A/N- Ten chapters! Double digits for the first time! I'm so excited. It's longer than most parts too! Warning: Brief Adam and Brennan bashing. Actually, the Brennan bashing is pretty funny, but I'm a hardcore Jesse fan, so whatever. So…um…I'm out of things to say…Like just about every part before, vega rocks! R/R is you want…

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            He sat alone at the desk in the middle of the pitch black room. The light from his solitary lamp cast eerie shadows off his metal bookcases and large storing cabinet. His long reclined figure even made a dark shadow along the cold ground.

His feet were rested gently on the desk's surface. His lazy posture fell back into his leather desk chair with his eyes staring at the darkness. His hands were folded in front of him, fingers interlace with each other, resting on his stomach.

His face, though laced with darkness, was vaguely lit with the lamp light that was enough to make out his features. They were touched with youth, traced with a reminiscent softness of adolescents. His dark eyes held a low sparkle and his thin lips gave the impression of many smiles, though now held a tight line. His wavy dark brown hair curved around his ears in the style of apathetic teenager. 

Though barely twenty, he had left his childhood long ago. He'd traded the broken fragments of it for a life of money and, more importantly, power.

The office door creaked open.

"Report," the young man called out without a blink.

Bart cleared his throat. "We've improved the 24 hour security by 30 percent. The captive-guard ratio is 1 to 3. The perimeter guards parole every four minutes and the area guard squad is--"

"Fine," he interrupted impatiently. Security stats were the last thing he wanted to know about. "What about progress with Black Barrier?"

He could hear Bart shifting nervously. "Up to Zero has been closed for 24 hours. Her loft was completely empty. She's vanished off our radar; so has her partner."

He remained silent in the darkness, silence to create tension.

Tension causes anxiety.

Anxiety causes fear.

Fear means control.

He learned that early on in climbing the clichéd ladder to the top. He'd also learned also that fear was his gift.

The second-in-command cleared his throat again, vainly trying to regain some control. "Donovan, there's no reason why we need so much manpower on finding Black Barrier. She's scared and I bel---"

Flash.

A missile of heat whipped through the air past Bart's ear, hitting the wall behind him and falling on the ground with a soft thud. Bart turned, quickly masking his surprise and terror, to watch the lit jagged disc of paper fizzle into a small smoking cinder.

"Your job is not to question me," the young man, Donovan, hissed, "and if you ever call me *that* again, I won't miss."

"I apologize." Bart whispered, looking solemnly back at his superior.

"You'd better be. Dismissed."

*- Break -*

Lies

A gray tombstone with wilted violets lying across the name

A woman with long red hair

A large, empty, and cold bedroom…

Anger

The black van with no tags

A cold metal gun

Looking over the barrel

A dark room

A man's shouting

A woman's screams

A child's tears…

Guilt

Shame

A warm smile

Long passionate kisses

Dancing around with bright flashing lights

Skin…

Longing

Smashed wood on linoleum

Candle wax, first a wet liquid then dried to a solid puddle

A black van with no license plates, outside in an alley, it raced down an empty street

Gun shots punctuating the air

Scorching, engulfing flames licking at her legs and arms…

 

"Fire!"

Emma jolted up right in her own bed. Sweat beaded on her skin and rolled down her body.

Frightened beyond measure, her eyes darted around her suddenly freezing bedroom. All her possessions were shaded in the cold shades of blue and gray that the darkness cast. Nowhere was there even a glimmer of red or orange. Not even the faintest yellow.

Her pulse began to slow. She fell back into her pillows and gave a sigh of relief. She was safe.

Then it dawned on her.

She wasn't afraid of fire.

She'd been picking up other dream emotions while she slept.

The telempath rubbed her forehead in frustration. It had been taken months to build the certain barriers that protected her slumber and, because of her recent episode, she must have taken many steps backward in her progress.

Difficult, painful steps at that.

The entire situation made her want to cry in aggravation. Many times she believed she wasn't strong enough to continue her rehabilitation. Her powers grew steadily and losing all her ability to control them had set her back…

Over twenty years back…

And all she could do was take baby step after baby step, hoping and praying that one day she'd break through…

Or that maybe Adam would find something to help her.

She shifted onto her side and bunched the pillow up under her head. Absently, she stared at the wall.

Her mind drifted back into her own memories. She thought of before. She thought of the first time she saw the Sanctuary. She remembered the thousand questions that pounded her brain. She remembered the confusion. She remembered the relief. She remembered the warm feeling of finding a home. Here and now, she could almost feel the happiness she had in having a place in the world, a place in a team, a place in a real family…

She remembered using her powers with ease. She remembered helping people with them. She remembered being able to work in the field without concerned looks and voices at every step. She remembered being allowed out of the mountain for things other than missions. She remembered a time when she was allowed to lock her bedroom door and sit in silence, when she wasn't being monitored constantly. She remembered when she could operate without the headaches and shots and the goddamn EDD…

Her fist clenched around the end of her pillow. A single frustrated tear slid down her cheek to the fabric below.

It was so cruel.

It was so unfair.

* -Break- *

"It's not much," Kerry said pushing open the metal door into the cool air of the converted warehouse apartment. "But it's home."

Jesse stepped in cautiously behind her, letting his eyes adjust to the dark. Kerry shifted nervously as he took in the narrow hallway. He reached out and touched the wooden table, then the wallpaper. He turned toward her and tried to smile.

"It's fine."

She nodded and touched his arm to lead him down the corridor. "Are you hungry or something?"

The thought of food with the ever-present lump of guilt in his abdomen made his stomach groan in nausea, but, rather than openly decline the generous offer, he kept his silence. After a second of waiting in vain for an answer, Kerry spoke again.

"I guess you're tired. All the other New Mutants I've met are usually tired after using their powers."

They came to a large open room with an antique bed at the far side. She separated from him to flip the light switch. An unproductive click resonated in the quiet.

"Damn .The power goes out like this sometimes, when money's tight."

"Whatever," he replied hoarsely.

"So," Kerry continued. "That is what you are, right? A New Mutant?"

"Yeah."

She nodded. "A Molecular?"

"Yeah.,"

"Me, too."

The stood facing each other in an awkward silence, only truly being able to see each other because of the moonlight streaming in the window.

She sighed sharply to break the silence and walked across the floor to her dresser against the wall. Her boots made a soft tapping against the concrete. She began to fiddle with the assortment of clothes draped over the wood surface and mirror. "So, um, did I thank you for jumping in front of me like that?"

"I assumed you were by giving me a place to sleep tonight."

She looked up at his sudden lack of monosyllabic answers. "Yeah, and hey, if you need some money-"

"I don't want your money."

"Well, at least let me give you a job or something."

He didn't answer. His brain felt too numb to weigh the decision of the offer. Sleep seemed like a better idea for a next move; unfortunately, he didn't feel overly fatigued.

"You can think about it." She must have sensed his indecision. "And you can have the bed, if you're tired. You never said if you were."

"I'm not."

Kerry raised her eyebrows up and then down as if she were internally dialoguing about his unwillingness to make the moment comfortable.  "Well, when you are..."

Another silence.

"Listen," she began, suddenly frustrated and slightly angry at herself. "I have to ask you a question. Why the hell did you do it?"

He tried to hold back a confused look, but failed.

"I mean, talking me down…jumping in front of me…saving my life, 'cause trust me, mister, A). I can handle myself and B). I'm not exactly what you would want to save."

He stared at her quietly, hoping his silent answer would work again. Her eyes made him bet against it.

"And don't try you're little non-answering thing. This has been bugging me for hours."

Slowly, Jesse shrugged. "I guess, I did it because…"

Because it's what I do. It was on the tip of his tongue, but it was caught there. It wasn't really what he did anymore. He'd sworn to himself only hours ago that that was the end, but he had done it anyway. It was instinct that made him do it. It was that instinct that he had always had. It was apart of him, but he didn't want to be that guy anymore.

"..I don't know" he choked out. "It seemed right at the time."

Kerry nodded in acceptance of his answer. "Alright, but can I ask you another question?"

No answer.

"What's up with you?" Suddenly realizing how odd her statement was, she then began again, "I mean, you look like you haven't slept in days and you tell me you're not tired. I know it's dark in here, but you look like you've been through hell and back, and all of you didn't quite make it."

He looked down at the floor and fought to keep her words out of his head. They were honest and truer than she would ever realize. He knew dwelling on them could penetrate the defensive numbness and he wasn't prepared for that flood yet.

"Hey," Kerry said quickly. "Are you okay?"

He looked up, trying to force the water back in his eyes.

Her eyes grew wide in surprise and she opened her mouth to speak. "Look, it's my fault. Let's…let's start with something easier. Um…My name's Kerry, Kerry Parcell. What's yours?"

He stared for a moment, trying to keep a deer-in-headlights look off his face while his head spun. A name…any name…

"Mickey," he answered. He coughed to pull the emotions back. "Mickey Rawlings."

"Mickey," she whispered. "Nice to meet you."

* - Break - *

 The bright scrolling numbers rolled down in front of his eyes. Jesse squinted his eyes in concentration as he typed in an altered code on a window next to that of the numerals. He leaned back in his chair and used the cursor to reread over the program. With an apathetic tap, he reran his work on the database.

The quiet was getting to him, as much as he tried to focus. The calm had given his mind too much room to roam past his current task. Desperately, he forced himself not to think about her. He didn't need the added stress of the people around him.

"Adam wants to know if you're any closer."

The voice made Jesse's muscle tense in anger. "Tell Adam I'm barely a third of the way into the file and I'm doing the best that I can."

"Really?" Brennan answered cynically. "The best you can?"

Jesse turned in extreme annoyance. "You wanna try, muscle boy? 'Cause last I saw, you didn't know a spell check from a complier, but if you think you're more qualified, by all means, take a shot. If not, let me get back to this, so I can find you a lead and get out of your life."

Brennan stared calmly at him. "Is that your plan? To leave when you're done?"

"I don't think I have much of a choice, do I?"

"But if you did, would you stay?"

Jesse turned back to the blinking screen, voice simmering in sarcasm. "And rejoin this noble team that helps New Mutants lead so-called 'normal' lives? Do you ever get tired of Adam's spew?"

"You don't believe that."

"So what if I do? So what if don't? That's not your problem."

Brennan's face morphed into mild disbelief. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," The molecular shot back. "Alright, nothing. If you're done here, go back to your shirtless weight-lifting in the mirror."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Brennan bit back offense at the sardonic remark. "It's about Emma, isn't it?"

"So what if it is? You've made it perfectly clear that all I'm here for is to crack this code. It's not a social call."

"What? When did I say that?" Brennan cried, pausing a second to release a short punctuated sigh of incredulity. "Jess, you know that as an ex-team member you can't know everything that's going on--"

"But as Emma's friend," Jesse tuned to stare his former companion blatantly in the eye. "I deserve to know why the one person that's been civil to me is suddenly going into seizures! God, Brennan, it scared the hell out of me!"

Brennan's tall stance shrunk under Jesse's gaze, but his own stare didn't waver. It held still with strength of a man not willing to admit to emotional tactics.

"I need to know, Brennan," he said again. "If there is any part of you that's still my friend, you'll tell me."

The stare broke. Brennan rubbed his deep brown eyes with his large palm and reached for the chair beside the man at the computer.

"Fine, but it's not exactly easy to go through again," he explained with a deep sigh. As he settled into his seat, Jesse's face bent into a serious expression ready for knowledge. "It started with the coma. Six months after you left, Adam's twenty-hours-a-day research vigils had a break through." Brennan bent over the desk and leaned over on his elbows to cross his arms over his biceps.

"It seemed like a miracle. She was so full of life after what could have been her death. It was the first happy thing in a really long period of grief. It felt like a second chance.

"Then reality set in. Emma had lost all control of her powers. She started having these massive headaches. A week after they started, she went into a seizure and only survived because she accidentally knocked herself unconscious. Adam found out that it was a side effect of the Psionic's power that put her in the coma. When her brain gets overworked, it tries to shut down. The headaches are the warning signs. When a seizure starts, she has ten to fifteen minutes before she's dead."

"And the injector cures it?" Jesse interrupted.

"Well, Adam, of course, worked 'round the clock to find something to keep her alive. He made this temporary solution thing that shocks her brain into functioning, except when it shocks her brain, it shocks her nerves and causes a lot of pain. He mixed a pain reliever in but it can't kick in for a minute or two."

Brennan stopped talking suddenly and rested his head on his arms. Jesse watched with a strange interest as the man he'd always seen as a warrior battled his own emotions. He brought his head up and placed his chin in his hand as his elbow balanced on the desk surface. The molecular fought the urge to try and catch a glimpse of Brennan's face which he had turned away from him.

"I made a promise," he resumed abruptly, turning back to Jesse, only a hint of tears in his eyes. "I made a promise to myself when I met her. I swore that I'd protect her, and she almost died."

"I know." Jesse whispered. "You told me…a long time ago."

 "I'm making up for it now," he replied in a forced cheerful tone. "I swore I'd protect her and I am."

"Better late than never," Jesse answered with a smile.

Brennan nodded. "Yeah. Listen, sorry about the way I treated you, you know. I was just as scared as you."

Jesse shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, man."

Brennan chuckled as more footsteps came to the door. A cough drew both their attentions to the door.

""Scuse me" Kerry said forcefully. "Can I speak to…" her voice trailed off in a suddenly indecision, "him" she concluded, "for a minute?"

 Brennan slid off his chair, hoisting himself up with his large arms. "Sure."

She watched with a firm, serious gaze, generally lacking in her usual attitude. When he was out of sight, she made the slow walk to Jesse's side, then sat in Brennan's chair. Her back slouched over as she dangled her arms between her knees, resting her elbows on her thighs. The overall weakness of position made him both curious and worried.

"I thought you left."

"I did."

He hesitated. "And now you're back?"

"It appears that way." She looked up for only a second with a sarcastic smirk.

"Why?"

She fell silent and began to rub her forehead with her hands, gradually working her way over her sinuses. "I'm not safe out there, Mick." Her eyes met his at the sound of his old name. Some unnoticed discomfort in his stomach settled. "They're still out there and…"

"What?" He interrupted suddenly, concern now the dominant tone. "What happened?"

"They found the loft," she whispered. "They found the warehouse."

His eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

"They found it and trashed it and I'm not safe out there," she repeated aggressively.

"You can't go back there."

"Yah think?" Kerry cried. Her voice settled again. "I called Adam and he said I could lie low here."

"You mean you told him?"

"No, I'm here strictly on a don't-ask-don't-tell basis. That man wants back in my good graces so bad…"

"What are you going to do?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

Jesse snorted and looked back to the computer. "What make you think I can help you?"

"Are you kidding, Mick?" Kerry answered, touching his shoulder to regain his attention. "You've saved my ass more times than I have. You've got to be the smartest person I know, especially in these situations. Please, Mickey? I need you."

Jesse looked back at her, scanning her from toes to head, resting on her face. She was serious. Anything less would have shown in her fingers tapping. The muscles along her body were tensed. Her eyes even pleaded with him. This was a side of her he'd seen before and knew she wanted to suppress. It was the side of her that made her human.

"Can I get that in writing?"

She rolled her eyes at his attempt at humor. "Is that a yes?"

He nodded. "If you forgive me..."

Kerry smiled. "It's already forgotten."

*~ Break ~*

"Emma," Shalimar started in surprise, pushing her headphones off her ears. "I thought you were sleeping."

The telempath shrugged as she gracefully walked away from the doorframe. "I was."

"You should go back to bed." Shalimar replied in an overly motherly voice. "The seizures take a lot out of you."

Emma sat on the bed at the woman's feet, holding back the anger the words stirred up. Ignoring them, she interrupted, "I have to ask you a question."

"Em…"

"Why?" She began pulling her legs onto Shalimar's sheets and crossing them Indian style. 

"Why what?"

"Why is this happening?" Emma retorted. "Why is Jesse suddenly an outsider? Why is this whole place so emotionally charged now that he's back? Why does everyone seem to know but me?"

Shalimar sighed. "It's not an easy answer, Emma."

"Then let's start someplace easy. Why did Jesse leave?"

"You'll have to ask him."

"Bull." Emma shot back. "You can't lie to me, Shal."

"Emma…" She whispered unwillingly.

"Then why do you hate him so much?"

"Emma!"

"Stop shielding me, Shalimar." Emma replied obstinately. "For once, tell me something straight."

"We had a fight! Alright?"

"About me?"

"No," Shalimar automatically answered. "Well, you did come up, but that's not why it got heated."

The feral fell silence with a strange air of guilt and anger. "It was his fault. No, it was both of our faults. Adam told me that he had decided to leave and I got…just…pissed. I confronted him and he just said…all these…hurtful things. It didn't even feel like Jesse…."

"How can you do this? How can you just abandon your friends, the people that care about you the most? How can you just leave me, and Brennan, and Adam--"

"I don't give a damn about Adam! He put her were she is!"

"Don't say that!"

"Why? It's true."

"Adam's saved your ass more times than you can count. You're like a son to him."

"No! I'm a follower. Don't you see it, Shalimar? He got us trapped here, doing HIS work to ease HIS conscious. We're in the war. We fight in the trenches and he sits safely in Sanctuary, while we're the ones in danger."

"You know he'd be there if he could."

"Would he? You are so oblivious to everything!"

"At least I'm not crazy!"

"Well, if he's such a saint, Shalimar, tell me, how many relatives do you have? How many good friends do you have outside of Mutant X? Boyfriends? Anything? We need him, Shalimar. We're so dependent of him, I'm surprised we can breathe on our own."

"You're wrong, Jesse! It's our choice to fight! It's our privilege and our decision!"

"Then I've changed my mind."

"Fine! But don't you ever even think about coming back!"