The Sexist & the Sexiest

Disclaimer: I never thought I had to write one of these. You know the drill, I don' own

anything except the plot of course, minus the first chapter, but I did change it a lot so is it

mine your still their idea? Huh…something to ponder on.

I'm sorry if I offended you 'men's' out there with my depiction of the male species in

this fanfic, I a sure you they're not all like that even if they are they have a more tender

side too. Anyway, were talking puberty here so of course that's all that's on their mind,

and I was also just using that idea from episode 26.

for some odd reason, my story was deleated without my consent! why does this happen?

Chapter Two

A moment or two of total silence greeted her statement. Even Kaworu and Asuka stood in

shock.

Misato (scotching her head): didn't I tell you guys that you had a new student teacher?

(Watching the gaping mouths of her students) huh! It must have slipped my mind.

Asuka (angrily): slipped your mind? How can something like that slip your mind?

(Shouting) your pulling our legs aren't you? (Pointing to Rei) that walking doll can't be a

student teacher, she's barely older then us.

Rei (looking straight at her): my age is of no difference to yours. And I am not a doll.

Dolls do not have the ability to speak.

Asuka (hisses): well that makes it all the better does it? Well let me tell you something!

There is no way I'm going to let some porcelain doll teach me anything!

Rei (expressionless): you are welcome to leave the class and transfer to a situation more

to your liking. I have no intention of withdrawing position within this class.

Touji (cheers): wow hu! One for the new student teacher! (Walking up to Rei, holding

out his hand) hey there Rei, I'm Touji Suzuhara, babe magnet but (winks) still single.

Asuka (mutters): whose brain consists only of his balls!

Touji (turns to glare at her): shut your face you loud mouth snob!

Asuka (gasp in shock): how dare you! You undersized boy!

As the bickering pair trade insults like a match of tennis the rest of the class started to

drift towards Rei. Asking her all sorts of questions.

Rei (silently): I have gained a Doctorate in education the previous year. And must now

complete three years of work experience.

Misato (laughs): you see?! Now you have someone who actually has qualifications to

teach you! (Smiling at Rei) I heard that you're the dubbed 'Wonder Girl' of the new age.

(Smiles sheepishly) tell me truly…how are you at sex Ed?

Stunned silence. Rei blinks.

Misato (laughs self-consciously): well you see I was banned from teaching the boys

about sex Ed so…now that you're here you can teach them.

Misato (thinking): since most of there parents wrote letters of complaints about me

flirting with them during sex Ed.

SCREECH! BANG! OWW!

Shinji (half lying on the floor): she…she…she what?

Misato (covers her mouth laughing): she's going to teach you about some sex (raise

eyebrows) what's the matter? (Winks at him) Can't stand the heat?

Shinji (stutters, going red as he feels Rei's eyes on him): I…I…I…

Misato (laughing to Rei): I think I embarrassed him.

Rei (looking pointedly at Asuka and Touji who had not once stop arguing throughout the

whole exchange): Miss Katsuragi, why is nothing being done to stop the argument?

Misato (looks over at them waves her hand in dismissal): them? I routing for Asuka, who

are you routing for? (Seeing Rei's straight look) Forget about them, they always do that,

you can't do anything anyway.

Rei (looking around at her class): it is lesson time, you must all return to your allocated

seats to begin lesson. (Turns to Kaworu) you may for the time being chose a seat of your

liking.

Kaworu (edges closer to Rei): how about next to you angel?

Rei stares at him unblinking, Kaworu shrugs and turns to put his arm around a girl

standing next to him.

Misato (claps her hands): well now people, chop! Chop! We don't want to make your

new teacher's first day unpleasant now do we?

The students smiled as the talked among themselves again. Kensuke standing next to Rei,

trying to get her attention, along with the rest of the male population, except for Touji

who still going with Asuka, Shinji who had crawled back to his seat to hide and Kaworu

who was surrounded by the rest of the female population.

Misato (sighs, thinking): hormones! When will they ever learn?

Rei (quietly): I do not think our words have much bearing on the students.

Misato (taking a deep breath, shouts): DETENTION!!!!!!!!!

Clatters of loud noise were heard as the whole class dash to their seats. Leaving an

expressionless Rei and a mildly surprise Kaworu standing on one sides of a smiling

Misato.

Misato (smiles proudly): well, on with the lesson.

Rei (to Kaworu): you may now take your seat.

Time passes, Rei proceeded to teach mathematics.

BING! BING! BING! (Lunch bell)

Misato jerks up from her chair, yawning unladylike she stretches to her full height.

Rei (stops writing on the board): class dismiss.

Turning back she starts to wipe the board clean. Misato walks over to her.

Misato: you know Rei you don't have to do that just make one of the students do it.

(Turning around she spots Shinji, smiling mock sweetly) hey Shinji, can you come over

here and help Rei clean the board. (Whispers to Rei) I'll be waiting for news in the staff

room.

As the sound of her laughter echoes away, Shinji uncomfortably settles himself next to

Rei, helping her wipe the board.

Shinji (thinking): oh my god! What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

Shinji nervously wipes the board, darting stolen glances at Rei ever so often while his

conscious battles with itself. Two miniature Shinji appears on a cloud each beside his

head.

Good Shinji (in a praying position): clean the boards of course, don't give her more

reason to hate you.

Bad Shinji (hands on hips): don't be such a coward, she is only a girl after all, ask her

out!

Good Shinji (holding up a scroll with a picture of girl): no! Don't you remember the

requirements for your dream girl? She fits the bill!

Bad Shinji (hits Good Shinji over the head with a baseball bat): well then don't you

remember what your dream girl is for? She's for you to shag! Ask her out!

Good Shinji (takes a vacuum out to suck in Bad Shinji's cloud): a barbarian never got the

girl, you must act gentlemanly! Just clean the board! Show her you're helpful and

harmless!

Bad Shinji (hanging on to Good Shinji's cloud): well at least look down her shirt to keep

me comfortable!

An arrow from out of no where shoots down Good Shinji's angelic ring upon his head.

Good Shinji (smiling perverted): now that I agree, it's not at all that bad. Do it!

Bad Shinji (nods greedily): Do it!

Shinji (muttering angrily): SHUT UP!

Rei (looks towards him, in her expressionless voice): I was not aware I had spoken.

Shinji (going red): I…I…I didn't mean you, I meant my…my…um…do you need any

more help Rei?

Rei (looking straight at him): I no longer need your assistant, Student Ikari, you may now

return to your peers.

With that she turned away and walked out of the class. Shinji stared at her until she

disappeared behind the corridor doors.

Kensuke (coming up behind him): she hot huh?

Shinji (turns around to face Kensuke): yeah, but she's so…out of reach.

Kensuke (nods in agreement): I know what you mean, I talked for her for 5 minutes and

she didn't turn to look at me once, it was like my words went in one ear and out the other.

Shinji (sighs): at least you could talk to her; I just stood there like…a bumbling idiot.

Asuka (from behind): that's because you are you dork! Now give me my lunch!

Kensuke (whispering to Shinji): I think Asuka's jealous of Rei, especially over you.

Shinji (removing two lunchboxes from his bag): what? No way, you know Asuka and I

aren't like that; we're just really close good old friends.

Kensuke (sits down at seat next to Touji): I don't mean in a boy girl situation, until now

Asuka has been the only girl in your life and now you've started to take and interest in

someone else she gets jealous.



Touji (smiling as he stuffs a full donut in his mouth): yeah, you're so dead; you should

leave the Blue Babe to us and take care of your She-Devil.

Shinji (frowns): don't call Asuka that!

Touji (laughs showing his full mouth): hey man, it's not our fault you can't see that

Asuka's a babe too. I mean did you see her in swimming class? Man! Most of us guys

were…

Shinji (angrily): SHUT UP!

Kensuke (pats Touji on the back as he chokes on his lunch): we all know how protective

you are of Asuka, Shinji! So you don't have to worry.

Touji (nods as he takes a swing of his coke): yeah, nothing to worry about, no one would

dare touch her anyway, she's a fire breathing dragon!

Asuka: SHINJI IKARI WHERE IS MY LUNCH?!!!!!!!

The two boys gave Shinji a 'see what I mean' look before they went back to their lunch.

Misato sat alone on a big table full of instant food and 2 cans of beer. The rest of the

tables were full by other staffs, it was not that they did not want to sit with her but it was

kind of hard since there was no room left for anyone else at the table.

Misato (rubbing her hands together): LUNCH! (Eyes going dreaming) my favorite

pastime of the day!

Rei walks in with a small blue container in her hands. Misato motions for her to join her.

Rei slowly makes her way over to the table, getting waylaid by several of the staff who

had wished to meet her.

Rei (settling herself down to the most uncluttered corner of the table): good afternoon

Miss Katsuragi.

Misato (smiles): call me Misato, everyone does.

Rei (looking at her slowly): I am not sure of the advantage in being on a name to name

basis with…everyone.

Misato (thinking): what a strange little girl…yet…she seems so sad.

Misato (laughs): polite to the end aren't you? Well, it makes me feel much younger but

then…you don't need that do you? So what do people usually call you?

Rei (seriously): my Professors called me Ayanami; the other teachers I have come to

meet also call me by that name.

Misato (frowns): what do your parents call you?

Rei (without a batter of an eye lid): I have no parents. I am an orphan.

Misato (shocked): an orphan? I'm…I'm sorry to hear that.

Rei (crocks her head to one side in a gesture of curiosity): why? Why are you sorry to

hear me make such a statement?

Misato (uncomfortable): because it's sad to be all alone in life (sighs) even if my father is

a pain in the neck and a total jerk who couldn't careless about me but I would rather have

him in my life then not have anyone at all. (Sighs, tries desperately to brighten up) forget

about those sad things, what about friends? What do they call you?

Rei (seriously): must all human beings have contacts with others to be considered as

normal?

Misato (frowns in concentration): I understand each word for it self but I don't get what

they mean when group like that.

Rei (expressionless): is it a natural assumption that everyone in this existence must be

surrounded by others to survive?

Misato (sighs in understanding): I see, you mean you have no friends (looking at her

sadly) no one besides yourself.

Rei (looking at her without blinking): I have made you sad. Why is that?

Misato (sighs): is it so hard to understand?

Rei (looks away): I am sorry; I am not usually of this…nature.

Misato (places her hand over Rei's): don't worry about it (feeling Rei flinch from the

contact, she quickly removes her hand) now we better get back to eating we've got a big

job ahead of us. (Gives Rei a dazzling smile) P.E.

BING! BING! BING! (End of Lunch)

{Girls Change Room}

Preparing for their swimming lesson, the girls quickly strip to put on their costume, girls

being girls they started comparing each others bodies to one another.

One by one they started leaving the room until there was only Asuka left. Looking at

herself in the long mirror Asuka wondered…

Rei (entering the room): why are you still here? The rest of the class has left.

Taken by surprise at her entry, Asuka jumped from her voice. Looking through the mirror

straight at Rei's eyes she stood transfix.

Asuka (softly): did you know your eyes are very sad Rei?

Rei (shocked): I…I…

Asuka breaking out of her trans, she quickly turns around, her face filled once more with

rage.

Asuka (angrily): why am I talking to you anyway?

With a huff she walks straight to the door.

Rei (quietly): because I am sad. We are alike.

Asuka's step's slowed at her voice. Giving a back side look she watched as Rei walks

into a cubicle. Turning away she exits the change room.

Hikari (waving to Asuka): hurry Asuka!

Pushing the last encounter aside she makes her way over to Hikari and the others. Sitting

on the side of the pool, they chatted about the up and coming ball.

Not understanding why, her eyes strayed to the door of the changing room at the exact

moment Rei exited. More confusing is the fact that Rei looked straight into her eyes, as

if…as if she understood.

Misato's high voice broke the connection as she shouted at some 'boys' that strayed to

far over to the swimming pool.

Misato: you lowlifes get off that fence or I'll pull you right into the principle's office!

(Without looking, she pointed straight at Touji) Touji Suzahara if you take one more step

in that direction I'll personally castrate you!

Touji (holds back): put Misato I…I'm going to the toilet!

Misato looks back at him, seeing that he was indeed heading towards the toilet in the

opposite direction to the swimming she smiles and holds up her hand in apology.

Misato: in that case please continue. And I promise I won't castrate you.

Shinji (pokes Kensuka): why is Misato so peeved today?

Kensuke (whispers): didn't you hear? Some of the parents wrote letters to the board and

now the school board has put a ban on Misato from wearing anything mildly revealing or

conduct any activities which might have cause for imaginative sensual results or take part

in any activities that can lead to bodily contact.

Shinji (shock): wow…I never knew you could speak so…politely and correct.

Kensuke (smiles): my father is on the school board, he told me about it so many times

that I can't help remembering it word for word.

Kaworu (poking in): is that why Misato is standing on the outskirt of our game?

Shinji (shrugs): guess so.

Kensuke (looking at Kaworu): so new kid, tell us about yourself.

Kaworu (puts arm around Shinji's shoulders): I would rather hear about your little red

head more.

Shinji (shrugs him off): Asuka is not a red head, she's cherry blonde.

Kaworu (holds hand over heart): ah…such a devouring colour, my poor heart has been

taken over oh so completely.

Kensuke (laughs): are you always like this?

Kaworu (smiles): like what?

Shinji (frowns): you should know that Touji doesn't like your kind, you should be careful

around him.

Kaworu (runs hand through hair): like what? I was born a Romeo, dashing, charming…

Touji (coming back from the toilet): and a big mouth that's going to get you a black eye

if you don't shut up with that crap!

Kaworu (takes a step back in mock horror): my, my! What a delightful boy we have here.

Tell me did you ever think that maybe your jealous of my good fortune? My hansoms

face, my…

BANG!

Touji (getting in a ready stance): come on lover boy, get your knuckles up! (Seeing

Kaworu covering his eye) what are you? Not man enough?

Kaworu (taking a step back): a true gentleman uses his mouth not his hands.

Touji (circles Kaworu): who said I was a gentleman? I ain't no gentleman and I'm going

to put my hand in that mouth of yours.

Kaworu (moving away from him): why? Aren't you man enough?

Touji (punches his chest): I'm man for anything you throw at me! (Motions for Kaworu

to come forward) Come on take your best shot?

Kaworu (smiles): would you care to put your money where your mouth is?

Touji (): you want to bet with me? Name your price!

Kaworu (smiles evilly): I heard that's there's a ball on at the end of term, lets just say

that we both turn up with a girl hanging on our arm, if by the end of that ball we could

not get our date to say 'I love you' then you lose.

Shinji (frowns): that's a bit dramatic isn't it? Not to mention it's down right mean!

Kensuke (rubs in chin): what if both of you can't get the girl to say it?

Kaworu (smiles): why worry? Know you're going to lose?

Touji (aggressively): I ain't lost anything in my live! I take you on you jerk!

Kaworu (smiles): you aren't a match for me, tell you what, I take all three of you on at

once.

Kensuke (nods willingly): yeah, we three are one for all and all for one.

Shinji (pulls at him): you make us sound like wuss.

Kensuke (whispers back): do you really think Touji has the nerves to tell Hikari without

our help?

Shinji (sighs): good point!

Kaworu (laughs): I know what your talking about so I made up another little rule

(looking at all three) you are not to protest your love no matter how real or fake it is.

Touji (smiles evilly): why don't we up the stakes more, how about we chose the girl. First

one to make her fall for them wins.

Kaworu (thinks, nods): agreed, but we will choose two girls.

Touji (laughs): you're in for it man! I choose Asuka Langley Soryu.

Shinji & Kensuke (shocked): what?

Touji (smirks): take your best shoot at her!

Kaworu (frowns): you think because she is Shinji's best friend therefore she will help

you?

Touji (laughs): you've agreed to the conditions set; now you must follow it.

Kaworu (nods): ok, I accept, and then I also pick Rei Ayanami our new student teacher

for you three to court.

Kensuke (gasp): you can't choose her! The girls got a problem! She's in human! She has

no emotions what so ever.

Kaworu (smirks): well then we are even are we not? I was informed Asuka Langley

Soryu is a temperamental nutcase who cracks at everyone who mildly takes an interest in

her.

Shinji (seeing red): WHAT? WHO SAID SUCH A THING?

Kaworu (turns to face him): and one more thing, if you decide to inform Asuka of our

little bet I will be force to inform Miss Ayanami of the bet. That way we all lose, but

three against one? I think I will still come out the victor. (Turns to walk away) good day

gentlemen's.

Shinji (hits Touji): are you mad? Why did you make such a…a…an outrageous bet with

him?

Kensuke (nods): before when I heard you say Asuka I still had a hope we might win but

now that he included Rei into the bet, I don't know…like I said the girls nuts, did you

hear her in the class?

Touji (shrugs): I fell asleep three minutes in.

Kensuke (throws up hands in disgust): that's exactly what I mean! She didn't change her

tone one bit through out the three hours. I think everyone fell asleep.

Touji (scratches head): I don't think so; Asuka was wide awake when I woke up!

Shinji (frowns): I don't get your point.

Kensuke (sighs): I'm saying the girl is as dense as lead, she wouldn't know what to do or

say in any situation, even if you were to say 'I love you' to her she wouldn't get it to say

it back even if it's false. And I don't think the girl doesn't anything that's dishonest.

Touji (lies down on the court): well we'll just make her fall in love for real. (Slaps Shinji

on the back) that's your job Shinji.

Shinji (stutters): me…me…me? You…you…you just told me to do WHAT?

Touji (sighs): make her fall in love with you, (shuts his eyes) I've been watching you

Shinji; you've been checking her out all morning. You were awake throughout class.

Kensuke (nods): that proves that you love her. No one who doesn't can't possibly stay up

through that lecture.

Shinji (sits down next to him): she just had a nice voice that's all, and Asuka was awake

too.

Touji (laughs): that's different; I think Asuka was awake to keep an eye on you two or

you might sneak off when we're all asleep.

Shinji (crosses his arms): I refuse to do such a disgraceful thing.

Kensuke (smiles): so you admit that you like her right?

Shinji (sighs, nods): ok, I admit it, I like her.

Touji (sits up): then it's settled we will help you court her. There is only three weeks to

the end of term anyway.

Shinji (pushes him away): I didn't say I'll do it.

Kensuke (shakes head sadly): you just don't get it do you?

Shinji (looks at him suspiciously): get what?

Kensuke (looks at him straight in the eye): you liking her is an honorable thing isn't it?

Touji (puts his arm around Shinji's shoulder): then courting her is also an honorable

thing, even if it is for a bet.

Shinji (frowns): I'm not sure that's right.

Kensuke: think about it, would you rather one of us tries it?

With that the two lies back down and close their eyes. Leaving Shinji battling with his

conscience.

Bad Shinji appears with Good Shinji tied up.

Bad Shinji (holding Good Shinji near the edge of the cloud): you do it or I'll throw him

over!

Good Shinji (screeches): please do as he says! I'm too good to die!

Shinji (throws up hands in defeat): ALRIGHT I'LL DO IT!

Misato (turns around): really you will? Good! I knew I could count on you, now all you

have to do is clean up all the equipment and take them to the storeroom. Well I'm off

now.

Good Shinji and Bad Shinji laughs as they give each other an understanding wink. Shinji

angrily wakes Touji and Kensuke up to help.