Hermione and the E.W.B.P (European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant)

*** Yay, we reached the target- over 100 reviews and I am now a very happy bunny. Thanks again for taking the time to post your messages, all of which were very kind and helpful. I'm trying to keep the chapters coming fairly fast but they take a while to write and edit so sometimes there's a delay. It also depends on how long each chapter is; that's a very big factor in fact. And for those interested, I've planned ahead and I think there is going to be around 20 chapters for this story or something like that- though who knows, I might get overexcited and write more!

Disclaimer: Most characters owned by J.K.R and the plot based on the film Miss Congeniality. Also at one point the book "A Twelfth Night" is mentioned, which is credited to the marvellous William Shakespeare. The only things I own are a few pageant ladies, that's it!

Kristyne~ hi! It's good to know you've been reading so far, and thank you for the review. Please keep it up so I know what you like or dislike about this story. And I've put you here, like you asked!

Dark star~ Lol you liked the ending? Heehee, I thought it'd be funny for Draco to get all embarrassed, after all he has a lot of vanity and pride... and more of that's coming this chapter. And as for the electrical talent, it's certainly going to be an interesting experience! Thanks for the review- it's good to know other people out there have to put up with the dreaded carrot sticks.

SiriuslyMione~ Wahoo, seems a lot of people like that song! I'm glad you enjoyed it- and thanks for posting :) Yep, I AM making sure Hermione doesn't just hate Malfoy one chapter and love him the next- things slowly and surely dawn on her. Things really heat up and the tension will become unbearable soon, lol!

Natyslacks~ Hi Nat, the parody idea would be cool! You should definitely write that idea you have in mind because I bet it would be great. Lol thank you for those lovely comments because they're very much appreciated.

Aquaprincess1~ thank you and yes, there in actual fact IS going to be a flash of Draco's feelings this chapter... I realised we need a bit more of his POV and your review cemented that in my mind. Hope you like this chappie!

Livvy~ thanks Livvy :) yep you don't need to have seen the film to understand this fic, but if anything is confusing or I don't explain it properly don't hesitate to ask. Yep Malfoy thinks she's beautiful but I bet he regrets that Hermione knows!

And here's Chappie 8, which is quite similar to the movie, but hopefully in a good way. Keep me updated on your thoughts!

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Chapter 8

Hermione pushed open the door of the make-up and costume room, and flopped onto the nearest stool she could find, trying and failing to stifle a huge yawn. Her messy, still-asleep appearance stared back at her from the mirror- she was supposed to go up onstage in less than an hour! How the hell would she be able to do it looking like this?

Judging on the appearances of the other witches, most of them had woken up bright and early to prepare for the talent contest; Hermione however had slept in later than usual but was still fatigued by the late night meeting with Malfoy and Lupin. Running her fingers through her wild mane, she glanced over at Lavender, who was sitting to her left and examining her critically.

"Hi," Hermione said, staring straight back at her friend. "What's up? Have I got acne or something?"

"No," Lavender said, shifting in her chair, as though teetering on the edge of revealing some huge secret. "You look... erm... really tried, Herm`."

"True." Hermione grabbed a lipstick and rubbed it against her lips, making her look as if she'd been eating strawberry jam rather messily. "I had a pretty late night."

"Really?" A few of the girls giggled and suppressed grins. "Hmm... from what I've heard, you did have a rather busy night last night didn't you?"

"Er... what?" Hermione had a very bad feeling about this conversation. Surely they hadn't found out about the meeting? If they had, the whole game would be up; she'd have to pack up and go home, and most probably Weasley would go ballistic... Grant would sack her... she'd be ruined. And the look on Malfoy's face when he found out she'd blew it! Life wouldn't be worth living anymore.

"Your visitor," Fleur murmured, spraying herself with perfume.

"What visitor? I had no visitor, I don't know what you're talking about, honestly, there was no visitor, and it isn't allowed..." Hermione's gabbling halted when Lotte came up behind Hermione's chair and placed a hand on the back comfortingly.

"Slow down," the red head said soothingly. "It's just Fleur, Luna and I, well, we heard someone tapping on the window, and then you got out your bed and... left. As far as we saw, you didn't come back until early because you didn't return before we dropped off to sleep."

So they'd been awake! Hermione shuddered, realising just how close they'd been to giving the game away... still, it was Malfoy's fault. If he hadn't knocked then she would have had a good night's sleep and everyone would be none the wiser of anything. Still, she now had to make up a bloody good excuse to cover his appearance.

"It eesn't fair," Fleur grumbled. She looked quite angry, her blue eyes filled with abhorrence. "If you have visitors, then shouldn't ze pageant allow for all? I `ad better complain."

"No! No, it won't happen again," Hermione assured the French witch. "Sorry about that. It's just... he's an ex of mine."

"So who is he?" Lavender asked eagerly. "Spill the beans!"

Hermione's logical mind was doing some very quick thinking, and the wittier, more revengeful side of her mind was doing some calculating plotting of its own. The humiliation she'd felt last night when Malfoy had derided her still hadn't faded, and with answering Lavender's question she could kill two birds with one stone. The earplug was still in her ear after all, and the camera still pinned to her breast... Malfoy would probably be listening to every word she said.

"Oh, he's this wizard I went out with a while ago," Hermione answered, shrugging. "A complete git, to tell the truth. But he's completely infatuated with me. He always goes on about how BEAUTIFUL I am," she paused, allowing her words to sink in, and adjusting her earpiece so the Aurors listening with their equipment would hear every word. "I tell him to leave me alone but he won't take no for an answer. He wants to marry me, and everything."

"Is he `andsome? Rich? Kind?" asked Fleur. All the girls had gathered round to hear about Hermione's visitor, and it was clear that they'd been gossiping about it for some time before Hermione arrived.

"Well he's from a very rich family," Hermione answered, "and he certainly has a lot of dosh in the bank- but his looks are lacking." Her eyes twinkled, just imagining the look on Malfoy's face as he listened. "Puny, no muscles, weedy. You know the kind. He reminds me of a lovesick puppy, the way he runs to my every whim, bless him."

And with that, the humiliation of Malfoy was complete.

***

"You listening to this?" Smith demanded, spraying popcorn at the other Aurors crowded around the television and radio set. "You hear that Malfoy? Ha! They know about your little visit."

Malfoy shrugged, though inside he felt a bit anxious- would Granger be able to cover their tracks? She was usually good at that sort of thing, but her attitude recently had become a lot more... vindictive. In fact, she was becoming more like him in that sense every second. And strangely enough, he kind of liked it.

"... He always goes on about how BEAUTIFUL I am." Hermione's voice spoke the words clearly and filled the room; immediately the other Aurors began laughing and rowdily throwing more popcorn.

"Ha, Granger knew that'd get to you," Hynes smirked.

"Yeah, who knew she was so great?" Walker joked. Malfoy only growled moodily, feeling the heat rise in his face. She couldn't- she wouldn't dare- she wasn't trying to EMBARRASS him was she? Well, it wouldn't work.

"... He reminds me of a lovesick puppy, the way he runs to my every whim, bless him." Hermione finished and Malfoy's feelings of mortification intensified. Never before had his pride been so insulted or degraded; never before had anyone, let alone a mere female with little money or connections, managed to get to him so much. Then again, she had always been a feisty little minx; like the time she'd slapped him in their third year at Hogwarts, and the time in sixth year when he'd trod on her cat's tail and she had kicked him in the most painful place a teenage boy can be kicked. Granger certainly was a difficult woman, but she'd taken it too far this time. How could he face the other Aurors and come out with his pride intact?

The other Aurors collapsed in hysterical laughter, their faces creased with the mirth of seeing their colleague have such an obvious dig at someone, and not just anyone- have a dig at Malfoy, the richest, most favoured, smartest and handsomest man at the whole of the Ministry. This was something that had NEVER happened before. But did he let it get to him?

Of course.

"Bitch," Malfoy snarled quietly, then straightened up and checked his hair in the mirror nearby. "Well, men," he continued, "seems like Granger thought of a good cover-up story. Unfortunately for her, it isn't true- most ladies are desperate for a bit of my loving."

Smith sniggered. "What, lovesick puppy style?"

Malfoy's jaw dropped. Before this incident, none of the other Aurors would EVER dare say such a thing, joking or not- it just wasn't done. The aura of the Malfoy name was that they were to be respected, admired and carefully treated with perfect manners- never ever to be the brunt of jokes, be ridiculed or devalued in any way. It broke the unspoken code of honour that surrounded Draco.

"If you don't watch your mouth Smith I'll personally make sure you're kicked off this investigation and removed from the Ministry services. That happens, and we both know no company will touch you again with that tarring on your name." Malfoy's voice was icily calm and clear, with no hint of menace in his words. Everybody shut up, knowing that he fully meant it. Empty threats were never issued from that wizard's mouth.

The next hour passed in a haze, mostly of watching Hermione and the other girls prepare for the talent contest. The electronic equipment had arrived and a routine had been sorted, where a huge banner lit with tiny fluorescent bulbs announced it as "European Witchcraft Beauty Pageant", and below the banner all different signs and statues of beautiful witches stood, covered in bulbs and electronical devices. It had been set up so that when Hermione connected the different wires, it sang a musical tune and the different statues talked. Malfoy personally had been totally shocked that everything had been done without magic- just how did Muggles cope? - but it had been checked and found to be using only electricity.

"Time for us to go, boys," Smith announced, getting up from his chair and pulling on his coat. "Grab your wands."

"Right," Malfoy said, taking charge. "We'll split up once we get in the crowd so that there's one of us in all four corners and circling the perimeter, and one of us in the centre of the crowd to keep an eye on things. I'll go in the centre for a better view, and remember to keep your earplugs in all the time so we can communicate properly. You see anything untoward, you give the signal. Oh yeah, and listen out to Granger because she might give us it too."

It was only a short walk from the hideout to the hotel, and soon they were outside in the huge crowd of witches and wizards that had gathered to watch the talent contest. It stretched out for seemingly miles, some on chairs, some standing, and some at the front sitting cross-legged on the floor. Other spectators had arrived on brooms and were circling above (though little did they know that a couple of Aurors were doing the exact same thing a few feet away from them), whereas others were floating several feet above the floor in their desperation to see the stage. It was only a few seconds before Rita Skeeter appeared, looking like a walking talking elderly Barbie doll. Malfoy growled slightly to himself, his dislike for her quite apparent. Though he had forced himself to be pleasant to the old witch for the sake of the case, it didn't alter his private repulse of her the way she spoke and acted. It was just so FAKE. He hated fake women and would never actually see one- though he might sleep with her once or twice. It was real, dangerous, smoulderingly beautiful women he liked, and only liked. Draco Malfoy loved nobody but himself.

After a short introduction from her and the impossibly ridiculous Lockhart, the first girl arrived on the stage. Even from here Malfoy could see that she was very pretty, with coffee coloured skin and dark hair, and instantly recognised her as Miss Italy, one of the women Hermione had been introduced to.

Meanwhile, as the girl broke into a haunting melody, Malfoy muttered into his earpiece: "seen anyone suspicious yet?"

"Not yet," came the reply from someone he suspected to be Walker. "Hey, a hamburger stall! Malfoy, can I buy a burger?"

"No," Malfoy answered. "You're on the job remember? And Granger should be out soon..."

***

"Good luck," Hermione smiled to Luna, who was just about to take to the stage. Far from being nervous, the young Lovegood had spent most of her time sitting absentmindedly in the corner and chewing on peppermints, while the other ladies rushed around applying makeup and reciting verses to themselves.

"Remember, left leg before right leg," Lavender could be heard muttering to herself as she paced the carpet nervously. "Left always before right, left, left, left is best, left..." It wasn't only Lavender who was nervous. Lotte was gibbering a lot of nonsense and her skin had gone milky white, whereas Fleur seemed close to tears and cried to anyone who would listen that her lucky charm necklace had disappeared.

"Wer iz it? I will fail now, I will not be able to act properly," she moaned, before letting out a fast trail of words in French and kicking the door ferociously. "Thees is ridiculous."

Hermione ignored them all, preferring to remain quietly confident. This was going to be easy- after all, electronics was very simple and it came naturally to her. All she had to do was rearrange the statues so they were in the right order to work, then connect the fuses together properly to her dress and flick the switch. The dress was, after all, the key to the whole thing: it was bright green and almost fully covered in light bulbs (even her headband had a row of pink light bulbs on it). Though they weren't lit yet, as soon as she flicked the switch on the back after connecting the dress to the fuses, the whole thing would burst into vivid colour and sing songs to the audience.

She watched Luna onstage now from behind the curtain, who was enacting a scene from the Muggle Shakespeare play, "A Twelfth Night" and doing it remarkably well. The audience seemed gripped and every face was turned to her, enthralled... that is, almost all of the faces. Hermione realised with a dull thud that Malfoy was near the front, muttering out of the corner of his mouth. He hadn't noticed her and she pulled back, a little patter of nerves in the pit of her stomach. How could she do it in front of him? What if it went wrong?

Her electronics had arrived, which were fitted onto a stand that she was supposed to push onto the stage as she walked on... a raucous applause could be heard as Luna finished her performance, and Lockhart's voice rang over the din; "thank you, thank you Miss England. A truly superb performance there. And next, some Muggle electrical technology with Miss Finland!"

Hermione felt herself being pushed forward by an encouraging Lotte and all too soon she found herself in the eye-watering glare of the lights. Faces beamed at her in all directions and sweat beaded her brow as she pushed the huge trolley onto the stage and assembled it correctly so that the sign hung above her and the little statues were organised nearby. All she had to do now was make her way over to the fuses and connect her dress to it with the wire...

In her eagerness, she didn't quite look where she was going, and the toe of her stiletto heels caught one of the fuses connecting the statues together. With a horrendous crash Hermione found herself on the floor, the electronical equipment smashing all around her and exploding catastrophically in her ears. Thousands of bulbs shattered on impact as the frayed wires made crackling noises and uttered little dangerous growls. Hermione got to her feet, her face red with embarrassment (why the FUCK did it have to happen to her? Why) but the audience continued to gasp and point wordlessly at her.

What? Hermione thought worriedly. What's going on now? For although the electrical equipment had just broken and she'd fallen over in front of thousands of people, they continued to stare and occasionally shout out little things... Hermione smelt a whiff of something burning. Great, that was all she needed- a fire nearby! But somehow the torrid smell didn't go away and continued to tickle her nostrils; smoke wisped around her in little circles. It couldn't be-? NO WAY!

Letting out a little scream, she realised that the hem of her dress had caught fire. She panicked, swirling around in circles and waving her arms in the air, but it only made it worse.

And with an ear-splitting hiss, her dress fully ignited in red-hot flames.

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Hopefully that was okay! I know it was a little while since I updated but this chappie took longer than I thought it would- I don't know, writers block or something. Review please! Emma xxx