Author's note: OK, so this is the chapter that earned this story its' rating. Nothing graphic, but implied nastiness all over the place.

True, you will be written in, but it won't post for a while yet.

The Crux of the Matter

["We settled Aoife with a couple in the dun. She was a good child; settled in very quickly. When she got a bit older, Cerbhall started training her to be his heir."

"Really?" Cole asked in surprise.

"Why not? He had to have someone, and I couldn't provide him one. Aoife was an orphan, and women could rule just as easily as men could in those days. She was a smart, brave person, and she was well trained as a warrior." She frowned. "There isn't very much more. Cerbhall's father died about ten years after we married; we moved back to Tara. Cerbhall got very busy then; he was ruling most of the island, bar the lands to the south, so Aoife and I kept each other company a lot of the time." She shrugged. "Cerbhall grew old, one year at a time, and eventually he died. I stayed long enough to see Aoife crowned, and then I left. I ended up in Animaria, which is a whole 'nother story."

"What happened to" Cole snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "Conchobar. That was it."

"Conchobar?" The shadow was back in her eyes. "He was still alive when I left. I don't know what happened to him in the end."

"{What is it?}" Cole asked in very bad Animarian. "{Why does he scare you?}"

"I don't know what you mean." She rose to her feet, shaking off Cole's restraining hand.

"Yes you do." Cole rose as well.

"It's…Conchobar just wasn't a nice person, all right? Cerbhall had to deal with him; Conchobar was a noble. And as Cerbhall's wife, I had to deal with him as well. But I hated him. He was rude, and ignorant, and he lusted after me and wasn't afraid to show it."

"What happened?" Cole repeated softly.

"He…" Tara shook her head. "It's not something I talk about, or think about. It's just…not. Please, Cole." Cole shook his head slowly.

"I think you need to tell us, Tara. Or not us, maybe, but someone. How long, three thousand years? You can't carry everything alone."

"I told you, I don't think about it."

"Yes you do." Tara shifted uncomfortably glancing at the silent Rangers before looking back at Cole.

"It's…"

"Tara." Cole said very quietly, "You can trust us."

"I know that, Cole." She nodded slowly. "All right, then. I may as well finish." She hesitated before sitting down.

"What?" Taylor asked quietly; they all sensed whatever she was about to say was important.

"Just making sure Merrick hadn't snuck up on us."

"Why?" Alyssa asked.

"I don't want him to know about this. All right?"

"Why not?" Max asked.

"Because I've had more than enough of his knee-jerk reactions. I don't need him wanting to know why I didn't tell him before, and why I didn't…" she trailed off, unconsciously rubbing her cheek. If they looked very closely, the Rangers could still see the faintest remains of the bruise Merrick had left there; the mark would never fade now. "I just…I don't want him to know. All right?"

"He won't think any less of you." Cole murmured. "Neither will we."

"We'll see about that, Cole. Just…promise me?"

At their reluctant nods, she went on, "I loved Cerbhall. And he loved me. And we were very happy." She looked away. "Conchobar didn't like that. He took steps."

"What kind of steps?" Cole asked. Tara sighed.

"Conchobar…was jealous. He wanted…me, I guess. He knew what I could do—they all did, then—and he had this happy little fantasy in his head where Cerbhall died, I married him, and he gained the throne with my help. And eventually his fantasy wasn't enough for him, and he took steps."

"You don't have to tell us everything. Not the personal things." Cole said, when she hesitated again. He seemed to be having second thoughts. "You don't…"

"Ah, I can't leave you there, Cole. No, it's just…I've tried not to think about him for a very long time."

"He's right. Don't tell us anything you're not comfortable with." Taylor told her. Tara nodded, smiling.

"Thank you. That…makes it easier. Cole's right, though, this is something I need to…to get rid of." She took a deep breath, turning again to look directly into the fire.

"Conchobar waited. He knew how to bide his time. Eventually, he and Cerbhall were alone, hunting some way away from the dun. He returned, carrying Cerbhall. Injured, he said, thrown from his horse."

"You weren't watching?" Alyssa asked.

"Not then. And by the time I looked, it was too late. The damage was done.

"Cerbhall didn't die. But he had hit his head. And the blow…he developed something like schizophrenia."

"Schizophrenia." Cole repeated.

"It's an illness where, basically, someone has two personalities. Cerbhall was, mostly, the same person. But sometimes, he was different."

"Different how?" Danny asked. Tara shrugged.

"Colder. More violent. Cerbhall hated fighting, and wars. But his other side…

When Cerbhall was…not himself, he didn't really know me. He thought I was one of his handmaidens. And Conchobar took full advantage of that."

"Advantage." Taylor repeated slowly, starting to realise where this was going.

"There was a—not a law, more a tradition—that royal handmaidens were there to satisfy any desire their masters had. *Any* desire. And if Conchobar came to him and said, 'I have a yearning for one of your handmaidens', well, Conchobar was a friend to the crown. And I, as a handmaiden, couldn't do anything about it. Cerbhall was my master and I had to obey him." She shrugged slightly.

"Don't do that." Cole said. "Don't shrug this off."

"It was a long time ago."

"I don't care." Cole said firmly. "What happened?"

"Cerbhall lived to be very old. And most of the time he was Cerbhall, and he loved me and I loved him. And Conchobar lived even longer, and he watched for Cerbhall's lapses and took as much advantage as he could."

"You never told Cerbhall, did you." Danny said suddenly.

"No. What would be the point? Cerbhall didn't remember what happened when he wasn't himself. I wasn't going to tell him he was handing me over to our enemy. I was surprised Conchobar never said anything, actually. Maybe he was afraid Cerbhall wouldn't change if he knew what was happening." She poked the fire for a moment. "After Cerbhall died I went looking for Conchobar. I found him, preparing to leave. He'd known, you see, that I would come for him." She sat silent for a long time.

"So what happened?" Max demanded. When she looked up, the fire gleamed on the tear streaks on his cheeks. "What did you do to Conchobar?"

"Nothing. I let him ride away."

"Why?" Danny demanded.

"I want to say because I realised it wouldn't bring Cerbhall back, that it was petty and useless taking any kind of revenge on him. But really it was because he scared me. He turned my husband against me. He hurt me, he used me. For years. I couldn't…I saw him and I froze. I couldn't have done anything to stop him if I'd wanted." She wrapped her arms around her knees. "He rode away, and I tracked him until he was well out of range…"]

Conchobar looked around, orienting himself. He was almost out of Cerbhall's lands.

"I wouldn't." Conchobar drew his horse in so sharply he almost broke the animal's neck. Deirbhile stepped calmly out from behind a small stand of trees and walked towards him.

"You!" Conchobar almost fell dismounting from his horse, pulling his sword free. "How did you…"

"I am an Elf." She raised her head proudly. "Now put down your sword and listen to me."

"Why? I don't listen to common whores."

Before he could move or react she had hit him across the face.

"If I am a whore you made me that way. Now…" she pulled the sword from his hand. "I will remind you that you are standing on earth, surrounded by rocks and trees. It would be in your own best interests to listen to me."

He rubbed his hand slowly across his face. "I'm listening."

"I spoke to the court Druid before I left. Nice man, very helpful. Doesn't normally do curses, you know. Of course you know…he said you'd threatened him." She was playing absently with the sword as she spoke. "He's changed his mind. He knew what you were doing, you know. No one else did—you managed that—but he knew. So he's going to perform a curse. If you stay on Cerbhall's land it will find you, eventually."

"I wasn't planning on staying here." Conchobar said roughly.

"I hadn't finished." She looked up at him, and despite himself Conchobar took a step back. "This is Cerbhall's land, and I love Cerbhall. I won't defile his land by killing someone like you here. But step off his boundaries, and I will find you and I will kill you." She grinned, a predatory grin. "And I can kill you very slowly, if I want. And you would deserve it and no one would mourn you." She threw him his sword abruptly; fumbling, he managed to catch the hilt. "Those are your choices. Stay here, and face the curse. Or leave, and face me."

"That's not a choice." Conchobar protested.

"It's as much a choice as you ever gave me." She turned. "I'll be leaving soon, but don't be mistaken. I can track you no matter where I am. And I will. Step off Cerbhall's land and pay the price." Conchobar stared at her for a long time before remounting. He turned his horse back towards the dun and rode off.

Deirbhile watched until he was out of sight. Then she sank to the ground and cried.

Above her the sky clouded over; rain began to fall. Deirbhile sat, not noticing the rain or the cold, not moving, for days. She returned to the dun only for the funeral.

Cerbhall was buried with full honours. Deirbhile used her influence—technically she was still Queen—to prevent Conchobar from speaking. He was kept back, away from the high mourners. The only other thing she did was talk with the Druid, in full view of the court.

After the funeral she asked Cerbhall's successor for a horse, and rode away.

"That's it." Tara sat back, leaning against the wall. "I never saw Conchobar again. I haven't been back there since. When I left I ended up in Animaria. Then Animaria fell…" she shrugged. "Life goes on. My life, anyway."

"I'm sorry." Alyssa said quietly. "I'm sorry I asked you…I'm sorry you had to live that."

"I was happy with Cerbhall. Even…that was all Conchobar's fault, not Cerbhall's. I didn't blame him for it."

"What happened to Conchobar?" Max demanded suddenly.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Did he leave, did the curse get him—what?"

"I don't know. I didn't bother to track him. And there was no curse."

"What?" Taylor asked.

"There was no curse. Nothing we could have done would have been as effective as letting him wonder. I did talk to the Druid. He arranged portents and signs every so often. But there was never any curse. He wasn't worth it." She nodded firmly. "He wasn't worth it."

Bushes rustled behind them, and they turned to see Merrick standing there.

"Merrick." Taylor said, rising to her feet. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough." He moved slowly into the group, sitting slightly apart from them and directly across the fire from Tara. Taylor settled back into her place as well, and the group sat in silence for a moment until Alyssa deliberately spoke.

"You know who Conchobar reminded me of, the way you described him? Eric." Taylor frowned slightly.

"Yes." Tara agreed. "Conchobar was very like Eric to look at, almost identical."

Taylor sat bolt upright. "Is that why you were afraid of Eric?"

"I wasn't afraid of him." Tara said irritably. "It threw me, that's all. He looks exactly like Conchobar."

Merrick was frowning. "And after you finished with him…you went straight to Animaria?"

"Not straight. But, yeah, within a few months."

"Why?"

"Because I could feel Animaria. Humans there didn't hurt the land, didn't hurt the animals. It called me. There was—and is—nowhere else like that."

"And Animaria fell…"

Tara shrugged. "Everything falls in the end. Nothing is forever."

"Except you." Alyssa said.

"Yeah." Tara looked away, back at the fire. "Except me."

The group sat in silence for a while, until finally Danny stood up.

"Thank you for sharing that." he said formally, bowing his head towards Tara. She returned the gesture without speaking, and Danny left the group, going back to his room.

Max scrambled to his feet, turning to follow Danny. He hesitated briefly and looked back at Tara, but she smiled gently at him and he grinned, racing after his friend.

There was silence between the five who were left for some time. Tara watched the fire burn, not thinking about anything much, until finally Taylor rose to her feet. The Eagle Ranger seemed about to speak, but after a moment she squeezed Tara's shoulder gently and left.

Alyssa yawned suddenly, waking herself out of her near-doze. Smiling apologetically, she rose to her feet. "I have class tomorrow. G'night." She paused by Tara; hunkering beside her, she said softly, "He loved you. Remember that, and don't think about the rest." Tara nodded, smiling.

"I've been doing that for years…thank you, Alyssa." Alyssa murmured something to Cole and left as well, smiling at Merrick on the way.

"And then there were three." Tara murmured.

"Do you want to go home?" Merrick asked quietly. "I'll take you."

"No, thank you. At this point it's as easy stay here…if you don't mind, Cole."

"Of course not." Cole said. Merrick rose to his feet, standing indecisively for a moment before moving away into the trees.

Once out of sight he stood, looking back at them. He could see them clearly in the firelight; Cole was speaking quietly. Tara seemed to be ignoring him, but he kept talking and after a minute, Tara buried her face in her hands. Her body shook as she wept, finally, for the husband she loved who'd unwittingly betrayed her so often.

Merrick watched, unseen, from the shadows, as Cole comforted her and let her cry. Then he moved away, leaving the Animarium and the warmth of the fire behind.