**

Elizabeth Swann was a kleptomaniac.

She stole things all the time

and felt very sorry for herself.

Then she went to the Caribbean,

where something terrible happened.

She nicked a medallion

and was kidnapped by a bunch of skeleton pirates.

Elizabeth then realised that being a kleptomaniac

might not be so bad after all.

"For the poor pirates," she said earnestly, "are clearly anorexic."

**

(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)