A Sorta Fairytale
Author's Notes
Alright, I know I should've finished Otherworld before I started a new story, but I couldn't help myself. This idea had been swimming around for at least a month. Besides, I have no idea what to do with Otherworld. It's been on hiatus for a while. Regardless, this is a new type of story, I think. At least, I've never seen it before. It's going to be a Zell x Xu story. I'm sure no one will even glance at this story, since there're far too many great stories at www.fanfiction.net to begin with. However, if you do happen to read it, and you do enjoy it, please leave a review. It would mean the world to me.
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Disclaimer
The Final Fantasy VIII franchise is owned by Squaresoft. The song A Sorta Fairytale is owned by Tori Amos.
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Ch. 01
Bittersweet
Well, of course he can act like that. It'd be selfish of me to expect anything else from him. That's him. Why would I ever want him to change? After all, he's the one who makes me feel like this. Ever since that SeeD mission in Dollet, I think. I caught his glance, just for a second. And that's all it took. They were very much like the ocean. And a part of me wished to leap into them, swim through them, taste them. And another part of me knew how dangerous the ocean could be. It was a bittersweet experience. Bittersweet, hm. My life can be so bittersweet sometimes.
And here I am again, filing paperwork for the Headmaster. Day in, day out. I suppose it was meant to be. It's not like I'm very good at anything else. I can't help but feel a little guilty. Is it right for me to be wondering what it would be like if I'd chosen another path? Or, rather, if another path had chosen me? All of these boggling thoughts can become delightfully unsettling.
"Xu, hurry with those papers, will you?" Headmaster Cid says to me, offering a plastic smile. "Thanks, you're a big help."
And the door closes. I, too, offer a plastic smile. I've grown all too accustomed to this. And my soft side can't falter. What would my dear Headmaster do if I ever raised my voice? Humph, I'm sure all of Garden would have something to say about it. They've built me, haven't they? I'm their little robot. If I were meant to have emotions, I would've used them long, long ago. I would've told him how I feel about him in Dollet. Things would be so much easier if he were here, in my arms. Hyne, what I wouldn't give up to hold him.
Dammit. I'm supposed to be filing those papers for the Headmaster, aren't I? And look at me, sitting here, daydreaming about this beautiful man I'll never have. I really shouldn't waste my time like this.
I take the handful of papers from the desk, flipping through them a couple of times. They were actually stacked neatly this time. That's a surprise. And it takes a little bit of time, but within fifteen minutes the job was done.
And he returned, eventually, thanked me for my neat work, and left as quickly as he'd come. I let out a soft sigh, giving the clock a sidelong glance. It's almost lunch hour. Of course no one would bother coming in at this time. It's not like anyone bothers coming in any other time, but at lunch hour, they were especially thoughtless.
Without a second thought, I take out an ink pen from one desk drawer and a sheet of paper from another. I stare at the absolute plainness of the paper. White. Nothing else. I suppose that's how paper was expected to be. Always white. No more, no less. It's funny. This sheet of paper is kind of like me, in a way. Plain. A little boring, sure. But where would the world be without paper? It was a necessity, as boring as it was. So, they really do need me, for one thing or another. As farfetched as it seems, it's just got to be true. Doesn't it?
At first I'm just scribbling aimlessly on the paper, little nonsense doodles and scribbled messages. But then, little by little, it all becomes perfectly clear. The drawings are of him and the messages are about him. Hyne, I'm making a fool of myself. I guess there really isn't any point in denying it. I'm in love with the bastard. The sweet, wonderful, beautiful bastard.
Then again, I really shouldn't be too surprised. After all, it's not like it's the first time this has happened. If I'd have saved every paper I did this to, I'm sure I'd have a wall full of papers. And it starts to happen again. The pen moving against the paper, sketching out a blueprint of my mind. He's all I think about these days. Has this really been going on since I first saw him in Dollet? It doesn't feel like it's been that long. Or have I just grown that used to it?
"I remember. The sky was so gray that day. The water was cold. The sand was like a deathtrap. But you were there. And everything seemed so much brighter. So much warmer. So much softer. You're a little ray of sunshine, my darling. You're my precious little ray of sunshine. And as long as you're bathing over me, I know I'm going to be okay. Now, now, don't go running out on me, okay? I know you could never love a girl like me. You could have any girl you want. And I'm certainly not what you want. You could get a beautiful girl. You could even steal a girl. You actually have that power. Do you know that? I'm sure you do. Hyne, how is it possible for a man to be so gorgeous? You're so strong, so fierce, so graceful. Oh, please. No, don't give me that look. Please, don't even look at me. I melt every single time you look at me. I turn into liquid love whenever you're near. And the only person who knows is me. And the only person who cares is me. Do you know what I'd give just to hear you say you love me? I'd give my own life. Do you realize that? Of course you don't. I don't expect you to. After all, I'm just a numb little robot. I don't have the right to be loved."
As if the pen had enough ink in the first place to write that mess of melodrama. I toss the drained pen into a nearby trashcan, standing up from the desk as I do so. And I leave the small office, taking the elevator down to the first floor. Lunch hour is only halfway over with, so I still have enough time to grab a quick bite to eat.
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I walk to the cafeteria, ready to stand in a long line for their delicious hot dogs. I'm surprised to see the line is very short. After hearing a few complaints from some nearby students, I realize that the hot dogs are gone. Having nothing better to do, I take a seat at a nearby table, resting my palms on the smooth surface. I rub my stomach, trying to convince it that it isn't hungry. But it's no use. I'm damn hungry, and my futile attempt isn't doing anything to help.
I let out a strained sigh, folding my arms across my chest. What am I supposed to do? I wanted something real. I haven't had something real in weeks. A bag of chips just wouldn't do this time.
And I'm not sure why, but my myriad thoughts of being hungry seemed to melt right back into him. No matter what situation I was in, it never failed. Did he really have that kind of a power over me? Did he really have me wrapped around his little finger? Hyne, what he could do to me. And this obsession of mine. It really made me feel guilty. I'd never been this passionate about anything in my life before. Ever. And it's a scary thought, isn't it? The thought of wanting, loving, needing someone so much that it literally takes control of your life. It can really take your breath away.
"Hi, Xu."
And I'm instantly torn away from my strange daydream by a familiar voice. I turn, returning the smile that Quistis has given me.
"Hello, Quistis. How are things?"
"Oh, as always, I suppose," she says with a sigh, signaling to the chair beside me. "Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all."
"Thank you."
"So, what brings you here? You're actually coming to the cafeteria for lunch?"
"Well, I really wasn't going to," she admits while adjusting her position in the chair. "But I had a sudden craving for a hot dog, can you believe that? I normally have a salad or something. Fish, if I'm in the mood."
"Yes. I was kind of hopeful for a hot dog, myself. But of course they've run out. They run out so quickly. They really are delicious, aren't they?"
"Xu. You're starting to sound like a certain hyperactive martial artist."
"M, me? Hm, I'm not sure. You're the one who started talking about hot dogs, aren't you?"
She chuckles at my rushed words, patting my shoulder softly.
"No need to blush, Xu."
"I'm not blushing," I lie behind gritted teeth, trying to ignore the sensation of heat circling through my cheeks.
"Well, I'll let it slide by this time. Anyway, we still have a little time left for lunch hour. And I'm still hungry. Are you?"
"Yes, I am. What're you going to have?"
"Hm, that's tricky, Xu. I really hate to do it, but there's nothing else. I really don't have much of a choice."
"What do you mean?"
"Zell has some leftover pizza in his dorm. And I'm well aware that it'll go straight to my thighs, but there's nothing else to eat."
"So, you're going to Zell's dorm?" I ask her slowly, fumbling with my hands.
"Yes, it's a last resort. Care to come with me?"
"I, I don't know."
"But you just said how hungry you are. You've got to come, Xu. Don't starve yourself."
"I think I just lost my appetite," I lie, unable to look at Quistis' concerned face.
"Please. You'll have to do better than that. Well, I really don't care what you say. You're coming with me to Zell's dorm."
"What? Um, no, no. I really don't think so."
"You're coming with me," Quistis says, getting up from her seat, pulling me up with her.
"Please!" I cry out, a little louder than I'd originally planned.
I look at the floor, concentrating on my boots, not wanting to see the faces of all those who were baffled by my childishness.
"What's all this about?" Quistis asks me in a hushed tone, placing her hands upon her hips. "I know you're hungry, Xu. Don't tell me you're not. And you were ready to go eat with me until you found out I was going to Zell's dorm. What is it? What do you have against him?"
"It's nothing. I, I just don't like pizza."
"Yes, you do."
"Well, not leftover pizza. It's probably stale by now."
"It's only a day old. I don't think it's too disgusting by now," she tells me, obviously trying to convince me to tag along with her. "Come on, let's go already."
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" I ask her, sighing a little.
"Of course not. Well, that settles it. You're coming with me to Zell's dorm."
And with that, Quistis grabs me by the arm, dragging me out of the cafeteria.
She really doesn't know what she's doing, does she? She has no idea why I really don't want to go to Zell's dorm. I'm obsessed with him enough when I'm keeping a safe distance from him. But if I'm actually in his dorm, well, I'm not sure what would happen to me. It might be a little too much. I'm surprised I'm even lettering her do this to me. Then again, I'm the Headmaster's private android. I'm only meant to serve, isn't that it? Yes, it is.
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Quistis had no problem dragging me all the way from the cafeteria to Zell's dorm. She really is stronger than she looks. Well, I suppose I should've expected that. After all, she's one of the six who brought Ultimecia down.
"Alright, here we are," she says, letting go of my arm. "I can taste that pizza already."
She knocks on the door, lightly, but loud enough for him to hear. And Zell answers the door, welcoming us with a big grin. It's difficult to look at him, but I manage. It's kind of like staring at the sun. So bright, so beautiful. But it's worth the risk.
"Yo!" he cries, opening his door further, ushering us into his dorm. "What's up? How're my two favorite ladies in the whole wide world?"
"You say that to all the ladies, Zell," Quistis says, giggling softly as she walks past the baffled blonde.
"Not even!" he yells, folding his arms across his chest. "Tch, whatever. You know, I'm the one offering my leftover pizza."
"And?" Quistis eggs him on, obviously trying to provoke something.
"Ugh!" he groans. "Hey, screw you! I guess you really don't want my pizza!"
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Zell. I'd hate to piss you off and take away Xu's chance of getting something to eat."
"Xu," Zell echoes, turning to smile at me, tilting his up slightly in greeting. "How's it going? I haven't seen you in a while."
"J, just fine," I stammer, managing a small smile.
"You don't talk much, do you?" he asks, drowning out Quistis' voice as she asks where the pizza is.
"I, um. I don't know. I talk, Zell," I say, feeling a slight jolt through my body at the mere utter of his name.
He just smiles at me, his eyes sparkling a little bit. And then the little peace of heaven is destroyed when Quistis comes marching back into the room, demanding to know where the pizza is.
"Damn it," Zell says with a groan. "It's in the freakin' oven. Where'd you look for it, under my bed?"
"With manners like that, I'm surprised it isn't under your bed!" Quistis cries, folding her arms across her chest.
I just glance at her, not sure if I'm smiling or not. With Zell's back still facing the blonde instructor, he rolls his eyes at her, only to turn around and apologize for his bad manners.
And then he leads her into the kitchen, getting the pizza out of the oven. I'm still standing at the doorway, wishing my feet would do something. Either walk forward or run away, but do something.
However, before they can register what they want to do, I hear Quistis calling for me to join her and Zell in the kitchen.
Zell waves for me to take a seat beside him on the counter. I glance at Quistis, desperate for something from her, but she's too busy getting a piece of pizza for herself. And with no one to choose an answer for me, I sat on the counter beside him. It's nice, sure. But I'm so scared that I'm blushing furiously.
"Aren't you gonna get a piece of pizza?" he asks me, offering me a smile.
"Um, yes," I say, feeling very stupid all of the sudden. But before I can even get up to get a piece for myself, Zell hops off of the counter, walks over to the pizza, and picks up a piece for me.
"I hope you like cheese pizza," he says as he hands me my piece, flashing an adorable smile.
"I do. Thank you."
"I'm amazed at you, Zell," Quistis says, leaning against the refrigerator. "I'm surprised you don't have sliced hot dog wieners on the pizza."
"Well, I asked 'em about that. They just don't make it that way."
Quistis laughs, shaking her head at the blonde fighter.
I bite into my piece of pizza, too many thoughts piling up within my head. Quistis and Zell's silly conversation goes unheard while I eat my lunch slowly, thinking about insane it all is.
After all, my crush is right there. He's right there. And just earlier today I was drawing silly sketches of him. I really did owe Quistis a, "Thank you." She's the one who dragged me here, to eat lunch at Zell's dorm. If it weren't for her, I probably would've just went right back up to my office to file more papers for the Headmaster. Then again, if I did thank her, she'd probably be baffled. I'm not sure if I can tell her how I really feel about Zell. She is my best friend, but I just don't know if I'm ready yet. Besides, I'm still chained to the logic that a robot doesn't have the right to love anyone. So, I'm quite sure that I'm not in love. It's just a little crush, that's all. And this strange sensation I get in my heart every time I see him isn't anything. Yes, that's how it is. How bittersweet it can all be sometimes.
"Hello? Is anybody in there?"
And I'm instantly awaken from my trance by Zell's concerned voice. I offer him a nervous smile, only to look over at Quistis. She is giving me a weird look, as if everything I was just thinking of had been said out loud.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly.
"Are you okay?" Quistis asks, raising an elegant eyebrow at me.
"Yes, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" Zell inquires, touching my arm lightly.
Oh, Hyne. His touch is so amazing. And he's just touching my arm. I'm ecstatic when he's just touching my arm. Just imagine what he could to do my body.
"Yes," I lie, feeling flushed. I get off of the counter and toss mypiece of pizza's crust into a nearby trashcan. "Thanks for your concern."
"Where are you going?" Quistis questions me.
I can feel her eyes burning on my back while I attempt to leave Zell's dorm.
"Lunch hour is almost over," I say, turning around, thankful that I'd come up with a believable excuse.
"So?" Zell scoffs. "Besides, you've only had one piece. Don't tell me you're full after just having one piece. Even Quistis the tree hugger can stuff down at least three pieces."
"How dare you?!" Quistis cries, slapping him playfully.
"It's true!" he yells, grinning broadly.
"Well, anyway," Quistis says, straightening the front of her blouse. "All that aside, I suppose you're right. Lunch hour is almost over."
"Yawl are leaving me so soon?" Zell asks, his voice rich with disbelief. "That's not fair."
"That's what you get for being rude to me," Quistis says, smiling warmly as she walks over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, leading me out of Zell's dorm.
"What?!" Zell cries. "So much for a goodbye, huh?!"
"Goodbye, Zell," Quistis says as we leave the baffled martial artist behind.
Just before we leave his dorm, however, I turn my head and offer him a small wave. His astonished expression immediately softens, and he mouths a, "Bye."
And with that, Quistis and I leave Zell's dorm, not bothering to shut the door.
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The day went by fairly quickly. Quistis went back to her classroom, taught the afternoon classes, and I returned to my office to file paperwork. Nothing too interesting, but that's alright. After all, my afternoon had been interesting enough. Because of Quistis, I actually went inside of Zell's dorm. And he looked so gorgeous. It was almost unbearable. And I'm sure I made a fool of myself. I hardly said anything of interest the entire time we were in his dorm. But that's okay. It was my first time. Of course I couldn't say anything too interesting. Maybe, just maybe I can tell Quistis about my little situation. She's my best friend, right? I'm sure she'll understand. And it's not like she'll tell anyone. That's just not the kind of person Quistis is. She's got a better set of ethics than that. Well, I guess I shouldn't keep letting the thought play tug of war inside of my head. I'll have to tell her the next time I see her.
And with that, the mess inside of my mind begins to dwindle as I drift off to sleep, the only place where I can hold Zell in my arms and tell him how much I love him.
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Author's Notes
Okay, so how was that? Was it pathetic? I hope it wasn't that bad. I'm really trying hard on this one. I've got allot of ideas for it. So, if you enjoyed my story and you would like me to continue, please review. Thank you very much.
