Chapter 8
Why Bob Saget Is Mad At Me
If they ever caught me I would be in big trouble on account of makin em lose the Twine Ball. So we had to hide for a while. We stayed in Seatle for a few years then we startid a rockin roll band that we called Nirvana. This was Dan's idea. He gave me the stage name of Kurt Cobaine. We wrote a really good song, but when our first concert came along we all forgot the words on account of we was stage frightened. So what we did was, we just made up a bunch of crap that no one could understand. I guess this sort of caught on cause soon we is real popular an they is a million other groups just like us!
Well Lisa says that we is hangin out with the wrong crowd an she is afraid I might blow my head off on account of I is carryin a gun aroun everwhere to protect my self from people who don't like our music. Also, I have changed cause I used to like tee vee an now ever since the insidint with R.J. Fletcher, I hate tee vee, especially that funniest videos show. Once, I sent a tape of me accidently shooting Wanda in the buttox, but them bastids dint even show it on the show. Well, Lisa had to almost poke my eyes out afore I realized she was right bout how much I've changed.
What happened is I am singing her one of my rockin roll songs bout how I was only kidding bout how much I loved her. She kinda took it the wrong way an left me. Also, noone else liked the song neither an soon our band was a bust, an we is flat broke again! We kinda learned to live off of Oreo cookies, which I figured was pretty good. I ate oreos all the time. But even that got me into trouble!
One day I saw Bob Saget hisself walkin cross the street. He is the guy on the Funniest Videos show. Dan graps him an asked why he ain't used my tape on his show. Bob Saget explains that they can't show people gettin shot on a family show even if it is a pig, but he offered me a spot on his other show. Full House was the name of the show. That was the show with those cute little kids that is now billionaires.
Anyhow, I played a policeman who brings one of the kids home after they been spray paintin. They tole me to wait outside the door til they cue me. Well, from inside I could hear that Bob Saget is tellin the kids bout when he was their age an he had to walk 50 billion miles in the snow an crap like that. It was a long speech so I decided to have a few Oreos while I am waitin. Then some more an more. When they finally cue me an open the door, I has got choclit an white stuff all over my face. Mr. Saget is so mad he chased me all the way home.
Now, I am a good runner, but that Bob Saget he is almost as fast. He kept up with me pretty good while we ran clear back from California to Seatle. When I git home, Leutenint Dan is waitin for me an he says that we is goin on another one of them free trips. So now Mr. Saget is chasin me, Dan, an Wanda all the way to the airport an since they think he is our extra guest, he is chasin us all over the plane too.
Where we went is to a new museum in Mexico called Taco Grande. Leutenint Dan says that means "big taco." It is a whole museum bout tacos. We ran past displays of tacos, burritos, chimichangas, an them cinimin things an I even saw a wax statue of Cheech Marin along the way. Well we finally lost Bob Saget somewhere roun the salsa section. Unfortunately, we also lost pore ole Wanda cause she couldn't keep up. Pore ole Wanda.
Well, anyhow now we is on the plane to go home. They is the most beautiful girl I seen since Melanie. Her name is Amy. I find out she is a flight attendant. That is the person who tells you what to do when the plane crashes. Well, instantly we is a couple. She is givin me all kinds of free drinks an peanuts an coffee. Soon I find I'm goin on all kinds of trips just to be with Amy. Dan says this is stupid on account of we is broke. But I git a job as a pilot so it is easier to be with her. Eventually, she agreed to go out with me outside the airplane.
But when I go to pick her up at her house, she is not ready on account of the shower does not work. It would go on when she'd flush the john an then it wouldn't go off. So what I tole her is that I got a friend from Big Roy's Heating an Plumbin. His name? Ed McMahon from the Tonight Show. As it turns out, some big chinned guy took over for Johnny Carson an now Ed McMahon is working at Big Roy's.
Well, Amy is so impressed by Ed McMahon that she agreed to marry me. However, I think she only did this cause I know Ed McMahon. She is all the time hangin round him an ignorin me. An soon I be gettin this feelin she's tryin to kill me. She says I am just paranoid from when she accidently shoved me down an elevator shaft. But I am startin to worry when I found piranhas in the bath tub an my car breaks was broke. Finally, she broke my heart when she just left me flat. An that's all I got to say bout that. Except that, like Melanie, I would one day git my revenge on Amy.
Why Bob Saget Is Mad At Me
If they ever caught me I would be in big trouble on account of makin em lose the Twine Ball. So we had to hide for a while. We stayed in Seatle for a few years then we startid a rockin roll band that we called Nirvana. This was Dan's idea. He gave me the stage name of Kurt Cobaine. We wrote a really good song, but when our first concert came along we all forgot the words on account of we was stage frightened. So what we did was, we just made up a bunch of crap that no one could understand. I guess this sort of caught on cause soon we is real popular an they is a million other groups just like us!
Well Lisa says that we is hangin out with the wrong crowd an she is afraid I might blow my head off on account of I is carryin a gun aroun everwhere to protect my self from people who don't like our music. Also, I have changed cause I used to like tee vee an now ever since the insidint with R.J. Fletcher, I hate tee vee, especially that funniest videos show. Once, I sent a tape of me accidently shooting Wanda in the buttox, but them bastids dint even show it on the show. Well, Lisa had to almost poke my eyes out afore I realized she was right bout how much I've changed.
What happened is I am singing her one of my rockin roll songs bout how I was only kidding bout how much I loved her. She kinda took it the wrong way an left me. Also, noone else liked the song neither an soon our band was a bust, an we is flat broke again! We kinda learned to live off of Oreo cookies, which I figured was pretty good. I ate oreos all the time. But even that got me into trouble!
One day I saw Bob Saget hisself walkin cross the street. He is the guy on the Funniest Videos show. Dan graps him an asked why he ain't used my tape on his show. Bob Saget explains that they can't show people gettin shot on a family show even if it is a pig, but he offered me a spot on his other show. Full House was the name of the show. That was the show with those cute little kids that is now billionaires.
Anyhow, I played a policeman who brings one of the kids home after they been spray paintin. They tole me to wait outside the door til they cue me. Well, from inside I could hear that Bob Saget is tellin the kids bout when he was their age an he had to walk 50 billion miles in the snow an crap like that. It was a long speech so I decided to have a few Oreos while I am waitin. Then some more an more. When they finally cue me an open the door, I has got choclit an white stuff all over my face. Mr. Saget is so mad he chased me all the way home.
Now, I am a good runner, but that Bob Saget he is almost as fast. He kept up with me pretty good while we ran clear back from California to Seatle. When I git home, Leutenint Dan is waitin for me an he says that we is goin on another one of them free trips. So now Mr. Saget is chasin me, Dan, an Wanda all the way to the airport an since they think he is our extra guest, he is chasin us all over the plane too.
Where we went is to a new museum in Mexico called Taco Grande. Leutenint Dan says that means "big taco." It is a whole museum bout tacos. We ran past displays of tacos, burritos, chimichangas, an them cinimin things an I even saw a wax statue of Cheech Marin along the way. Well we finally lost Bob Saget somewhere roun the salsa section. Unfortunately, we also lost pore ole Wanda cause she couldn't keep up. Pore ole Wanda.
Well, anyhow now we is on the plane to go home. They is the most beautiful girl I seen since Melanie. Her name is Amy. I find out she is a flight attendant. That is the person who tells you what to do when the plane crashes. Well, instantly we is a couple. She is givin me all kinds of free drinks an peanuts an coffee. Soon I find I'm goin on all kinds of trips just to be with Amy. Dan says this is stupid on account of we is broke. But I git a job as a pilot so it is easier to be with her. Eventually, she agreed to go out with me outside the airplane.
But when I go to pick her up at her house, she is not ready on account of the shower does not work. It would go on when she'd flush the john an then it wouldn't go off. So what I tole her is that I got a friend from Big Roy's Heating an Plumbin. His name? Ed McMahon from the Tonight Show. As it turns out, some big chinned guy took over for Johnny Carson an now Ed McMahon is working at Big Roy's.
Well, Amy is so impressed by Ed McMahon that she agreed to marry me. However, I think she only did this cause I know Ed McMahon. She is all the time hangin round him an ignorin me. An soon I be gettin this feelin she's tryin to kill me. She says I am just paranoid from when she accidently shoved me down an elevator shaft. But I am startin to worry when I found piranhas in the bath tub an my car breaks was broke. Finally, she broke my heart when she just left me flat. An that's all I got to say bout that. Except that, like Melanie, I would one day git my revenge on Amy.
