A/n: Wheee! I just realized- American football is a widely-approved
sport where hot, muscular, sweaty men hug and take each other to the ground
every five seconds. Am now taking a few days to quietly question my
personal values. Probably, though, I'll come up with the same answer as
the last time I did some soul-searching... meh.
Well, with no further ado over nothing, I bring to you:
Chapter Twelve: Memory Lane
Legolas looked around him. Everything was dark. Everything in the dark was swirling. //The dark is moving.// He knew, with a certain resignation, that he was sleeping. That he was dreaming. In a way, that was oddly comforting, because when he was dreaming, there were no bloodstains left behind from things he he did not remember doing.
Shadows of non-light and holes of non-existance shot through the insubstantial and superficial blackness, rendering it simply the fear of an infant. This, this was the darkness that hid monsters. Mere night wavered and seemed childish compared to the terror that the abscence of all light held in its depths. This was the sort of fear that would send a grown man, screaming, as far away as he could run.
Legolas found it comforting.
//No one here. No one in front. No one behind. Alone. Completely alone.//
He smiled, a cracked, twisted movement across features that never expressed happiness. Valar. He was finally alone.
//No one to hurt. No one to bend, no one to break, no one to beat me down.//
Something deep within his thoughts yanked its way to the front, bending him over with nausea.
//You want to be hurt. You want to be bent and broken// the thought hissed, its prescence bubbling and fizzling like boiling water inside Legolas's skull. He nodded like a puppet would, controlled by strings. Fluid leaked out of his eyes, his ears, his mouth, and his nose, dripping slowly down his body.
//You WANT to be beaten to the ground! DON'T YOU?//
Legolas clutched his ears, screaming. Loud. Too loud.
His nostrils spurted blood. He moaned, the sound of a dying animal bursting from his mouth. His fingers were twitching, and were as pale as his shaking body. Vomiting was impossible- his throat was so clenched that he could barely breathe.
Still, his stomach tried. Gastric acid burned at his throat as it swelled, making him groan.
//Good pet. Good.//
The pain stopped, and Legolas choked, the bile that had been rising behind his throat blockage bursting out in an arc. He lay on his side for a while, breathing heavily and trying to collect his wits.
He wiped at his face, clearing his eyes and sending out a pitiful thought thread.
//i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.//
//Who is your master? Your protector? Your only love?//
Legolas shut his eyes. //you//
His body was restored, and Legolas sighed with wretched relief. Then a small, dangerous wisp of idea crept into his conciousness. It formed itself steadily into a full-fledged, independent thought that demanded attention.
//Haldir.//
The presence was instantly alert. //... what?//
//I love Haldir.//
//NO//
//I do!//
//NO//, screamed the prescence, and there was a sound like the cracking of the sky.
Legolas looked fearfully around himself in the abyss. He could tell, because he knew this place- he could tell, because he had spent so much of his life in this chasm of thoughts-
He could sense the storm brewing.
The thought of its fury was enough to make even Legolas curl up, shaking with fear.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Legolas opened his eyes, blind for a few minutes with panic. His gaze darted nervously from place to place in the talan that he could remember- but only vaguely.
//...a-awake...//
He relaxed, pressing his left palm against his forehead and shutting his eyes again, suprised at how hot it was. That was right. The talan. Haldir...
Legolas frowned as a headache crept into his head. Haldir... The headache grew worse, threatening.
//Haldir-//
The migraine throbbed, twisting and writhing and sending harsh knives of pain through his mind. Legolas bit back a moan. Haldir. Platinum hair. Strong arms. Haldir. Soft blue eyes. Warm lips.
His eyes flew open.
//Pain?//
Haldir.
Haldir... pain?
Haldir, pain.
Haldir meant-
//PAIN//
Legolas looked around fearfully. Haldir was awake and looking at him. //no// he pleaded, mentally. //no!//
Haldir looked at Legolas curiously. "Legolas?"
Legolas blinked, keeping his mouth shut tightly. //Who?
...me?//
Haldir was next to him before Legolas was really aware of what had happened, and his arms-
//strong. Safe.//
-wrapped themselves around his waist.
"Legolas. What's wrong?" Haldir's eyes were so soft... and his mouth in such a worried line- Legolas *wanted* to trust-
"I- something- it HURT-"
Tears began to slide down his cheeks, and he shook his head.
"When- when I woke up- something made me forget- I- I can't remember! When I try to remember it hurts... it hurts a lot. But it hurts so bad when I think of you, I-" His voice cracked, and Legolas began to sob. He couldn't get words past his lips.
Haldir hugged him tightly, and rocked him gently back and forth. "Shh. It's all right. If it hurts, you don't have to try to remember. You don't have to get hurt. It's all right. It's all right." Inside, Haldir was a tempest, but one thing dominated his thoughts.
He hoped- he truly, deeply hoped- that Legolas was safe here. Because Haldir was going to have to go get Galadriel. Legolas needed protection from whatever was harming him- and he would get it. Harm? This was not simple harm. This was mental torture.
Haldir held onto Legolas until he had cried himself out, and when he got up to leave, Legolas did not try to stop him.
As he moved to shut the door behind him, Legolas mumbled mournfully, "I told you the shadows would get me if you left me alone. But you couldn't follow, could you?"
Haldir froze, his heart stopping painfully and his blood icing over.
He had to move away before Legolas saw his tears. There had been enough of them this morning already.
*****tbc*****
A/n: Short, I know, but it fits this way. :)
Well, with no further ado over nothing, I bring to you:
Chapter Twelve: Memory Lane
Legolas looked around him. Everything was dark. Everything in the dark was swirling. //The dark is moving.// He knew, with a certain resignation, that he was sleeping. That he was dreaming. In a way, that was oddly comforting, because when he was dreaming, there were no bloodstains left behind from things he he did not remember doing.
Shadows of non-light and holes of non-existance shot through the insubstantial and superficial blackness, rendering it simply the fear of an infant. This, this was the darkness that hid monsters. Mere night wavered and seemed childish compared to the terror that the abscence of all light held in its depths. This was the sort of fear that would send a grown man, screaming, as far away as he could run.
Legolas found it comforting.
//No one here. No one in front. No one behind. Alone. Completely alone.//
He smiled, a cracked, twisted movement across features that never expressed happiness. Valar. He was finally alone.
//No one to hurt. No one to bend, no one to break, no one to beat me down.//
Something deep within his thoughts yanked its way to the front, bending him over with nausea.
//You want to be hurt. You want to be bent and broken// the thought hissed, its prescence bubbling and fizzling like boiling water inside Legolas's skull. He nodded like a puppet would, controlled by strings. Fluid leaked out of his eyes, his ears, his mouth, and his nose, dripping slowly down his body.
//You WANT to be beaten to the ground! DON'T YOU?//
Legolas clutched his ears, screaming. Loud. Too loud.
His nostrils spurted blood. He moaned, the sound of a dying animal bursting from his mouth. His fingers were twitching, and were as pale as his shaking body. Vomiting was impossible- his throat was so clenched that he could barely breathe.
Still, his stomach tried. Gastric acid burned at his throat as it swelled, making him groan.
//Good pet. Good.//
The pain stopped, and Legolas choked, the bile that had been rising behind his throat blockage bursting out in an arc. He lay on his side for a while, breathing heavily and trying to collect his wits.
He wiped at his face, clearing his eyes and sending out a pitiful thought thread.
//i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.//
//Who is your master? Your protector? Your only love?//
Legolas shut his eyes. //you//
His body was restored, and Legolas sighed with wretched relief. Then a small, dangerous wisp of idea crept into his conciousness. It formed itself steadily into a full-fledged, independent thought that demanded attention.
//Haldir.//
The presence was instantly alert. //... what?//
//I love Haldir.//
//NO//
//I do!//
//NO//, screamed the prescence, and there was a sound like the cracking of the sky.
Legolas looked fearfully around himself in the abyss. He could tell, because he knew this place- he could tell, because he had spent so much of his life in this chasm of thoughts-
He could sense the storm brewing.
The thought of its fury was enough to make even Legolas curl up, shaking with fear.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Legolas opened his eyes, blind for a few minutes with panic. His gaze darted nervously from place to place in the talan that he could remember- but only vaguely.
//...a-awake...//
He relaxed, pressing his left palm against his forehead and shutting his eyes again, suprised at how hot it was. That was right. The talan. Haldir...
Legolas frowned as a headache crept into his head. Haldir... The headache grew worse, threatening.
//Haldir-//
The migraine throbbed, twisting and writhing and sending harsh knives of pain through his mind. Legolas bit back a moan. Haldir. Platinum hair. Strong arms. Haldir. Soft blue eyes. Warm lips.
His eyes flew open.
//Pain?//
Haldir.
Haldir... pain?
Haldir, pain.
Haldir meant-
//PAIN//
Legolas looked around fearfully. Haldir was awake and looking at him. //no// he pleaded, mentally. //no!//
Haldir looked at Legolas curiously. "Legolas?"
Legolas blinked, keeping his mouth shut tightly. //Who?
...me?//
Haldir was next to him before Legolas was really aware of what had happened, and his arms-
//strong. Safe.//
-wrapped themselves around his waist.
"Legolas. What's wrong?" Haldir's eyes were so soft... and his mouth in such a worried line- Legolas *wanted* to trust-
"I- something- it HURT-"
Tears began to slide down his cheeks, and he shook his head.
"When- when I woke up- something made me forget- I- I can't remember! When I try to remember it hurts... it hurts a lot. But it hurts so bad when I think of you, I-" His voice cracked, and Legolas began to sob. He couldn't get words past his lips.
Haldir hugged him tightly, and rocked him gently back and forth. "Shh. It's all right. If it hurts, you don't have to try to remember. You don't have to get hurt. It's all right. It's all right." Inside, Haldir was a tempest, but one thing dominated his thoughts.
He hoped- he truly, deeply hoped- that Legolas was safe here. Because Haldir was going to have to go get Galadriel. Legolas needed protection from whatever was harming him- and he would get it. Harm? This was not simple harm. This was mental torture.
Haldir held onto Legolas until he had cried himself out, and when he got up to leave, Legolas did not try to stop him.
As he moved to shut the door behind him, Legolas mumbled mournfully, "I told you the shadows would get me if you left me alone. But you couldn't follow, could you?"
Haldir froze, his heart stopping painfully and his blood icing over.
He had to move away before Legolas saw his tears. There had been enough of them this morning already.
*****tbc*****
A/n: Short, I know, but it fits this way. :)
