[DOUBLE DISCLAIMER!] I do not own Jesus (or any part of the associated
"Bible" fandom)! Nor do I claim to own any part of the Harry Potter world!
These books belong to their authors (GOD and J.K. Rowling) and I am not
trying to steal from them! Thanks guys! ^__^
*
Jesus had never imagined that such a city could exist. He had seen more people on his journey through London than he ever had in his life! Most of them were staring avidly at him and Hagrid, who made quite a sight on the Underground, being twice as tall as a normal man.
Jesus thought of himself as calm and level-headed, but the Underground had certainly unsettled him at first. The sight of the huge grey dragon roaring into the station made him jump back in alarm, even though Hagrid had told him what to expect. Jesus spent the trip sneaking looks at his fellow passengers, all of whom were dressed in the most bizarre array of clothing he had ever seen.
They finally got off the train and Jesus walked out into the London streets in a state of awe. He was so busy goggling that he walked ten feet alone before he noticed that Hagrid had stopped.
"Come on then, Jesus," Hagrid said, leading the way into a small and shabby pub. A sign reading "The Leaky Cauldron" swung over the door. Jesus followed with some trepidation.
The wizened old innkeeper waved at Hagrid as they passed through. Some of the witches and wizards seated at tables waved as well. Hagrid greeted them all as they crossed the main room. A small back door opened into a scruffy alley. Jesus watched curiously as Hagrid carefully counted bricks in the wall and furtively tapped one with his pink umbrella. To Jesus' astonishment, a gate formed in the wall. The sign above it read "DIAGON ALLEY."
On the other side of the gate was the most fascinating street Jesus had ever seen. He wished he could stop to examine the displays of magical instruments as Hagrid led him along. Hagrid, it seemed, was in a hurry, and Jesus didn't have much time to poke around as Hagrid bought him a cauldron, a set of basic potions ingredients, dragon-hide gloves, all the spellbooks needed for first years, and paper, ink, and quills. After a whirlwind of shopping, Jesus found himself standing in front of a dusty little shop.
"Here's where we get yer wand, Jesus," Hagrid said, thumping Jesus on the shoulder so hard Jesus' knees wobbled. "On'y place fer wands, Ollivanders."
A bell tinkled as they let themselves in. Hagrid sat down on the single spindly stool, which creaked ominously. Jesus stood nervously. They didn't have long to wait before Mr Ollivander appeared from behind the rows of shelves. Mr Ollivander had large, pale eyes that gleamed disconcertingly.
"Ah, young Jesus," Ollivander said. "Dumbledore's written about you. Stand still, now."
Jesus stood still as a tape measure whirred about him, measuring him. Ollivander scribbled down a few notes.
"That will do," Ollivander said, and the tape measure dropped lifeless to the floor. Ollivander disappeared among the shelves and reappeared moments later with a tall stack of boxes. "Give this one a wave," he said, handing Jesus a short wooden rod.
Jesus had no more than lifted it when Ollivander snatched it back and gave him another. He swished wands for several minutes, feeling increasingly stupid, before Ollivander, with an odd expression on his face, took down a box from the very top shelf.
Jesus swished the wand and a shower of red and gold sparks shot out of the end. Ollivander clapped his hands. "Ah, well done! Well done! But curious, very curious."
"What's curious?" Jesus asked.
"It's strange that you should be destined for that wand, when its brother, why, its brother belongs to none other than the Dark Lord himself."
Jesus looked nervously at his wand.
*
A quarter of an hour later he found himself standing on a stool in Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions as an elderly witch pinned robes to him. A pale blond boy was standing on a stool next to him.
"Hogwarts, too?" the boy drawled lazily.
"Yes," Jesus said.
"Know what House you'll be in yet?"
"Er, no."
"My family's all been in Slytherin. Imagine if you got put in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
"Mmm," said Jesus, feeling stupid. He'd been living at Hogwarts for the last week, but so far he hadn't learned much about its houses or classes. He'd been having enough problems trying to learn what was going on in the modern world.
The witch with the measuring tape bustled off to fetch something from the back and the pale boy leaned in conspiratorially. "So - are you a follower?" he whispered.
"Am I - what?"
"You know. A follower of the Dark Lord," the pale boy hissed. He pulled something up out of the collar of his robe. It was a medallion in the shape of a goat's skull with a serpent coming out of its mouth.
Jesus stared at the boy in horror. He was spared from answering by the return of the witch, who cheerfully ordered them off the stools and presented them both with bundles of new black robes.
Jesus stumbled out of the store, clutching the parcel of robes. Hagrid was nowhere in sight. Jesus set off in the direction of the Leaky Cauldron pub, hoping to find him.
It soon became apparent that Jesus was lost. Somehow he had wandered off the main street and into a shady looking alley. The shops here had gruesome window displays featuring shrunken heads, grim-looking spellbooks and a plenitude of bats and other unclean animals. Jesus walked slowly through the winding street, becoming steadily more and more alarmed. An old witch holding a tray of dried lizards leered at him. A wild-looking warlock glared at him suspiciously.
Growing desperate, Jesus decided to try and retrace his steps. He turned around and walked smack into a tall wizard wearing bright purple robes. Jesus staggered, nearly falling over. The wizard caught his arm and hauled him to his feet.
Jesus shook his head to clear it and stared in astonishment. The purple- robed wizard was not alone; standing behind him were six more witches and wizards, all wearing bright purple robes and stern expressions. They were also wearing enormous purple bonnets in the shape of hippopotamus' heads.
"Thanks - what - who are you?"
"We," the leader said gravely, "are the Hippopotamati."
Jesus could only stare, at a loss for words.
"Come, young Savior," the leader of the Hippopotamati, taking hold of Jesus' arm. "You are in grave danger."
One by one, the Hippopotamati lowered their hats. As the ring of tall purple hippos closed in on him, evil twinkles in their eyes, Jesus felt a twinge of dread.
*
Jesus had never imagined that such a city could exist. He had seen more people on his journey through London than he ever had in his life! Most of them were staring avidly at him and Hagrid, who made quite a sight on the Underground, being twice as tall as a normal man.
Jesus thought of himself as calm and level-headed, but the Underground had certainly unsettled him at first. The sight of the huge grey dragon roaring into the station made him jump back in alarm, even though Hagrid had told him what to expect. Jesus spent the trip sneaking looks at his fellow passengers, all of whom were dressed in the most bizarre array of clothing he had ever seen.
They finally got off the train and Jesus walked out into the London streets in a state of awe. He was so busy goggling that he walked ten feet alone before he noticed that Hagrid had stopped.
"Come on then, Jesus," Hagrid said, leading the way into a small and shabby pub. A sign reading "The Leaky Cauldron" swung over the door. Jesus followed with some trepidation.
The wizened old innkeeper waved at Hagrid as they passed through. Some of the witches and wizards seated at tables waved as well. Hagrid greeted them all as they crossed the main room. A small back door opened into a scruffy alley. Jesus watched curiously as Hagrid carefully counted bricks in the wall and furtively tapped one with his pink umbrella. To Jesus' astonishment, a gate formed in the wall. The sign above it read "DIAGON ALLEY."
On the other side of the gate was the most fascinating street Jesus had ever seen. He wished he could stop to examine the displays of magical instruments as Hagrid led him along. Hagrid, it seemed, was in a hurry, and Jesus didn't have much time to poke around as Hagrid bought him a cauldron, a set of basic potions ingredients, dragon-hide gloves, all the spellbooks needed for first years, and paper, ink, and quills. After a whirlwind of shopping, Jesus found himself standing in front of a dusty little shop.
"Here's where we get yer wand, Jesus," Hagrid said, thumping Jesus on the shoulder so hard Jesus' knees wobbled. "On'y place fer wands, Ollivanders."
A bell tinkled as they let themselves in. Hagrid sat down on the single spindly stool, which creaked ominously. Jesus stood nervously. They didn't have long to wait before Mr Ollivander appeared from behind the rows of shelves. Mr Ollivander had large, pale eyes that gleamed disconcertingly.
"Ah, young Jesus," Ollivander said. "Dumbledore's written about you. Stand still, now."
Jesus stood still as a tape measure whirred about him, measuring him. Ollivander scribbled down a few notes.
"That will do," Ollivander said, and the tape measure dropped lifeless to the floor. Ollivander disappeared among the shelves and reappeared moments later with a tall stack of boxes. "Give this one a wave," he said, handing Jesus a short wooden rod.
Jesus had no more than lifted it when Ollivander snatched it back and gave him another. He swished wands for several minutes, feeling increasingly stupid, before Ollivander, with an odd expression on his face, took down a box from the very top shelf.
Jesus swished the wand and a shower of red and gold sparks shot out of the end. Ollivander clapped his hands. "Ah, well done! Well done! But curious, very curious."
"What's curious?" Jesus asked.
"It's strange that you should be destined for that wand, when its brother, why, its brother belongs to none other than the Dark Lord himself."
Jesus looked nervously at his wand.
*
A quarter of an hour later he found himself standing on a stool in Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions as an elderly witch pinned robes to him. A pale blond boy was standing on a stool next to him.
"Hogwarts, too?" the boy drawled lazily.
"Yes," Jesus said.
"Know what House you'll be in yet?"
"Er, no."
"My family's all been in Slytherin. Imagine if you got put in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
"Mmm," said Jesus, feeling stupid. He'd been living at Hogwarts for the last week, but so far he hadn't learned much about its houses or classes. He'd been having enough problems trying to learn what was going on in the modern world.
The witch with the measuring tape bustled off to fetch something from the back and the pale boy leaned in conspiratorially. "So - are you a follower?" he whispered.
"Am I - what?"
"You know. A follower of the Dark Lord," the pale boy hissed. He pulled something up out of the collar of his robe. It was a medallion in the shape of a goat's skull with a serpent coming out of its mouth.
Jesus stared at the boy in horror. He was spared from answering by the return of the witch, who cheerfully ordered them off the stools and presented them both with bundles of new black robes.
Jesus stumbled out of the store, clutching the parcel of robes. Hagrid was nowhere in sight. Jesus set off in the direction of the Leaky Cauldron pub, hoping to find him.
It soon became apparent that Jesus was lost. Somehow he had wandered off the main street and into a shady looking alley. The shops here had gruesome window displays featuring shrunken heads, grim-looking spellbooks and a plenitude of bats and other unclean animals. Jesus walked slowly through the winding street, becoming steadily more and more alarmed. An old witch holding a tray of dried lizards leered at him. A wild-looking warlock glared at him suspiciously.
Growing desperate, Jesus decided to try and retrace his steps. He turned around and walked smack into a tall wizard wearing bright purple robes. Jesus staggered, nearly falling over. The wizard caught his arm and hauled him to his feet.
Jesus shook his head to clear it and stared in astonishment. The purple- robed wizard was not alone; standing behind him were six more witches and wizards, all wearing bright purple robes and stern expressions. They were also wearing enormous purple bonnets in the shape of hippopotamus' heads.
"Thanks - what - who are you?"
"We," the leader said gravely, "are the Hippopotamati."
Jesus could only stare, at a loss for words.
"Come, young Savior," the leader of the Hippopotamati, taking hold of Jesus' arm. "You are in grave danger."
One by one, the Hippopotamati lowered their hats. As the ring of tall purple hippos closed in on him, evil twinkles in their eyes, Jesus felt a twinge of dread.
