Sorry the last chapter was a little boring, but it must be there to connect the whole story. Anyway, this chapter is a little bit dark but don't worry. It won't happen again. Besides, it is there for a reason and not because I'm bored. The next chapter is going to be. what do you think?

Shizuru's POV

"Hey, Urameshi, if you could make a wish after you die, what would it be?" my baby brother asked loudly while packing the things they want to bring to Kurama's house for the party. The two teens were totally unaware that I was standing behind the door, accidentally eavesdropping.

"I won't be stupid enough to die before I have completed all the things I set out to do," Yusuke replied.

"What if it is impossible to fulfill your wish if you are alive? I mean, like, if Genkai dies, I'm sorry, but it's just an example, and you want to see her again, that would be impossible, right?"

"Then I would get over it. I don't want to die feeling unsatisfied."

It sounded as if you could make one last wish after you die, according to their words, and that even the wildest of all dreams could be accomplished, like seeing someone who had died. Sakyo-san! I gripped the lighter he have to me sub-consciously, thinking about the man who in total, did not even knew me for a week, but left the deepest blemish in my heart. How unbelievable it was to fall in love with such a person, and not even being able to get over him after he had died for over a year.

"Oneechan, let's go to pick up the girls and go party. I can't wait to see Yukina-san," Kazuma burst out of the room and pushed me to my car in his eagerness to see Yukina again.

What if I could see him once more? I can't help wondering while driving. Is there anything in this world that I could not leave behind? I had always been the strong and supporting role, but sometimes I just feel exhausted. I was always there for others when they need someone, but there was no one there for me when I fell. No one could see through, or bothered to see through, the mask I put on to be strong.

Was I really needed there? Keiko got Yusuke, and I believe whole- heartedly that they would stick to each other through thick or thin. Botan, well I guess she found satisfaction in her job, and in some way found the same content feeling in Koenma. Yukina got my silly brother, and I know him well enough to say that he would never give up on her. Kurama and Hiei were all too independent, but when their guards slipped, I could see that they rely on each other more on anyone else. In other words, I felt left out, like a sore thumb in the happy couples, like the second choice of everyone in search for a sympathetic ear.

I was never the major part of anybody's life, so why not do what I want and be selfish this time? I just want to be with the one I lobe, is that so unforgivable and unthinkable? I desperately need advice, someone to help me sort out the mess in my mind, and Genkai-san would do the job.

We arrived at Kurama's at 6pm, and Genkai-san was really kind enough to come upon my request. We made ourselves at home in the kitchen while the two teens shouted loudly in form of the TV. Hiei was nowhere to be seen and Kurama was just playing the role of a good host, but he seemed pretty somber. The girls chatted, having their own conversation away form the boys.

"Genkai-san, have you ever loved someone?" I asked.

"Yes. He's Toguro, the man Yusuke killed in the Dark Tournament."

"He betrayed you, didn't he? Now he's dead, do you still love him? Do you want to see him again?"

"Strange as it is, I still do and I believe I would see him once more, someday. When all the past is forgotten, when everything does not exist, he would come back to me once more," she smiled sadly.

"Would you die for him, then?"

"I already did. Your life is yours, so choose the way you want to live it. See what's most important to you and go for it, before everything is too late," she looked at me softly, like a grandmother teaching a tow year old child why do leaves fall and seasons change. "Would you mind giving me a lift back? Time is getting its revenge on me now."

I abandoned the party and after dropping off Genkai-san at her temple, I drove, not even knowing where I was driving to. After some time, I found myself at the top of a mountain. The sky was pitch black, but the moon spread its cool rays as far as it could all over the darkness. I was bathed in its silver light too. The stars twinkled like little fireflies, sending messages both happy and melancholic to the people on earth. A breeze combed through my hair.

I took out my most precious lighter and gazed at it, while it reflected the moonbeams into my eyes.

What should I do.

Kurama's POV

I sat by the open window, staring into deep cobalt sky outside. The leaves on trees and all turned red, a signal that autumn was coming, but to me they had the hue of Hiei's eyes. All the sounds were lost to me as I indulged myself in my thoughts. I closed my eyes, but when I reopened them, everything was dark.

I was enveloped in darkness, and I could not even see myself. I felt lost and scared, having nothing to depend on, nothing to hold on to. I started walking, and soon I broke into a run, trying frantically to get out of the darkness. However, my efforts were futile. I kept running, and after what seemed like hours, I finally fell to the ground, exhausted. As I lay motionless, coldness invaded me, and I hugged my knees close, trying to stop shivering. For the first time all my life, I was afraid. Afraid of the loneliness, afraid that no on e would come to find me, afraid that time would stop like that forever.

"Hiei."

Memories flooded back, making me realize just how important people around me were. Things that you take for granted, only when you lose them, would you find their true values. I used to have nothing, so I was afraid of nothing, but once you find people and things you want to protect, weakness would appear all over you. I hate to admit, but I was becoming weaker.

My ears picked up the sound of flowing water. Was it a hallucination? I could card no more. Rising from the ground, I started walking towards the only sound I could hear. It seemed so clear, but so distant, just when I was thinking that I could never reach it, a fountain appeared amidst the darkness.

Blood, instead of water, flowed out form the fountain, and a Ningen was beside it, her blood being sucked away to provide the fountain with liquid to pump out. A youkai was beside, with a glass made of gold and crystal in his hands. He dipped the glass into the fountain, filling it with crimson. Bringing it to his lips, he tasted it, and was enthralled by its flavour. The familiar smell of blood traveled through the air and into my lungs, making me feel disgusted. Unbelievable as it was, I sued to do the same things, in the horrible past of mine. The youkai slowly finished the draught, savouring every drop of it. Now I could see that he had long hair. May be he was Karasu! I walked over hoping to get a better look, but not getting too close. I had grown not so fond of Ningen blood over the past eighteen years.

The picture focused as I inched closer, and to my horror, the Ningen supplying the blood was Shiori. I rushed forward and wanted to free her, but I ran right through her unconscious body. It must be an illusion, yet it was so life-like. Or was I the one who was the illusion? You could never be sure. The reality was made up of people's intelligence, in other words, nothing was real, but sometimes it could be found in your dreams.

I lifted my head to the youkai. A familiar and distant visage was in front of me. Straight and light silk-like hair, right down tohis waist; two large fox ears poking out from the side of is head; golden orbs shining from seeing, hearing and learning too much about all the cold-blooded elements that could be found, daring you, mocking you. Yes, it was me, without the Ningen body of Minnamino Shuuichi acing as a cover. It was me. The real youko Kurama.

A sudden wave of detest and contempt washed over me. I felt disgusted with the creature before my eyes.

Angels of death appeared above us, shedding their black feathers, which exploded on contact with any object. The fountain exploded, splashing me with blood. I watched helplessly as my mother's body was engulfed by the bombings. I felt dirty, as ger blood dripped down form my hair, hands and clothes.

"Hey! Kurama! Snap out of it!" Yusuke's voice pulled me back to where he and the others were, reality or not.

My sight came into focus and found everyone crowded around me. My eyes met with a pair of red orbs, and I quickly averted my gaze to the window, afraid that he would see through me and to what I had just seen.

"What happened just now? You were acting really weird, staring into space with your eyes changing from green to gold, trembling and clutching your hands into a ball. Sort of like having a nightmare, but your eyes were open. Are you all right? If not, we could let Genkai check on you," Yusuke said kindly.

"Yeah. I thought you were going to turn into youko," Kuwabara added. Although I knew he meant well, but I could not help feeling sick at the mention of me tuning to youko.

"I'm fine, really. Don't worry," I assured them, putting on a fake smile. I did not think I could manage to give a genuine smile for a few hours at least.

"Come on, don't lie. If your condition is fine, then a person with cancer can be called healthy," Kuwabara retorted, not at all understanding that I did not want to talk.

"Hn. Don't worry about others when you can't even take care of yourself."

Much as I wanted to turn to that icy voice, I kept my eyes on my hands.

"Watch what you are saying, shrimp, or you will be dead before you can beg for mercy. Kurama has always been so nice to us all and now he is ill and you don't even care. What kind of a friend are you?"

"I am never his, or anybody's friend, and never will be."

"Break it up, you guys," I said as I stood up, still a little wobbly. Kuwabara surpressed his rage on hearing my words but Hiei turned his back to me, ignoring what I had said.

"I'd be careful if I were you, carrot top, because I do not ant to land in a graveyard so soon."

"Oh yeah?" Kuwabara formed his Reiken and pointed it at Hiei's back. Things were getting serious.

In a flash, Hiei was gone and as quick as he had disappeared, he stood facing Kuwabara with a sharp kitchen knife in his hand.

"This would be more than enough to kill you. It's good that my katana is not here. I do not want your blood to stain it anyway," and with that, Hiei became a quick black shadow running around the room.

"Come and fight me face to face, you coward!"

"Come and catch me if you can, you slow Ningen."

I followed Hiei's every move with my eyes, tying to stop his attack beforehand. Suddenly, he was rushing towards Kuwabara from behind, aiming the knife at his neck.

"CAREFUL!" I yelled and pushed the Ningen away and felt a rush if air as the knife barely missed my face. Hiei's eyes widen in shock and I heard a clang as the knife fell onto the floor. Looking down, I saw a lock of my scarlet hair beside the knife. My right side lock had been cut away by half. A blur of black brushed past and went out through the window. Everything became a blur as I sped into the darkness, chasing the black shadow.