Obviously, Cryptogram did not find my story all that entertaining. Perhaps he didn't realize this is a satirical work of fiction. Perhaps he took offense to the criticism of the characters. Perhaps he just lacks a sense of humor. Well, whatever the case may be, he seemed to dislike it. However, guess what? I'm going to post scene 11 anyway, as well as the rest of the fic (in time, that is), just to spite him. And why is that? Because I can! Ain't life grand sometimes? So, let us continue on with the "kind of sem-witty albeit boring dialogue," shall we? Because I can and I will and Cryptogram can't stop me (unnerving, isn't it?). And, oh, yeah, Cryptogram-this scene's dedicated especially to you! Just out of spite, of course! And you should feel proud, Cryptogram; if you hadn't posted your disparaging remarks, I wasn't going to post the next scene for another few days! Funny how these things work out, eh? So, for Cryptogram and for everyone else's enjoyment, I bring to you scene 11 of "The Long Road to Eden":

Scene 11

Asuka's title: "Well, isn't that clichéd?"

Shinji's title: "You're doing the optimism thing again."

[It is now night and Asuka and Shinji are still trailing behind as Kaoru leads them to the supposed "Garden of Eden" that is somewhere nearby.]

Shinji: [calls out] Um, Kaoru?

Kaoru: [stops and turns around] Yes, Shinji?

Shinji: Uh…don't you think we've been traveling for quite awhile now…?

Asuka: What Shinji means to ask is, "Are we there yet?"

Shinji: Yeah, that's it.

Kaoru: We aren't there yet, but it would be wise for us to get some rest. Follow me; I know a place nearby where we can rest.

Shinji: All right. Great idea, Kaoru.

[Kaoru begins walking and Shinji and Asuka begin trailing again.]

Asuka: Yeah, because getting some rest is such a groundbreaking concept, Shinji.

Shinji: Well…

Asuka: And, you know, you sure are being exceptionally polite and nice to Kaoru for someone's who supposedly not gay.

Shinji: Shut up, Asuka.

Asuka: Just thought I'd point it out.

Kaoru: [calling out from up ahead] Over here, Shinji! [he steps to the side to reveal a campfire already set up and burning brightly]

Asuka: Hey, what do you know; another convenience.

Shinji: Strange how those things keep happening.

Asuka: Too bad we can't just "conveniently" find Eden instead of wandering around like a couple of idiots.

Shinji: Does that mean you actually have an inkling of hope that Eden might actually exist, Asuka?

Asuka: Damn it, Shinji. Why'd you have to go and point out I was being an optimist?

Shinji: What goes around comes around, Asuka.

Asuka: Well, isn't that clichéd?

Shinji: Doesn't mean it isn't true, though. Maybe you should be the one working on the optimistic thing, Asuka.

Asuka: Whatever. Let's just join Kaoru and get some sleep. There's only so much I can take of being awake with you as my only sanity. Wow, I really must have sunken to new levels of depravity and wretchedness if you're my only sanity.

Shinji: Yeah, you really must have.

Asuka: Ah, I guess that's what the end of the world does to you, though, eh? Well, that and the stench of the gigantic festering corpse of Rei.

Shinji: You got me there. I can't believe we can still smell it; I think it's even getting worse.

Asuka: It would be, wouldn't it? What, with our crappy lives and all, what do you expect but the aroma of decomposing flesh? It sort of sets the mood for our misery.

Shinji: Hey, Asuka?

Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?

Shinji: Scratch the optimistic thing; you're doing just fine with the whole morbid, cynical outlook on life.

Asuka: What life? It's the end of the world, Shinji; there's no life left to take a morbid, cynical outlook on.

Shinji: After making a comment like that, is there really any need for me to point out that as of now you are probably the epitome of pessimism?

Asuka: No, probably not, but you're probably going to anyhow, seeing how people always find it necessary to point out the obvious.

Shinji: Well, there you go again, being the epitome of pessimism.

Asuka: See? Told you would probably point it out anyway even though it was obvious.

Shinji: But Asuka, I just had a thought.

Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?

Shinji: Well, saying you're the epitome of pessimism isn't really saying much anymore considering there's only me, you, and Kaoru left to represent mankind. And Kaoru really isn't a part of mankind anyway.

Asuka: You sure do know how to make a girl feel special, Shinji.

Shinji: Sorry…actually, not really, but I just feel obligated to say it anyhow.

Asuka: Don't you just hate having a conscience?

Shinji: Yeah, but I guess we ought to go over there; Kaoru must be wondering what we're doing just standing here and all…

Asuka: Yeah, yeah…can't keep your precious boyfriend waiting, after all.

Shinji: I should refute the whole boyfriend thing again, but I've kind of realized it'll just be futile anyway.

Asuka: Wow, Shinji, what a revelation. At least I can now say you've finally learned something, Shinji.



Shinji: You're doing the optimism thing again.

Asuka: Damn; I'm getting worse than you.

Shinji: Okay, now that's a scary thought.

Asuka: It definitely must be sleep depravation. Or I've become delusional. [pause] Well, worse than I was, anyway.

Next scene:

Asuka's title: "Wasteland to the left, wasteland to the right."

Shinji's title: "Can you shut up now?"