Chapter 5 – The interesting Sorting device

Previously- Hagrid tapped out an intricate code on the doors and…

And now-

Voice: Psst! Hagrid!

Hagrid: [[looks up]] oh, professor Flitwick!

P. Flit: It's: tap tap thump tap. Tap thump bang. Not tap tap tap tap tap tap thump! Oh shudder….

Hagrid: Right you are professor!

[[He quickly repeats the intricate code and McGonagall opens the door, looking impatient.]]

P. Mc: At last! Honestly Hagrid! Can't you even remember a simple series of knocks?

Random Passing Fairy: *I* thought it was rather intricate.

P. Mc: Quiet you! Now! First years! Inside!

[[All the first years walked in and went: "Woooo!" "Ahhh!"]]

[[She took them into a little room, and Malfoy was unfortunately standing very close behind Harry, and kept touching his arse]]

P. Mc: Welcome to Hogwarts! The feasty thing will start momentarily. But first you will be sorted. This is where I say a big speech about your houses. By the by, they are called: Slimey, Gargoyle, Hobknob, and Ravenous. Right, I'll come and get you momentarily. [[Muttering to herself as she left the room]] I like saying momentarily. Momentarily momentarily! Weee!

[[Suddenly there is a sound of helicopters.]]

Ron: I'm going to wet myself.

Harry: Ew…

[[Hundreds upon thousands of ghosts entered the tiny room in a helicopter. No one quite understood how the helicopter got in with out them noticing or how it was able to fit in the tiny room, but of course, Hermione stepped in and told them all "it's probably just magic" "ahh…" came the reply of one hundred and eight reassured students.]]

Harry: How are we sorted?

Ron: If I ever come out of this state of nervous collapse, I'll let you know.

Harry: Good good.

Nearly Legless Lucas: Be in Slimey! It rocks my socks!

The Slender Monk: Lucas, maybe you should stop with the boozing, you're in Gargoyle remember?

N. L. L.: I know that. Gargoyle rocks my socks! And it's manly!

T. S. M.: I'm the Hobknob ghost. We get all kinds of delicious biscuit treats!

The Slimey Duke: Slimey's the best house in the village, the brightest bulb in the box, the sharpest tool in the shed, the-

N. L. L.: oh shut up!

P. Mc: [[Appearing from no where]] Come on first years! We're going to be sorted now! How fun!

N. L. L.: bye bye little trees!

Harry: Bye!

[[They entered the Great Hall]]

[[There are many more "Oooh!"'s and "Ahh!"'s]]

Harry [[Looking at the incredible enchanted ceiling]] How do they –

Hermione: Magic.

Everyone in the first year: Aaahhh…

P. Mc: Right! Here we go! This is the Sorting Sock. You will place it on your head, and it will sniff you and tell you which house you ought to be in. But first, the Sorting Sock's song is to be sung.

The Sorting Sock:

Oh you may not think I'm fragrant,

But don't judge on what you smell.

I'll rip myself if you can sniff,

Another sock that can yell.

You can keep your trainer socks short,

And your leg warmers nice and long.

But I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Sock,

And boy I have some pong!

There's nothing in your head,

The Sorting Sock can't sniff.

So try me on and I will tell you,

Which house makes the best spliff.

You may belong in Gargoyle,

Where booze is off the chart!

The drinking and the manliness,

Sets Gargoyle apart.

You might belong in Hobknob,

Oh the things those Hobknobs soil!

Those Hobknobs are such biscuit-eaters,

And unafraid of toil.

Or yet in hungry Ravenous,

If you've got no food in time.

Those Ravenous eat barely nothing!

They are so thin and fine!

Or perhaps in Slimey,

You'll have the skill to bend.

Those freaky folk are weird and will,

Meet their freaky end.

So put me on! Give me a sniff!

And don't look act like such a rock!

You're in safe feet (that makes no sense)

For I'm a sniffing Sock!

[[There was a small smatter of applause]]

Ron: [[whispering to Harry]] Did that make *any* sense to you?

Harry: None at all.

P. Mc: Right! The first person to try on the Sorting Sock will be… [[She looks around and picks someone at random]] You!

[[The little kid jumped onto a conveniently placed stage, and put the Sorting Sock on his head.]]

Sorting Sock: Hmm, interesting aroma, smells a bit like caramel, maybe with some biscuit around it, oh yes this has definitely got to be… HOBKNOB!

[[The kid jumped down and went and sat with the Hobknobs. This whole "sorting thing went on for some time, until…]]

P. Mc: Ok, Malfoy! You're up!

[[Malfoy smacked Harry once more as he walked to the stage and put the Sorting Sock on hi greasy, somewhat Snape like hair. Oh wait, we don't know anyone called Snape do we? Ah ha ha ha ha ha… must just be a simple mistake… yes that's it… *shifty glance*]]

Sorting Sock: Ugh! This smells disgusting! Oh it's got to be SLIMEY!

[[Malfoy jumped down from the stage, winked at Harry and went to the Slimey table.]]

P. Mc: Ok, Red head! Weasley boy!

[[Ron turned green and went to the stage]]

Sorting Sock: Another one? Oh god… right Weasley… GARGOYLE!

[[Ron also winked at Harry, but had a different meaning all together.]]

P. Mc: Harry Pooter.

[[There is a long silence]]

P. Mc: Oh sorry, my mistake. Harry Potter.

[[There are lotsa whispers about the hall]]

[[Harry got up and went to the stage, and put the smelly Sorting Sock on his very scruffy head]]

Sorting Sock: Hmm… Well, I can smell slime. You'd obviously be good in Slimey then…

Harry: Please not Hobknob. Please not Hobknob.

Sorting Sock: Not Hobknob eh? Well I guess it better be SLI-

Harry: NO! I meant Slimey. Sorry. Please not Slimey. Please not Slimey. Or Hobknob.

Sorting Sock: Ok then. GARGOYLE!

Harry: WOOO!

[[The feast took place, and everyone… uh… ate… stuff]]

[[Harry looked at a teacher over on the teacher's table and fell off his chair, holding his shoulder in pain.]]

Ron: Harry! What's wrong?

Harry: It's my shoulder, you know, where my scar is.

Ron: [[Gasp]]

Harry: yeah, who's the teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?

Percy: [[Butting in]] That's Professor Snape [[HA! You know him now!]] The potions master.

Harry: I see… Will we have to sing a song?

Fred:[[Gives him a weird look]] As if Harry!

George: How stupid would that be?

[[At the end of the feast, Dumbledore stood up.]]

Dumbledore: Ah music. How I love it. Now, off to bed with you!

Harry: uh…

Ron: Just leave it Harry.

[[Eventually they got to the portrait of the anorexic lady]]

Anorexic Lady: Password?

Percy: Dracut Capconis.

A.L.: Go on then.

[[The portrait swung forward and they all went in, and went to their separate dormitories.]]

Harry: Ron?

Ron: Yeah?

Harry: I lov- [[He fell asleep]]

Ron: Night Harry.