A/N Hey I would have had this up sooner but my compy ate it once so lets see if I can keep it this time. Italics and ~ is the song, Severus' thoughts and *is flashbacks*. J.K. Rowling owns the people, Evanescence owns the three songs, and I own the plot so there. Hope you like it.

Yours,

Mistress

~I'm so tired of being here~

Severus sat doing what he had done so many times over the year. He sat trying to drown his memories in Absinthe. This tactic had worked so many times over the years that it was surprising how little it was working now. It had been years since he had tried to drown his memories; the last 3 years had not merited it. He had been happy. But now, it seemed so far away. It had been about 3 years since he ha tried to drink a woman away that was screaming for her life, the Dark Lord had fallen so there was no longer that reason. At least a decade had passed since he had tried to drink a woman he loved away. * 'I love you, how can you doubt that.' Hermione stormed, 'I know you never loved me so I could never possible love you right.'

' I do love you its,' Severus started but was cut short.

"Fine way of showing it, running off with that whore, I hope you and that little wench are happy together because I am leaving. You know Nymphadora is an appropriate name for her. That little bitch is sex crazy, she could not just stick with Victor could she, no, she had to steal my man too. Well I hope she serves you well be cause I am leaving.' *

And with that, Hermione ran out of their flat in London and disapperated to who knows where. Severus had tried to follower her but she was to fast and he lost her. He had spent the next 2 days looking for her.

~Suppressed by all my childish fears~

* 'How can you possible love a monster like me. I killed my little sister at birth. I wanted to be powerful and it was the only way I could gain access to higher dark power. The blood right called for one of magic parentage, of innocent heart. The strength of the family's blood would redouble my own power and the closer to ones own family the better it worked. My mother labored a day and a night to bring her into this world and I worked 1 hour to help her leave. January 20th, 1969, I was 9 years old, dark, and dangerous even then. Every year on that day, I return to lay black roses on her grave. My damnation was sealed by that task and for that I deserve no love of such pure means as yours.' Severus spoke in a soft, sad and defeated voice. 'You where nine and your family had encouraged you in the dark arts, it was a right of passage in your family and when you saw the light you turned from it. For that you deserve my love, for your courage in the face of great adversity.' Hermione cooed to Severus to try and sooth his fears. *

~And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase~

Now all Severus have left of her was his memories which he was trying to drown, everything they ever bought together in their flat, her cloths, and a ring. Why has she not come back for things yet, Where could she be. There are still people out there that would want to hurt her. But why should I care, right, I don't really love her. I wonder if she really knows how much I do love her. Why wouldn't she let me explain what she saw? At least she didn't make a scene there in the shop. Tonks would never betray her as she has accused her. I wonder if she found Tonks and berated her too. I needed Tonks' help to pick out this ring. Severus thought holding up platinum band with the exquisite diamond surrounded by tiny emeralds and rubies. During the war Tonks had compiled folders upon folders of data on each Order member so if need be she could change into them. So she was the only person that Severus could bring along to make sure the ring would fit.

~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears~

* 'Severus their gone,' Hermione whimpered, 'My parents Severus, they killed them.' She broke down in sobs again. 'They will pay darling, I will make them pay.' Severus cooed in her ear as Hermione's sobs subsided a little bit and Severus kissed the top of her head.


~When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears~

* Hermione wakes screaming from the nightmare that held her bond. Severus bounds in from his adjoining room to see about her. "They killed you… they killed Harry… Ron… everybody and they where making me burry them all. There where thousands of bodies, young, old… infants… and… and… oh it was horrible.' Hermione sobbed. 'I will stay in here if you wish. Watch over you while you sleep to make sure your dreams don't turn unpleasant again.' Severus offered. Hermione shook her head and scooted over so Severus could lie beside her comfortable. He sat and stroked her hair until she fell back to sleep. *


~I held your hand through all of these years~

* 'It is finished, the war is over and we made it thru Hermione.' Severus said as they watched Voldemort's ashes drift away. 'Yes we made it. 6 years after he rose from the ashes he is sent back there never to be seen from again.' Hermione said leaning on Severus. *


~But you still have
All of me~

Well it will do me no good to dwell on memories, will it? She will live her life and I will simple sit here until I died. She was my life and now Hermione is gone forever, and so then is my life gone. And with that thought Severus finally passed out

~You used to captivate me
By your resonating light~

* The first day of first year potions with Slytherine and Gryffindor. 'Ah Mr. Potter our new celebrity. Tell me what would I get if I combined powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?' Hermione starts jumping up and down in excitement. Hermione whispering instructions to Longbottom on how to fix his shrinking solution. Hermione in the infirmary with that ridiculous furry face. Hermione's graduation speech. Hermione finding the way to kill Voldemort. *

~Now I'm bound by the life you left behind~

* Hermione slamming the door and leaving. *

~Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams~

* Hermione writhing beneath Severus, panting and moaning his name. * Instantly changes to * 'how can you say you love me when you where out buying that whore a ring,' Hermione begins screaming in tears. *

 
~Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me~

* 'Does our 3 year relationship mean nothing. We came out of 6 years of fighting what appeared at time a loosing battle. We have been together for 9 years. First as partners in the war now you throw it away like this.' Hermione wailed. *


~These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase~

*You would think 9 days of nothing but absinth in your system would either kill you or put you in a coma. But I guess both are to good for me. Severus thought as he finished off the sixth bottle he owned. *


~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears~

* ' What will we do, the Dark Lords numbers keep increasing and our numbers are dwindling as the light is killed off?' Hermione cried. Severus kissed her temple and wiped her eyes. *


~When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears~

'We will keep fighting, we have spies in the dark ranks, more then the dark lord knows and we will defeat him in the end. We will find the answer.' Severus said, 'You will find the answer.' Severus whispered almost to softly for her to hear. *


~I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me~

* 'Hermione no matter what happens to me I will always be with you.' Severus told her as he left for a meeting he knew was to execute a spy that had went missing earlier that day. They where fearful that he might rat out Severus as a spy to try to save his own skin. * And she still has me with her. Severus thought as his dream slide from one image to the next.


~I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along~

Why must she haunt my dreams, why does my mind keep bringing her to my thoughts? She has left me and there is nothing I can do about it. I will wait for the ferryman to come for me and pray someone leaves me money for passage.


~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years~

* Severus came staggering in the door. "Severus lie down I will get Pompy, what did he do to you.' Hermione gabbled as she rushed around summoning Pompy and Dumbledore. 'We are safe, Zambini died a hero's death but to remind the rest of us the penalty given to traders he picked a few people from the crowed and tortured us. I am always a target because of my strength of will. I am fine, cry not for me.'

~But you still have
All of me~

Severus felt a light touch on his shoulder. He opened up his eyes. 'I have died haven't I and you are here to take me to my personal cell in hell.' Severus slurred, 'at least you are a face I can be glad will be the last I see.'