Relena just smiled as a tear trickled down her cheek. She wrapped her arms around him. "Please Quatre stop torturing yourself. You've paid; you've suffered so much." She stood, pulling him with her. "Just live again.."
His eyes were downcast. "I'm not sure that I can."
"I know you can Quatre. I know you can..."
She held him there for a moment. Maybe, just maybe if she held him long enough she could absorb some of his sadness. Maybe he could become his old self again. But deep in her mind Relena knew she was only deluding herself. It was going to take time for Quatre to heal…so much time. She sniffled slightly and held Quatre out at arms length, smiling at him the best she could.
"I know you may not believe me Quatre, but what happened wasn't your fault. You shouldn't hold it against yourself. In time I know you'll realize it yourself."
Quatre made no reply, not even when Relena led him out of the cell and down the hall. His eyes flickered from side to side occasionally, taking in the expressions of the guards as he walked past. Such fear in their eyes, he lowered his head and continued to walk, not quite comprehending where he was going. Relena opened the door and stepped outside, gently pulling Quatre along with her. His arm jerked and he stopped walking.
"The…the sun…I haven't seen it for so long."
Relena smiled and began walking down the steps that lead to the sidewalk. "You can enjoy it Quatre. You don't need to worry anymore. I've arranged for us to live in a special building alongside Preventers Headquarters. We're going to help them with their work and rebuild your life." She waited a moment giving the information time to sink in.
"We're going there now so you can get used to everything."
He nodded slightly and gazed around at the buildings as they walked, almost as if he were nothing more than a lost child. Relena sighed; they only had a couple more blocks to go before they could catch a bus. She grimaced at the people around them. Everyone made a path when they walked by, almost as if they were carriers of the plague. If things were going to be like this it will be very difficult for Quatre to heal. She would have to do her best to shield him from the harmful influence of the public.
Quatre just watched Relena as she walked. Why was she doing this? He certainly didn't deserve it, not after what he had done. He could see people leering away from him, glaring as he walked past. He didn't blame them one bit for their reactions. After all he had decimated nearly a quarter of the human population. He had brought it down upon himself by committing his horrible deed. He didn't deserve to be treated with respect any longer, and he didn't expect any.
Relena stopped and squeezed his hand. "Are you feeling alright Quatre?" She waited for an answer but none came. She winced inwardly, feeling slightly hurt that he would not speak to her. But it wasn't the least bit surprising. Everything was going to be very new now. After all he had been imprisoned for nearly three years, left only to his own destructive thoughts. She could barely imagine the pain he must have felt. The pain she herself felt was barely tolerable at times, but she had dealt with it and so would Quatre in time.
After an extremely nervous bus ride and a few more minutes of walking the two arrived at the large five story gray building that was the Preventers main headquarters. Relena stepped forward but Quatre wouldn't move. She turned toward him and could see the worry in his eyes.
"It's fine Quatre. Don't worry; you know some of these people. I understand the building is rather intimidating but everything will work out just fine." She spoke softly, trying her best not to alarm the poor boy. "Noin and Une are inside. You remember them. Please don't worry."
Quatre nodded and blindly walked up the steps and through the glass doors. Former friends. How would they judge him now? How would they look upon him, with disgust, with fear, with pity? He frowned. He didn't want to see them. He didn't want their eyes crawling over him. He didn't deserve their pity.
Relena noticed the slowing of Quatre's pace. He almost seemed to drag along, trying purposefully to slow her walk. She squeezed his hand and tugged at him gently. "Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to show you where we will be living and get you settled in. There is nothing to worry about I promise."
Minutes later Relena had taken Quatre through their whole apartment room by room, trying to make him feel at home. Quatre squinted as they walked about the place. Everything was white and clean, reminding him of a physician's office. Finally though Relena had shown him to his room and left him there to go about getting ready for dinner. His stomach complained making quite loud it's protests of being kept empty for so long. He ignored it and sat down on his bed. His eyes moved toward a small television in the corner. Slowly he walked to it, pushing the power button and staring blankly at the screen, not even bothering to change the channel. There was a blonde woman standing on the street babbling something about interviews. Quatre sat down on the bed and continued staring at the screen, not really taking in what he heard or saw.
"And a in recent news, a most shocking development has occurred. Quatre Raberba Winner was released from solitary confinement today even after the many protests outside local courts…"
Quatre's ears perked up. "There were protests…and yet I'm free." He moved closer to the television, hanging on every word from the reporter's mouth.
"Few people have claimed it a grand act of generosity to free the young felon but we want to know what our viewers think on the subject." The camera turned toward an older man standing close by. "Tell us sir what is your opinion on the release of Quatre Winner?"
The man's face contorted into a grimace. He was obviously not pleased with the decision. "That maniac should never have been released from prison; he destroyed every single colony for heaven's sake. I don't know what those politicians were thinking when they made that decision. I lost my whole family in that attack and I'm not ever going to forget it and if I ever see that boy I'll certainly make sure he never forgets it…"
Quatre sighed and turned the television off. A tear rolled down his cheek and splattered onto his hand. "I'll never forget…ever." He tossed the remote onto the bed and watched as it bounced into the floor, the batteries flying out.
"Quatre dinner's ready."
A low sigh escaped Quatre's lips as he struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. He slowly opened the door and walked into the kitchen. Relena smiled at him as she set two dishes onto their small table. "Have a seat and you can go ahead and get started. I'm sure you're hungry." She bustled into the kitchen, coming back with two glasses of water and sitting herself at the table. Relena handed Quatre a glass and sat down to her food, watching him slowly cut his chicken.
She put a piece of the chicken in her mouth and winced at its dry texture, but she continued to eat it hoping it wouldn't bother Quatre. It's his first night back and I'm already causing problems. She sighed and began eating her rice instead, pausing to take a drink from her glass when Quatre spoke.
"Do you hate me Relena?"
Relena nearly choked at his words. Laying her glass down, she looked at him, trying to understand why he asked such a question. "What do you mean hate you?"
Quatre's eyes fell to his plate as he continued cutting his chicken, the pieces becoming smaller and smaller. "Hate me for what I've done…"
She winced as Milliardo and Heero came to mind, God how she missed them. She took in a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. She loved them so much…but there was no way she could hate Quatre. None of it was his fault. He couldn't be blamed. She frowned; it was the zero system and the cursed fighting. "No, I don't hate you at all Quatre. I have no reason to hate you. Your actions weren't your own and I don't hold anything against you. Please believe me when I say it. Don't think of me that way."
He continued to cut his chicken, mulling over her words in his head. No reason to hate you…I killed them all…not your own actions…everyone's gone…believe me…I'm a murderer…believe me Quatre…believe me Quatre…Quatre…
"Quatre!"
His eyes flew up to Relena's as she shouted, fear inching through every bone in his body.
"Quatre, you're cutting the plate…your chicken is demolished."
"Oh…" He looked down at his plate, noticing what he had been doing the whole time they had sat there. His chicken looked as if it had been run through a chipper. His knife and fork sat on bare china. "I didn't realize."
Relena smiled. "It's quite alright Quatre. I don't blame you for not eating it; my cooking leaves much to be desired." She chuckled slightly, lightening the mood.
He smiled faintly and put a small piece in his mouth, trying his hardest to swallow it without water. "It's a little dry."
Relena choked on her water and started laughing. "I agree Quatre. Tomorrow we'll have to see about you cooking." She stood and patted him on the shoulder. "Sleep well tonight Quatre. You're going to have a big day tomorrow." With that said she quickly washed her dishes and left to her bedroom, leaving Quatre alone sitting at the table.
Quatre just sat there, blankly staring at his plate. His mind raced, not quite knowing what to think. He could feel a slight happiness stirring deep inside but the sadness ebbed and threatened to swallow it whole. He slowly stood and took his dishes to the sink, washing them and stalking off to his room. He slumped over onto the bed, willing himself to sleep.
