Chapter Four: Muffins To the Rescue
Sauron, finally done with polishing his patoot (HAHA!), flopped back into the arm chair he had been sitting in earlier, "You just don't appreciate the finer things in life…" he huffed moodily.
Bond chucked a muffin at him.
"Hey!"
The girls and the shrub giggled, then stopped and pretended to know nothing about why a baked good had hit the Dark Lord. Saruman, deciding it was his turn, leapt all the way from his position on the floor, to the stool in one fluid motion.
"Ah-he-hem…" he cleared his throat, "I will performing a duet wiiiiiiiiiiith…" he pulled out his big pink purse, muttered an incantation, and pulled Grima Wormtongue from within like a magician pulling a rabbit from his hat. But rabbits tend to be cute, "Wormtongue!"
And with that, he began, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!"
"Diddly dee!" Wormtongue provided.
"Standing in a row!"
"One , two, three, four!"
"Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!"
"AHHH!" Wormtongue screamed.
They both took a bow, and Wormtongue hopped back into Saruman's purse.
Their audience was dumbstruck. Saruman bowed again, and again.
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all! I'll be accepting my Grammy now."
Goose walked over to the karaoke stand, "Maybe we'd better let everyone have their turn, okay?" and she pushed him off the stage.
"That was horrific!" Sauron jeered, "Even I could hardly stand it! And I have to listen to the Nazgul, what with the screeching and the shrieking and the hissing! But your singing was atrocious!"
Noodlez and Duckie threw muffins at him.
"And why am I being pelted with muffins?!"
"Er…Gimli! You're up next!" Duckie stammered.
The Dwarf stuttered, "I…no…I'd prefer not to sing, thank you."
Noodlez pulled out her (CHEESY) cucumber and wielded it menacingly.
"Oh watch out, Gimli, don't make her use the vegetable." Legolas whispered to his friend.
The Dwarf rolled his eyes. The girls sitting on the couch pulled on the 'Oh please, won't you do it for me?' faces, complete with big, teary, puppy-dog eyes, and sweet smiles. Eryn the Shrubbery budded yellow flowers.
"No."
The smiles got bigger and the eyes got teary-er. The flowers shone with dew.
"I said no!"
Aragorn coughed, but it sounded suspiciously like 'COWARD!'.
"I am not!"
Legolas snickered.
"Stop it!"
Bond dropped off the couch to her knees and folded her hands under her chin, "Pwease, Mr. Dwarf, won't you sing us a song?"
Gimli roared and leapt to his feet, "By Durin's Bane! I! WILL! NOT! SING! I didn't want to have to do this but," he reached for his axe, "you lassies leave me no choice."
He pulled out his axe to see that it had been replaced with a pick-ax.
"What the…"
Noodlez hopped up, ran to the VCR, and popped in a Disney Sing-Along tape, "Everybody!"
"Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It's off to work we go!" and they whistled the tune, "Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!"
"AAAAARRGHHH!" Gimli screamed, turning to Legolas who was laughing, "Why am I struck with the sudden desire to maim you with this pick-ax?"
Legolas's laughter quieted, but did not cease. The Sing-Along video was still playing in the background, but only the girls knew how to stop it, and they refused.
"Not until you sing, Gimli song of Gloin!" Duckie said.
Goose held up the remote control, "And we can rewind it all day, if need be!"
'Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!…'
"Just do it, Mr. Gimli!" Sam said, covering his ears, "For all our sakes!"
Pippin reentered the room, with an armload of mushrooms, "You should see where they keep these! A big box that keeps all your food cool!"
Merry stood, "What's that you've got?! Mushrooms?!"
"I…uh…er…well…," he held the mushrooms behind his back, "No! Nothin' of the sort!"
"You do so!" Sam howled, uncovering his ears for the sake of his favorite edible fungus, "Share 'em!"
Pippin turned to run, but Merry grabbed his ankles. As he fell, Sam attempted to snatch the mushrooms from him, but fell on top of him. A chaotic wrestling scene ensued, distracting everyone from their previous argument with Gimli.
"Gimme the mushrooms, ya crazy Took!"
"No! They're mine! I found 'em!"
"You also found those ones back by Farmer Maggot's, but we didn't get to eat those!"
'Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!…'
"It wasn't my fault!"
"Ow! You're squashing me arm!"
"Quit you're bittin'!"
"Well, then gimme the blasted mushrooms!"
"No!"
"Oi! Get you're finger outta my eyes!"
'…work we go…'
Frodo saw that he had to be the peacemaker, everyone else was enjoying it too much.
Frodo stood, "Now all of you, cut that out! I've had enough of you're bickering!"
Same, who had Merry and Pippin both in headlocks, released his captives and stood up, "I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo, we didn't me no harm. We'll stop now, if that's what you want."
"Thank you, Sam." Frodo inclined his head, then returned to his seat.
Sauron, who was becoming restless, paced a bit, then stood behind Frodo's chair.
"Fools…" he thought, "they did not see it was merely a ploy to steal my Ring back…MUAHAHAHA…"
As he reached down to unclasp the chain around Frodo's neck, a muffin hit him full in the face. The girls burst into yet another fit of giggles.
Sauron spit bits of muffin out, somehow it had gotten into his mouth through his helmet, "Ew! And it was Boisenberry! I'm allergic! It gives me hives!" and he started trying to scratch through his armor, it was not as easy as scratching his butt.
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It's coming to an end soon! I hope everybody likes it so far!
~NoOdLeZ~
