Ja, ja!
by Sad WTF
Chapter 1. The Drape Children Started It
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"You again? I hate you. Leave. You reek of Vienna sausage."
Doc looked around to find a short angry man yelling at a skeleton of a man who looked Austrian. The Austrian started to wail hysterically in the middle of the street as the angry little man ran off in a huff. A bunch of children wearing drapes threw veggieburgers at the Austrian while they sang "Edelweiss".
"Stupid Austrians. I'm glad I'm not one."
Doc jumped away to avoid stepping on the children, then made some exclamation of disgust as a bunch of Nazis marched by, shaking their toned buttocks.
"Stupid Nazis. I'm glad I'm not one."
The Nazis all gasped and looked over, shocked that any self-respecting German wouldn't be a Nazi. Oh, the horror of it all! They were going to tell on him for sure.
Doc walked away with a bunch of groceries, innocently unaware of the evil plans the Nazis were cooking up. Actually, he knew exactly what they were saying. He also knew what was going to happen in this fic, after this fic, and way after everyone who ever read this fic was dead, because he was that much of a genius. But enough about that. Who cares?
"I'm home!"
"Welcome home!"
Doc arrived in his home where his parents and uncles and aunts and all those mandatory beings that were usually around when you were born lived. They lived a surprisingly happy and peaceful life, untouched by those horrible Jehovah's witnesses, telemarketers, and Nazis. But that was changed in almost an instant, when 234098509823 Nazis stomped into the house and killed everyone. Well, everyone, except Doc. Because he's a damned genius. WTF? I don't know.
Piggy jumped out from behind the Nazis as they were about to shoot Doc's magnificent brains out.
"Stop! Don't shoot him, he's a genius! You can just tell by looking at him! I'll make him my right hand man!"
Piggy grinned a toothy grin as everyone else looked at each other. Doc frowned. He wasn't going to be some stupid Nazi working under Piggy.
"I'm not a genius, really. I just pretend to be. Now kill me!"
"Sick no! I've been looking for someone who could make vampires. So you're going to make them for me!"
Doc looked down at Piggy as if he had lost his mind.
"Have you lost your mind?" Doc exclaimed. What an impossible idea this was! "That's completely impossible!"
But Piggy didn't listen. He merely turned around and jiggled, causing everyone to become ill, mentally and physically. Doc folded his arms as the Nazis saluted the fat Major. The Nazis turned and grabbed Doc and dragged him away as sad music played in the background or something.
Doc was dragged to some stupid Nazi base camp full of well, Nazis, and put into a uniform. A bunch of stupid Nazi officers paraded by, causing the Nazis of lower rank to salute them and all that. All the Nazis except for Doc, who was offended and wasn't going to salute some stupid pompous ass who didn't even have half the intellect he possessed, or something that sounds about as important a reason as that. The whole Nazi party screeched to a halt as Sweaty Officer #1 screamed in horror, then pointed his gnarled bony finger in Doc's face.
"Impudent wretch who is alarmingly taller than I am! How dare you not show your respect for me by refusing to salute me!"
Doc frowned and didn't answer, causing Sweaty Officer #1 to go into fits of rage. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the most beautiful and perfect man, whose name happened to be Captain for some reason or another, jumped out from behind everyone to stop Sweaty Officer #1 from shooting Doc.
"Wait, sir! Please be kind to him. He is only deaf!"
Doc looked at Captain as if he were mad, which he might have been. Just not mad in the sense that Doc was thinking him to be. Sweaty Officer #1 nodded in sympathy, even if Captain's claims of Doc being deaf had nothing to do with anything.
"I'm sorry lad. I hope you feel better soon, though! Carry on, everyone!"
Sweaty Officer #1 paraded off in all the siegity heilish flair he could muster, anxious lest he would miss his appointment to beat a certain piggy half to death, but who cares about him. Doc looked at Captain with anger written on his face. Literally. He quickly grabbed a random cloth and wiped the word off. Stupid Nazis and their graffiti. He quickly threw the cloth away and shook his fist at Captain.
"How dare you defend me! I was about to get killed, too!"
Captain stared at Doc as if he had lost his mind, which isn't uncommon if you're a genius.
"Why on earth would you want to die?"
"A Nazi like you would never understand! You... Nazi-ish... Nazi! Person! Thing!"
Captain's eyes filled with tears, and he ran away weeping at the hurtful comment. In the most manly manner possible, of course, because we all know Captain isn't a poof.
Doc frowned as the most uncomfortable feeling of guilt tormented him. Because everyone knows Doc is sensitive underneath all that stuff. You can tell by his Bambi eyes. Sick, WTF. As the guilt continued to eat away at him, he climbed into an oven to burn himself to death, determined to end his life of sorrow right then and there, when he had nothing to tie him down.
Just then, Piggy jumped out of absolute nothing, squealing like a piggy. For lack of better word for description.
"No!!! You can't kill yourself!"
"Are you spying on me or something!?" exclaimed Doc, in utter disgust. "I will do whatever I please!"
"Well, kill yourself after you make vampires, okay?"
Doc snarled at Piggy, who once again turned around and jiggled away. Doc sighed. It looked like he had no choice but to apologize to Captain for his horrible comment and befriend him. Then kill everyone else. Insert evil laughter there or something stupidly cliche like that.
---
...To be continued and all that crap. Many thanks to Rikku, who inspires me. This is for writing your beautifuk fic. SICK! THANK YOU WTF
by Sad WTF
Chapter 1. The Drape Children Started It
---
"You again? I hate you. Leave. You reek of Vienna sausage."
Doc looked around to find a short angry man yelling at a skeleton of a man who looked Austrian. The Austrian started to wail hysterically in the middle of the street as the angry little man ran off in a huff. A bunch of children wearing drapes threw veggieburgers at the Austrian while they sang "Edelweiss".
"Stupid Austrians. I'm glad I'm not one."
Doc jumped away to avoid stepping on the children, then made some exclamation of disgust as a bunch of Nazis marched by, shaking their toned buttocks.
"Stupid Nazis. I'm glad I'm not one."
The Nazis all gasped and looked over, shocked that any self-respecting German wouldn't be a Nazi. Oh, the horror of it all! They were going to tell on him for sure.
Doc walked away with a bunch of groceries, innocently unaware of the evil plans the Nazis were cooking up. Actually, he knew exactly what they were saying. He also knew what was going to happen in this fic, after this fic, and way after everyone who ever read this fic was dead, because he was that much of a genius. But enough about that. Who cares?
"I'm home!"
"Welcome home!"
Doc arrived in his home where his parents and uncles and aunts and all those mandatory beings that were usually around when you were born lived. They lived a surprisingly happy and peaceful life, untouched by those horrible Jehovah's witnesses, telemarketers, and Nazis. But that was changed in almost an instant, when 234098509823 Nazis stomped into the house and killed everyone. Well, everyone, except Doc. Because he's a damned genius. WTF? I don't know.
Piggy jumped out from behind the Nazis as they were about to shoot Doc's magnificent brains out.
"Stop! Don't shoot him, he's a genius! You can just tell by looking at him! I'll make him my right hand man!"
Piggy grinned a toothy grin as everyone else looked at each other. Doc frowned. He wasn't going to be some stupid Nazi working under Piggy.
"I'm not a genius, really. I just pretend to be. Now kill me!"
"Sick no! I've been looking for someone who could make vampires. So you're going to make them for me!"
Doc looked down at Piggy as if he had lost his mind.
"Have you lost your mind?" Doc exclaimed. What an impossible idea this was! "That's completely impossible!"
But Piggy didn't listen. He merely turned around and jiggled, causing everyone to become ill, mentally and physically. Doc folded his arms as the Nazis saluted the fat Major. The Nazis turned and grabbed Doc and dragged him away as sad music played in the background or something.
Doc was dragged to some stupid Nazi base camp full of well, Nazis, and put into a uniform. A bunch of stupid Nazi officers paraded by, causing the Nazis of lower rank to salute them and all that. All the Nazis except for Doc, who was offended and wasn't going to salute some stupid pompous ass who didn't even have half the intellect he possessed, or something that sounds about as important a reason as that. The whole Nazi party screeched to a halt as Sweaty Officer #1 screamed in horror, then pointed his gnarled bony finger in Doc's face.
"Impudent wretch who is alarmingly taller than I am! How dare you not show your respect for me by refusing to salute me!"
Doc frowned and didn't answer, causing Sweaty Officer #1 to go into fits of rage. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the most beautiful and perfect man, whose name happened to be Captain for some reason or another, jumped out from behind everyone to stop Sweaty Officer #1 from shooting Doc.
"Wait, sir! Please be kind to him. He is only deaf!"
Doc looked at Captain as if he were mad, which he might have been. Just not mad in the sense that Doc was thinking him to be. Sweaty Officer #1 nodded in sympathy, even if Captain's claims of Doc being deaf had nothing to do with anything.
"I'm sorry lad. I hope you feel better soon, though! Carry on, everyone!"
Sweaty Officer #1 paraded off in all the siegity heilish flair he could muster, anxious lest he would miss his appointment to beat a certain piggy half to death, but who cares about him. Doc looked at Captain with anger written on his face. Literally. He quickly grabbed a random cloth and wiped the word off. Stupid Nazis and their graffiti. He quickly threw the cloth away and shook his fist at Captain.
"How dare you defend me! I was about to get killed, too!"
Captain stared at Doc as if he had lost his mind, which isn't uncommon if you're a genius.
"Why on earth would you want to die?"
"A Nazi like you would never understand! You... Nazi-ish... Nazi! Person! Thing!"
Captain's eyes filled with tears, and he ran away weeping at the hurtful comment. In the most manly manner possible, of course, because we all know Captain isn't a poof.
Doc frowned as the most uncomfortable feeling of guilt tormented him. Because everyone knows Doc is sensitive underneath all that stuff. You can tell by his Bambi eyes. Sick, WTF. As the guilt continued to eat away at him, he climbed into an oven to burn himself to death, determined to end his life of sorrow right then and there, when he had nothing to tie him down.
Just then, Piggy jumped out of absolute nothing, squealing like a piggy. For lack of better word for description.
"No!!! You can't kill yourself!"
"Are you spying on me or something!?" exclaimed Doc, in utter disgust. "I will do whatever I please!"
"Well, kill yourself after you make vampires, okay?"
Doc snarled at Piggy, who once again turned around and jiggled away. Doc sighed. It looked like he had no choice but to apologize to Captain for his horrible comment and befriend him. Then kill everyone else. Insert evil laughter there or something stupidly cliche like that.
---
...To be continued and all that crap. Many thanks to Rikku, who inspires me. This is for writing your beautifuk fic. SICK! THANK YOU WTF
