in mind?" Smith asked, still scoffing doughnuts.

Hermione thought hard, her logical mind immediately jumping to the subjects she loved. She'd always liked Science- good, hard, orderly facts that couldn't possibly go wrong. But what sort of talent could she get out of Science? She would have to try and entertain the audience, which would be of the magical variety and unused to Muggle entertainment.

For example, such things as electricity were considered wonders to wizards and witches. Hermione remembered her friend Ron's dad, Mr Weasley, who had always gabbled on excitedly any time electricity had been mentioned. Hermione chuckled at the memory, and then an idea grabbed her so suddenly it took her by surprise. That was it!

"Electricity," she said out loud.

"What about it?" Lupin asked.

"I could... I could always use electricity," Hermione said slowly. "Perhaps set up a show of electricity onstage, so that little bulbs go off, and motors, and they play little tunes... and yes! I could arrange it so when I pressed the switch, little bulbs arranged in a pattern to read "European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant" switch on and off and music plays in the background! It'll be great, I know just how to do it, I've had experience with circuits in the past and I know just how to set them up. It'll be great! I'll have a stand set up on the stage with a huge billboard covered in bulbs, with a little switch hanging down. And when I'm ready I press the button and an electrical show starts with little lights and sounds and everything! I have some really good-"

"Slow it down," Lupin said, putting a hand out haltingly. "You seem to have it all planned. After we've finished practicing, we can write down everything you'll need and I'll send away for it all so it will arrive by tomorrow. Hopefully we can have it all set up for you without looking suspicious."

"Whatever this 'electricity' is, it had better be fool proof," Malfoy snapped, making his first input into the discussion since Hermione had overheard him. He scraped his hand through his hair, which wasn't as slicked as usual. It was probably due to stress that he hadn't spent as much time on his hair as usual, Hermione thought to herself.

"Back to walking down the stairs," Lupin said. "Now, you must always remember when wearing dresses, to keep your legs closed..."

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It was several hours later and after much rowdy arguments and topics of dressing that Hermione finally changed back into her slip and nightgown and prepared to leave the Hall. It had been laborious work; continuous dress changes, much arguments about where she was to keep her wand, a lot of pleading from her ("Just one cigarette won't hurt! C'mon, PLEASE!"), a great deal of taking notes and arguments over who could possibly want to damage the pageant and why, and a lot of tension between Lupin and Malfoy.

They just didn't seem to get on.

Malfoy had turned the air blue with insults for the ever patient Lupin, particularly when he insisted on going through plans again, and when the assistant took hold of Hermione's arm to go up the stairs, Malfoy suddenly snapped.

"Are you done yet?" he had barked, getting up suddenly. "Because it's going to be morning soon."

"You're right," Hermione yawned, checking the time on the watch near the doorway. It read three o` clock: considering the girls had to get up at six thirty, it didn't look like she'd be getting much shuteye- for the second night in a row.

Hermione tucked her nightgown tighter around herself and eyed the cigarette packet that had been left on the side, her hand twitching with the urge to grab it. It had been days since she'd been allowed to light up and, despite the knowledge it was bad for her, she so desperately craved for one. She had started smoking about seven years ago, when she'd joined the Ministry and the stress had started getting heavy. What with being surrounded by men up to fourteen hours a day, she had started the habit too, and nowadays she relied on them, no matter how much she knew about the dangers.

"Don't even think about it," Malfoy said, taking the cigarettes and putting them in his suit pocket. "You can't smoke on the job."

"Since when have you cared?" Hermione asked bitterly, but she followed Malfoy's lead into the night air. The sky was just getting ever so slightly lighter now, the dark inky blue now flecked with grey and in small places, pink. As soon as they were outside Malfoy took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it with his wand, causing smoke to waft through the air. He took a drag, seeming to enjoy Hermione's restrained look of envy, and turned to her.

"Too bad Granger," he sneered. "Knew you couldn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Do the job, dumbarse. I knew it'd get too tempting to resist."

"I can resist," she said stiffly, though she grinned a little as she allowed her mind to wander back to before.

"And you only have to look at her now to see how beautiful she is..." the words echoed in Hermione's brain, making her chuckle.

"What are you laughing about?" Malfoy asked sharply.

"Nothing... just thinking about yours and Lupin's little discussion today," she said cunningly, watching his powerful shoulders stiffen beside her. The smoke rose around him, the cigarette in his grip temporarily forgotten.

"What about the discussion?" he asked carefully, still not looking her in the eye.

"The part where you said I'm beautiful," she answered, laughing. "You think I'm gorgeous, don't you Malfoy?" she jeered mockingly, resorting to his own usual behaviour. She turned to face him directly, her dark eyes full of a mischievous light all of their own. "You think I'm gorgeous," she repeated, and the words brought back memories of a stupid song she used to sing at school, and had once been popular in the Muggle charts.

"You think I'm gorgeous," she sang, clicking her fingers and taunting him with her movement. "You want to smooch me, you want to hug me, love me and marry me-" She stopped singing her teasing song as she realised his icy blue eyes were looking straight into her own, his jaw set and his cruel, handsome features raised to meet hers. He leaned closer and for one second her heart stopped beating- surely he wasn't going to- to KISS her?

But he didn't. He raised the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag, before taking it away; his lips blew the smoke softly around Hermione, his eyes now full of vicious laughter. "Good night, Miss Finland," he said softy, and walked away.

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There you go, Chapter 7! Quite long, I think you'll find, and for those who have wanted it a long time, I'm sure you'll have noticed. I PUT THE SONG IN! Yes that was for you, folks. I tried to make it fit in as much as possible but what the hell, you wanted it! It was a bit stupid really, considering I'm trying to stray away from the film a little but, but oh well, it was funny. The next chapter's the talent contest folks! Will Hermione's electronics work? Lol, you'll just have to find out... Emma xxx