anna ni issho datta no ni [llyse]

Once we played in the glorious green fields, innocent childhood unfolding as white petals, untouched by blood. We had no brothers; we were brothers, together forever in the dawn of our lives.

And I loved you then.

And you knew it.

And you loved me too, a love naïve and pure. As children we were uncomplicated, life taken as we faced it, things so simple and easy to understand. Love was love, nothing else mattered.

But now the clock has ticked, and the colours changed. We are darkening, learning, despairing, and the sunset is not fire but blood, scarlet glory like my mother's lifeblood (and the pianist's, quiet brave child now lost).

And I should have expected it, you being you. Always to protect others first. But perhaps I was blinded, I was selfish, I thought that our love was all you needed. We are black, struggling against fetters stained with the blood of innocents, and our seats reversed: you the shield and I, the sword. And you sang of freedom while I thought I was dealing justice.

And our paths merged anew, but we are bounded now by too many things to speak of, and you as we are we are old enough to be complicated. Love is no longer just love, and emotions as they roil refract the simplest word into a spectrum of meanings. I am lost, have lost: innocence, and trust and love drowned in the blood of the ones I love.

I would have died there but for her, bright flame that burned and challenged me to live. It is a challenge I take for her, dear friend that she is, and for everyone else.

I know that our old bond is dead, slain by our hands. It remains to be seen if something new can be forged from the shards of that broken blade, something stronger, greater, brighter that in reforging heals us. We can never be the same because we are old enough to recognise that we are no longer brothers, no longer friends but with the potential to be so much more (I do not understand this that I feel, but I know it, bright leaping flame) and no matter how much we pretend for the sake of others this is how things stand.

And I love you still.

Do you know?

a/n 3-4-04: because asukira is FUUUUN, cagalli and lacus notwithstanding.