A/N- Lama you are way to kind and I will keep that in mind. I did the ~~ thing because I could not get the Italics to stink. However I think I may have solved that problem. I hope I broke it all up into bigger bits. I tried to break where the song broke. I hope you like it.
To all others who are indulging me and reading this story. I looked at this chapter from many angles. I though about Hermione finding Severus in a pool of blood, unconscious and in a coma. But I think this will work. If you would like to see the other idea just tell me and I will send it to you ASAP.
Yours,
Mistress
Hermione apperated to the flat where she and Severus had lived for the past 6 months. 'Funny how you can love a place with every fiber of your being one week and dread it the next.' Hermione thought as she stood contemplating the door to their flat. 'There is nothing stopping me from entering that flat. If Severus is in there with that, that, whore than it will just prove that he loves me not. this is his flat as much as it is mine so why not bring all his little tarts here now that,' Hermione's thoughts faltered for a moment as she tried to stifle a sob, ' now that we are no longer together.' she finished. 6 Months ago when Severus had showed her this little flat she thought that they would never part. 'I just have to get up and go in there.'
What meet Hermione's eye made her heart break. Severus sat, slumped over the kitchen table, with 6 empty bottles on the floor and a 7th half empty sitting on the table. 'Wow I thing that is every bottle of his precious absinthe he owned. I guess that little wench found out she is only a flavor of the week and broke it off with him too.' then something caught her eye. It was a knife, a piece of cloth and 2 photos. As she lent to pick up the cloth her hand grazed his shoulder. Severus opened up his eyes. "I have died haven't I and you are here to take me to my personal cell in hell." Severus slurred, "at least you are a face I can be glad will be the last I see."
I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
"Your not dead yet but much more of this behavior," Hermione stormed gesturing to the half empty bottle the six on the floor, the knife and both Severus' forearms. "And you will be fast meeting it. What did that little whore come to her sense and dump you too." Hermione finished with a satisfied snort.
"No, but look what the cat dragged in. Couldn't just haunt my dreams," Severus continued to slur, "But you had to come and berate me for my chosen method of forgetting you."
"Forgetting. Me? What are you talking about?" Hermione said with confusion. Severus looked down at the photos and cloth. It was her graduation picture, the photo the Daly profit ran after the final battle and her school jumper. "What do you want with me when you have that slut Tonks to keep you company. You never bought me jewelry and you where off buying her jewelry in plan sight in Hogsmeade." Hermione stormed trying to dismiss the fact that he had been in this state over her.
"Why do you ask such questions? If you are her to berate me for my chosen ways of morning then please as least get me a headache relief. If for other reasons then get on with it and leave me to die here alone." Severus said with a feeble attempt at his usual biting sarcasm.
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
Hermione simply walked to the bathroom and returned with a cold cloth and a headache relief draft. As Severus took the bottle from hermione's hand he gave her a little toast and downed it. A moment later his head felt clearer, he was still drunk of course but his head was no longer throbbing. "I take it you want to talk then." Severus said with a little more power then he had a moment earlier. "Or shall i say you yelling and me listening." he said with a quirked eyebrow. 'Why does he do that, he knows that breaks me train of thought.' Hermione that though.
"You talk, I'll listen. You seem to have something on your mind and i am willing to let you try to explain your actions and save face." Hermione said with as little emotion as she could.
"Thank you. Put exactly what do you want me to explain? The fact that you jumped to conclusion, that you accused me of lying to you, or just the highlights of the last week and a half?" Severus said with as little emotion as he could. The fact that she had returned for what ever reason was calming. 'She appears to be in one piece, a little tanner perhaps but well.' Severus thought.
"Well let's start with when i left you. Yes i left you and that is what you can tell all the pathetic little tarts that you hit on in the bars. Then maybe you can get pity shag from them." Hermione spat.
"Well after you left i tried to follow you. You leap frog apperated from country to country across the ocean. I lost you in Canada after you apperated from Iceland to Canada. I then spent a day trying to pick up your apperation trail. I gave up after a day." Severus said defeated.
"You gave up after only a day. I looked for you for a week after you went missing before the final battle." hermione sneered.
"And if i remember currently i saved you from being rapped and killed, didn't I." severus sneered "you where appertain so fast that after a day the trail was gone. I returned here." Severus cast a weary eye around there flat. "I sat down and almost finished the first bottle of absinthe in an hour." Severus said picking up what looked to be the oldest of the bottles with a gentle hand. "I thought it would start numbing the pain of losing you but to no avail. It just made me remember the ways i used to rid my self of all of this. The feel of the cold blade against my skin was, well no other way of saying it, pure pleasure. The first cut seemed to ring back the release this ritual once brought. The second brought back your biting words about this." Severus said with a look at hermione. The look in his eyes where deep but unreadable. "That pissed me off. I yelled in frustration. Why did this bring me back to you? So i started drinking again, contemplating everything. I guess the days just kind of started going by me. Around bottle 4 or 5 i went into your closet and got your jumper and the picture of you in your graduation robes. Remembered your school years, remembered watching you grow into this, this wonderful creature i don't, well didn't deserve." he chuckled at the look of confusion in her eyes. "At the end of bottle 5 how ever i retrieved this." he said proffering her the photo and news clipping from the Daly Prophet about her." I cried at this. I read it over and over again. Then when i started this bottle i started contemplating 2 things." he said and looked at hermione then stopped. "But those can wait. What do you think now?"
My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
"About?" hermione said. 'Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you are poking at what i think your nuts.'
"About what. I have told you. I have bore all to you, now what do you think of this bastard you once clamed to love?" Severus said with little hint of contempt for having to say it. His ego might be on vacation in the land of empty bottles at his feet but it would not be kind for him to return completely black and blue.
"Sounds like you missed something. My question is, was it me or the sex?" hermione spat.
"I only thought of sex once this whole time you where gone and that was changed into our fight almost immediately after the first whimper of my name. Or are you accusing me of fantasizing about you when you where my student." Severus snapped.
do you remember me
lost for so long
"No, I would never accuse you of such brutalities." Hermione said in a softer voice. "You may have rapped countless women when you where a death eater but you left the children to the lesser death eaters. But you where kind to the women though weren't you, kinder to them then me. You killed them after you where finished with them. You kept me around for kicks. "Hermione finished with contempt.
Will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
"No, i kept you around because i loved you." Severus said dryly, "I have sat here and thought about everything you have said to me the past 3 years. No matter what my mood you tried to help. When i became to much you would leave but i knew you would come back. This time i knew you probably wouldn't come back." at that he paused and looked up at hermione with tears in his eyes. "I went looking for you because for once i thought i had done something right and you could not see it." severus paused again and let that sink in. "I have sat here trying to forget you and everything you mean to me and all that happened was i was surrounded by you. So at the beginning of this bottle of Absinthe i sat i thought on this," Severus said lifting the ring to her eyes. "Take it, try it on, look at every aspect of it and tell me what you think." hermione hesitated "Take it... Please."
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
Hermione just sat and looked at. It was beautiful and it fit her ring finger perfectly. She looked ant the intricate pattern of Celtic symbols that she recognized as symbols of unity, purity, and fertility. 'The marriage symbols, Oh God.'
I want to die!!
"Well, noticed anything special about it yet?" Severus said in a cutting voice that he knew hurt hermione to her core.
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
"Yes, that i have been stupid, blind, and that all of a sudden i feel whole again. "Hermione said simply. "And that i don't deserve you. You have been understanding about a lot of the stuff i have done. Indulged in my little quirks when they where deeply engrained and never jumped to conclusions when i was being dodgy or seen somewhere dodge. You asked me what i was doing and told me what i was doing were wrong or helped me if you thought it a good idea." At that she looked up from the ring and looked as Severus with tears streaming down her face. "I realized that i still love you."
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide
"Well then Miss Granger, will you do yourself the privilege and the honor of allowing yourself to call me Your Equal, Your Lover, Your Friend and My Wife by Marrying me and making every other girl in all of Europe green with envy over you?" Severus asked in his best Lockhart impression.
"No." Hermione said with a smile. "I will marry you so you will Have the privilege of saying you are married to the Smartest Witch in all of Europe and the Woman the defeated the Dark Lord."
"Done."
