The Sexist and the Sexiest

This story is a spin off from the real Evengelion series. Idea taken from the spin off

sequence in episode 26, with some noticeable adjustment. Major adjustment, they are 16-

17 year olds, not 14. Sorry my heart can't stand such YOUNG contents in this sort of manner.

A light comedy with adult themes.

Chapter One

Scene taken from episode 26 in the series.

Asuka (shouting in a cheerful tone): KNOCK! KNOCK! (Enters room) Wakie, wakie

sleepy head, it's time to get up! (Poking at the blob in the middle of the bed) I said get

up! Didn't you hear me? (Taking a deep breath) get…UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shinji jerks up from under the covers, face in alarm, he looks around for the cause of the

commotion. As his sleepy eyes settle on Asuka, he sighs in desperation.

Shinji (settling himself back in): go away Asuka, I was up all night yesterday, I need

sleep.

Asuka (pulling him by the shirt): and what were you doing all night? Playing the

internet? Looking at porn I bet! Why you dirty bas…

Shinji (rubbing his eyes): what your tongue Asuka, my mothers outside.

Asuka (biting back her words): forgot (pulling the covers off) but I said get up.

As the covers slid to the ground the bulge Shinji's being trying to hide from Asuka's

naive eyes sat profoundly up straight. Withstanding the scrutiny of Asuka's eyes within a

head that would have released hot steam if her mouth was not open.

SMACK!

Asuka (pointing at his bulge): that's for being sexist! I told you to get up, not that

disgusting thing! (Turning away, in a 'self-righteous' tone) the pain of being beautiful, oh

how can this world survive without my fair complexion to grace it?!

Shinji (rubbing his cheek): that was a bit over the top! Its morning, it's always like that in

the morning, it means I have to go to the toilet, not because of your ug… (Seeing her give

him the evil look) fair complexion. (Getting up) I wouldn't dream of doing such a

disgraceful thing due to you're… (Turns to give her a cheeky look) fair complexion.

Watching as the door closes, Asuka moves towards the wardrobe, taking out Shinji's

uniform she carefully lays it out on the bed. All the while swearing at the lesser sex,

whose dirty minds plagued both the natural world and the cyber world.

Asuka (frowns in disgust): MEN!

Meanwhile, Shinji stares at himself in the mirror.

Shinji (thinking): 'Asuka may be a loud mouth, and act like she knows everything. But

she really is just a kid after all. I mean she barely knows anything about sex. She just

talks like she does. Not that I could say anything about that, I mean Touji already lost his

virginity and Kenske said he lost his but I'm not sure. Man! when am I going to lose

mine? I mean there are a lot of girls in class but I just don't feel like…like…I just don't

want them that much. If only I could meet a girl who has…"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Asuka (from other side of door): you masturbating in there aren't you?

Shinji (going red, stuttering): I am not! How would you know anyway?

Asuka (smiles): Misato says that boys at your age all masturbate in the morning. So are

you?

Shinji (gasp in shock): is that what you learn in Sex Ed?...and it's none of your business. I

am not masturbating.

Asuka (laughs bitingly): then you're properly daydreaming about your dream girl again.

Shinji (thinking): "how does she know all this?"

Shinji (shouts back): leave me alone, I'm pissing now…ah…oh yeah, that feels sooooooo

good!

Asuka (groans in disgust): oh shut up! (Turning away) Aggg MEN!

Asuka stomps off out of the room with the sound of Shinji's laughter ringing in her ear.

Reaching the kitchen, she spots Yui Ikari doing the dishes as Gendo Ikari reads the

newspaper.

Asuka (puffing with rage): why do you let them get away with it? (As the adults turn to

look at her) did you miss out of feminism? We woman are not their slaves no more, they

have to do the same amount of house work like us. (Glaring at Gendo) but your letting

both father and son get away with murder!

Yui (smiles, Gendo goes back to reading): ah but you see I like taking care of them. It's

what a wife does. You'll feel that way too once you have a family.

Asuka (screams in frustration): you're babying them!

Shinji (walking out of his room fully dressed): who invited you over anyway?

Asuka (turns to glare at him): if I didn't come over every morning you'll never get to

school.

Shinji (preparing to sit down): all you do is scream anyway.

CRASH!

Shinji grunts in pain as he slowly levels himself up right, Asuka smiles as she pushes the

chair back into place and sits down.

Shinji (squinting at her): is it me or did you just grow another pimple?

Asuka (covers face with hands): PIMPLE? I've got a pimple? AHHHHHHHHHH

Shinji smiles satisfactory as Asuka rushes back into the room.

Yui (frowns): now Shinji, that was mean, you know Asuka only means well.

Shinji (nods): I know mother, but if I didn't say that she would never leave the room so I

can have some breakfast.

Gendo (without looking up): you do know son that now that you've declared war you

will have to run before she comes back.

Shinji (smiles, pointing to food): hence the energy intake. She'll be in there for at least 5

minutes to make sure there's no blemish anywhere. Giving me enough time to gobble this

down and rush off before she can come for me.

Gendo (nods): excellent plan. You should execute it immediately.

Yui (shouts): Gendo Ikari! How can you teach our son such awful tricks?

Gendo (looks up innocently): but I didn't teach him anything now did I?

Yui (pointing at him with her wooden spoon): but you're cheering him on, that's just as

bad!

Gendo and Shinji give each other a knowing look. Yui stomps her foot in frustration.

Yui: you're doing it again.

Shinji (picking up his school bag): well I better get going before Miss Asuka Langley

Soryu comes back out.

Gendo (nods in farewell): good luck son.

Yui (places hands on hips): Gendo Ikari I…oww (Gendo pulls her into his lap) if you

think… (Gendo kisses her quite) well…we can start thinking later.

As the two adults entwine each other in a passionate embrace, Shinji shakes his head and

turns to head towards the door.

SMACK!

Both Gendo and Yui stop as the heard the sound, following by the banging of the front

door.

Shinji (voice from near door): MISSION FAIL!

Shinji running up to Asuka, who had stalked off after slapping him for his 'harmless'

joke.

Shinji (running to keep up with her): come on Asuka, we do that everyday, it's not

exactly my fault you fall for it everyday!

Asuka (looking back without running): are you saying I'm stupid?

Shinji (stutters): um…I…I…no of course not…I just mean that…it's a lame joke that's

all, so you really only fall for it to please me. Right?

Asuka (laughs satisfactory): you've got it, so now you're forgiven!

Shinji (frowns): if I'm forgiven then why are we still running?

Asuka (sighs): because stupid, we're going to be late for class if we don't run. Now hurry

up, I'm not getting detention again for being late!

The two increases speed as they run downhill towards their school. Puffing and sweating

from the exercise Shinji's concentration starts to wonder, finding its way over to Asuka's

behind.

Shinji (breathing heavily): Asuka? (Asuka turns to acknowledge his presence without

losing pace) there's going to be a new girl in today isn't there?

Asuka (breathing easily): yeah, she's transferring from Tokyo-2, I heard her fathers some

kind of government official.

Shinji (thinking): "that means her father must be very strict…or it could mean she has a

lot of freedom"

Shinji: do you know anything else about her?

Asuka (jogging along): well, her mothers dead and she use to live in a large mansion at

Tokyo-2 but for some unknown reasons she was here to Tokyo-3 by herself. (Flicks her

hair) she properly got kick out of school there so got banish here.

Shinji (sighs): that's not very nice Asuka.

Asuka (turns to give him the evil eye): what's it to you? Why do you want to know so

much about her anyway?

Shinji (smiles sheepishly): well I actually just wanted to know what she looked like.

Asuka (turns back with a grunt): MEN!

Shinji (smiles dreamily): I hope she's got a cute ass like yours, Misato's legs and my

mother's personality.

Asuka (gasps): have you being staring at my ass? Why you…

Shinji (smiles): without evil intention an dirty thoughts of course

Asuka: ha! That'll be the day!

Shinji (still smiling): and I hope she has nice rounded boobs with a tiny waist and fleshy

bust and a to die for hair colour.

Asuka (shouts): what are you? Stupid? That kind of bimbo doesn't exist.

Shinji (eyes gleaming with desire): a man can dream can't he?

Asuka (looks heavenward): give me a break!

BANG! OWW!

Hearing the commotion Asuka stops to look back, Shinji was sitting on the floor leaning

forwards staring open mouth and bulging eyes at the person opposite. The person was a

young girl with the most usual hair colour she had ever seen, light BLUE hair! With clear

white skin and a heart shape face.

The girl was currently nurturing her injured head, unlike Shinji, who was too busy ogling

the girl to notice his injuries.

Having recovered her senses, the girl slowly looks up to see Shinji staring, not at her but

between her legs where her short flowing skirt had ridden up to reveal the soft flesh

inside her thighs and a glimpse of her power pink panties.

SMACK!

Girl (pushing her skirt back down, in a detach voice): you are a pervert.

Getting up the girl runs off without looking back.

Asuka (thinking): how can she sound so untouched even while she's showing her anger

like that?

Asuka breaks out of her shock stance to look at the running girl, and then back at Shinji.

Who was still staring at the residing backside of the blue haired girl. His manhood

bulging more then it ever had in his young life.

SMACK!

Asuka (stalks off): you idiotic pervert! (Looking back at him) well come on! We can't

stay her all day! (Watching as Shinji slowly get to his feet) MEN!

Shinji runs towards the school, afraid to think too much or to far so he could keep the

image of the blue haired babe with the power pink panties within recalling distance.

Entering the classroom the two breaths more easily. Their teacher was later then they are.

Touji (looking at Shinji, laughing): hey Shinji, what happened to your face? Had a rough

night did you?

The whole class broke out laughing as the two goes red.

Asuka (banging her bag onto the table): you three stoggers are the worst!

Shinji (sitting down at the sit behind Touji): if you mean why it is red then it's because

Asuka slapped me again today 3 times.

Kenske (laughing): one more and she would have broken her own record.

Shinji (eyes bright): I did get slapped four times, but the fourth one came from an angel.

Kenske & Touji (interested): an angel?

Shinji (nods excitedly): she had blue hair…

Kenske & Touji: blue hair?

Shinji: …milky white skin…

Kenske & Touji: milky skin?

Touji (holds up a hand): wait a minute! Pure milk or soy milk?

Shinji (smiles in remembrances): pure milk!

Kenske (gasp): that white?

Shinji (nods): yeah! and strong rounded boobs…

Kenske (gasping): she had bonkers?

Touji (frowns): large or small?

Shinji: average size but leaning more on the large.

Kenske & Touji (dreamily): Wow!

Shinji: a thin waist, a 'grabbing' bust, heart shape face, small straight nose, small kissable

lips, long eyelashes and… power…pink…panties.

Silence.

Touji (bursting): ah…why do you get all the luck? Why can't I meet a major babe and get

to see her flash her panties.

Shinji (looks down): but she didn't flash her panties really, I…we bumped into each other

and it just…happened.

Kenske (frowns): what happened after that?

Shinji (sighs): she slapped me and called me a pervert then ran off.

Touji (pushing Kenske out of the way): you mean you didn't get her number? Her name?

God sakes man! What's wrong with you?

SCREECH!

Kenske (pushing his glasses back up his nose): Misato's here!

Touji (cheers): yeah, babe alerts!

Chairs and tables screeches as the male population of the class pushed their way over to

lean out the window.

Hikari (claps her hands for attention): hey you guys, don't lean out the window it's

unsafe!

Asuka & Hikari & other Females: Idiotic Jerks!

After spin parking her car in Port Four of the car park, Misato rechecks herself in the

mirror, even if the young boys are just that, young, but it was good for her ego to be

viewed as a sex god.

Misato (smiling, holding the peace sigh): hey guys!

Cheers of 'hi Misato' reverted from the crowded windows.

Voice: good morning Miss Katsuragi.

Misato (turns around in shock): principle Lorenz…I…I…I didn't see you there.

Keel Lorenz (nods): I could tell, or I would have not had the pleasure to witness your

most…intriguing entry to the school.

Misato (stutters): I…I…

Keel Lorenz (sighs): but I have not come her to talk to you about this. Have you received

my message today concerning the new arrival?

Misato (nods): yes sir, I have.

Keel Lorenz (turns into the building): good she is waiting, and so is…

He's words were cut off as he felt the wetness of someone's drew dropping on to him.

Seeing his shoulder stiffen, Misato quickly looks up and motions for the boys to retrieve

back into the classroom.

Keel Lorenz (turning to face her): I hope you will be able to handle this class with the

new addition.

Misato (smiling sweetly): you do not have to worry principle Lorenz; I am a professional

you know.

Keel Lorenz (nods): as so your father, I had high hope for Dr. Katsuragi's offspring but

now…I am still in judgment.

Watching him walk off Misato wipes her brows.

Misato (thinking): he has to remind me everyday why I am here! Have a heart!

Entering the building she makes her way to her office to greet the new comers. Nearing

her office she discovers a pair of youngsters sitting outside her office.

Both of age 16 or 17, the boy with a slight build and ash blond hair, the girl had oddly

loving blue hair and really white skin, her curves were unnatural to the teenagers of

today, instead of the slim built she contain womanly curves not proper for one so young.

From the stance of the two she could tell that the boy was trying to 'lazily' chat the girl

up, but to no avail.

Misato (cheery): hey you two, what can I do for you?

Girl (turns to look at her, in a detach tone): I am Rei Ayanami; I have come here to…

Boy (cuts in): Rei Ayanami ha? Such an enchanting name (leaning closer) for a

very…enchanting girl.

Rei (looking at him impassively): you are standing within my breathing distance.

Boy (smiles brightly): and how does the smell of me make you feel?

Rei (unemotional): to answer the question will involve a profound emotion that I do not

feel.

Boy (holds hand over heart): ah…I'm hurt.

Misato (laughs): so what's your name Don Juan?

Boy (eyes gleaming at her): for you, Casanova mademoiselle.

Misato (picks his cheek): ah…a love boy, so cute! I still need your real name though

lover.

Boy (smiles): Kaworu Nagisa, and you are?

Misato (holds out her hand): Misato Katsuragi, your teacher.

Kaworu (kisses her hand): such a lovely name for a lovely lady.

Misato (laughs): recycled lines are not in my favor. (Turning to Rei) and Rei Ayanami,

how nice to meet you, the school has been looking forward to your arrival.

Rei (nods in agreement): it is a necessity for my education.

Misato (after a moment of silence): are you always like this?

Rei (straight face): I do not understand your reason of consideration.

Kaworu (smiles at Rei): she means are you always so 'unaffected' by your surroundings?

And yes she is, I've been talking to her for the past 15 minutes and she has not changed

her tone one ounce.

Misato (slaps her on the back): well the class will soon change that. It's simply the worst

of them all. One step up from childhood and one step into adult puberty. (Watch beeps)

oh no! Come on, we have to get to class, or they'll be leaving any moment now. (Turns

back to look at them) you two are both in my homeroom.

Hearing that the two follows her down the hallway to class 2-A. Misato walks in and the

other two follow behind. Standing in front of the class Misato brings up her hands to

whistle, the students quickly sits down to wait for her announcement.

Misato (in and loud voice): good morning class (before they can reply) forget about

saying it back (bringing up her fist) we have two new addition today so you better be nice

to them! (Smiling again) a blue hair babe (the boys lean forward on their seat to get a

better look at the new babe) and an ash blond Casanova. Rei Ayanami and Kaworu

Nagisa.

The two step forward and blows in greeting.

CRASH!

Shinji (face draining of color): OH MY GOD!

Rei (turns to face him): you are the pervert I had the unfortunate experience of meeting

this morning.

Shinji (pulls his neck in like a turtle): well I…I…I…

Asuka (angrily stands up): well if you didn't go flashing your (mimics Shinji) 'power

pink panties' then he wouldn't go staring now would he?! (Shinji desperately tries to find

a hole to hide in.) So don't you go calling him a pervert to you 'bimbo'!

Touji (pokes Shinji): is she the babe you were talking about? (Shinji nods) oh wow! She

is a babe almost like a younger version of Misato!

Misato (raises eyebrows): are you indicating that I'm old Mr. Suzuhara?

Touji (shakes head violently): no of course not, Misato I just mean that…that…that she's

young-er…meaning your young too, she's just young-er.

Misato (waves him down): don't worry, I believe you.

Rei (looking at Asuka): I do not understand your course for name calling. I simply brand

him by his action; do you view him in love concept to defend him in such manner?

The class fell into silence as they ponder on the meaning of her words. Then…laughter

broke out as Shinji mergers with his desktop and Asuka's face grows dark red.

Hikari (shouting): be quiet everyone!

Kaworu (smiling sweetly at her): morning gorgeous, (leans in towards her) I love a

woman in command.

Hikari (blushes): I…I…I…

Touji (holding up his fist): you get away from her you…you…you jackass!

Kaworu (looks at him smilingly): uh…touché…do not worry, I don't take what has

belong!

Hikari and Touji blushes as his meaning becomes clear.

Misato (sitting back enjoying her front view seat): oh, it seems everyone is partnered off

today.

Kensuke (pointing to a silent Rei): is she the new student Misato?

Misato (pointing to Kaworu): he's our new student!

Class: what?

Kensuke (stutters): but…but…

Asuka (shouts): he's a guy?!

Kaworu (perches himself on her desk): without a doubt, oh exquisite princess.

SMACK!

Asuka (holding up her fist): you stay off my desk!

Shinji (pointing to Rei): then who is she?

Misato (smiles): ah…the turtle finally emerges.

Everyone in the class including Kaworu remains quiet as they wait for her answer.

Rei (quietly): I am to be your new student teacher.