[Brief author's note: As the story moves back within the walls of the County ER for much of its content, and solidly into the timeframe of Season 10, you will note that I have rather selectively chosen what I have opted to keep and ignore from the aired version of the season. You will encounter [mostly briefly] some of the new characters, including Sam, (though she is not, obviously, Luka's squeeze in this version), Coop, Morris and others. OTOH, there is no chopper crash. There is no Kem. Abby is not in med school. Jing Mei doesn't go to China. There was no mass layoff of nurses. Once again, you're bright, you'll figure it out.]

He'd been sitting in the lounge for a long time. He had gotten here early, so he wouldn't have to deal right away with the crush of people coming and going at shift change.

He held his lab coat across his lap, ran his fingers slowly over the name embroidered above the breast pocket. 'L. Kovač , M.D.' How long had it been since he had been that person, since he had been Dr. Kovač? In the Congo he had been, by local convention, 'Dr. Luka.' And then he had been a patient for such a very long time. More than two months of hospitalization, first in Kisangani, then right here at County. Then more long months of recovery at home. Sure, people in Chicago had often called him Dr. Kovač, it was the polite thing to do. But he hadn't felt like a doctor. He hadn't really been a doctor. Doctors helped people, healed them. He had barely been able to help ... heal himself. What would it take before he would begin to feel like a doctor again?

When he had called Susan last night to tell her the good news, she had heard the uncertainty in his voice. "It's like riding a bike, Luka. Once you start doing it, it will be like you never left."

Luka stood up, slowly put the coat on, adjusted the collar. He slipped the crutch over his arm and walked to the mirror. Did he look like a doctor again? The coat certainly looked like a doctor's coat, but the face above it?

The scars had faded a great deal; there was a red line, still easily visible but faint, across his cheekbone. His hair covered the other main facial scar, the one on his forehead, and his clothes, of course, hid the rest. (Several skin grafts had reduced, but not eliminated the scars on his wrists and arms. Allenson had encouraged him to consider plastic surgery for his leg as well, but the extensive surgery necessary to make a real difference would leave him laid up again for weeks, and Luka wouldn't even consider that. Nobody but him would ever see his leg, so it didn't really matter.) His eyes? They looked frightened. Doctors were supposed to be confident. Could he be confident, or at least look it?

He still limped badly, even with the crutch. He probably always would. Despite his words to Weaver the day before, he didn't expect to ever be able to walk without it, not any distance. There had been too much damage to the knee joint, too much muscle lost in those early weeks to gangrene and infection.

The door opened and a bunch of med students came in. Luka didn't recognize them. They smiled at him politely and continued talking to each other. He knew he should speak to them, introduce himself. He was, after all, their attending. But he found himself tongue tied.

The door opened again. Jing Mei. A bright smile. "Hey, Luka! Welcome back! I heard a rumor that I might be working tonight with a tall, dark and mysterious stranger."

Luka smiled back, already more at ease with her easy warmth. "It's good to be back."

"Have you met the children?" Jing Mei nodded towards the med students.

"Not yet."

"Dr. Kovač Lester, Charlotte, Ryan. They're all still pretty green, but we're whipping them into shape. Pratt's on tonight too, and a couple of new R2s I don't think you've met; Coop and Morris." She looked at her watch. "Late as always. Coop's good. You'll need to watch Morris like a hawk."

Luka just nodded, then said softly, "You know I can't do trauma, just general medical for the first few weeks."

"I know. I'm sure there will be plenty to keep you busy." Another smile. "You're going to do great, Luka."

Luka nodded again, took a firmer grip on his crutch and headed out into the chaos of the ER on a Saturday night. A bunch of nurses were there; Chuny, Lily, Yosh, a couple of new ones he didn't know. Hugs, kisses, greetings, which he endured stoically. Randi came rushing over to greet him.

Greetings and hugs from all the people who had not once been by to see him, not once picked up the phone to call him in the past 5 months. But they seemed genuinely happy to see him now. No, Luka reminded himself, this was just as it should be. They weren't his friends. They were people he worked with. There was no reason to think they would have visited him at home, but they could certainly be glad to see him back at work. And he could work well with them. He could work.

Luka took the charts that Jing Mei handed him. "Why don't you start with the ear ache in exam 1, the abdominal pain in curtain 2."

"I can handle more than two patients," Luka said. "Especially easy ones like these."

"Start with those," Jing Mei said gently. "It's pretty quiet so far. If things get busier, I'll give you as much as you can juggle. I promise."

Luka stood outside exam 1. Despite his confident words to Jing Mei, he was trembling. His first patient in half a year. What if he made some horrible mistake? What if he panicked? If she grabbed at him unexpectedly? A deep breath, then he opened the door and went in. A pretty blonde child of about 6, whimpering and holding her ear; her mother, a tired looking woman of about 30, and Chuny.

A smile. "Hello there, Katie. I'm Dr. Kovač. I'm told that your ear has been hurting you."

Katie just stared at him, wide eyed. Her mother said, "She's had an ear ache and fever for about three days.

"Ok. Can I take a look? It won't hurt." Luka took the otoscope and sat down on the stool that Chuny quietly moved into position for him.

Katie didn't take her hand from her ear. She was looking at Luka's arm, at the crutch that he now removed to rest against the side of the table.

"What's that?" she finally asked.

"Don't be rude," scolded the mother.

"It's ok," Luka said with a smile. (He was surprised at how easily the smile came.) "It's a crutch, Katie. Doctors can get sick and hurt too, just like little girls. I hurt my leg and I need to use a crutch to help me walk. Would you like to see it? I'd let you try it, but I'm afraid it would be much too long for you."

Katie shook her head. "Ok then, I'm going to take a look at your ears. I'm going to look first in the ear that doesn't hurt, ok?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Luka couldn't remember when he had been so tired. (Well, actually he could, but it wasn't a time in his life he liked to think about any more.) Twenty minutes left in his shift. He just had to make it through the next 20 minutes. Then there would just be the el ride home, the walk from the station - and he could sleep; sleep for 3 days until his next shift.

Taking a chart from the rack he leaned against the desk and rubbed his aching leg. Jing Mei saw the gesture and frowned. "Why don't you go home, Luka. You look beat."

"No, I'm fine. I can take a few more patients, finish out the shift." He looked at the chart; 'weak and dizzy all over'. Sounded just about his speed, probably wouldn't take long, and if it turned out to be complicated, he could hand it off to whoever came on next. He reached up to initial the board and winced as pain shot through his leg; dropping the pen, he grabbed the edge of the desk to keep from losing his balance. Jing Mei plucked the chart from his other hand.

"That's enough, Luka. Sit down and review charts until the end of the shift. It's your first day back. You did great."

Luka nodded wearily and sat down in the chair. It wouldn't exactly inspire confidence in the patients if the doctor fell down, he thought.

Fatigue blurred his vision, he could barely read the charts. Only the pain in his leg kept him from falling asleep where he sat. He made himself concentrate, and was startled by a voice at his elbow. "How'd it go?" Susan was smiling down at him.

"It's not over yet," Luka said.

"Sure it is. Shift's over." Luka looked at the clock, and was amazed to see the 20 minutes were gone. Maybe he had fallen asleep?

"You on?" he asked.

"Nope. Not until tonight."

"So, what are you doing here then?" Luka rose stiffly from the chair, managing to not groan as his leg protested, and started for the lounge.

"I came to help you celebrate your first day back."

"I'm exhausted, Susan," Luka admitted. "I need to just go home and go to bed."

"You need to eat breakfast first. Come on, I'll buy you a McMuffin. It'll be my treat."

Luka sighed, hanging up his lab coat. "Ok. You win."

It was a struggle to stay awake in the car. After a few minutes Luka stirred himself to say, "We've passed three McDonalds already."

"Oh, I think I can spring for something a bit more elaborate than a McMuffin. And you can stay awake a little longer. There will be coffee soon, I promise." She pulled into a parking garage. A hotel.

"You're taking me to a hotel to celebrate?" Luka asked with a tired grin.

"Just for breakfast. Don't get any ideas. They have a great Sunday brunch."

Twenty minutes later they were seated in the restaurant. Luka had already downed two cups of coffee and, while he was no more awake, the caffeine at least helped him hold his eyes open.

"So," Susan asked again, "How did it go?"

"I'm exhausted. Maybe I'm not ready."

"Who isn't exhausted after a 12 hour night shift?"

Luka pushed the food around on his plate. "I was never this tired before ... and in Africa I worked even longer hours ..."

"It's your first day. It will get easier.

He finally managed to smile. "I know. And, aside from the exhaustion, it did go really well. I didn't kill anyone ... not that I had the opportunity of course. Jing Mei made sure that I didn't get anything much more challenging than chicken pox. But you were right. I was terrified when I walked in there ... but as soon as I started, it was like I'd never left ... the patients ... the work ... it was great."

"And that's what matters, right?" asked Susan. "The patients and the work, not how tired you feel."