Disclaimers: I don't own Digimon, or any of the characters in this story. Actually I don't own much at all so don't sue me, you would only be wasting your time and money.
Making AmendsHe slowly raised his hand to push the small white button right next to the simple metal plate reading the name Yagami in neat Kanji on it. His finger was already resting on the round knob but he hesitated to actually ring the bell. Was he doing the right thing? The question had been going through his head again and again since he had returned to Odaiba but he still hadn't found a satisfying answer. He had tried to calm himself by repeatedly assuring himself that no matter what he had done to them they would still be his friends. But the more he thought about it the more the little composure he had had seemed to crumble away like sand being blown away by the wind. Actually there was no reason to even forgive him for what he had done let alone moving on as if nothing had ever happened. How could he expect them to still be his friends after how deeply he had hurt all of them?
Yamato's slightly shaking finger was still hovering over the small button as if it was the mouth of a poisonous snake just waiting to sink her sharp teeth full of venom deep into his tender pale flesh.
It was his fault, all of this. If he hadn't been so selfish, blind and naïve back then he wouldn't have to go through this now. But he had made a decision two years ago and now he had to live with the consequences. But did he actually really regret it? How would his life look like now if he had not taken his chance?
Memories of what had happened since he had left his friends and family behind to fulfill his dream began to flash through his head and fill his mind.
*
His whole body was shaking as he stared at the small white envelope in his hands. Everyday for the last two weeks he had been checking the mail as soon as it had been delivered and now that he actually held the letter in his own hands he was almost afraid to open it. He hadn't told anybody about it yet. It was probably better this way. It wouldn't hurt that much if the answer wasn't positive. No, it would hurt just as much but he wouldn't have to explain it to everyone else as well, to admit that he had failed.
Finally, after a few more moments of staring at the small piece of paper in his hands, he closed his eyes, tore the envelope open, and pulled out a single sheet of paper. He took one final deep breath before he unfolded it, opened his eyes and started reading. After he was done he read it one more time before he finally allowed the letter to glide from his fingers, silently falling to the wooden floor.
He felt like jumping around and screaming like a little girl but instead he just sank down onto his bed with his eyes wide open staring at the familiar ceiling and a smile slowly beginning to spread over his face. Soon he was not only smiling but grinning like mad. He would finally get his chance! He almost couldn't believe that it was really going to happen, that one of the most important labels in Japan was offering him and his band a contract!
He had been so ecstatic back then that he hadn't cared about the details of said contract at all, which had been a huge mistake as it turned out now. But two years ago he could have cared less about such 'petty' things as artistic freedom. He was going to be successful for once and that was everything that mattered to him. Finally he would be able to proof himself worthy. He would no longer only be the quite boy with the constantly serious face who never fitted in. For once his family could be proud of him and not only see him as a constant burden any more. For the first time in his sixteen years of life he was taking the right path.
*
Or so he had thought back then. But had it really been the right thing to do? They say you are always wiser afterwards, but is this really the truth? Two years after he had made the probably hardest and yet at the same time easiest decision in his short life so far he was still unsure about the outcome. Of course, he was absolutely miserable at the moment and he wished he had taken the other path but did that mean that what he had done had been wrong? Life was hardly ever that easy, that much he had already learned. Could he really tell what would have been the right direction to take and what if there was no right or wrong in this whole situation at all?
He hated making mistakes but he had at least taken his life in his own hands for all it was worth now. He had also learned a great deal out of this experience but that realization didn't make his current situation any less painful.
Coming back from the places of his own past he suddenly pressed his finger hard against the small button of the bell. Quickly he pulled his finger back as if he had been touching a piece of hot metal. Unbelievingly he stared at the small offending piece of white plastic. What had he been thinking? Well, obviously he hadn't been thinking at all and now it was too late. But that could only mean that he had unconsciously meant to go through with it all along.
But his musing about that question was cut short as he heard rapid footsteps form inside the apartment and then the door was suddenly unlocked and swung open before him. A part of his mind was screaming at him to run, as fast and as far as he could but another part told him to stay and face his fear. After all Taichi had been his best friend, so there really was nothing to be afraid of. He would understand, wouldn't he?
In the meantime the door had been fully opened but instead of seeing Taichi or one of his parents standing there on the threshold he was now looking at a young girl, dripping wet and clad only in a plain white towel.
"Yamato?" the girl asked skeptically as if she couldn't believe what she saw. "What are you doing here?"
He had clearly heard the question but he found himself unable to answer her. His throat had closed up completely and for the moment he was still too busy staring at her and trying to fully comprehend this unexpected situation.
He had immediately recognized the girl before him to be his best friend's little sister, Hikari. But then again he could hardly call her 'little' any longer. Standing before him was no longer the little girl he had known who was probably more mature than her looks indicated but an attractive young woman. Her warm reddish-brown eyes were fixed on him and despite the also visible trace of accusation they were now full of sympathy for a friend like they had always been since he had first met her. It was her, unmistakably, but she had changed in so many ways, well, at least physically.
He could only wonder if the others had grown up like that as well. After all he hadn't seen them for so long, it would only be natural. But what about him, was he any different from how he had been two years ago? Had all those things he had seen and learned shaped him and made him a different person than the Yamato Ishida who had left everything behind to become famous?
But why had he not seen it coming? Of course she was still living there, how could he have so absolutely ignored that fact? All of a sudden all his courage was dwindling rapidly and he began to feel more than uncomfortable standing there face to face with her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. I'll come back another time." As swiftly as he could he turned around and began to walk away towards the elevator. But before he could take more than two steps away from her he was already stopped again. He could feel her soft warm hand keeping his own pale wrist in a firm grip.
"Don't just run away like that again. Don't you see how you keep hurting your friends? Or have you really become that selfish that you don't care about us anymore?"
Did she really mean it like that? Did they honestly still see him as their friend? Even after he had left without explanation or good-by they were ready to forgive him. But was this also what the others thought? Hikari had always been the one would tried to keep all of them together so it would be only natural for her to try to make him stay and once again join their group. But even if she, who he had hurt so badly two years ago, wanted him to come back, what would the others say if he just walked back into their lives as if nothing had ever happened? Would they welcome him back without blaming him for what he had done or would they turn away from him?
"Come on inside before I turn into an ice cube." Gently she began to pull him into the warm apartment. At first he wanted to just shake her hand off and run for the elevator but he found it impossible to resist her so he let her lead him inside.
"I suppose you can remember were everything is, so make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in a minute." She shoved him into the small living room before she hurriedly left for her own room. He never heard the door of her room being shut and he briefly wondered if she trusted him not to look or if she actually didn't mind being seen naked. Whatever it was he quickly dismissed the thought again as he found it inappropriate to think about her in such ways no matter how tempting it seemed to be.
He could hear the soft rustling of clothes and the dull thud of drawers being shut in the room next door as he sat down on the comfortable looking couch. Not much had changed since he had been here the last time. A few pieces of furniture had been replaced but nothing that would have destroyed the air of familiarity and security he had always felt here. It was a family's home, something that he had missed for so many years, since the day of his parent's divorce or maybe even before that.
Now that he had gotten so used to living alone it felt a little awkward. What was it like to share an apartment with someone else? It had only been a few years since he had moved out to live on his own but those days already seemed so far away like the distant stars in the night sky.
However his attention was brought back towards Hikari's room when he heard the door being carefully shut. Hikari, now fully dressed but her hair still slightly damp, had returned to the living room. After she had asked him if she could get him something to drink, to which he had just shaken his head, she slumped down on the couch next to him. A few wet strains of brown hair hanging lazily into her face, she kept watching him for a while, studying his face and finally seeming to get lost in his brilliant blue eyes.
At first he tried to hold her gaze but finally he could take it no longer and broke away, deciding to keep his gaze towards the floor. Guilt was eating up his mind. She had been so friendly as if those last two years had never actually happened but he was sure that she still knew what he had done back then and that she had not forgotten how much he had hurt her.
He looked up again only to find her still watching him with mere curiosity in her eyes. How mature she looked. No longer did he see the curiosity of a child in her eyes, she seemed more like a doctor or a scientist who was inspecting a medically interesting case of illness. This was not how he had remembered her. It seemed as if something within her had been lost and he was sure when she finally spoke in the same detached tone.
"Why did you come back?"
* *
A.N.: Originally this was supposed to be a one-shot but it seems I can't write much more than that right now. Maybe you tell me what you think of it. It might actually help me to update sooner if I get some reviews! ^__~
