Disclaimers: see Chapter 1.

Making Amends

"Why did you come back?"

Yamato hesitated to answer and began instead to watch the clouds outside flying by. But he knew that Hikari was still watching him, patiently waiting for an answer. Of course he would answer her but what was he going to tell her? The truth? Did he even know what the truth was? A lot of things had happened and much within him had changed since he had left them but there was no way he could answer her question in one word, maybe not even in one sentence. This was going to take some time but that didn't really matter because time was a thing he had plenty of if she was just willing to listen for so long.

"It is a rather long story. Maybe even a bit boring to you. But I will tell you what happened if you still want to know why I came back." He noticed how uncertain his own voice sounded. Was he afraid to tell her? But why would he be afraid? Maybe it was something about her. Was it her voice or her eyes? Both seemed to leak cynicism now as she spoke.

"You were never a man of many words. Why are you so talkative all of a sudden? Did those two years change you so much already?"

He tried to hide his uncertainty. Just cover it up with your sly smile like you always did lately, he thought to himself.

"Maybe, but this is not about being talkative. I merely don't know what I should tell you or where to begin so I'm going to tell you all about what had happened to me since I went away. Maybe you can tell me afterwards why I am here because I have no simple answer to that question."

"Very well, I'm going to listen so you better get started."

Taking a deep breath while making himself even more comfortable on the couch, Yamato began his story. Deliberately skipping over the part of their last meeting he began with the day of his departure.

"I had received a letter about a week before everything began. I had been sending demo-tapes to about every record company in Japan for a while and that day I finally

 got my first positive answer. A fairly important company had been interested in our music and they invited us to record a few songs in one of their studios. The moment I had read the letter I had know that this was the only possible way for me. I had to grasp that chance no matter how risky it may have been."

"So, a few days later, we were in the studio and doing our first record. It wasn't that great but obviously it was good enough for them. They were going to give us a chance. They had been looking for a new boy-group back then and we hadn't quite been what they originally had had in mind. But they still offered us a contract if our first single turned out to be successful enough."

"I had been so sure that this was meant to be and maybe also a little afraid that this might be our one and only chance to success. So I quite school right after that and began practicing like mad. I was working on this one single day and night and we kept practicing for hours every day but it was worth the time. That first single was our biggest success and breakthrough. 'The Teenage Wolfs' had done it and I was finally pleased with myself. I think you know the rest."

Hikari just nodded. "Yes, I know the rest. 'The Teenage Wolfs' became to most successful new band of the year and their lead singer completely cast everyone away who had once been his friend or who loves him."

Yamato had of course noticed the change in tenses and the now dominating bitterness in her voice and it gave him a lot to think about but he chose not to get into that for the moment.

"I'm really sorry about that but I'm afraid you can't understand what I have been going through. I didn't mean to abandon you all like that but I saw no other way. I was so afraid of loosing you as my friends."

"So you thought keeping us away as far as possible would save our friendship? Not even you could be possibly that stupid!"

"Now you are being unfair. You know very well that I would never do such a thing without a good reason."

"Then tell me what this reason might have been."

"It's rather simple really. I was too afraid of rejection. It was easier to live with the guilt I felt for leaving all of you like that than having to face you and possibly being rejected. You, of all people, should be able to understand that." Immediately after the last words had left his mouth he once again felt a stab of guilt. Maybe he shouldn't have said that but the words had just been spilling out of him without much of a thought.

But the girl opposite to him, much to his surprise, didn't show any signs of anger or sadness. Her eyes seemed to harden a little but nothing more. Maybe she had already gotten over it.

"Are you surprised that I'm not breaking down and crying my eyes out now?" "Well, as you can see I have not forgotten what you have done to me but I also have learned to live with it. I will not let you hurt me like that ever again."

"Hikari, I'm really sorry, but..."

"Just stop it. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to hear your apologies. I accept your decision and now, please, let it rest."

Yamato still wanted to explain himself and justify his actions but when he looked into her eyes he changed his mind. The look of determination he had seen before was gone and her eyes had softened noticeable.

"Maybe I should continue with my story then." He sat back again, a bit more relaxed now, and continued his story where he had left off. "Everything had been going pretty well until it was time to start working on the new album. This is where everything began to go wrong."

"As you may have already suspected it was of course my own fault again. I had been writing new songs and when the time had come to begin with the records for the new album I believed we were going to use those new songs. But I had been wrong. That was the time for me to realize that I had sold my artistic freedom to them when I had signed the contract."

"They had taken a look at what I had written and immediately made it clear that 'The Teenage Wolfs' were not supposed to sound like this. The lyrics were much too mature and too dark for their liking. They said we had to maintain the image we had in public or we would be gone quicker than we could imagine. Well, I hadn't much of a choice. I had to fulfill my contract if I didn't want to lose every Yen I had earned until then. So I complied and sang their already written songs although I hated all of it."

"We went on like this until about two weeks ago. My contract had only been running for two albums and now that it was time to start working on the third one they gave me a choice. Either I went on like before and did whatever the told me to do or I would be replaced. At first I thought, self-confident as I was, that there was no way they could replace me. After all I had been the singer and, without being arrogant now, the most popular member of the band. But I soon realized that it was going to happen whether I could believe it or not."

He gave himself a few moments to catch his breath and to sink back a little more into the comfortable couch. While he had been speaking he hadn't realized how agitated he had become. The words had just been coming forth, unstoppable like a small cold mountain brook. He knew that there was no way he could stop himself now. It felt just too good to get it all out. He had wanted so much to talk to somebody about everything that had been troubling him all this time but whom should he have turned to? It had hardly ever been so painful to be all alone like it had been lately. He took one more deep breath and went on.

"At the beginning I had been afraid to lose everything I had been working so hard for but the longer I thought about it the more I wanted to quite it all. I had sold my soul and so much more just for being successful and I had gotten what I had always been dreaming of but I was still unsatisfied. So I took my chance and left everything behind once again. I told them that I was either allowed to make the music I wanted to or they would have to do without me."

"It didn't take them long to make their decision. In their opinion it was way too risky to give me back my artistic freedom. 'The Teenage Wolfs' were just too successful to change their image like that all of a sudden. So they never renewed our contract and went straight on with a new singer who had already been waiting to take my place. They will probably present him in a few days."

"What about your band? Didn't they have to leave together with you?" When he looked up at her he was astonished how truly interested Hikari seemed to be. The concern he could see in her face even made him smile a little as he went on.

"No, like I said they went straight on just with a new singer. But I honestly don't blame them. They had never had a problem with the music we were supposed to play, so why shouldn't they enjoy their fame a little longer? This was just about me."

He slowly got up and walked over to the glass door which separated the living room from the small balcony outside. Silently he watched the white clouds flying by for a while before he turned around and spoke to her again.

"Now you know just about everything worth mentioning. You see I'm quite well-off but without job, finished education or friends. I have no idea how I should go on and my possibilities are rather limited.

So what do you think, why did I come back?"

 * *

A.N.: That chapter came out a lot quicker than I had thought it would. I just hope I'm not spoiling you too much my dear readers!  ^___^

Please note that I have no idea how the music business really works! If you think you know better feel free to tell me. Should there be any severe mistakes I'm going to correct them of course.

As for the next chapter: it's probably going to take a little longer than this one since I have to concentrate on studying a bit more again. But as always reviews will help to shorten this period! ^____~

Oh, by the way: I didn't re-read this so it would be quite normal if you found a few mistakes!