Ja, ja!

by Sad WTF

Chapter 4. Doc is Just Sexy, So Chapter Names Aren't Important (Dammit)

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"Don't forget to make the vampires! Don't forget to make the vampires!" screeched Jan in a high-pitched annoying voice. He was enjoying this a little too much. Doc dropped his nephews onto the ground when he entered his lab.

"Stupid vampires. If he wants vampires, I'll give him vampires!" Doc snarled. He grabbed some potato chips and a circus freak and combined them in a bowl. He put the mixture in spoonfuls on a tray and baked it for 10 minutes. He took out 2304985029384 freak chips. What a genius. WTF. Jan shrieked with amazement and Luke snorted. Captain blinked a few times.

Piggy ran in screaming and tried to touch the freak chips, but Doc kicked his fat. "They have to sit for a few days, or else people will turn into ghouls."

Piggy nodded, but grabbed the chips as soon as Doc was out of the room. Jan screeched. "Hey! You can't-"

"Yeah, whatever," Piggy interrupted rather rudely and marched out, feeding the chips to any Nazi he came across. The Nazis promptly turned into ghouls. Stupid Piggy!

Meanwhile, in some place rather far away, a person named Arthur Hellsing was dancing a jig for absolutely no reason, when Aaron with no last name walked in juggling asterisks to indicate the change in scene, but it was rather too late, since Arthur Hellsing had barged in before they could be used. Oh, well.

Aaron glared at Arthur Hellsing as he stuffed the asterisks down a disposal chute and cleared his throat. Arthur Hellsing turned, obviously annoyed that his little jig had been interrupted.

"Yes, Aaron?"

"Sir Hellsing, there have been signs of many ghouls lately."

"Then dispose of them."

There was a pause.

"Sir, they are ghouls in Germany."

"Then dispose of them."

There was a longer pause than before.

"Sir, they are ghouls in Germany. As in, you know. They-who-cannot-be-named-for-fear-of-offending-and-terrifying-people-greatly."

"Nazis?"

Aaron screamed. "SIR! That is DISGUSTING! But yes, you are right."

It was Arthur Hellsing's turn to scream. "SICK! Nazi ghouls! Send what's his name and what's his face after them."

"Yes, sir!"

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Young Walter didn't get very many asterisks, since stupid Aaron had disposed Hellsing of most of them. Damn him. Anyway, Walter was trying to wash the dishes as Alucard grabbed his arms and beat his face with it.

"Quit hittin' yourself! Quit hittin' yourself! Quit hittin' yourself!" laughed Alucard.

"Sick! Stop it! I have to finish my chores, or else Sir Hellsing will dance a jig on my forehead!" exclaimed poor Walter. He was spared any more jests from Alucard, when Aaron barged in.

"Walter! Alucard! Sir Hellsing has an assignment for you," said Aaron importantly. "You need to go to Germany to kill a bunch of Nazi ghouls."

"Beautifuk!" said Walter as he grabbed his dangerous string and twirled around impressively. A bunch of fangirls screamed. Alucard grabbed Walter by the vest and started to run all the way to Germany.

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Piggy giggled as he put up the asterisks he'd found in the trash. Soon he'd be able to take over the world with them! And of course, with his Nazi ghoul army as well. He shrieked when sirens wailed out in the distance. Something bad had happened.

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The asterisks were getting damned annoying. But who cares? Quotation marks or dollar signs couldn't be used for the change in scene. WTF. Anyway, Doc was poking at something stupid, like the ceiling, when Rip barged in.

"Sick!" she said.

Doc looked up. "I thought you weren't ever coming out of the lake?"

"Piggy jumped in. How vile!"

"Good. I hope he drowns."

"I hope so too. Oh yeah, some people are here to destroy us all."

"Good," laughed Doc. "I hope they destroy Piggy first. Oh, DAMN," screamed Doc. "CAPTAIN is out for a walk of some sort!"

"NO!" screeched Rip. "He's far too sexy to be killed! At least, not now!"

The asterisks were about to appear again, when a great potato famine rose in asterisk land, causing the asterisks to be replaced by INSERT ASTERISKS HERE. Good. The damned asterisk bastards.

Captain was walking the Nazi ghouls, when all of them were shred into 502943705928304975029384092834 million pieces. Captain gaped and looked about him when he found a small boy looking up at him with a defiant expression on his face.

"Hello, Mr. Nazi. Tell me. Are you a ghoul?"

Captain stared at Walter, eyes watering as he struggled to keep his mouth shut. Walter nodded.

"I thought so. By your lack of response, I will now conclude that you're a ghoul, and will have to kill you."

Walter quickly wrapped his string over Captain, and started to tighten his hold. Captain grabbed the nearest thing in alarm, which was Walter's neck. They both started to squeeze until Walter blacked out. Captain threw off the string and ran back home. He barged into Doc's lab just as Doc was about to run out, hitting him in the face.

Doc fell to the floor and screeched and held his face as Captain trampled over him to get inside. Captain quickly laid Walter on a bed and weeped. Doc sauntered over and looked down at the boy.

"Don't worry. He's not dead."

Gasp, what will happen when Walter wakes up? Cliffhanger ending. SICK WTF

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THE END. No, not really. To be continued, of course. Yes, and that is all that I will say.