A/n: woot. Back... back again! ^.^ The end is coming, me hearties. Buckle up. It's gonna be a hell of a bumpy ride. WAHAHAAAA! Oh, and pretty please check out the authors and stories in my favorites. Even if you think you won't like something, (cough Harry Potter haters cough) please try them. After all... :-D! They're pretty darn good!

Disclaimer: *hugs Erin and Gwaloth and Helle to her chest* My babies! Ahhhh! Don't take them! *ahem* But I don't own Legolas or Haldir or Lorien or Galadriel or all those nice, Tolkienish things.

Chapter Fourteen: The Best Thing You Could Give

Gwaloth panted as she ran, her breeches loose around her legs and her sides aching. She had to run, had to run, had to, had to, run, run, run, run, run-

Gwaloth sat up, breathing hard. She looked around her. She was in her room. The sunrise was beautiful through the glass panes. The door was open. Everything was fine-

The door was open.

Gwaloth panicked. She got up, eyes wide and frightened, as she shut the door with an audible bang. She sat down on the edge of her bed, feeling lost and alone. Had someone been in here while she was asleep? Or was she alone, as she thought she was?

//But... was I ever really alone?// she wondered bleakly. Something wasn't right. It was easy, in Mirkwood, to pretend. It was easy to believe she had simply forgotten that she had done things because her routine was constant. It was always constant. Why, it was the most natural thing in the world to let your mind slip, when you were performing a task you had carried out a hundred times before.

But something wasn't right. Something was not right at all. Here, in Lorien, she had no routine to cling to. She had nothing to take her mind off the dreams and the voice that told her not to remember too hard, because here, here were her memories! plain and simple, easy to look at memories, no need to delve deeper. No need in the world.

Gwaloth was not sure why, but the voice didn't seem right. She hadn't thought about her past in a long, long while. Where had she been before she was the Prince's caretaker?

She shuddered. Her mind was telling her: You were at home. You were at home and then you left.

//But why did I leave?//

//It's not important, not important,// whispered her mind. //Trust yourself. Trust. It isn't important.//

//Yes,// she decided firmly. //Yes, it is important. It is very important.//

//No. NO. It isn't. You should stop thinking about it, right now. Stop. STOP!// screamed -something- that Gwaloth was suddenly, grippingly sure was not her.

//Let me in// she demanded quietly, frenzy in her eyes. //Let me see my past, damnit!//

//I can't.//

//Why not? WHY NOT?//

//.....//

//TELL ME.//

//But-//

//Tell me, now, damn you. Or get out.//

//I can't!//

//YES YOU CAN!//

//No! Really! I cannot!//

//THEN TELL ME WHY//

//...//

//Well?//

//Because- because-//

//For the Valar's sake, please!//

The voice sounded petulant and whiny. //Because... the others won't let me.//

Gwaloth was dimly aware of a few moments of shock, and then she realized that her mouth had fallen open, and there was someone out there screaming. It was only a while later that she realized, quite oddly, that the screams came from her. And in her mind she kept replaying her dream, the little blue-eyed, red-haired elfling asking her over and over again what was wrong.

******************************************************************

Erin sat solemnly on a chair as Helle rushed about, getting food for their breakfast. Her green eyes flashed dully. She was thinking.

//Sister. Dear sister. You're dead. You're dead, dead, dead. You had to run away! The shadows took you first, they took you first. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Poor little bird, poor little bird! You weren't supposed to die. We were picking strawberries. You were going to take them home to adar, so that he could save them for nana, when nana came home. Nana liked to go outside and sleep under the stars. She loved to.//

//She liked strawberries so much, you see. They were her breakfast food. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We went out and you died, you died died died. I shouldn't have, I wouldn't have if I had known. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.//

//We were going to find some catnips, yes, we were, remember? For Viola. Viola the cat. She was so soft and cuddly. She was nana's favorite. Nana was wonderful, wasn't she? And it was so sad that she had to fly, fly far far away. Ada, he used to tell nana that he loved her, but then he would look at... no. Not thinking about it. Let's play pretend, sister. I can be Viola, you can be nana. Then you can be a cat, after! I know you love to pretend you are a cat. Isn't it so much fun?//

Helle sat down across from her, holding out a bowl of diced vegetables and a side of thinly cut meat. Erin blinked, and smiled warmly at Helle.

"Do you have any strawberries?" ******************************************************************

Legolas sat calmly in his accustomed chair, as Galadriel came through the door. Her visits were expected, now, and he always remembered to be there when she came. Haldir sat next to him, holding his hand loosely. There was a fog in his mind, he could tell. He frowned.

Why did he always do as the Dark One told him to? The answer lay in his memories, but Legolas couldn't stand the raw pain that trying to break through to them caused.

He sighed, feeling miserable. He wanted to explain it to them, but he knew they wouldn't understand. No one would understand how much it hurt to delve into his mind.

Galadriel smiled cooly at him. "Legolas, given regard to your current situation, I think it best that you don't do much talking. I understand you have a terrible headache. But I do have news for you," she said, her voice growing soft and kind.

"Legolas, I think that the Dark One is the one who has driven you mad."

Legolas retreated into numb silence, nodding mutely. "Okay. If you think so," he heard himself say. What was going on? The Dark One had always looked over him, right? Right?

//What if...// he thought, looking, shellshocked, out the window.

//What if the Dark One... is really where I should place the blame?//

Something lifted, like a veil. Legolas knew, desperately, that the answer was in his memories. He would have given anything in the world to break the barrier and make Haldir pleased with him, but he couldn't do it. he just couldn't do it. Frustrated, Legolas leaned against Haldir, oblivious to the conversation going on over his head.

"So, why is he the way he is about people?" Haldir gestured towards Legolas with his free hand.

Galadriel sighed. "I believe that the Dark One used manipulation to make him believe lies, and among those lies was probably that everyone was out to get him. Right now, we're not even sure that the Dark One is an actual person. After all, it is entirely possible that Legolas's madness causes him to see people that do not exist. Perhaps the Dark One is one such figment of his crazed mind."

Haldir frowned. "I am not sure," he said quietly. "He acts so jumpy at physical contact, and he fears the Dark One in terms of violence that isn't strictly mental, it's mostly physical. You should hear him talk."

"Well, that clears up one thing. What bothers me is that the Legolas I remember when I visited Mirkwood, many manyu years ago, was a healthy, normal child. He was never odd or paranoid in the slightest. When could this have happened?"

Haldir shifted in his seat. "I think it was when he was little, just a small elfling. Because his emotions, if not his intellect, are those of a small child's. Is it possible that this Dark One could have boxed him up like that, making his emotions unable to mature?"

"That is certain. You're right, it probably began when he was very young, shortly after I returned to Lorien. Well, this has been an interesting talk, Haldir." She stood up, and Haldir did the same.

"Quite. Shall we try to find some medical records of psychosis?"

"Yes, as soon as possible. In fact, if you think you can find someone to look after Legolas, we can begin this evening. Send word if you're able to, and we can meet in the Archives. All right?" Haldir nodded.

"Good day, my lady," he called after her as she left the talan, wrapped up in a thick white cloak. Haldir turned to Legolas, who looked up at him with an uncertain smile.

"Is something wrong, Haldir?"

"Not really," Haldir assured him. "I'm just trying to think of someone who could look after you. I know Orophin is busy caring for his charge, and Rumil is in no state to look after someone... Hang on. You came with a keeper, didn't you? What was her name, again?"

Legolas looked outside the window, where the snow was melting in small patches. "Gwaloth," he said distantly. "Gwaloth looked after me."

*****tbc*****

A/n: I toooold you the plot was thickening. Like syrup. Ahem. Well, reviews are nice, especially with toast. Nudge nudge, wink wink, ya know what I meaaan? So please... if you read it... it doesn't have to be a long review! It can be very short. ^.~ And I can't respond to reviews really, because it would mean answering questions, but... I still love you all. Each and every one of you. Erin gives you all a hug!
Laterz
~NS