Chapter Five

IDraco,
I found this in the pocket of my cloak; I think it belongs to you. I'll see you in detention tonight.
-H.J. Potter./I

I attached it to the parchment that had extracted all of Draco's inner thoughts to me and walked over to Hedwig's cage, where she sat perched on top of it.

"It's for Malfoy, Hedwig," I whispered to her, attaching it to her leg and opening the window.

She hooted softly and nipped at my fingertip before taking flight though the window.

~*~

Draco wasn't in the Great Hall for lunch, nor did I see him in any of the corridors between classes that afternoon.

"I've got to be going, Ron. I've got that detention with Snape..." I said, getting to my feet and starting towards the portrait hole. I glanced back and saw Hermione, slumped across the arm of her chair, sound asleep and laughed. Ron was watching her, too.

"All right. Don't have too much fun now," he said, tearing his eyes away from her and smirking.

"That won't be difficult, trust me," I said, returning the smirk and pushing the portrait open.

I waked silently with my hands buried deep in my pockets, taking the long way to the dungeons. My mind drifted back to Draco. I saw him all the time around the school, but not today.

8:15

I looked up and saw that I was not too far from the dungeons, but I'd still have to hurry if I wanted to be on time for my detention. I didn't particularly want to be on time, but what choice did I have?

"Potter," came a cold drawl from the shadows.

"Draco?" I said, squinting around, my heart thudding painfully against my rib cage.

"Hmm. Here for Snape's detention. Just making sure that was you slinking around in the dark and not the Bloody Baron," Draco said, shuddering.

"You're not scared, are you?" I said, grinning at him.

"Scared? Me?" He said, and then laughed.

He leaned back against the wall of the corridor, pressing his hand to his forehead and staring at the ground.

"Are you all right?" I asked him, taking a single step forward.

"Fine. Perfectly fine," he said with a heavy sigh and started down the steps to Snape's dungeon.

~*~

"Now, Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy, you have been given detention for a reason that I'm not sure even I care to know," Snape drawled delicately. "Anyway, you'll be scrubbing out those cauldrons until they shine. You do not leave until they sparkle."

I stared at where he was pointing and saw twelve or so cauldrons that looked like they were meant to be silver, but were now a grungy blackish color.

"Professor, can't we just copy lines or something?" Draco asked imploringly, giving the cauldrons a sick look.

"No, Mr. Malfoy, you may not 'copy lines,' and if you ask such a stupid question again you'll have a week of detentions," Snape barked.

I saw a pout flash across Draco's face, but he regained his composure quickly.

"So, I suppose we're stuck cleaning these things then...." He said, picking up a rag and holding about foot away from his body and between two fingers.

Poor Draco. I could tell he'd never done a moment of manual labor in his entire life and his hands were bleeding by the time we finished. I, however, was used to it and didn't even blister.

When Snape was finally satisfied with the condition of the cauldrons he allowed us to leave.

"Potter, Malfoy, it's nearly one a.m., are you finished yet?

We nodded and Draco hid his bleeding hands in his pockets.

"Fine. You may leave," Snape said, his lip curling.

And so we did. We walked up to the Astronomy Tower again under the pretences of talking about the events of earlier that day.

"So, you read my diary..." Draco said, his eyes averting away from me and focusing on the steps in front of him.

"Well... Yes, but –"I started, but he cut me off.

"Everything that I feel is on that parchment... I'm surprised you even sent it back. I'm sure your friend Ron would have thought it a fantastic joke to read it aloud to the entire school!" he said, making a noise that I couldn't distinguish between a hiccup and a sob.

"Draco, I –"I started again, taking the first step off the stairs and into the Tower.

"So, now you know what I think and how I feel. What do you think of me now? Scared and forlorn is not exactly the reputation I have worked so hard to build for myself," he continued, now standing with his back to me, his hands on the window ledge.

"Draco, I didn't take it from you –"

"Now you know exactly why I asked you what it was like to be you. I could never do what you do. How you carry it all..." he sighed audibly and made another hiccupping noise.

"I found it in my cloak pocket... The only way it could have gotten there is you putting it there before you gave me the cloak back," I said quickly before he could interrupt me again.

"Oh... Yes... I suppose...." He said, his shoulders heaving.

I stood and walked over to him, grabbing his shoulder to turn him around to face me. When he shrugged me off I rubbed my left hand up and down his back softly.

"Draco, I know what it's like to be scared like that. To not have a proper family. I know, I understand...." I whispered, willing him with every particle of my being to not cry. I couldn't take it if he cried.

He pulled away from me again, this time walking a few paces away and sitting down against the wall.

"Draco, the only father I've ever known is my Uncle Vernon who is quite possibly the most unpleasant muggle in existence. My Aunt Petunia is a gossip who resembles a horse and my cousin, Dudley, used me a punching bag for 13 years, I know what it's like to have no family that you can count on," I said, sitting next to him.

"It's not just my family, Potter... It's other things... You read it... you know..." he said, burying his face in his hands as though to hide from me.

"Look, I've met Voldemort, too, and I agree, he wasn't a nice guy. But at least he didn't want to kill you, be thankful for that..." I said, watching him carefully.

He looked up at me now, a silent tear running down his otherwise flawless cheek. I couldn't stop myself; I reached over and wiped that tear away because I couldn't stand to see it. His eyes opened a little more and he didn't flinch away from me, so I moved a little closer to him.

I wanted to comfort him, to hold him while he cried, but would he let me? I wiped another of his tears away, but this time I leaned a little closer, and he leaned back. I'm not sure which of us kissed the other first, but it really didn't matter. In about three seconds everything I thought I knew about the world changed. Suddenly every confusing thought I had had all that day was gone and I knew exactly how I felt about Draco... But what if it wasn't mutual? I broke the kiss at that point, not being able to stand the agony that was the possibility of him not wanting me any longer.

"I'm sorry, Draco," I whispered before getting quickly to my feet and running from the tower, taking the steps two and three at a time.

~*~

Back in the Gryffindor Common Room I collapsed in a chair, completely out of breath and feeling like I might cry.

"Harry?" came a voice from the girl's dormitory stairs. Hermione.

"Are you all right, Harry?" she asked me, stepping through the door and coming to join me at the table.

"Yeah... I'm fine..." I said, staring down at my lap.

"You haven't been acting fine the last couple of days. Ron say's you've been out all night and not sleeping and that you whispered 'Malfoy' in Divination yesterday..." She said all of this very quickly so her breath was shallow now.

"So Ron's been spying on me... That's great, just wonderful," I snapped, glaring intently at the wall.

"Well, it's not just Ron. Ginny noticed you staring at Malfoy the other day in the Great Hall..."

My stomach was in knots. Ginny had caught me staring at Draco... I could just hope that Hermione hadn't put the obvious together.

"Is there something going on with you that you'd like to tell me, Harry? You know that if you don't want me to tell anyone, I won't. You know me better than that, Harry..." she whispered, staring at me as though it would get me to spill my secrets to her.

"Hermione, you know as well as I do that I hate Malfoy," I lied, not looking at her. "It is perfectly common for someone to stare evilly at their enemy."

"Well.... Yes... I suppose so... Harry, there's definitely something bothering you, I can tell," she said, continuing to press me.

"I'm going to bed," I said shortly, standing and sweeping up the stairs.

~*~

I had never been so happy for it to be Friday. Classes were the same as usual, except for Potions, which was again, the only time that day that I saw Draco. I didn't go to breakfast or lunch. Hermione snuck me some dinner in her bag.

"Harry, Qudditch practice tomorrow at 3," Ron said as he walked into the dormitory just as I bit off a chunk of a chicken leg.

"All right," I said, taking another bite.

The rest of that evening came and went as quickly as I could possibly hope for. I was really looking forward to the next day, not only because of Qudditch, but it was also the start of the Christmas holiday. No classes, and it would also be much easier to avoid Draco...

~*~

"Ok team, good practice. It is our last one before classes start again, so do try not to forget everything over the next two weeks. Harry, I don't know what's been with you lately, but if you're that distracted against Slytherin after the holiday, Malfoy is going to beat us!" Ron said, flailing violently as though it would get his point across better.

I muttered a reply and walked across the field and into the changing room.

"Harry, what was with you today?" Ginny said as she put her broomstick in the cupboard and started folding her robes.

"Just tired. I haven't been sleeping well," I answered.

I waited to change until everyone had gone. I still didn't want anyone to watch me undress.

Once I finished changing and everyone was gone, I left the changing room and started back to the castle, only vaguely noticing that the sun was starting to set over the lake. I stepped into the Entrance Hall and was greeted by wonderful warmth coming from the Great Hall. I assumed it was coming from whatever the House Elves were doing in the kitchens and immediately thought of Dobby.

"Harry," came a voice from a corridor just to my left. I stopped and blinked.

Whoever it was reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the corridor.

"We really need to talk," said the now recognizable whisper of Draco Malfoy.

I just stared at him. I couldn't believe he was talking to me, let alone come to find me. I would have thought he'd think me to be some sick madman and want to avoid me I started to pull away but he grabbed me by my forearm, pulling me back and then pressing me into the wall. He held me there by my shoulders and stared at my face, his steely eyes demanding answers.

This wasn't unpleasant aside from the fact that a stone from the wall was digging into my back.

"You kissed me," he said, his voice still low. Was his voice accusing? I couldn't tell.

I turned my head. I couldn't look at him. He released my left arm and cupped my cheek with his now-free right hand, forcing me to look back at him.

"I'm... Sorry..." was all I could bring myself to say. What else was there to say?

He started to say something that sounded a lot like 'Don't be,' but I broke away from him and ran back into the Entrance Hall and up the Marble steps in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. This time I didn't stay to watch him vanish into the Slytherin dungeon.

~*~

"Harry, you and I need to talk," Hermione said, approaching me in the common room after it emptied around midnight.

"About what?" I had a vague feeling that it was going to be about me spending more time on the Qudditch Pitch than I did studying for my N.E.W.Ts.

"Draco Malfoy," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah? What about him?"

"I think you know perfectly well what about him, Harry," she said, her voice laced with impatience.

My stomach clenched. Had she seen me with him earlier?

"No, Hermione, I don't," I lied, staring avidly into the fireplace.

"Well then, I'll refresh your memory," she said, her eyes rolling.

"Hmm?" I said, encouraging her as though I didn't care.

I sake back into the high-backed chair I was sitting in, hoping to Merlin it would just swallow me and I wouldn't have to her what I knew Hermione was going to say.

"Well, you were coming though the Entrance Hall, and he grabbed you. He pulled you into the Charms corridor and you tried to get away. Malfoy pulled you back and pressed you into the wall and when you looked away, he turned your head back to him. It was all too gentle to be violent. What is going on, Harry?" She said, her voice faltering and dropping to a whisper towards the end.

I didn't know what to say to her. I felt bad for not telling her everything, but admitting it makes it real, and I'm still not sure how happy I am about feeling this way about a Malfoy.

"Hermione, I can't tell you. It's a long story that I just can't get into. Please don't make me right now..." I said, getting up from the chair.

"Harry, sit down and talk to me," she ordered, pointing at the chair I had just risen from.

"Hermione, if you must know," I started, not really knowing how I was going to finish that sentence. "He challenged me to a duel and the gentleness was a severe display of sarcasm."

"Oh... I was so sure... Well, it's much better than what I thought it was. It actually looked like, for a moment, that he was going to – kiss you," Hermione said, a blush starting on her cheeks.

"Me? Kiss Malfoy?" I said, trying to laugh it off.

"Yes, I know it's ridiculous, but it's what it looked like, okay?" She said, laughing and flushing even darker.

"Can I go to bed now? I haven't been eating or sleeping and I'd like to do both sometime in the next 8 hours," I said, really laughing for the first time in days.

"Haha yes, go," said, also laughing.

~*~

The next morning at breakfast I was still in the good mood that avoiding Hermione's third degree had induced.

We ate and laughed, Ron and Hermione definitely noticed the sudden change in my mood and didn't say anything. I assume they were afraid that bringing it up would somehow make it vanish.

"Mail's here!" Neville said excitedly, obviously expecting something from his grandmother. I wasn't expecting anything from anyone, so I kept eating.

"Ow! Hedwig!" I said when I felt talons in my shoulder, something Hedwig had never done.

"Harry, that's not Hedwig," Hermione observed.

Indeed. Malfoy's eagle owl was perched on my shoulder, glaring at me as though to say 'take your letter or I'll rid you of your eyes.'

I untied the letter, from the owl's leg and glanced in Draco's direction. He was looking at me and nodded when I started to open the letter.

"I don't think you should open that," Ron said, glaring at Draco from across the room.

"Why not?" I asked, completely dumbfounded. Of course I wasn't going to open it at the table. I wasn't stupid.

"Might be cursed," Hermione said, and by the look on Ron's face, she had said exactly what he was thinking. "Especially after what you told me last night, Harry."

"What did he tell you last night?" Ron said, clearly irked that Harry and told Hermione something and not him.

"Just that's he got a duel with Malfoy," Hermione said, shrugging.

I'm going. Snape gave us an essay to do over the Holiday..." I said, picking the letter up and leaving the Great Hall for Gryffindor Tower.

Upon arriving, I tore the letter open.

Harry, Meet me in the corridor off the library at 9 a.m. today. Please be there. Draco J. Malfoy

I threw the note down on my pillow and pulled out a piece of parchment to scratch my essay on.

I decided I would go see what Draco wanted, although I had a fair idea. He is going to yell at me and hurt me about the kiss I gave him in the Astronomy Tower. I know that is what it's going to be. And if he asks me why I kissed him? What in the name of Merlin could I tell him? Tell him I love him? Yeah, right. Tell him I don't know? As if he'd believe that. Not answer him at all and just kiss him again? I wish. I really don't know what I'm going to do.

I came back to the real world and started scribbling an essay that I could pass off as the work I'd done in the library.

Unicorn blood can restore life to those who are even a second from death, although in most cases it is not worth it. Unicorns are precious and gentle and anyone who would slay them for their blood will have a cursed life.

"Good enough," I muttered and stuffed it into my jeans pocket.

I groaned. It was 8:42 already. I had to go.

Hermione stopped me in the common room.

"Harry, are you going to the library?"

"Yeah," I lied.

"I should do that essay, too. I think I'll go with you," she said, getting to her feet.

"No, don't. I need to do this one myself," I said hastily.

"Oh, all right. It's about time you didn't ask to copy my essays. I think I'll just join you in an hour or so when you get some of it done, okay?" She said, not looking put out in the slightest.

"Okay, see you then," I said, turning away from her and leaving through the portrait hole.

I walked up the hallway and down two flights of stairs. I took a wrong turn because I was so deep in thought, so I had to double back.

When I arrived Draco was peering around the corner of the corridor, apparently looking for me.

"You're late. I was starting to think that you that you weren't coming," he said.

Was he pouting?

"I'm sorry. Hermione stalled me and then I took a wrong turn..." I said. Lame excuses, but they were true.

"It's okay. It gave me another moment to think," he said with a sigh. "We really do need to talk though Harry."

"I know..."

He looked at me then. I mean really looked at me. Not through me or past me, but at me.

"You kissed me..." He said again, just as he had yesterday.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. I wanted it... I wish you hadn't pulled away..." Draco said, wincing as though the words burned in his throat.

I blinked. I was completely stupefied by his this revelation.

"You... wanted to kiss me?" I said, my breath catching and affecting the vocal quality of my voice.

"Yeah..." he replied, a pink flush appeared on his pale cheeks.

He took my wrists and pulled me around the corner so that we were better hidden from view, leaning me into the wall.

"Do you want to know how I would have kissed you?"

I grinned. He wasn't going to interrogate me; he was going to kiss me. My heart was thudding again and my breath was still catching. "Yes..." I replied as I felt myself blush.

"Well, I might have done this..." he whispered as he stepped closer to me and wrapped one of his arms around my waist. His free hand was cupping my cheek again, only this time he was rubbing gently with his thumb.

I nodded, too weak from shock to do much else. Draco, however, seemed to know exactly what he was doing, either that or he had rehearsed all of this very well.

He leaned down a little and trailed kisses over my jaw, the hand that was around my back was rubbing in circles.

"Draco, what are you doing...?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" he said, snickering and kissing down my neck.

I stayed silent after that. I really had nothing to say. I just let his lips playfully tug at my neck as I stood there, completely dumbfounded, for several minutes.

"You got quiet," he whispered, brushing his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry..." I replied, not being able to think of anything else to say.

"It's okay... just relax," he said firmly, placing his lips carefully on mine

Relax? As if that were going to happen. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me.

His kisses are rough and he nibbles on my lower lip. I moaned a little. His body was warm and his kisses were sweet. Exactly how'd I'd imagined them.

Footsteps.

Draco must have heard them too because he stepped back from me and gave me a warning look to keep quiet.

"We need to go before someone catches us...." He whispered.

I rolled my eyes. He can kiss me like that when no one knows about it, but as soon as there's risk to his reputation, he leaves.

"Yes, I know..."

"Meet me back here at midnight, all right?" He whispered, leaning in and kissing my cheek.

He left before I could agree. Probably because if I he didn't stay for me to agree, I couldn't disagree, either.

~*~

Back in the Gryffindor Common Room a few minutes later I found Hermione and Ron sitting in high backed chairs, glaring at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked them stupidly. I still wasn't off the mental high that Draco had given me.

"You kissed Malfoy," Ron said.

"You lied to us," Hermione continued.

"You kissed Malfoy," Ron said.

"You betrayed our trust," Hermione said.

"YOU KISSED MALFOY," Ron yelled.

"Ron, shut it," Hermione snapped. "You felt that you couldn't trust us..."

"I – "I started, but Hermione clearly didn't want to hear it.

"You lied, Harry. Not once, but several times, to me and to Ron, that hurts Harry. It really hurts," Hermione said, tears of what I assumed was anger in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I just couldn't tell you...." I whispered. "I'm assuming that's what happened to your lip," Ron questioned angrily.

My memory suddenly flashed back to Draco attacking my lips with his and I immediately knew what Ron meant. I compulsively wiped my mouth with the back of my hand but I knew that anything that silly wasn't going to make the redness in my lips or cheeks go away.

"Well, yes I..." I admitted truthfully.

"Harry, I have nothing to say to you right now...." Hermione whispered from her place in the chair.

I had always known Hermione to be a rational person. For her to break off a friendship over something that should be understandable was very out of character for her.

"Me either. Go be with your precious Draco," Ron spat. He got up and stormed up the stairs and Hermione did the same.

I sank into the chair that had been a moment before occupied by Hermione, my head in my hands. My elation had been deflated in just a few moments... But could I really expect them to understand? I had lied to them....I had never felt so horrible in my entire life.