With the unknown future plan Lorne had informed Tara of, she and Angel decided after a long discussion that she should hone her fighting skills. If there was an evil coming that involved her, she needed to be ready for it. That's why they were in the basement of the hotel, deep in the midst of a sword fight.

"You're dropping your right shoulder," Angel said as he blocked her attack. "I can tell when you're going to make your next move."

She spun and swung at his legs. He jumped over her sword and jabbed toward her. She blocked his attack and kicked him in the stomach, causing him to stumble back.

"Good," he said with a smile. "Now remember to improvise. Don't just follow what you've been taught. Surprise me."

They continued, their swords clashing together quickly and repeatedly. Soon she had Angel backed against the wall. He spun away as her sword clashed on the concrete right where his head had been. She continued attacking, and he was starting to actually feel in danger.

As she fought Angel, she could feel her heart beat faster and her blood become hotter. She felt a pang of rage as her animal instincts started to surge. She tried to stop them, but soon she had no control over what she was doing.

Angel was having trouble blocking her attacks. When he caught sight of her face he was suddenly fearful when he saw the determined and dark look in her eyes. She wasn't training anymore. This was a battle for the kill.

"Tara, let's take a break," he said, countering her thrust.

She didn't stop. She kept on the attack. She spun low, sweeping his legs out from under him. He fell to the floor and barely moved out of the way in time as she jabbed downward with her sword. He jumped to his feet and blocked a left hook, only to cry out in pain as he felt her sword jab into his stomach and exit out through his back. He gagged and stepped backward, Tara's sword sliding out of his body. He fell to his knees, clutching his wound.

Tara stepped back and looked down at the sword. The blood ran down the blade, over the hilt and onto her hands. Her face twisted into one of fear and confusion. Her memory flashed and she heard the screams. Red blood everywhere. The girl's screams. Pleading for her life. Begging to be spared. The sword clattered to the floor and Tara shook her head, crying as she stared at her hands that were covered with Angel's red blood.

"No. God, no. Not again," she said in distress. "Never again. Not the blood."

Angel couldn't stop her as she rushed away from him and up the basement stairs. All he could do was yell after her, weakly.

"Tara!"

In the lobby, the others looked up as Tara came running through. None of them had the chance to say anything as she ran out the door.

"What was that about?" Cordelia asked. She didn't get an answer when they all heard a cry of pain. They looked over to see Angel staggering into the lobby, clutching his stomach wound. "Angel!"

The group rushed over to him, but he shook his head. "Gunn, Fred. Go after Tara. You have to bring her back."

"What happened?" Wesley asked.

"I'll explain later," Angel said. "We have to get her back first. No weapons, though."

"No weapons? It looks like she skewered you," Gunn said. "I don't want her doing that to me."

"She won't," Angel said. "If you don't have a weapon, she won't hurt you."

"Are you sure?" Cordelia asked. "Are you sure of anything she's going to do?"

"Just find her," Angel said to Fred and Gunn. The two of them hurried out of the hotel and turned in the direction they thought Tara went. They couldn't see her anywhere.

"Man, that girl's fast," Gunn said, looking around. "Must be the demon in her."

They walked down the street, trying to figure out where Tara might have gone.

"She probably ducked into a building," Gunn said. "There's no way we're gonna find her."

"Do you hear something?" Fred asked. She turned toward an alley. She heard something, like a voice. She walked down the alley with Gunn following close behind. When they got to a dumpster they found her. She was crouched by the side of the dumpster, crying and staring at her hands, which were covered with blood.

"No more blood. No more. Not again. Not again," she was muttering repeatedly.

"Tara," Fred said. But she didn't respond. "Tara, you have to go back to the hotel with us."

"Not again. No more. Please not again," Tara continued muttering. Fred knelt on the ground in front of Tara and took her hands, ignoring the blood.

"I know you're upset and confused," Fred said. "It's going to be okay."

"I killed her," Tara said.

"Killed who?" Gunn asked.

"The girl. The blood. No more blood."

Gunn and Fred exchanged a confused look. But they couldn't worry about that now. They had to get her back to the hotel.

"Please come back with us," Fred said. Tara shook her head and continued crying and muttering to herself.

"Angel's okay," Gunn said, hoping that would reassure her.  "Unless you're stabbing him with sharp pieces of wood or chopping off limbs, you aren't going to do any permanent damage."

"I know you're scared," Fred said. Tara slowly brought her head up and made eye contact with Fred, still crying. "Everything's crazy. You don't know what's going on in your head. You can't control any of it." Tara closed her eyes and lowered her head.

"We're gonna help you. Angel will help you. It's what he does," Gunn said. "But if you run away, you'll never get back to normal."

"I'll never be normal," Tara said quietly, her voice wavering. "Never again."

"You will," Fred said. "We'll help you."

Tara looked at them nervously and then stood. She pulled her hands away from Fred and started walking. Fred and Gunn followed her back to the hotel. When they walked in the lobby they saw Cordelia finishing up with bandaging Angel's wound. She was wrapping gauze around his abdomen. Angel and Cordelia looked up when the others walked in.

"Tara," Angel said, standing and pulling a black button-down shirt on. Tara shook her head and quickly headed up the stairs to go to her room. Angel buttoned his shirt and moved to follow her.


"Angel, do you want us to—" Cordelia began to ask.

"Just wait down here in case she tries to run out again."

When he arrived at Tara's room the door was open a crack. He could hear running water. He pushed the door open and found her at the sink, scrubbing his blood off her hands. A grimace of pain and fear twisted her facial features. She saw him out of the corner of her eye and shut the water off, drying her hands on a towel. She walked past him and sat on the floor by the window, hugging her legs to her chest. She acted as if Angel wasn't there until he knelt on the floor nearby. She didn't say anything. So he did.

"What happened down there?" he asked. "I can understand you losing control in the fight, but when you saw the blood you freaked out. You know I'm a vampire. That kind of a wound won't kill me."

"It had nothing to do with you," Tara said quietly. "It was the blood."

"What about it?"

She hesitated. She looked up to the moon. It wasn't calming tonight. She didn't feel anything could calm her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"The demons I killed…in Moktar…none of them had red blood," she explained. "There was green and black and even white. No red. Only one kill had red blood. My first one."

"If the demons didn't bleed red…" Angel began. Then he realized what she was talking about. "Willow said you told her you only killed demons."

"I told her that. Because when she asked I couldn't remember the details. I didn't remember she was human," Tara said. Her voice wavered and she sniffed back tears. "I don't even remember the girl's name. Or how she got there. I just remember she wanted me to help her. I looked h-human and I could fight. She couldn't fight. She thought she was s-safe with me. I got her to trust me. I was desperate."

"You killed her."

"I tied her down. I-I cut her up. She w-was still alive," Tara said, almost crying too hard to talk. "She watched me cut off h-her arms and legs. She-she screamed so much. I didn't care. I d-didn't…stop. I couldn't…"

She rested her forehead on her knees and wrapped her arms over her head, sobbing uncontrollably. Angel leaned forward and rested his hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head and wiped at her tears.

"I c-can't do this. I can't be part of some higher plan," she said, her voice already hoarse from crying. "I killed her. I-I didn't care.The blood…i-it's everywhere. It's all over me."

Angel looked down at the floor and thought for a moment. "Demon dimensions are horrible places. Things happen that are out of your control." She continued to cry as he spoke. "When I didn't have a soul, I killed hundreds, possibly thousands of people. I know that doesn't make what you did any better. You just need to understand that you're not in Moktar anymore. Moktar doesn't have second chances or redemption. Here we do have those things. I wouldn't be here if we didn't."

"I just can't fight anymore," she said. "I can't fight anything. I just want it to stop."

"You have that choice," Angel said. He stood and backed away slowly. "You can sit here and let your guilt consume you. You can let that girl haunt you forever. Or you can fight. You can let us help you. You're not alone."

He decided he had said all he could say. He turned and left the room, leaving Tara by herself. She leaned against the wall and looked out the window as tears streamed down her cheeks. The girl's face flashed in her mind and she closed her eyes, trying to shut the image out. But it wouldn't go away. It would never go away.