When things go to a point of desperation, death may be the easiest way out, but only in a point of desperation.
(P.S. Shiori is Kurama's mother in case you have forgotten)
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Chapter 15: The End of the Beginning; The Beginning of the EndA moment of peace,
A moment of happiness
All a prelude to the beginning of the end,
As the end of the beginning comes to a conclusion.
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Shiori's POV
"Shuuichi, are you there?" I asked as I knocked softly on his door. It was 9.30 in the morning, and I had just waked up at 9 a.m. I had been waking up at 9 a.m. for the past month or so, and that was when Shuuichi started acing a little weird, and soon Hiei disappeared. I had an odd suspicion that all there were related.
A light shuffling of feet was heard as he came to open the door. His eyes were a bit red, not that it was strange. He had been appearing like that ever since Hiei left, but today, his forest green irises were particularly sparking.
"Good morning, Kaasan," he greeted, smiling. It was not that bitter, pretended smile anymore.
"Shuuichi, I need to talk to you." I said and saw his expressions changing from a little surprised, a flicker of guilt, and then settled down to calm and forced willingness. The former bright and cheerful atmosphere vanished at once, which made me regret my words. "You are keeping something from me, something important," I continued, "and it had to do with me, right?"
"What do you mean? I don't understand. Why do you say that?" he tried to laugh, but failed terribly.
"The way you look at me, just for a few seconds on some occasions, is so filled with inferiority and hatred that it scares me, as if I am your enemy. It started a month ago, and I want to, and I believe I'm entitled to know what has happened."
He hesitated, frowned, stuck between his own thoughts. "It is best not for you to know," he said finally, "it's … dangerous."
"I am not afraid of danger as long as it is for the ones I love." He did not have much choice, and I know him well enough to say that he did not have the heart to lie to me. He made up his mind. He let out an exasperated sign, and smiled wearily. "I guess I can't escape from it forever, can I? This will be the best way I can tell you the truth, so don't make me elaborate."
"I am a youko from another world, and I came here eighteen years ago to escape from hunters. I infused my soul with the one of the yet to born Minnamino Shuuichi, and here I am now. I have many enemies, and one of whom I killed came back to seek revenge in the form of a spirit. He made a poison and was injected into you. The only cure is to let him possess your body 12 hours a day from 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. I had only to agree. If not, you will die." He still wore that weary smile, tired of everything.
"So you see, all my life it has been a huge lie. The lies about going for a camping trip when actually I was in Makai, shedding blood of others, hearing them scream using their last breath of air. The lies about Hiei being a relative, a friend, a human being even. The perfect son you and others see is nothing but a shell, a mask. I can never appear as who I really am, or else the world around me shatters. Everything about me is false, a straight As student, an amiable teenager, a filial son … I am never you son, and never will be."
"No, you are my son," I said rather firmly, "no matter who you are, what your real name is, what you really looks like, you are my son. The person who stayed by me when my husband died, who is the only moral support that kept me afloat through my difficult times, these are the things that make you my son, not the blood, not the appearance. Even if you live in a lie, even if you are confused about who you are, just remember this. You are my son." He stared at me, but finally a smile spread over his features.
"Yes, I'll remember that, Kaasa. My Okaasan."
"Shuuichi, I want to break the curse that has been put on you."
"But it's impossible. The poison has no cure, and can only be postponed from activating by letting him possess you," he hurried through the speech and looked onto the ground. There was another way; only he did not want to put me through it.
"There is another way. It is my death, isn't it?" Silence. "Shuuichi, I'm sure you know a way to destroy this soul in me, only that you are afraid of me dieing. Do what you have to do; as long as I died with a purpose, al song as I die knowing that my most precious possession is safe, I will die in peace. Isn't this what everyone is trying to get their whole life? If you can't bear to kill me, then I will do it myself." With this, his head jolted up and faced me with startled and fearful eyes.
"I know it's hard for you, but think of it as a favour for me. I don't want to be your burden. I'd rather be dead and peaceful rather than alive but not knowing who I will become and what I would do to you everyday after 9 p.m. I can't take that mental torture. Help me and help yourself, Shuuichi. Seeing you hurt is the last thing I want."
"Are you not scared of death, intimidated by its power? Are you really willing to sacrifice so much for your 'son'? I can't let you do this or I would feel guilty for the rest of my life."
"I will do
anything for you, and in comparison, death is so much easier, and as I already
said, I will do it myself if you won't.
"Fine. Come to me room at 8.45 p.m., any day when you are ready," he said finally, defeated.
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I knocked softly on Shuuichi's door, and the first time I did that seemed like an eternity away, but it just happened this morning. All of a sudden, I became aware of all the clocks in the house, their different pitches ticking in perfect unison, forming a distraught chord.
"Kaasan, I didn't expect you to decided so soon," he smiled sadly as he let me in.
"I had decided the moment I finished hearing your story. Help me take good care of Kazuya and Shuu-chan."
After that, we just sat in muted silence, waiting for the time of fate to come. The chorus of the clocks was growing louder, drowning out all other sounds. I counted to the 799th tick of the hands, and everything went dark as the 800th tick rang out.
The darkness was pulling me, urging me to take a rest. No! I must fight; I must regain control. I opened my eyes, and all I saw was a blur of colours, and among them was a pair of glinting red orbs hiding in a distance. The colours were fading, but I quickly blinked and the picture came into focus a little more. Heat shot through me, but was replaced by freezing cold a millisecond later, they kept changing back and forth. The nausea in my stomach was prompting me to vomit, and a convulsion broke out.
"Give up, woman, you can never win against me. Might as will let me out and I'll stop the torture." An icy voice was heard in my mind, overpowering the sudden changes of temperature and sent my heart gripping in fear.
"LET ME OUT!" the voice became more commanding, urgent with a twinge of fear. It was working.
I numbly felt that someone took hold of my hand, and slowly, a warm current traveled from my palm to every part of my body, fighting against that extreme cold and heat in me. Abruptly, all the sensations went away, the warmth lingering a few seconds more before leaving my body. I used all my efforts and opened my eyes, and saw the gentle eyes of Shuuichi filled with despair and burning with the want of revenge. Behind him was the emotionless face of Hiei.
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Hiei's POV
A powerful blast of youki hit me from behind as I walked idly through a forest, bring with it anxiety and countless other feelings all mixed up together. I started speeding towards where the youki was emitted. It was Kurama; he was calling me.
I jumped in through the window, and beheld the most unexpected sight. Shiori was lying on the ground with her arms around herself, shaking uncontrollably. She was biting her lips so hard that it bled and sweat was pouring down her forehead; she was in pain. Yet Kurama was only kneeling beside her, his head bowed so low that it was impossible to see his eyes, his long hair shadowing almost all the visible parts of his face. He was not helping at all; he never even attempted to touch her.
"Hiei, summon your Kokuryhua. Kill Karasu." The calmness and curtness in his voice surprised me, but his command shocked me even more. The time had finally came when we had to do the dreaded, the inevitable.
I did as told, ripping off the bandage on my right arm. The heat in the room rose immediately, sparks cracking in the air, caused by the intense tension and electricity present. I gathered all my youki onto my arm, and felt the dragon fighting to be released. Fro the first time, I was in command; I held it back and concentrated, slowly molding the solid appearance of the dragon into something vague, a mere silhouette of what it was before. It was ready; I was ready.
Taking hold of one of Shiori's hands now lying limp beside her, I placed my right hand a few inches away form her palm and gradually let go. I saw through my jagan the form of the Kokuryhua, now only a thin wisp of black mist, traveling into her body. Karasu was now only a soul with almost no youki, ad he could only survive till now by possessing one body after another. To think that we were haunted by suck a creature. I drove the dragon forwards and swallowed Karasu in one gulp.
Shiori opened her eyes, and Kurama quickly bent over her and took hold of her hands. She smiled.
"Shuuichi … is it … over?"
"Yes, Kaasan. It's over. Everything is over. It's all fine now." Kurama was still so calm, and his voice did not even shake, so calm that it was frightening, so still that it was unnatural.
"Shuuichi … don't ever … feel … bad about … my death." Her breath was getting irregular, her irises getting clouded.
"Hiei … you are … back." She averted her gaze onto me. Why was she looking at me? She was dying; she should be spending her last time with 'Shuuichi'. Why was she wasting her time on me? I did not deserve it.
"Thank you … for coming back." Why was she thanking me? Why was she still looking at me? "Turn your eyes back to Kurama," I wanted to shout to her, " there is no time now! I don't deserve something so precious! I DON'T DESERVE IT!" I did not deserve it … I was the Forbidden Child, whose mother never held him before, never loved him before. So why was I getting that special feeling form someone who barely knew me, who had no blood relations with me at all? I didn't know how to receive it, where to put it.
"Hiei, you deserve … love, and you are loved, even if … you deny … you don't notice. Shuuichi, Hiei … take care of each other. Remember that you are … responsible to the love you receive … and the person who gives it … to you." She lightly withdrew her right hand from Kurama and held it out to me. I had no choice but to take it, no, I wanted to take it. Her cold hand was even chillier than mine, but somehow I felt warm taking it. It was like when I heard my mother screaming to stop them from abandoning me.
"Hn. Thanks … for everything, for making Kurama who he is today."
"No, thank you … for making him whole." Finally, she turned back to Kurama.
"I'm tired … it's time for me … to take a rest. Shuuichi, be a good boy … be quiet … don't wake me up … I might even have a wonderful dream … a dream even more beautiful … than this one. Be a good boy … don't' make noise. You have always … been a good boy, Shuuichi. My little boy … Shuuichi." She smiled, jsu5t like she always did. She closed her eyes, as if really going to sleep.
Her fingers tightened around my hand, and reluctantly let go, falling limp and slipping out of my grasp. Her irregular breathing came to a peaceful stop; her tiredly pumping heart came to a gentle halt. The blood frozen on their journey in the vessels; the air trapped on their way out. Nothing moved. Suddenly, I heard, or rather felt something snap.
The warmth I had just grown accustomed to, which I had just understood a tiny fraction of, was drawn away from me once more, like all my other possessions I once had. I was refilled with the usual deep darkness and cold.
It was unfair. The moment I experienced something that truly touches me, I was stripped of it the next second. It had always been like that, all my powers never served to keep them back. That was why I stayed away, to prevent b4eing hurt again; that's why I put barriers around my heart, to prevent myself form crossing it and present the real me, only to be injured the second time. Life was unfair.
Kurama's face was still hidden from me, as he brushed pass me and lay unconscious on top of Shiori's now dead body.
Only then did I realize how exhausted I was, physically and emotionally. My youki was all drained because of the Kokuryhua, and the new wounds that lay in my heart now added to the fatigue.
I gathered up the last of my strengths and carried Kurama onto his bed. I could hardly keep my eyes open, my legs from failing under me. Watching the pale and unconscious visage of the kitsune, I fell onto the ground and all was covered up the darkness even before my head hit the carpet.
