A month had nearly passed since Professor Laponi jumped out the window of
class after the disappearance of Tess Pipponi. Tess Pipponi, in ecstasy had
a party in her dormitory. Everyone was rather content with the sudden
passing of Professor Laponi. They no longer needed to carry around 200
pages of 'vocab' words and their eardrums finally were no longer buzzing
because no one was around to blow any whistles.
However the replacement teacher, whose name was Professor Tipio wasn't the best defense against the dark arts teacher. If the class would ever have to defend themselves against evil they would probably loose no doubt about it. Mr Tipio didn't teach anything relevant or even close to dark arts. He was a retired wizard who "sacrificed his retirement" to "spread his knowledge". Most of the classes consisted of 75 minute long lectures on things such as his life from before the students were born to how he sacrifices his lunchtimes for the students. He also abused the students mostly Tess Pipponi. That poor Tess! One day Professor Tipio was like, "HEY PEP!" and he hit her in the head. The reason for his actions, no one knows!
As opposed to Professor Laponi, when he got angry he used to bang desks and throw them around class. One day he hit Cho Chang right in the face. When the nurse came he started screaming at her and took it as an insult because no one liked the way he was doing his job. He never used to assign homework. One day during a lecture about not going into the forbidden forest, Harry asked him if he had ever seen a unicorn and professor Tipio gave him a speech on how no one appreciates a good teacher anymore. Then he lectured the class.
"When I was your age.." he said, "I was 16!"
Then Mr. Tipio pulled out a bag of carrots and began to eat. "My name is Professor Tipio, I like to eat carrots for lunch!" He said.
As the class burst into laughs and another desk flew across the class Hermione started crying. Mr Tipio stopped his rampaged lecture. Since in his 45 years of teaching he had never seen anything like this before he asked her what was wrong.
"I'm going to fail this class!!" Hermione said, "This is Defense Against Dark Arts not the Life story channel! What is wrong with teachers these days!!!!!!"
Mr Tipeo looked outraged. "You know what, we're going to have a project. We have to make a book..."
75 minutes passed.
"...and that is about all you need to know about this project. Any questions?" His lecture was finally over. Who in their right mind would ask a question except well.. TESS PIPPONI!
"... ummmm... when is it due?" She asked.
"What'd you mean when its due!! It's due when you finish it, but if its not finished you get a zero!" He said.
Tess then rolled her eyes.
"Pep! Don't roll your eyes at me!!! That's it!" Professor Tipio then took out his wand. "Eyeo Stop Rollio!" He cast.
Tess Pipponi's eyes immediately went back to their normal position. Just then the bell was rung.
"Wait!! That bell isn't any important!!!! For next class, everyone must write a family story to share with the class for the book that we are going to be making!" Said Professor Tipio.
Then the class left.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The next day, everyone came in with a story written.
Professor Tipio then asked the class to share their stories. Hermione, like usual volunteered.
"Well my story is about my muggle grandmother who was killed during the war in 1942." She said.
"Yes, yes. Interesting..." said Professor Tipio. "In my days, I was recruited for the first World War AND the second one. I liberated all the prisoners and it was me who stopped the war. They should make me a saint for my troubles!"
"Wow! That's very interesting professor. Can you tell us some more war stories?" Asked Hermione trying to suck up and saving the class, who hadn't written any stories.
"Well when I was fighting in Timbucktoo, I had a friend of mine who was sharing his tent with me. But then one day a sniper shot him as he was walking back to the tent. He didn't die right away....Just as he began to crawl towards my tent, all of a sudden.."
The class then began to scream. Professor Tipio didn't understand why. Just then he turned around and saw.. PROFESSOR LAPONI!!!!!
The class was running around in circles and screaming hysterically. Tess Pipponi hid under her desk because she was so scared.
Professor Laponi then jumped through the window and landed in the class. People were fainting all over the room. Professor Laponi was dead! This couldn't be happening! Hermione started to have a convulsion and Harry Potter tried to run away but he smacked his face on a desk and fainted too.
Professor Tipio started to talk in Italian. "Oh Jesu Madonne!! Che Guai!!! Adesso Me Moro!" And with that he passed out.
Now Professor Laponi, standing in front of this huge commotion was wondering what was going on. She pulled out her whistle and blew it. The only ones who heard it were whatever was left of the frantic and conscious ones.
"Class what is all this nonsense!!" said Professor Laponi. "Is this what happens when I'm gone! With the replacement teacher you must act just as if I was there. Where are your manners!! EVERYONE GET UP!!"
Everyone remained half unconscious on the floor. Professor Tipio woke up.
"Why hello professor. Looks like you're back. How was you're umm.. death?" asked Professor Tipio.
"Well when I jumped out the window I landed on one of those rose shrubs. I rolled off the rose shrub with only a few scrapes and bruises. Then all of a sudden an army of Oompa Loompas came and kidnapped me. I reached for my wand but the only spell that I knew was the 'Crescendo Whistleo' incantation. In the book that I purchased before school began, Magic spells for dummies, that was the only spell that I thought I would need." Said Professor Laponi. "Well anyways, the Oompa Loompas took me to their leader, also known as Sara. She was horribly evil and didn't know what to do with me so she threw me into a flaming pit. In that pit, I had many hallucinations mostly of Tess Pipponi coming and rescue me. But she never came..."
She then began to sob hysterically. After she regained her composure, she continued.
"A week had passed and I was still in the pit. I tried to remain civil for the good of the class but it was quite hard because of all the ruckus going on outside. I used the dirt to make a Tess Pipponi doll. That encouraged me to keep trying to escape. Everyday for the next two weeks I rammed the walls of the pit with my huge rear end. Thank god I watched all those Richard Simmons videos. One day the walls finally gave way and I was free. Upon escaping I was in some land ruled by some Wonka guy. I asked for directions and walked 5000 miles back to Hogwarts so that I could see Tess Pipponi again. One at Hogwarts I climbed up the wall and back into my class. That's when I noticed all that ruckus. But I'm here now!" She concluded her story.
By this time everyone in class had regained consciousness. They kind of felt bad for Professor Laponi. Then they all went back to their seats.
"I see how it is!" cried Professor Tipio! "Goodbye everybody! I'll be back on Tuesday!!"
"I'M BACK CLASS!!!! You don't have to miss me anymore!! I'll be here forever and ever! Aren't you all happy!?...." She paused. "Now class, seeing as to how I've been absent for so long, we have one months worth of vocab words to do. Let's start with the first word.." She then scribbled 35647 on the board and wrote the word 'misery' next to it. "Can anyone use it in context!?"
However the replacement teacher, whose name was Professor Tipio wasn't the best defense against the dark arts teacher. If the class would ever have to defend themselves against evil they would probably loose no doubt about it. Mr Tipio didn't teach anything relevant or even close to dark arts. He was a retired wizard who "sacrificed his retirement" to "spread his knowledge". Most of the classes consisted of 75 minute long lectures on things such as his life from before the students were born to how he sacrifices his lunchtimes for the students. He also abused the students mostly Tess Pipponi. That poor Tess! One day Professor Tipio was like, "HEY PEP!" and he hit her in the head. The reason for his actions, no one knows!
As opposed to Professor Laponi, when he got angry he used to bang desks and throw them around class. One day he hit Cho Chang right in the face. When the nurse came he started screaming at her and took it as an insult because no one liked the way he was doing his job. He never used to assign homework. One day during a lecture about not going into the forbidden forest, Harry asked him if he had ever seen a unicorn and professor Tipio gave him a speech on how no one appreciates a good teacher anymore. Then he lectured the class.
"When I was your age.." he said, "I was 16!"
Then Mr. Tipio pulled out a bag of carrots and began to eat. "My name is Professor Tipio, I like to eat carrots for lunch!" He said.
As the class burst into laughs and another desk flew across the class Hermione started crying. Mr Tipio stopped his rampaged lecture. Since in his 45 years of teaching he had never seen anything like this before he asked her what was wrong.
"I'm going to fail this class!!" Hermione said, "This is Defense Against Dark Arts not the Life story channel! What is wrong with teachers these days!!!!!!"
Mr Tipeo looked outraged. "You know what, we're going to have a project. We have to make a book..."
75 minutes passed.
"...and that is about all you need to know about this project. Any questions?" His lecture was finally over. Who in their right mind would ask a question except well.. TESS PIPPONI!
"... ummmm... when is it due?" She asked.
"What'd you mean when its due!! It's due when you finish it, but if its not finished you get a zero!" He said.
Tess then rolled her eyes.
"Pep! Don't roll your eyes at me!!! That's it!" Professor Tipio then took out his wand. "Eyeo Stop Rollio!" He cast.
Tess Pipponi's eyes immediately went back to their normal position. Just then the bell was rung.
"Wait!! That bell isn't any important!!!! For next class, everyone must write a family story to share with the class for the book that we are going to be making!" Said Professor Tipio.
Then the class left.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The next day, everyone came in with a story written.
Professor Tipio then asked the class to share their stories. Hermione, like usual volunteered.
"Well my story is about my muggle grandmother who was killed during the war in 1942." She said.
"Yes, yes. Interesting..." said Professor Tipio. "In my days, I was recruited for the first World War AND the second one. I liberated all the prisoners and it was me who stopped the war. They should make me a saint for my troubles!"
"Wow! That's very interesting professor. Can you tell us some more war stories?" Asked Hermione trying to suck up and saving the class, who hadn't written any stories.
"Well when I was fighting in Timbucktoo, I had a friend of mine who was sharing his tent with me. But then one day a sniper shot him as he was walking back to the tent. He didn't die right away....Just as he began to crawl towards my tent, all of a sudden.."
The class then began to scream. Professor Tipio didn't understand why. Just then he turned around and saw.. PROFESSOR LAPONI!!!!!
The class was running around in circles and screaming hysterically. Tess Pipponi hid under her desk because she was so scared.
Professor Laponi then jumped through the window and landed in the class. People were fainting all over the room. Professor Laponi was dead! This couldn't be happening! Hermione started to have a convulsion and Harry Potter tried to run away but he smacked his face on a desk and fainted too.
Professor Tipio started to talk in Italian. "Oh Jesu Madonne!! Che Guai!!! Adesso Me Moro!" And with that he passed out.
Now Professor Laponi, standing in front of this huge commotion was wondering what was going on. She pulled out her whistle and blew it. The only ones who heard it were whatever was left of the frantic and conscious ones.
"Class what is all this nonsense!!" said Professor Laponi. "Is this what happens when I'm gone! With the replacement teacher you must act just as if I was there. Where are your manners!! EVERYONE GET UP!!"
Everyone remained half unconscious on the floor. Professor Tipio woke up.
"Why hello professor. Looks like you're back. How was you're umm.. death?" asked Professor Tipio.
"Well when I jumped out the window I landed on one of those rose shrubs. I rolled off the rose shrub with only a few scrapes and bruises. Then all of a sudden an army of Oompa Loompas came and kidnapped me. I reached for my wand but the only spell that I knew was the 'Crescendo Whistleo' incantation. In the book that I purchased before school began, Magic spells for dummies, that was the only spell that I thought I would need." Said Professor Laponi. "Well anyways, the Oompa Loompas took me to their leader, also known as Sara. She was horribly evil and didn't know what to do with me so she threw me into a flaming pit. In that pit, I had many hallucinations mostly of Tess Pipponi coming and rescue me. But she never came..."
She then began to sob hysterically. After she regained her composure, she continued.
"A week had passed and I was still in the pit. I tried to remain civil for the good of the class but it was quite hard because of all the ruckus going on outside. I used the dirt to make a Tess Pipponi doll. That encouraged me to keep trying to escape. Everyday for the next two weeks I rammed the walls of the pit with my huge rear end. Thank god I watched all those Richard Simmons videos. One day the walls finally gave way and I was free. Upon escaping I was in some land ruled by some Wonka guy. I asked for directions and walked 5000 miles back to Hogwarts so that I could see Tess Pipponi again. One at Hogwarts I climbed up the wall and back into my class. That's when I noticed all that ruckus. But I'm here now!" She concluded her story.
By this time everyone in class had regained consciousness. They kind of felt bad for Professor Laponi. Then they all went back to their seats.
"I see how it is!" cried Professor Tipio! "Goodbye everybody! I'll be back on Tuesday!!"
"I'M BACK CLASS!!!! You don't have to miss me anymore!! I'll be here forever and ever! Aren't you all happy!?...." She paused. "Now class, seeing as to how I've been absent for so long, we have one months worth of vocab words to do. Let's start with the first word.." She then scribbled 35647 on the board and wrote the word 'misery' next to it. "Can anyone use it in context!?"
