Sleep... Why wouldn't they let him sleep ... he was so tired ... they could drown him some more tomorrow.

Hands on him, shaking him, hurting him, making his chest hurt. No! But someone was calling his name. A female voice, familiar. "Luka! Luka!"

And the fog cleared a little. His own room. His own bed. But why was Susan here? Had they ... Maybe he was drunk ... he felt hungover. Had they done something stupid? But no ... he couldn't breathe. There was no air in the room. And she was still talking to him, worry on her face. "Luka! I need you to answer me. Can you hear me?"

It took a moment to think how to form words, and longer to get enough air into his lungs to speak. "Don't have ... to shout."

Susan seemed to wilt for a moment as relief washed over her, and a smile replaced, for an instant, the fear and worry on her face. "Luka, do you know where you are?"

"My bedroom ... and you're Susan." A brief smile. "I'm alert and oriented ... just tired. Why did you ... wake me up?" As he focused on his breathing, forced himself to draw air into his lungs, the fog was clearing faster. But God ... it was so hard. The effort was already exhausting him, fever seemed to be draining the strength from his body. It would be easy ... so much easier, to just sleep again.

"Because you weren't breathing! Luka, I'm going to call an ambulance. You are getting worse, and you need to be in the hospital."

Luka let his eyes shut, nodded weakly. The hospital ... he was suffocating, they could help him breathe. He couldn't do it by himself anymore. Susan got up, went to get the bedroom phone. And suddenly he remembered.

"No!"

"Luka, if you do not go to the hospital, you are going to die."

"Dying ... anyway..."

"No, you're not. Luka, we can talk about this more when you're well again. Let's just get you through this."

It was so hard to fight ... to fight her, to fight for air. "Hospital ... but not ... County."

"County's closest."

"They can't know ... please ..."

Susan sat down and took his hands. Hers felt ice cold. "Luka, this is nothing to be ashamed of. You are sick, and all that matters is getting you well. I don't care how you got it ..."

"Don't know how ... I got it ..."

"That's true, I don't. So how could I tell anyone, even if I wanted to?"

"Not County ... please ..." The fear, stronger than the fear of death, that someone would find out, learn his secret ... "Northwestern. Heneley ... privileges there ..."

"Ok." Susan finally agreed with a sigh. She started to dial again, but then another thought struck Luka, through the thickening mist. Catchment areas.

"Can't call ambulance. They'll have to ... take me to County. Drive me ..."

"I don't have my car today."

"Taxi, then."

"Luka, Northwestern is clear across town. By the time the cab arrives, we're looking at an hour before you get there. If we don't get you help soon, you will be dead in an hour."

Something in Susan's face penetrated the mist. Fear, grief. Guilt? And no ... he wasn't ready to die. He'd fought too hard, too long to give up again yet.

"Ok.. ambulance ..." He murmured faintly. And Susan was dialing 911 again before the words were out of his mouth. He dimly heard her giving instructions and the address to dispatch, heard her set down the phone.

"They'll be here in just a few minutes."

The grief was still clear in Susan's eyes. He should explain, Luka thought dimly. He knew that, even now, there might not be another chance, once he was at the hospital, and intubated. "I've known ... suspected ... for a while," he said. "Night sweats ... losing weight ... thrush ... few weeks ... scared."

"I know," Susan said gently. "Now don't talk. Just breathe, ok?"

"I knew ... even with first test ... could still have it. But can be ... people can be positive ... healthy ... for years. Too fast ... too soon ..."

Luka heard the faint wail of the siren in the distance. Susan was holding his hands again. "You're going to get through this. And you'll still have a lot of years. You are so strong, Luka. You can fight this, if you just let yourself try." She wiped the tears from his face, and then from her own. "I need to go let the paramedics in, ok?"

Luka let himself sink back into the fog. There were voices, footsteps, hands on him. Something on his face ... like cool water when he was dying of thirst, oxygen in his lungs, it seemed a little easier to breathe, and there was more air. Something cold on his hand ... a stinging sensation. Someone lifted him ... but he was mostly aware of someone holding his hand the whole time. He was so tired ... he could sleep now. Then a voice, saying "Come on, Luka, try to stay with me ... just a little longer." and the siren was wailing in his head ... and then the familiar smells and sounds of the ER penetrating his consciousness. He heard Kerry's voice,

"Luka!" and then Susan's "I think it's pneumonia, probably PCP, he's been sick for almost two weeks." and Kerry again, softly, "He's HIV positive?" "I don't know. Maybe."

Kerry's voice. "Luka! Luka, open your eyes." Luka squinted painfully. The room was much too bright. Exam 3 again. Figured. "Luka, we need to know. Are you HIV positive? Or have you been diagnosed with AIDS?"

Luka pushed the oxygen mask from his mouth so he could talk - the sense of suffocation came back immediately. "Don't know ..."

"Luka, it doesn't matter to me personally, or as your boss. But I need to know so we can treat you; give you the help you need."

"Don't know ... exposed ... Africa ... prophylaxis." Please ... he was suffocating. Kerry replaced the mask for him.

"Can we test you now?" Luka shut his eyes. "Luka, I need your consent to do it." He opened his eyes again, looked at Susan. She gave him an encouraging smile, squeezed his hand ... and he nodded. This was one fight he couldn't win. One of many.

Chuny's voice, quiet. "Sats are down to 78 on 100%"

"Ok," Kerry said. "8.5 ET tube, induction meds, portable chest; call respiratory for a vent . Very gently."Luka, we need to intubate, to help you breathe. You're going to go to sleep, and when you wake up, you'll have a tube in your throat, and you'll probably be up in the ICU."

Luka could only nod again, and a moment later, the world vanished into darkness.