"The Prayer Before Bedtime" is one that I was taught as a small child. I have no idea who the prayer is accredited to, only that generations of Catholic children in my family have said it every night before bedtime to insure our souls' journey to Heaven. I thought it fitting for the situation described in the story.
This ficlet is dedicated to those who never got a chance at life, and to those who are living but are not alive.
Interlude: If I Should Die Before I Wake
Now I lay me down to sleep…
Remus moved slowly towards the bed where he had made his last transformation into the wolf that he so detested and had to become once every month. Now he was almost done. Now it was almost over. He knew it, Anna knew it.
"Why don't you rest, love?"
Remus smiled. "I think I'll be doing enough of that shortly."
"Remus…" Anna couldn't bear to hear such words from her husband. "Don't talk like that. The doctors said…"
"The doctors said it depended on a number of factors. I think I know, love."
Grasping his hand, Anna fought the urge to cry. "I'm not ready for you to go."
"I'll meet you beyond the veil, love. It won't be that long in the grand scheme of things."
"What about Orion? He needs you… he needs us."
Remus closed his eyes. "I know, I know. You and he are the reasons I've stayed alive this long. You know that without you I would have given up much sooner. But now, I don't have a choice."
"You do. You always have a choice…"
"This time it's been made for me."
Anna nodded. "I see. It's just hard."
"I know. But I'll be watching you, I promise."
I pray the Lord my soul to keep…
Anna smiled, though it was a stretch. "Do you want me to call Harry and Sirius?"
Remus shook his head. "No, Sirius is too sick, and knowing the stubborn blighter, he would insist on coming. There's no need for long good-byes. I think that it would just make it harder on everyone, anyway."
"Orion?"
"Just you, love. Just you. I don't think we have enough time for Orion to get here."
Anna swallowed. "All right. Just me."
"Do you remember our first kiss?" Remus asked, his eyes twinkling with remembered adolescent love… or lust.
Anna giggled. "I do."
The Gryffindor common room was quiet, and a young Anna Black had finally found a place to settle with her book. Things had been getting complicated as of late, and she just needed to clear her mind, and nothing could do that better than her worn copy of "Little Women", one of the Muggle books Lily had let her borrow. Even though it was set in the American Civil War, an event Anna knew very little about, she could still relate to the characters.
A movement that shouldn't have been there caught her eye. Slowly, she put the book down and concentrated on what some would call her "Inner Eye."
She opened her eyes quickly, as all things magical became clear to her. The Marauders were out and about in the Invisibility Cloak. Nothing about the movement would harm her.
As the movement of the air that had originally caught her attention moved past her, she whispered, "Good night, boys."
Immediately, all motion stopped, and she grinned. From out of nowhere, a voice whispered to her, "What are you doing out of bed?"
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm reading. The question is, what are you doing out of bed, Sirius Black?"
"Causing mischief, of course."
"Of course," Anna agreed, and opened her book with an air of finality. "Good night, boys."
They vanished as though they had never been there up the staircase, and Anna returned to reading, until she felt something light against the back of her neck.
She turned around quickly, prepared to fight off whatever it was that had touched her. What she got was a close up look at Remus Lupin.
"Hello," she whispered hoarsely.
He grinned wolfishly. "Hello yourself."
"What are you doing down here?"
"Talking with you," he responded, as though it were the most obvious thing on the planet.
"Yes, but why?"
"Because I like you."
"Oh." Anna blushed.
"What would you do if I kissed you now?"
Anna swallowed. This was most unlike Remus. Her mind quickly calculated the time until the full moon, and it all became clear. "I… I don't know."
Remus smiled. "Would you let me, I wonder?"
"Would you try, I wonder?" Anna countered.
"Oh, most definitely."
With a deft movement, he captured her jaw with his fingers and tilted her chin up. Their lips met with some degree of awkwardness. Soon the sensation became familiar, and Anna really began to enjoy the feeling of his rough lips against her smooth ones. When it was over, Anna almost wanted to weep at the loss of such a thing.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Anna raised her eyes. "Why?"
"That wasn't like me and I…"
"Don't you make excuses, Remus Lupin. Did you think I would let you kiss me if I didn't want you to?"
Remus blinked. "Well, I just…"
"Good night," she said firmly, and then began to climb up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.
"You were bossing me around even then," Remus chided.
"You needed it, even then," Anna teased back.
"I loved you. I still love you. I didn't deserve you, and I still don't."
Anna grinned and felt wet tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "I love you, and you do deserve me. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you."
Remus smiled, a little amused. "Neither one of us deserves the other, it would seem."
"What a shame," Anna said, and leaned in to kiss her husband. Like the first time, the sensations almost blew her away, but unlike that far off time, there was no awkwardness this time. The years had taught them exactly how their lips fit together.
"Come join me," Remus whispered, and laid his hand on the spot next to him on the bed.
If I should die before I wake…
Anna climbed into bed next to him, their bodies fitting together. Even their chests rose and fell at the same time. It was disturbing to her how much Remus seemed to struggle to get through a sentence.
"Thank you," Remus whispered. "For loving me, and giving me a second chance."
"You didn't need a second chance. I'll always belong to you."
Remus smiled, and then inhaled a shuddery breath. "I love you, Anna, my wife."
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Before Anna could answer, he was gone, his arm still around her body, his hand still in hers. With a quiet dignity, she sat up slowly, refusing to allow the tears just yet. Remus deserved for her to be strong.
