AN: Carterfan1, thank you for reviewing.

The Rainbow After The Storm

Chapter Ten

Late summer

Carter finished the preparations and stood back wondering how it came to be that he was hosting a pool party. Originally he had intended just to ask Abby over. But somehow, and he had a vague recollection of Susan being involved on a visit to the ER with baby Daniel, it now included Susan, Daniel, Luka, Sam, Alex and of course Abby. Carter was relieved that Jerry. Yosh, Jing-Mei, Pratt and the new Dr James Wright were working; otherwise they would have probably come too.

What he had originally intended was to invite Abby over to say thank you for the support and friendship she had shown particularly over the past few months. He finally felt like he was in control of his life again, of course there were still the odd moments when he felt depressed, but then again everyone felt like that from time to time right? He had that time of sadness when Daniel was born, but now he had grieved over it and accepted the fact that Susan was now a parent and she deserved all the love and support her friends could give her, including him. He would just have to come to terms with the negative feelings, which still lingered, which still consumed him every time he spent too long in the company of Daniel. He hoped today wouldn't be too intense and that he could watch the baby from a distance, which felt okay.

Carter's thoughts strayed back to Abby, they seemed to have their relationship back on track, not romantically or intimately however, but the firm foundations of their friendship were secure.

That, Carter reflected had taken some work, though they had first started really talking the night she got her results, when they discussed his Grandmother's funeral. They had gone on later to talk about the drinking, Carter's hang up with his financial status, which still incidentally was not really addressed properly. About how he had left, how he had been the one to run away, twice. Abby said that it had given them time to reflect upon everything. She also told him that she could have done without the entire ER staff reading the letter he sent her. Not that that was Carter's fault that Frank had fished it out the trashcan and shown it to all and sundry. Carter did feel bad about the whole letter deal, in retrospect it had been the cowardly way out.

Carter wanted to start again, he wanted to tell her how he felt, but he was a little scared of baring his soul to her. Carter knew it was too soon for a declaration of love. She would think it quite odd if he just blurted out how he felt, especially when there had been all those times whilst they had been dating and he had never said a thing. Well he had said things but not those three important words, neither of them had.

Carter was also worried that she might not return his feelings, or be unwilling to. She had changed dramatically in fact changes he liked, admired and loved.

Recently however something had been worrying her. She had sworn that he Carter was not to blame, but seemed reluctant to share with him. Which was a problem they had had before and obviously yet not overcome.

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The party was in full swing; it was just as well that it was a warm and sunny day. Suddenly Daniel began to fuss from his comfortable position in his baby carrier in the shade.

'I'll get him' said Abby, climbing out of the pool, reaching for a towel and drying herself off.

'He's probably hungry again' commented Susan swimming to the end of the pool to talk to Abby.

'You want to feed him?' Abby asked

'No, I'm having fun you can do it'

'I can?' replied Abby doubtfully, not aware at that moment that Susan had quit breast-feeding.

'Sure' seeing Abby's expression she added 'I stopped breast-feeding. I was anxious; he was anxious, hungry. I was sore and tired, grumpy. I couldn't take it anymore, something had to give' she explained trying to justify her decision.

'You don't have to explain to me' Abby replied

'Anyway, I put some bottles in Carter's fridge when I arrived' she said as Abby finally wriggled out of the towel dressed.

Susan looked pleadingly at her friend who finally caved.

'Okay, I'll take him inside though' and she carefully picked him up out of the carrier, cradling him on her shoulder as she entered the house.

In was quiet in the house, except for the odd squeal or two coming from the garden. She soon found the bottle, heated it up and settled down to feed the baby.

After burping him successfully she softly asked him 'What shall we do now? Would you like me to sing to you?'

Daniel looked up at her.

'I'll warn you now, my singing's not great, most people ask me to stop'

Of course the baby didn't protest or anything so she stood up, gently rocking the baby in her arms and started singing to him.

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Carter stood on the side of the pool; Luka and Alex were still splashing about. Susan and Sam were lying on loungers in the sun. He dried himself and went into the house to change. On his way back down the stairs he swore that he could hear the distant sound of Abby singing.

He leant on the doorframe, the door was half way closed and he drank in the scene before him. Abby stood in the centre of the room, swaying gently and singing softly to the infant.

'There d'you like that?' she said to Daniel 'Ummm let me think, what else....ummm.... I know.. er, Hey diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the moon, the little dog laughed to see such fun...' she stopped abruptly, when she heard the soft rumble of laughter coming from behind her and she turned around.

Carter stood there grinning at her.

'Enjoying the performance are you?' she asked

He smiled at her and said 'If you carry on like that Susan will want to employ you as regular day care'

As he spoke he walked up to them.

'Ha' she replied 'I don't mind helping out but Susan can find her own day care'

'He's sleeping' Carter said stating the obvious as they both looked down at the child in her arms.

'Want to hold him?' she asked tentatively

Carter shook his head and bit his lip then said 'No, I don't know if I'm quite ready for that'

'You okay?' she whispered

Still biting his lip he nodded 'No one ever said it would be easy' he replied

Boldly he moved his hand and gently stroked the baby's hand with his index finger.

'Abby?' he said

She looked up at him, despite the contentment there from nursing the baby, he could see something else, some torment that she surely had to share with someone.

'What's wrong?' he asked putting his index finger into the air to emphasis what he was saying 'Don't say nothing, I know, we both know that's not true, you've been quiet all afternoon'

Their eyes locked and for the life of her she couldn't break it. His hand seemed to come from nowhere and ever so lightly he brushed his knuckles down the side of her face.

'Oh there you are' Susan said hurrying into the room, focused on the most important thing in her life, Daniel.

Carter hastily dropped his hand and he and Abby stood there waiting for Susan to continue.

'Luka's leaving and offered us a ride home' she explained taking the baby from Abby. Then to Abby she said 'I thought you might be staying, so I said yes'

'Great' Abby managed

'You sure?' Susan asked suddenly aware that there was a strange tension in the room.

'Yeah' she said

'I .. we I.... I need to talk to Abby' Carter finally blurted out.

'Oh, well there you go, we'll all be gone soon. It was great by the way, thanks Carter' she started to move off 'I'm just getting my stuff together' she shouted back at them over her shoulder, which woke Daniel up. 'Oh pooh' she muttered

Abby and Carter just stood there, and then they turned to face each other.

'Okay, I'm ready to talk, we'll just wait 'til they have gone'

And he nodded.

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'So?' Carter finally asked, his hands were thrust in his pockets, as he was tempted to put his arm around her shoulders as they walked through the gardens.

'What?' she replied miles away in her own thoughts.

He bit his lip, raised his eyebrows at her and wondered if she was being deliberately evasive.

'Oh' she conceded 'Well you know it's complicated'

'It always is right?' he answered

She gave him a half hearted smile which didn't quite reach her eyes and knew that she couldn't keep it back from him any longer if their friendship was going to survive to ever become more than that.

'Eric' she said

He didn't comment, he didn't even look at her, confusing her somewhat but she felt compelled to continue.

'He's back'

She stole another glance at him, at his stony expression, which for him was his only way of masking his real emotions.

He gestured for her to continue.

'He's been staying a while at my apartment. Half the time he's drunk and off his meds. When he's not out he's sleeping on the sofa clutching a baseball bat. He's completely paranoid that someone's out to get him. You know what he scares me John. When's he's been drinking, he gets so angry, violent almost'

Now she had started she couldn't stop and all her fears about Eric came flooding out.

'I don't want to throw him out, I want to look after, protect him, but I don't think I can do it anymore. It was okay when we were just kids, it was easy then' she stopped talking and sighed deeply.

'Easy then?' thought Carter 'She was just a kid herself, but with the responsibilities of a grown woman and more besides'

He looked at her and still said nothing, still kept his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

'I've always been responsible for him, you know' she added 'It's ingrained in me and he's hurting and if he needs me, I can't say no, I can't deny him the support he needs, even if it isn't doing much for me'

They stopped walking, they faced each other. Abby looked at him but his expression was unreadable. He wanted to tell her everything would be all right, he wanted to tell her he would be here for her whenever she needed him. Would she believe him, trust him. He felt like he had messed up last time. It was harder than he had ever imagined, trying to deal with Eric, the times when she had, let him in. He couldn't imagine how it must be now with Maggie and Eric, although Maggie was better in a lot of ways, now as opposed to the first time he had met her.

He pulled his hands out of his jeans and let them rest upon her slight shoulders, massaging them gently.

'He has to want to help himself, you know that Abby'

'Yes' she said 'I know. It just scares me John, his behaviour. I feel like something bad is going to happen, something out of my control and I can't do a thing about it'

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