Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I never will and I do not own Spike, sadly, I'm just borrowing them for this story.
Author's Notes: Enjoy and review! the more comments, the faster I update.
Chapter 5
Buffy woke and rolled over in her bed, her arms reaching out for her lover that had slipped away during the night, encountering nothing but cold, unwelcoming sheets. She frowned as she sat up, pulling on her robe and heading towards the showers. Why had Riley left? Maybe he had something to do; why was she worried? It's because you don't think he can handle himself anymore. That little voice nagged inside of her and she pushed it back to where it belonged, out of her head.
As she rolled to the other side she was shocked by the sight in front of her, it was Spike, leaning against a wall, hand still held over his chest and blood seeping out from his fingers. From what she could tell, he was passed out extremely pale, even for a vampire. Jumping from her warm bed she slipped over to him, forgetting about her nakedness. Running a finger down his face she bit back the tears, usually he was so strong, but this was serious, he wasn't getting the blood he needed to help his body regenerate and so he was slipping into a state of hibernation.
Grabbing the first aid kit from under her bed and a robe, because the cold air brought her to the realization that she was naked, she went back to him, pulling his hand away from the gapping wound underneath. "Oh God, Spike. What happened to you?" She wasn't mad that he had come here, he was probably too scared to stay at his place. Her thoughts traversed all possibilities as she dressed his wound. All sorts of demons, monsters... It looked as though a stake had done it, but if it had, he would be dust. Whoever had done this had to have been one sick individual.
He was unresponsive, his easy swagger and waggling eyebrows were not present, all that there was was a shell of a man, cold, hard and stone. She missed her Spike, this Spike was scaring her, she had to know that he was gonna be alright. This thought almost made her chuckle, about two years ago, maybe less, she wouldn't have cared what would have happened to Spike, but now, they had a history, and God help her, she might actually think of him as a friend now.
She tended dutifully to his wounds, not noticing her own state. Her robe and fallen down low enough to give a very good look to anyone who might be around, and unfortunately she was also covered with Spike's blood.
Riley came up the stairs, after his meeting with Spike he had wandered around for a couple hours until finally finding his way back to her home. He heard soft sobbing as he walked up to her door and he opened it quickly to find Buffy kneeling in front of Spike... weeping... and half falling out of her robe. What the hell was she doing? She spun on her heel, falling to the ground and adjusted her robe at the gasp that she heard behind her. "Riley! I don't know what happened to him. I just woke up and he was here, bleeding from a huge gapping hole in his heart. Can you maybe go get some blood? Maybe if we get some in him he'll wake up. God who would do such a thing?" Her eyes looked at him, searching for an answer that she doubted that he had. She was also searching for comfort that she knew he would give, but she never expected what he was about to say to her.
"Maybe he deserved it. Maybe you shouldn't be fawning over him like he's a sick puppy. You know what they do to animals hurt this bad? They kill them. Put them outta their misery. Hell, he's a thing Buffy! He's not a man, he doesn't even have a soul. You're a Vampire Slayer and for damn reason you're attracted to them! Can't you just kill them and be on with your life? You know, you can stay here with Spike. We don't know each other anymore, you're changing. Just, I can't look at you, covered in his blood. In fact, I'm leaving, unless you can shove a stake through his heart and give me a reason to stay."
Her eyes grew round and wide as she stuttered out a few words, "You, you wa... want me t.. to k.. kill him? But he's helped me! He's changed! What did he ever do to you Riley?! And what the fuck do you mean that you're leaving?! Haven't I given you enough? What more do you want? I've given you my body, my life, my mind, my heart. What haven't you gotten yet?"
"I don't have you're heart Buffy and I sure as hell don't have you're life. You push me aside the second anything major happens. Like I can't take it, you don't come to me for comfort. I need to be needed!"
"Well I'm sorry if you can't handle this! Maybe it would be better if you did go. If you suddenly have the desire for me to kill my friends..."
"So he's a friend now is he, last I heard he was just someone who came and helped you out when you paid him. Buffy, he's evil! He's just like a serial killer in prison."
"You don't know him Riley, you never took the time to know him. He's not gonna hurt me. He was the one who was there for me through my mother's illness. Not you. Him."
"I would have been there had you let me! God Buffy, you turned away from me when I tried to hug you, to comfort you. You needed to be comforted, but you wouldn't let yourself. Now you tell me that you let this creature comfort you!" He gestured wildly to the bleeding vampire on the floor, his eyes like daggers shooting into Buffy's soul.
Buffy was in full slayer mode now though, nothing he said could touch, only make her fight more. The realization that he had been the one to do this to Spike had hit her not too long ago and she wanted Riley to feel the pain that Spike now felt. "I want you gone. You say you're leaving, well I want you gone. I never want to hear from you again. You're the monster. You always have. So get out of my house, my life, my world, forever. I don't care what you do, just don't include me." Her voice dripped with ice and she stood up, her small frame imposing and threatening as she put herself between Spike and Riley. "Out, now."
He sneered at her and turned, down the steps and out of her life forever. He didn't even stop when he reached the front door, just out and down the front steps. It was when he sat down in his car that he turned back and looked at the now closed window. So this was it, this was really the end, goodbye. She had made her choice. A vampire. Hope that she was happy. He pulled out the engagement ring that he held in his pocket and sighed. "Goodbye Buffy. I could have made you happy if you had only let me." With that he drove off, to the military base, his stuff packed in the back of the car. He was going to South America, go to where someone really needed him.
Buffy watched Riley leave before she turned back to Spike, his limp body still propped up against the desk where he must have fallen last night or during the early morning. She was still trying to figure out how he had gotten into her room, her house, without her noticing. She sighed as she knelt back down in front of him, staring at him his features. His wounds were all bandaged now and she thought that she had stopped the blood flow, and all that she could do was stare at him now. She should be calling Willow, or Giles, or Xander, anyone to help her. He needed blood and she knew that, but she couldn't bring herself to leave him.
His eyes slowly opened and he looked back at her with his own half-lidded stare. "Slayer..." He slurred out the single word and sighed before closing his eyes again.
Finally bringing herself to move, she got up and called Willow, explaining the situation to her and then hanging up, trusting Willow to get here as quick as possible with the blood to help restore Spike back to himself.
Willow arrived shortly after the call and ran up the stairs to fin Spike leaning against the desk and Buffy sitting there next to him, her robe disheveled around her and coated in blood, Spike's blood. Willow wanted to avert her eyes, but she couldn't, the scene was too grim. Buffy looked like she was in a comatose state, just staring at Spike.
"Willow, he needs blood, now." She ran a hand down the vampire's face and a small groan escaped his lips; he was healing, but nowhere near fast enough.
Kneeling beside her friend she helped to feed Spike the pig's blood that she had just received from the butcher, and it was still warm. She fed him a pint of it, hoping that that would be enough, but she had more in case he needed it, but it was time to tend to Buffy right now. Spike had eternal life, he would make it through this, Buffy on the other hand needed the support of her best friend.
"Buffy, come on, let's get you cleaned up, we'll let Spike rest a minute and then we will come back and check on him."
She only nodded in response to Willow's request and stood up. Her mind was racing again. Why was she this upset over Spike, she knew that he would be okay, but should help being scared to death. The realization that Riley had left her for good hadn't sunk in yet. She had turned him away, away for what? For Spike? Why did she care? This was the same vampire who had tried to kill her so many times before. And yes, she did consider him a friend now, but still, she was acting like she was… married… to… Spike… That realization hit her hard and her eyes flashed open and she spun to look at Willow. "What did you do?"
Willow was taken a back by the sudden comment that was laced with ice. "Wha, what do you mean? I didn't do anything Buffy."
"What did you do to me?! Why did you make me care about him?! You said that you reversed the spell, but you didn't! Not all of it!" She pushed Willow away from her and glared at her. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. This isn't why Angel left. This isn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to hate him, but all I can think of is him! Willow! What did you do to me!?"
The red haired witch backed away from the screaming woman who had tears streaming down her face, and Willow could feel her own tears traversing their way down her skin.
"Get out! Out! Out!" She fell to her knees and her screams turned into sobs. "Out… Out of my head, out of my heart, out of my life. Oh God, Riley, Mom, Dawn, all of them. I can't save them, I can't hold them. Is this my curse? Why am I cursed?"
Falling to her knees next to her, Willow hugged her dearest friend closely to her. "Shh Buffy, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. We'll get it all figured out. We will, don't worry." Willow just heard Buffy continuing her monologue, never ending and always cryptic, she couldn't quite figure out what she was saying, though some things did fit. But in the end, it was all just rants.
Spike heard the whole thing that was happening outside of Buffy's door. He had awoken not too long after the witch had taken Buffy out of the room to clean her up. Still attempting to figure out how he had gotten in the room, he figured that he had come up here during the night in the middle of his delirium from the pain and passed out, he stood up, wincing at the pain in his chest. His wounds were all bandaged now and he had received fresh blood. However, his heart felt as though it were having another hole torn into it as he heard his love, sobbing and wailing her heart out to the witch in the hallway. He knew it was because of him and that thought only caused him more pain.
Grabbing the bag of blood on the table he jumped out of the window and landed badly, but picked himself up and took off for his crypt, the sun had just finished setting, so a soft glow still lingered in the sky, but he was safe from the sun, but not from his own emotions.
Author's Notes: Enjoy and review! the more comments, the faster I update.
Chapter 5
Buffy woke and rolled over in her bed, her arms reaching out for her lover that had slipped away during the night, encountering nothing but cold, unwelcoming sheets. She frowned as she sat up, pulling on her robe and heading towards the showers. Why had Riley left? Maybe he had something to do; why was she worried? It's because you don't think he can handle himself anymore. That little voice nagged inside of her and she pushed it back to where it belonged, out of her head.
As she rolled to the other side she was shocked by the sight in front of her, it was Spike, leaning against a wall, hand still held over his chest and blood seeping out from his fingers. From what she could tell, he was passed out extremely pale, even for a vampire. Jumping from her warm bed she slipped over to him, forgetting about her nakedness. Running a finger down his face she bit back the tears, usually he was so strong, but this was serious, he wasn't getting the blood he needed to help his body regenerate and so he was slipping into a state of hibernation.
Grabbing the first aid kit from under her bed and a robe, because the cold air brought her to the realization that she was naked, she went back to him, pulling his hand away from the gapping wound underneath. "Oh God, Spike. What happened to you?" She wasn't mad that he had come here, he was probably too scared to stay at his place. Her thoughts traversed all possibilities as she dressed his wound. All sorts of demons, monsters... It looked as though a stake had done it, but if it had, he would be dust. Whoever had done this had to have been one sick individual.
He was unresponsive, his easy swagger and waggling eyebrows were not present, all that there was was a shell of a man, cold, hard and stone. She missed her Spike, this Spike was scaring her, she had to know that he was gonna be alright. This thought almost made her chuckle, about two years ago, maybe less, she wouldn't have cared what would have happened to Spike, but now, they had a history, and God help her, she might actually think of him as a friend now.
She tended dutifully to his wounds, not noticing her own state. Her robe and fallen down low enough to give a very good look to anyone who might be around, and unfortunately she was also covered with Spike's blood.
Riley came up the stairs, after his meeting with Spike he had wandered around for a couple hours until finally finding his way back to her home. He heard soft sobbing as he walked up to her door and he opened it quickly to find Buffy kneeling in front of Spike... weeping... and half falling out of her robe. What the hell was she doing? She spun on her heel, falling to the ground and adjusted her robe at the gasp that she heard behind her. "Riley! I don't know what happened to him. I just woke up and he was here, bleeding from a huge gapping hole in his heart. Can you maybe go get some blood? Maybe if we get some in him he'll wake up. God who would do such a thing?" Her eyes looked at him, searching for an answer that she doubted that he had. She was also searching for comfort that she knew he would give, but she never expected what he was about to say to her.
"Maybe he deserved it. Maybe you shouldn't be fawning over him like he's a sick puppy. You know what they do to animals hurt this bad? They kill them. Put them outta their misery. Hell, he's a thing Buffy! He's not a man, he doesn't even have a soul. You're a Vampire Slayer and for damn reason you're attracted to them! Can't you just kill them and be on with your life? You know, you can stay here with Spike. We don't know each other anymore, you're changing. Just, I can't look at you, covered in his blood. In fact, I'm leaving, unless you can shove a stake through his heart and give me a reason to stay."
Her eyes grew round and wide as she stuttered out a few words, "You, you wa... want me t.. to k.. kill him? But he's helped me! He's changed! What did he ever do to you Riley?! And what the fuck do you mean that you're leaving?! Haven't I given you enough? What more do you want? I've given you my body, my life, my mind, my heart. What haven't you gotten yet?"
"I don't have you're heart Buffy and I sure as hell don't have you're life. You push me aside the second anything major happens. Like I can't take it, you don't come to me for comfort. I need to be needed!"
"Well I'm sorry if you can't handle this! Maybe it would be better if you did go. If you suddenly have the desire for me to kill my friends..."
"So he's a friend now is he, last I heard he was just someone who came and helped you out when you paid him. Buffy, he's evil! He's just like a serial killer in prison."
"You don't know him Riley, you never took the time to know him. He's not gonna hurt me. He was the one who was there for me through my mother's illness. Not you. Him."
"I would have been there had you let me! God Buffy, you turned away from me when I tried to hug you, to comfort you. You needed to be comforted, but you wouldn't let yourself. Now you tell me that you let this creature comfort you!" He gestured wildly to the bleeding vampire on the floor, his eyes like daggers shooting into Buffy's soul.
Buffy was in full slayer mode now though, nothing he said could touch, only make her fight more. The realization that he had been the one to do this to Spike had hit her not too long ago and she wanted Riley to feel the pain that Spike now felt. "I want you gone. You say you're leaving, well I want you gone. I never want to hear from you again. You're the monster. You always have. So get out of my house, my life, my world, forever. I don't care what you do, just don't include me." Her voice dripped with ice and she stood up, her small frame imposing and threatening as she put herself between Spike and Riley. "Out, now."
He sneered at her and turned, down the steps and out of her life forever. He didn't even stop when he reached the front door, just out and down the front steps. It was when he sat down in his car that he turned back and looked at the now closed window. So this was it, this was really the end, goodbye. She had made her choice. A vampire. Hope that she was happy. He pulled out the engagement ring that he held in his pocket and sighed. "Goodbye Buffy. I could have made you happy if you had only let me." With that he drove off, to the military base, his stuff packed in the back of the car. He was going to South America, go to where someone really needed him.
Buffy watched Riley leave before she turned back to Spike, his limp body still propped up against the desk where he must have fallen last night or during the early morning. She was still trying to figure out how he had gotten into her room, her house, without her noticing. She sighed as she knelt back down in front of him, staring at him his features. His wounds were all bandaged now and she thought that she had stopped the blood flow, and all that she could do was stare at him now. She should be calling Willow, or Giles, or Xander, anyone to help her. He needed blood and she knew that, but she couldn't bring herself to leave him.
His eyes slowly opened and he looked back at her with his own half-lidded stare. "Slayer..." He slurred out the single word and sighed before closing his eyes again.
Finally bringing herself to move, she got up and called Willow, explaining the situation to her and then hanging up, trusting Willow to get here as quick as possible with the blood to help restore Spike back to himself.
Willow arrived shortly after the call and ran up the stairs to fin Spike leaning against the desk and Buffy sitting there next to him, her robe disheveled around her and coated in blood, Spike's blood. Willow wanted to avert her eyes, but she couldn't, the scene was too grim. Buffy looked like she was in a comatose state, just staring at Spike.
"Willow, he needs blood, now." She ran a hand down the vampire's face and a small groan escaped his lips; he was healing, but nowhere near fast enough.
Kneeling beside her friend she helped to feed Spike the pig's blood that she had just received from the butcher, and it was still warm. She fed him a pint of it, hoping that that would be enough, but she had more in case he needed it, but it was time to tend to Buffy right now. Spike had eternal life, he would make it through this, Buffy on the other hand needed the support of her best friend.
"Buffy, come on, let's get you cleaned up, we'll let Spike rest a minute and then we will come back and check on him."
She only nodded in response to Willow's request and stood up. Her mind was racing again. Why was she this upset over Spike, she knew that he would be okay, but should help being scared to death. The realization that Riley had left her for good hadn't sunk in yet. She had turned him away, away for what? For Spike? Why did she care? This was the same vampire who had tried to kill her so many times before. And yes, she did consider him a friend now, but still, she was acting like she was… married… to… Spike… That realization hit her hard and her eyes flashed open and she spun to look at Willow. "What did you do?"
Willow was taken a back by the sudden comment that was laced with ice. "Wha, what do you mean? I didn't do anything Buffy."
"What did you do to me?! Why did you make me care about him?! You said that you reversed the spell, but you didn't! Not all of it!" She pushed Willow away from her and glared at her. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. This isn't why Angel left. This isn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to hate him, but all I can think of is him! Willow! What did you do to me!?"
The red haired witch backed away from the screaming woman who had tears streaming down her face, and Willow could feel her own tears traversing their way down her skin.
"Get out! Out! Out!" She fell to her knees and her screams turned into sobs. "Out… Out of my head, out of my heart, out of my life. Oh God, Riley, Mom, Dawn, all of them. I can't save them, I can't hold them. Is this my curse? Why am I cursed?"
Falling to her knees next to her, Willow hugged her dearest friend closely to her. "Shh Buffy, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. We'll get it all figured out. We will, don't worry." Willow just heard Buffy continuing her monologue, never ending and always cryptic, she couldn't quite figure out what she was saying, though some things did fit. But in the end, it was all just rants.
Spike heard the whole thing that was happening outside of Buffy's door. He had awoken not too long after the witch had taken Buffy out of the room to clean her up. Still attempting to figure out how he had gotten in the room, he figured that he had come up here during the night in the middle of his delirium from the pain and passed out, he stood up, wincing at the pain in his chest. His wounds were all bandaged now and he had received fresh blood. However, his heart felt as though it were having another hole torn into it as he heard his love, sobbing and wailing her heart out to the witch in the hallway. He knew it was because of him and that thought only caused him more pain.
Grabbing the bag of blood on the table he jumped out of the window and landed badly, but picked himself up and took off for his crypt, the sun had just finished setting, so a soft glow still lingered in the sky, but he was safe from the sun, but not from his own emotions.
