Here's a few thanx to those actually reviewing this pathetic piece of...well...it's certainly not the same caliber as -normal- fanfiction...ummm...he heh he...this is fun to write, this piece of blasphemy...

~PART THREE~

SIRIUS IS ONE KINKY BASTARD

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Dumbledore found himself in a happy land of fun and booze that made him feel lightheaded and high as the clouds...

Actually, it was once again the riverbottom, and he didn't even need his bong that Sirius stole from him because, well...the place was pretty filled up with smoke.

Snape screamed a horrified scream at being taken back to this place...and possibly to Linda. How could he ever escape her clutches twice?! He screamed at Dumbledore, who's eyes were very bloodshot and rather frightening, and then took off down the riverbottom screaming anew from such a close encounter with such a face.

He exhaled and inhaled deeply as he ran, readying himself for another bloodcurdling scream.

It never came.

Suddenly he was feeling very good. Almost too good for his well-being. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had inhaled some very magical fumes coming from Lord Linda's 'fireplace'?

Snape had one last rational thought before the fun of the fumes overtook him. //That must be how she controls them...//

"Ooo! A party!" The fumes were already hard at work...Excellent.

Meanwhile...

"Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee! Little brown jug how I love thee!!" Dumbledore was singing at the top of his lungs. He had gotten ahold of one of Linda's special jugs of moonshine...and was having the time of his life! He looked quite funny in a toga. "I'm Queen of Mardi Gras!"

"No you're not! I am!" a rather pissed off, and naked, Linda screamed. She marched up to Dumbledore in all her glory, leaving a very exposed Sirius in her wake. She and Dumbledore then proceeded to get into a bitch fight of sorts.

"Dumbledore! You tramp!"

"Linda you ho!"

"Whore!"

"Slut!"

"Harlot!"

"Bitch!"

"Skank!"

"Trollop!"

Linda was taken aback at that one. He didn't need to tell it like it was. What kind of leader was she if she would let Dumbledore get away with calling her a trollop?!

"Oh-oh yeah? Ur mom!" At this, a single tear fell from Dumbledore's eye and he hopped off to go and drink moonshine somewhere alone.

"I, am the Queen of Mardi Gras!! HAHAHAHA!! Now get back to partying, my loyal Death Munchers!"

At her proclamation, the music started up fresh and even more booze was being passed around. Where did she think she was? France?!

"Drink! Drink yourselves silly! MUHUHAHAHA!"

"Chick, you're a lush." Sirius came up behind her, very eager to use his magic stick upon her once more. He was insatiable, so the real question here is: is Sirius the true lush, or is it Linda?

"Dawg, you trippin'...And you're an exhibitionist!" She pointed to a certain member that many a fangirl would be pleased to see, but could not because Sirius is under the authoress's protection...tied down to her bed...but that's another story.

"You're not exactly clothed yourself, and that hair doesn't hide -that- much!"

"Do I have to haze you again?! Don't give me -that- look! Now go and help prepare the giant Martini. How else are the Death Munchers going to take over the Death Eaters and then the world?!"

And as sure as the authoress is probably drunk right now, there was the giant martini glass and many Death Munchers swimming about in it, 'preparing' it. Some were using the giant olives that grew at the riverbottom as floatation devices.

Sirius pouted and took a seat on Lord Linda's throne, pondering the many ways he wanted to haze the bare naked lady giving directions to a bunch of stoned, drunk Death Munchers. //...but we don't have any more mangos for that! dammit!// Sirius further pouted.

Linda was yelling obscenities that would put the Osbourns to shame at the incompetency of her Death Munchers. "You screwballs! No! That wasn't directions or an invitation! I'm insulting you, dammit! No, it's simple, you just- NO! Fock it! You're all cut off!"

Sirius watched as she strode over to him and promptly sat on her throne...in which Sirius was sitting...so in short, she was in his lap. Very naked in his lap. In his very naked lap.

"Where the hell am I gonna find good workers?! These guys can't do shit!" Dumbledore bounced along past them, obviously stoned off his ass once more, yet in that state we like to call 'happy-fun-time'.

Sirius was growing very...impatient...with this nude piece of chick on his very naked lap. "Oh screw it! Let's just shag!"

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"I mean haze! Yes, you must let me haze you!"

"I'm the only one around here who does the hazing, nark!"

And so she proceeded to haze him crazy style upon her throne. She thought she was teaching him a lesson, but oh no, Sirius is a sneaky thing. He was enjoying this 'hazing' very, very much. Sirius is one kinky bastard.

"Ai! Sirius, are you enjoying this?!"

"HELLS YEAH!"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh...uh, I mean, No no! Please don't haze me more! I don't think I'll be able to stand another rough hazing! (tee hee) I don't think I'd last another hazing! Please don't!"

"Well, you better not be shittin' me, 'cuz this is your punishment!" And so she continued to haze him, and you wouldn't think it possible, but he was starting to wear her down...and not in the good way! "Okay, I think you deserve a break..." Linda got off Sirius leaving a very aroused piece of man on her throne, and went back over to the a-holes in the giant martini glass. "Hey you a-holes! I said put the booze away! GAH!"

She ran up like some crazed naked wildman, or woman, and proceeded to grab glasses outta people's hands and gulp them down in spite. The man giving out the naughty tattoos nodded to her in approvement.

Meanwhile...

While Linda was running crazy around the riverbottom like some mad beer-robber, Sirius was bouncin' up and down in his seat. He had an addiction...and his drug was Linda's 'hazing'. He needed his fix and he needed it now.

"Don't you drink that drink! I'm warning you! NO! Don't pour it out! Stop that! No, we don't feed it to the fish! Get the hell outta the river! We're civilized people, dammit!" Linda was barking orders at people trying to steal their beers, and when you're dealing with drunken stoners, that's not an easy feat. "Okay! Fuck it! You all had better be paying attention, because I'm going to test you all! From this point forth, you are to address me as 'Lady Linda'."

"I don't want to ad-dress you! Want to undress you!"

"Shut yo' mouth! What kind of lame-ass question is that Sirius? I'm already naked!"

"Well sit it over here, ~Lord~ Linda."

"Alright, that's it! No more of that 'Lord' bullshit. We're not Death Eaters! WHAT ARE WE?!!"

And came the reply from her masses:

"DRUNK!!"

"AND WHAT ELSE?!"

"STONED!!"

"BESIDES THAT?!"

"HUNGRY!!"

"AND WHAT THE HELL ELSE ARE WE?!?!?!"

"DEATH MUNCHERS!!!!!"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

Thus Linda pranced around and about fully feeling the effects of all the stolen drinks inside her, plus the wonderful...magical...mystical...what?...Oh yeah, the magical fumes. She pranced around and about in a very hypnotic way which was driving Sirius crazy with lust and naughty thoughts, when she tripped over the rather stoned body of a non-screaming Snape.

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Sirius-ly (ha ha! Forgive the pun but i've always wanted to do that) if you're reading this, what the hell are you on? Oh well, if you'd like to see more, leave me a comment or whatever...otherwise it's stayin' like this.