Chapter 33

Jack came back out to the bedroom and set the now-clean trashcan within easy reach. Laura's eyes were closed, but she was tense and shaking. He reached under the blankets and found the heart rate monitor, which read 84. "How are you feeling, Laura?"

"Cold," she murmured.

Jack frowned. They only had two light blankets on their bed, and hadn't needed more since they moved to Los Angeles. The heavy comforter that had graced their bed during West Virginia winters was packed up in the attic. Quickly deciding on the best way to get Laura warm, Jack walked around the bed and climbed in beside her. She relaxed a bit as his arms went around her. "Better?" he asked.

"Mmm-hmm." She was still for a moment; then, without opening her eyes, she leaned forward and found Jack's mouth with her own. Without thinking, he responded. After a few moments she pulled back, opened her eyes, and smiled at him. "I love you so much, Jack."

Not sure how to respond to that, Jack gave her a tight smile. She leaned in again and lay a trail of kisses down his neck. When her hands found their way under his shirt, he pulled back. "Laura, stop this."

She frowned. "What's wrong, Jack?"

"You're drugged." He hadn't really thought about how she felt about sex, he realized. She seemed to enjoy it, but maybe she really thought of it as nothing but a tedious chore. "You don't have to pretend any more."

She looked confused. "Pretend? About what?"

"I know you're a spy, remember? You don't have to have sex with me anymore. You don't have to pretend you want to."

"But I've always wanted to, Jack," she said with a smile. She reached out and traced lazy circles on his chest with a finger, grinning mischievously. "My handler wanted me to wait until we were married. I didn't tell him that I couldn't keep my hands off you."

She kissed him again, but he pushed her away, despite the fact that a certain part of his anatomy was reminding him that it hadn't had much attention lately. "We can talk about this more when the drugs wear off." He needed to get her mind on something else, he decided. Quickly. He wondered if she'd actually talk about her childhood in this state instead of clamming up. "Laura, tell me about your father." As soon as he spoke, he regretted it, realizing that it could send her into another hallucination.

He counted himself lucky when she replied in English. "I don't want to talk about him, Jack." There was a depth of pain and vulnerability in her voice that he'd never heard before.

"All right." He thought for a moment. "Tell me about your mother."

Laura smiled. "Mama. She tried so hard, Jack." She sounded oddly childlike. "She always loved Papa, even at the end. She told me how he used to be different, how he was so sweet to her when she married him." She switched to Russian without seeming to notice the change, but Jack followed well enough. "She used to tell me how Papa would hold me so carefully when I was a baby, how he was afraid he would drop me. I remember when I was very little he used to be nice sometimes, when he wasn't drunk. Sometimes he would bring me home a piece of candy or a little toy on the days he got paid, if he could find something. But he started drinking more and more often, and when he drank he would hit us."

Jack stroked her cheek gently. "I'm so sorry, Laura." He couldn't imagine growing up like that.

They lay still for a long moment, and then Laura surprised him when she began to speak again. "He was so happy when Vanya was born. A daughter was all right, but a son was better. He even stopped drinking for a few weeks, but then he started again. And then one day he came home drunk, and Vanya was crying, and Papa took him and started shaking him." Tears started to fall as she looked right through Jack. "Vanya died, and Papa knew it was his fault. He was never nice after that."

Jack found himself starting to choke up. He pulled Laura closer and rocked her back and forth. She said something, but it was muffled by his body. He pulled away. "What was that, Laura?"

"He killed Mama." Her eyes were closed now, and he could feel the tension in her body. "He pushed her, and she fell down the stairs. I hated him after that. I wanted to leave, but he told me if I ran away he would find me and kill me. He was the police, he would have done it." She opened her eyes, looked directly at him, and spoke in English. "I never knew that there were men who really cared about women until I met you, Jack. My superiors in the KGB don't care. I'm just a conduit for information. But you, Jack, you're different." She reached out and caressed his face. "I fell in love with you before I'd known you for a month. I should have asked for extraction, because my objectivity was compromised, but I was selfish. I didn't want to lose you, Jack. Later I realized that the longer I stayed, the more it would hurt you when I left, but I kept telling myself that I'd just stay a little while longer. I love you, Jack. I don't ever want to lose you."

Jack held her silently, not sure what to say. Too much had been revealed, and his thoughts were in a turmoil.

"Jack?" She looked at him curiously.

"It's all right, Laura. Just close your eyes and rest, okay?"

She murmured assent and snuggled into his chest trustingly. Jack held her close as, for the first time since he'd learned of her duplicity, tears began to fall down his cheeks.