For simplicity's sake, we'll call this part three instead of two, in which we learn that Linda is fond of things other than mangos.
~PART TWO~
THE KILLING CURSE OF THE DEATH MUNCHERS
*********************************
Snape was still screaming three days later. Madam Pomfrey was selling tickets to the attraction. She had made an ass-load of money by the time Dumbledore came back.
"We must send an Ambassador to Linda for the cure!" Dumbledore shouted above the screaming. The silencing charm had long since worn off. "Whatever Linda's done, damn she's good!" He caught sight of a pile of greenbacks on Pomfrey's desk. "Hot Damn!! Where'd all this money come from, Pop?!"
"Dawg, you trippin' 'gain. There ain't nothin' there!" Poppy quickly slid it into her ho-sized purse and took off for a trip to Jamaica.
"Bling-bling, money ain't no thing!" Dumbledore sung dancing around. Then he spotted a box filled to the brim with a certain sacrificial fruit.
"You know, these mangos are quite excellent. Ripe...juicy...mmmm...It's mango season..."
"WHAT?!" Snape actually screamed a word.
Dumbledore looked at the bong in his hand. "Damn this stuff is strong! I thought he just said somethin'. What is it, Professor?!" Screaming. "Uh-huh." More screaming. "Really now?" Intensified screaming.
Madam Hooch bitch-slapped Snape upside the head.
"Stop teasin' the animals! And where the hell did you get that mango?!"
"Oh, there's a full box of 'em. Man do I have the munchies!"
"Wha' tha' Hell?! Why didn't you give him one three days ago?!"
"This is more fun!" He poked the unconscious Snape, who screamed bitterly in response.
"No really."
"I was stoned off my ass."
"I'll go!"
"Wha?! Who said that?!" Dumbledore spun around trying to catch his shadow in the act. He screamed as he was face to face with Sirius Black.
"AHHHHH!!" Sirius screamed back. Actually, he kept screaming for five minutes. Dumbledore is helluva scary when you see him up close with his eyes all bloodshot. Plus he smelt funny.
"Where are we goin'? Can we get a bag of chips on the way?" Dumbledore needs to lay off the crack.
"You're going into Rehab. I'm gonna go and see Linda about a cure!"
"You're a brave man, Sirius Black. Now take this magical rod to protect yourself!"
"This is a stick of sugarcane..."
"Same difference! Now go forth, brave hobbit!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Sirius stole Dumbledore's bong and Madam Hooch knocked him over the head with a beater's club.
"He'll be out for a few hours."
Snape started to scream at different intervals. First a long, high pitched scream, then a low, strangled, bitter scream. His eyes were open once more with a look of terror upon his face, and he screamed short screams that made you think he was done, and then scared the hell outta ya again with shrieks once more.
Sirius used floo powder and came outta the giant bong at the riverbottom. He saw some big scary lookin' guy giving Death Munchers naughty tattoos in a special place and suddenly decided he might not be leaving. There was beer are around and people were having a good time drinking and boozin', and Sirius was sure he smelt the same smell of Dumbledore around the place.
"Oh Snap!" He cried.
There upon her thone in all her glory was Lord Linda, her naughty parts shielded by the flowing hair upon her head. She was drunk off her ass and let out shrieks now and then similar to the ones Snape had done. //Maybe he's just drunk?//
"Where do I sign up?!" He asked eagerly. This place had lines to get into it, and Sirius wasn't going to miss out on such an opportunity. This was the hottest joint this side of the riverbottom.
"Do you have your sacrificial mango?" Linda cackled crazily.
"Chick that's wack."
"Your mom, dawg."
"What?"
"I said 'your mom'. Now are you gonna pay the piper or do I have to haze you?"
"All I have is this rod of sugarcane."
"That's your rod?"
"Yes."
"It's quite large for a normal man."
"The rods at Hogwarts are always the biggest and the best!"
"Excellent. But you must be hazed! Now strip!"
"That's it?"
"What do you mean 'that's it'?"
"All I have to do is strip and be hazed?"
"Oh yeah!"
"Well then, here's your damn sugar cane, Biz-atch!" And with that he torn off his clothes to reveal very exciting parts. (All of which were hidden from the ever-penetrating sight of the fangirls).
"Oh holy heaven!" Linda grabbed Sirius and led him to her very special place in which she hazed him and he hazed her back....for hours and hours and hours...
They were still hazing each other by the time Dumbledore woke up from his bitch-slap and realized that Sirius hadn't taken a mango with him. In the lateness of the hour, there was silence in the hospital...except for all the screaming Snape was still doing when he kept remembering what he had done and what had been done to him and what Linda and Black were currently doing down at the riverbottom.
"Screw this, I'm gonna go party." And Dumbledore disappeared from the hospital wing unknowingly taking Snape with him.
Meanwhile back at the Riverbottom...
"Oh my God Sirius! You are going to be placed among my best circle of Death Munchers! But first you must learn the secrets of our group!"
"Oh, okay."
Linda, more naked than the day she was born, pressed play upon the stereo and dramatic music started to play.
"You must learn our killing curse. It is the main key we have to destroying the Death Eaters so that the Death Muchers can reign supreme among the best!"
"Zzzzzz...."
"Wake up, dumbass!"
"I'm awake! All that hazing tired me out...Care for another go?!" He was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Not now. Now shut up and pay attention!"
She set the piece of sugarcane Sirius had brought her on a table and whipped out her magic stick.
"Abra Cadaver!" And the cane shriveled up into a nasty lookin' black twig. Sirius held his own magic stick in fright. "Now you know our secrets! Time for more hazing!" And then off they went for more fun. Sirius is a kinky bastard.
*********************************
Heh heh heh...that was fun! Maybe I'll write more....
~PART TWO~
THE KILLING CURSE OF THE DEATH MUNCHERS
*********************************
Snape was still screaming three days later. Madam Pomfrey was selling tickets to the attraction. She had made an ass-load of money by the time Dumbledore came back.
"We must send an Ambassador to Linda for the cure!" Dumbledore shouted above the screaming. The silencing charm had long since worn off. "Whatever Linda's done, damn she's good!" He caught sight of a pile of greenbacks on Pomfrey's desk. "Hot Damn!! Where'd all this money come from, Pop?!"
"Dawg, you trippin' 'gain. There ain't nothin' there!" Poppy quickly slid it into her ho-sized purse and took off for a trip to Jamaica.
"Bling-bling, money ain't no thing!" Dumbledore sung dancing around. Then he spotted a box filled to the brim with a certain sacrificial fruit.
"You know, these mangos are quite excellent. Ripe...juicy...mmmm...It's mango season..."
"WHAT?!" Snape actually screamed a word.
Dumbledore looked at the bong in his hand. "Damn this stuff is strong! I thought he just said somethin'. What is it, Professor?!" Screaming. "Uh-huh." More screaming. "Really now?" Intensified screaming.
Madam Hooch bitch-slapped Snape upside the head.
"Stop teasin' the animals! And where the hell did you get that mango?!"
"Oh, there's a full box of 'em. Man do I have the munchies!"
"Wha' tha' Hell?! Why didn't you give him one three days ago?!"
"This is more fun!" He poked the unconscious Snape, who screamed bitterly in response.
"No really."
"I was stoned off my ass."
"I'll go!"
"Wha?! Who said that?!" Dumbledore spun around trying to catch his shadow in the act. He screamed as he was face to face with Sirius Black.
"AHHHHH!!" Sirius screamed back. Actually, he kept screaming for five minutes. Dumbledore is helluva scary when you see him up close with his eyes all bloodshot. Plus he smelt funny.
"Where are we goin'? Can we get a bag of chips on the way?" Dumbledore needs to lay off the crack.
"You're going into Rehab. I'm gonna go and see Linda about a cure!"
"You're a brave man, Sirius Black. Now take this magical rod to protect yourself!"
"This is a stick of sugarcane..."
"Same difference! Now go forth, brave hobbit!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Sirius stole Dumbledore's bong and Madam Hooch knocked him over the head with a beater's club.
"He'll be out for a few hours."
Snape started to scream at different intervals. First a long, high pitched scream, then a low, strangled, bitter scream. His eyes were open once more with a look of terror upon his face, and he screamed short screams that made you think he was done, and then scared the hell outta ya again with shrieks once more.
Sirius used floo powder and came outta the giant bong at the riverbottom. He saw some big scary lookin' guy giving Death Munchers naughty tattoos in a special place and suddenly decided he might not be leaving. There was beer are around and people were having a good time drinking and boozin', and Sirius was sure he smelt the same smell of Dumbledore around the place.
"Oh Snap!" He cried.
There upon her thone in all her glory was Lord Linda, her naughty parts shielded by the flowing hair upon her head. She was drunk off her ass and let out shrieks now and then similar to the ones Snape had done. //Maybe he's just drunk?//
"Where do I sign up?!" He asked eagerly. This place had lines to get into it, and Sirius wasn't going to miss out on such an opportunity. This was the hottest joint this side of the riverbottom.
"Do you have your sacrificial mango?" Linda cackled crazily.
"Chick that's wack."
"Your mom, dawg."
"What?"
"I said 'your mom'. Now are you gonna pay the piper or do I have to haze you?"
"All I have is this rod of sugarcane."
"That's your rod?"
"Yes."
"It's quite large for a normal man."
"The rods at Hogwarts are always the biggest and the best!"
"Excellent. But you must be hazed! Now strip!"
"That's it?"
"What do you mean 'that's it'?"
"All I have to do is strip and be hazed?"
"Oh yeah!"
"Well then, here's your damn sugar cane, Biz-atch!" And with that he torn off his clothes to reveal very exciting parts. (All of which were hidden from the ever-penetrating sight of the fangirls).
"Oh holy heaven!" Linda grabbed Sirius and led him to her very special place in which she hazed him and he hazed her back....for hours and hours and hours...
They were still hazing each other by the time Dumbledore woke up from his bitch-slap and realized that Sirius hadn't taken a mango with him. In the lateness of the hour, there was silence in the hospital...except for all the screaming Snape was still doing when he kept remembering what he had done and what had been done to him and what Linda and Black were currently doing down at the riverbottom.
"Screw this, I'm gonna go party." And Dumbledore disappeared from the hospital wing unknowingly taking Snape with him.
Meanwhile back at the Riverbottom...
"Oh my God Sirius! You are going to be placed among my best circle of Death Munchers! But first you must learn the secrets of our group!"
"Oh, okay."
Linda, more naked than the day she was born, pressed play upon the stereo and dramatic music started to play.
"You must learn our killing curse. It is the main key we have to destroying the Death Eaters so that the Death Muchers can reign supreme among the best!"
"Zzzzzz...."
"Wake up, dumbass!"
"I'm awake! All that hazing tired me out...Care for another go?!" He was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Not now. Now shut up and pay attention!"
She set the piece of sugarcane Sirius had brought her on a table and whipped out her magic stick.
"Abra Cadaver!" And the cane shriveled up into a nasty lookin' black twig. Sirius held his own magic stick in fright. "Now you know our secrets! Time for more hazing!" And then off they went for more fun. Sirius is a kinky bastard.
*********************************
Heh heh heh...that was fun! Maybe I'll write more....
