Chapter 3

How I Saved The World

So there I am again, walkin my lousy self home, not knowin what'll happen nex. When I git home they is a man there who says he is from the hospital wherer Mr. Frump stayed. He says they are being shut down if they don't git a doctor. So I aks why they want a idiot like me an they say they saw me with Mr. Frump an besides, they is desperate. So I say okay an become a doctor.

My first patient is some nut who is always sayin stupid quotes an idioms an stuff. I think the surjery went good cause he's gone an they is givin me all kinds of money. On the way home that day, I am passin by this pet store, so I decide to just go in an git myself a new pet duck. I taught that duck, who I named Bruce, a lot of neat tricks. Like washin my car an stuff.

Also, the woman that sold me the duck was good ole Lisa Frump. When I told her that I was a rich doctor, she came back to me. Would you believe it? After a while of the duck poking at Lisa, she got mad an said she didn't want to see me no more an I kinda got mad an told her that I didn't want to see her no how an that I couldn't sand one more minute with her scrawny little neck. At this, she got even madder, as you could imagine.

Well, back at the hospital, there is this new patient that was a little midget with big ears an green skin. His name is Yoda. I brung this little shot that I was supposed to give him He didn't want the shot so what he did was just lift up his hand an the tee vee flung off the wall an hit me in the head. But he was an okay fellow I guess. One time, he even taught me how to swing around on trees, just like that George of the Jungle on tee vee. The only problem is ever time I try to do the trick, I end up crashin into a tree.

Anyhow, I am scheduled to do an important surjery for Yoda, but it was not a success. Yoda died. Because of this, I am fired an the hospital is closed down.

So no that I ain't no doctor no more, I am just doin the George of the Jungle impression for kids' parties. It made me pretty good money, I guess, but the kids would all just laf at me. Until one day some aliens start attackin the whole world! Everone is panickin an the army is fightin them off. They is a bunch of green slime creatures in a shuttle outside my window one day while I am practicing my tree swingin. I missed the tree an crashed into the space ship by mistake. This made the aliens get real scart an go back to outer space. For this, the government is callin me a hero an givin me a whole buttload of money an all of a suddin I am rich again an Lisa Frump is back!

The day she came back I took her to lunch. If I learned one thing from Lisa, it is that girls really love to eat lunch. That's all they wanna do. Eat lunch. I been addicted to lots of things, but I think girls is all just addicted to lunch.

Anyhow, this is the life, being rich as heck! I got myself bout a million cars an I even got a guy to chew my food for me. And another to chew Lisa's lunch. I even got my own movie theater where I watch movies like Rocky, Empire Strikes Back, Nature Trail To Hell, an this Michael Keaton movie called "Johnny Dangerously." That last one was a real good movie. It's much better than that Batman crap he did later. Also, for the first time, I got this great big cable television set. I has found myself a new addiction. I was watchin tee vee all day an all night. I watched cartoons, sports, sitcoms, talk shows, mysteries, news, gameshows, westerns, soapoperas, MTV, an ever thing you can think of. But one thing really got my attention. It was the Polka Channel. It was 24 hours of polka music, just like that band I saw on 45th Street. Once again I have got myself a new addiction. I have become a polkaholic. Now this particular addiction got me into a whole lot of trouble. Yessiree!