Right ok. Here we go with the brilliant amazing BRAND-SPANKING NEW. . . . .
.
(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)
%$%Harry Potter and the Warlock's Wafer%$%
YAY!
Chapter 1- The (weird) Boy Who Lived
Mr and Mrs Duhsley, of number 40, Private Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved with anything strange and mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.
[[ok hold on. We all know this don't we? I mean come one, it's the first paragraph of the damn book! So moving swiftly onwards. . . ]]
(Fast Forward to the present day, and absorb the following information: There's this guy we met who looks like a really really really really old hippie, a woman who can turn herself into a cat, and a huge man with a bit of a rebellious side. They dumped some poor defenceless baby on a DOORSTEP for Christ's sake I mean, how dangerous is that? Any drunk could just pick him up and whisk him away! Honestly Dumbledore tsk tsk tsk. ANYWAY, he had a scar on his forehead yadda yadda yadda. And here we are on his fat cousin's birthday.)
Aunt Petunia: OI! Get up!
Harry [[ jolting awake after having a very queer nightmare about a freaky man who taught potions at some weirdo school.]] Yes Aunt Petunia.
A.P: And I mean NOW!
H: yes Aunt Petunia.
A.P. don't you get smart with me!
H: No Aunt Petunia
[[ this goes on for some time until. . . ]]
Dudley: PRESENTS!
A.P.[[ under her breath]] God almighty. . .
D: Now Now NOW!
A.P. Of course Dudders! Come and have some brekkie and then we'll open all your prezies! [[ to Harry in a much meaner tone]] MOVE IT!
H [[thinking to himself]] is Dudley a six year old? Why is it: 'Brekkie' and 'Dudders' and 'prezzies'? sigh. . .
Harry got outta his teeny tiny cupboard and ran to the kitchen. [[ which was about 2 feet away. Because of this, he realised too late that he was going to collide with a brick wall, as he was moving too fast, and he fell flat on his face.]]
D: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!
[[Dudley begins to wheeze]]
A.P. oh no! my little Dudders needs his inhaler doesn't he? [[ to harry with that evil tone of voice]] You see what you've done to him? How dare you make a fool of yourself on purpose to make Dudley laugh?
H: but I. . .
AP SAVE IT! Just for that rude answering back. . . make the breakfast!
H: Aunt Petunia I swear I never. . .
A.P. NO! You will not swear either! Have you no respect?
H: look Aunt Petunia I was just trying to. . .
A.P Don't you get smart on me boy! Now COOK!
H: yes Aunt Petunia.
D [[recovering from his momentary asthma and in a mocking tone]] 'Yes Aunt Petunia' 'no Aunt Petunia'
H [[to himself]] well at least I'm not showing off my fat arse!
A.P. [[snapping her head around from the table]] What was that?
H: What?
A.P. you said something.
H [[now very freaked out]] no I didn't
A.P. I'm warning you. . .
Uncle Vernon [[ walking in]] Morning all! Oh and . . . [[ he notices Harry]] you.
H: Morning Uncle Vernon.
U.V. hmm yes. ANYWAY! How are you Dudley my little Brussel sprout?
[[Everyone stares at him as the bacon Harry is 'cooking' burns.]]
U.V. [[acting like nothing has happened]] SO! What's the weather like today and do I smell burning?
[[Aunt Petunia's neck does another abnormal snapping motion as she turns and glares at Harry who is lost in the weirdness of Dudley's nose]]
A.P HARRY!
H. [[coming back to earth]] yes?
AP the bacon?
H what? Oh my god the bacon! Yes. Ok. Fine. Got it!
A.P this will be a loooong day.
D: PRESENTS! NOW!
A.P. yes! Ok!
[[she runs out of the room and comes back in five seconds later with pony and about 70 other presents.]]
H [[thinking]] how the hell did she keep THAT a secret?
A.P. And we're going to the zoo!
H. Oh goody.
A.P. shut up!
D: the zoo! oh yay yay!
[[ So. . . off they go to the zoo!]]
[[ at the zoo they are all hanging out by a cage with a ring-tailed Lemur in it. It is asleep]]
D. make it do something Daddy.
[[Uncle Vernon knocks on the glass]]
H: it says 'do not knock on the glass'
U.V: Fair enough.
[[Uncle Vernon slams his fist into the glass. A large crack appears in the glass. The Ring Tailed Lemur continues to snooze]]
U.V: Ah well
[[they all run off except Harry]]
[[Suddenly as if by *WOW* magic, the creature wakes up and stares at Harry]]
H: hi there.
Ring Tailed Lemur:[[does nothing]]
H: my name's Harry. What's yours?
R.T.L. [[stares]]
H: I wish I was a real boy.
R.T.L. [[Growls]]
H: I promise I will never tell another lie again.
R.T.L [[ pounces at Harry, but there is glass in the way. The Ring Tailed Lemur picks up a stick from it's little glass box and starts to pound on the glass and eventually smashes it.]]
[[everyone screams as Harry decides to show off his football skills and dives to the side as the R.T.L. hurls itself in his direction.]]
[[ eventually they are all back in the car.]]
A motorbike whizzes past.
U.V.: Damn Motorbikes. . .
H: I had a dream about a potions master. He was flying.
[[Everyone stares and Uncle Vernon turned round]]
U.V. potion Masters DON'T FLY!
[[the car swerved off the road into a ditch as Uncle Vernon continued yelling at Harry about why potion master's don't fly.]]
[[fun]]
[[ok guys feedback please]]
[[or I'll die]]
(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)
%$%Harry Potter and the Warlock's Wafer%$%
YAY!
Chapter 1- The (weird) Boy Who Lived
Mr and Mrs Duhsley, of number 40, Private Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved with anything strange and mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.
[[ok hold on. We all know this don't we? I mean come one, it's the first paragraph of the damn book! So moving swiftly onwards. . . ]]
(Fast Forward to the present day, and absorb the following information: There's this guy we met who looks like a really really really really old hippie, a woman who can turn herself into a cat, and a huge man with a bit of a rebellious side. They dumped some poor defenceless baby on a DOORSTEP for Christ's sake I mean, how dangerous is that? Any drunk could just pick him up and whisk him away! Honestly Dumbledore tsk tsk tsk. ANYWAY, he had a scar on his forehead yadda yadda yadda. And here we are on his fat cousin's birthday.)
Aunt Petunia: OI! Get up!
Harry [[ jolting awake after having a very queer nightmare about a freaky man who taught potions at some weirdo school.]] Yes Aunt Petunia.
A.P: And I mean NOW!
H: yes Aunt Petunia.
A.P. don't you get smart with me!
H: No Aunt Petunia
[[ this goes on for some time until. . . ]]
Dudley: PRESENTS!
A.P.[[ under her breath]] God almighty. . .
D: Now Now NOW!
A.P. Of course Dudders! Come and have some brekkie and then we'll open all your prezies! [[ to Harry in a much meaner tone]] MOVE IT!
H [[thinking to himself]] is Dudley a six year old? Why is it: 'Brekkie' and 'Dudders' and 'prezzies'? sigh. . .
Harry got outta his teeny tiny cupboard and ran to the kitchen. [[ which was about 2 feet away. Because of this, he realised too late that he was going to collide with a brick wall, as he was moving too fast, and he fell flat on his face.]]
D: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!
[[Dudley begins to wheeze]]
A.P. oh no! my little Dudders needs his inhaler doesn't he? [[ to harry with that evil tone of voice]] You see what you've done to him? How dare you make a fool of yourself on purpose to make Dudley laugh?
H: but I. . .
AP SAVE IT! Just for that rude answering back. . . make the breakfast!
H: Aunt Petunia I swear I never. . .
A.P. NO! You will not swear either! Have you no respect?
H: look Aunt Petunia I was just trying to. . .
A.P Don't you get smart on me boy! Now COOK!
H: yes Aunt Petunia.
D [[recovering from his momentary asthma and in a mocking tone]] 'Yes Aunt Petunia' 'no Aunt Petunia'
H [[to himself]] well at least I'm not showing off my fat arse!
A.P. [[snapping her head around from the table]] What was that?
H: What?
A.P. you said something.
H [[now very freaked out]] no I didn't
A.P. I'm warning you. . .
Uncle Vernon [[ walking in]] Morning all! Oh and . . . [[ he notices Harry]] you.
H: Morning Uncle Vernon.
U.V. hmm yes. ANYWAY! How are you Dudley my little Brussel sprout?
[[Everyone stares at him as the bacon Harry is 'cooking' burns.]]
U.V. [[acting like nothing has happened]] SO! What's the weather like today and do I smell burning?
[[Aunt Petunia's neck does another abnormal snapping motion as she turns and glares at Harry who is lost in the weirdness of Dudley's nose]]
A.P HARRY!
H. [[coming back to earth]] yes?
AP the bacon?
H what? Oh my god the bacon! Yes. Ok. Fine. Got it!
A.P this will be a loooong day.
D: PRESENTS! NOW!
A.P. yes! Ok!
[[she runs out of the room and comes back in five seconds later with pony and about 70 other presents.]]
H [[thinking]] how the hell did she keep THAT a secret?
A.P. And we're going to the zoo!
H. Oh goody.
A.P. shut up!
D: the zoo! oh yay yay!
[[ So. . . off they go to the zoo!]]
[[ at the zoo they are all hanging out by a cage with a ring-tailed Lemur in it. It is asleep]]
D. make it do something Daddy.
[[Uncle Vernon knocks on the glass]]
H: it says 'do not knock on the glass'
U.V: Fair enough.
[[Uncle Vernon slams his fist into the glass. A large crack appears in the glass. The Ring Tailed Lemur continues to snooze]]
U.V: Ah well
[[they all run off except Harry]]
[[Suddenly as if by *WOW* magic, the creature wakes up and stares at Harry]]
H: hi there.
Ring Tailed Lemur:[[does nothing]]
H: my name's Harry. What's yours?
R.T.L. [[stares]]
H: I wish I was a real boy.
R.T.L. [[Growls]]
H: I promise I will never tell another lie again.
R.T.L [[ pounces at Harry, but there is glass in the way. The Ring Tailed Lemur picks up a stick from it's little glass box and starts to pound on the glass and eventually smashes it.]]
[[everyone screams as Harry decides to show off his football skills and dives to the side as the R.T.L. hurls itself in his direction.]]
[[ eventually they are all back in the car.]]
A motorbike whizzes past.
U.V.: Damn Motorbikes. . .
H: I had a dream about a potions master. He was flying.
[[Everyone stares and Uncle Vernon turned round]]
U.V. potion Masters DON'T FLY!
[[the car swerved off the road into a ditch as Uncle Vernon continued yelling at Harry about why potion master's don't fly.]]
[[fun]]
[[ok guys feedback please]]
[[or I'll die]]
