A/n- I was all ready to post this and stuff, and I got a review from Lyonessheart, who was slightly confused with some stuff. So I'm gonna clear that confusion up! 1) No, Lucius is not dead. He's just in prison. 2) If you're confused on this one, I tell the person in this chapter. I don't tell what's happened to him until like two follow-up fics later.
People all around him were lazily relaxing in the warm sun. The first day of the year where it was warm enough for people to take off their jackets. He walked around them to a secluded little hill and found Harry lying on his stomach. He had taken his coat off and was using it to keep his clothes dry. Next to him was a small group of flowers that Draco didn't know the name of.
Draco took off his coat and put it on the dew-covered grass next to Harry. He laid on his back, with his hands behind his head. He watched the fluffy clouds blow by.
"It's nice out today," Harry said. Draco made a noise of agreement. The kitten, who Draco had to lock in a room to keep her out of his classes, settled herself in a patch of sun between the boys. Harry put the flower down, and took off the necklace. He swung it absentmindedly like a pendulum from his hand. The cat's eyes followed the movement.
"Did you name her yet?"
"The kitten?"
"Yes,"
"Yeah, I did. Her name is Asa,"
"Asa?"
"It means 'morning' in Japanese,"
"Oh, all right... Nice name,"
"I thought so," he replied wryly. Asa pounced one the necklace and Harry laughed. Draco smiled and turned on his side to face them. "What's with the flowers?" Guilt settled into Draco's stomach as Harry's happy demeanor faded.
"Oh... I found them up on the hill over there," he gestured awkwardly to a higher hill, "and I remembered reading that zinnias stand for 'thoughts of absent friends'... I'm going to send them to Mrs. Weasley to put on Ron's grave..."
Now that Draco looked, he noted that there were three zinnias lying next to Harry. One had red petals with pink ones underneath and yellow 'stars' in the center of it. The second was orange petaled that shaded into pink towards the center, and it too had the 'stars'. The last one, however, was different. It had more petals than the other two, and was completely red. Draco liked that one the best.
"...I'd tell you to send my condolences, but I doubt that anyone would believe that I meant it..."
"I'm not sure that I believe it," Harry looked at him oddly as he said it. As if he was trying to look through Draco's eyes and into his soul. Draco tried to open his expression to Harry, to show him that he wasn't lying.
"...Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"Lets say that... that I wanted to... fight against Him -- Voldemort... that I don't want to be a Death Eater," he had Harry's full attention now. "Who would I talk to?" He said the last parts very fast. Once he started, he wasn't sure that he could stop talking.
Harry thought for a moment. "I would've said Dumbledore if you had asked me that a while ago, but I don't like him anymore..."
"I thought for the longest time that you idolized the man,"
"And I thought that you idolized your father,"
Draco swallowed. Harry's comment was like a whip. "Point made." Harry was silent again.
"Who would you trust... or, who would you normally go to with something important,"
Draco didn't have to think on the answer. "My godfather,"
"Who is he?"
"Professor Snape,"
An odd look came into Harry's eyes. "Perfect. Go tell him,"
"Are you sure? I mean, I thought that he was..."
Harry gave him a mysterious smile. He knew more than he was saying. "Go talk to him, Draco."
Draco followed Harry's advice. That advice led him deep into the very heart of Slytherin territory. It led him to a place three stories under the main floor. It led him to one very large oak door. He knocked on the door. A few very choice words were heard from inside. Draco smiled. His godfather would never change.
"Coming!" he heard Severus yell. He heard the low sound of men talking. The door opened.
Draco smirked at Severus' disheveled appearance. His hair was ruffled and his face flushed. His robes had just been thrown on and Draco could see part of Severus' chest. One piece had a small bite mark on it that looked like a scar. Severus' eyes narrowed at the intruder, and then softened when he saw his godson.
"What is it Draco?" Draco managed to speak through his smirk.
"I have to talk to you Sev," An exasperated sigh.
"Can't it wait? I'm... in the middle of something,"
"I can see that," Severus glared.
"Wipe that goddamned smirk off of your face!" Draco laughed. It caught Severus off guard. Draco's lips formed a grin instead of a smirk.
"I don't think it can wait-" Severus opened his mouth to speak, "and no, I will not come back later... I really don't mind it if Professor Lupin is in on our talk," Eyebrows went up.
"Get in here then," he opened the door wider to allow Draco entrance.
Draco settled himself on a green armchair and waited. Severus had disappeared in his chambers. Draco could hear the voices of his professors. Remus came out looking as normal as always and sat across from him.
"Afternoon professor," Draco said merrily.
"Mr. Malfoy," Remus said with a nod of his head in his pupil's direction. Before Draco could tease Remus, Severus came into the room.
"Tea, Draco?" Draco nodded silently. The nerves in his stomach were acting up finally.
"Remus?"
"No thank you," he said in his quiet, polite voice. Draco wondered idly if the man ever spoke in a different tone of voice. They sat in silence while Severus made the tea. He handed Draco a cup, then sat next to Remus. They stared at Draco.
"Suppose I should start talking, eh?"
"That would be a smart idea," Severus said dryly. Draco nodded. He supposed that Severus was a bit upset that Draco had interrupted his 'something.' He looked down into his full cup. He gathered his thoughts. This was final. No going back Draco, he told himself.
"I don't want to be a Death Eater," Draco said bluntly. A stunned silence followed. Had he even said it aloud? Maybe they had died from the shock, he thought sarcastically. He looked up. Severus looked surprised and... proud? As for Remus... he didn't look the least bit surprised. Bloody loudmouthed Harry!
"How did you know to come to me with this?" Severus asked after a few minutes. "As far as you know I'm a loyal Death Eater,"
"Harry told me to come to you,"
"Did he now?" he turned to Remus. "You'd best tell him to watch who exactly he is passing out information to!"
"You needn't be angry Sev," he turned back to Draco, "Harry didn't tell me anything. As far as I know, you are a loyal Death Eater. I told Harry that I may want to... switch sides, if you will, and I asked him who I should talk to. He asked who I would normally confide in, and I said you. He said that it was 'perfect'. I said that I thought you were a loyal Death Eater, but he insisted I see you. Now I'm here," he sipped at his tea while Remus and Severus processed that information.
"Why do you want to help us?" Remus asked, once again in his tranquil voice. How could any man be that calm? Well, he supposed, anyone with Harry as his charge and Severus for a lover would need to have massive amounts of patience.
"I don't want to kill innocent people. I've seen families torn apart because of Death Eaters, and I don't want to cause that," Draco wanted to look away. He didn't. They needed to see his eyes. To see that he was telling the truth. He wouldn't be able to bear it if they thought he was lying. Draco drew a knee to his chest and set the teacup on the end table. "I don't want to kill the good people... And I want to stop the people who do... the people like my father," he spat the last words as if they were foul.
"Are you sure this isn't just to rebel against your father, Draco?" Severus asked. Draco shook his head.
"Rebelling against my father hardly had a place in my decision. But I will admit that I want revenge against him,"
"Revenge? For what?"
"For stealing my freedom," Draco sighed and gave into the temptation. He looked at the carpet. "For taking away my childhood and innocence before I had a say in it. For brainwashing me into thinking that I'm better than everyone else because I'm a Malfoy, which I know now isn't true," Remus and Severus sat with their separate thoughts for sometime. Whatever it is they were doing before was clearly not their main concern at the moment.
"Look up Draco," Severus said softly. Draco did as he was told. He was sure that he would be crying right now, if he could only remember how. "Are you sure you want this?"
"Yes,"
Remus nodded as if that decided something for him. He took Severus' arm and led him to the other side of the room to talk privately. Draco could still hear them.
"I think we should let him join the Order after the end of the term,"
"Are you positive? It could be a mistake Severus. We can't afford any more mistakes." Pettigrew, Draco thought, they're afraid I'll turn out to be another Pettigrew.
"Draco's heart is in this Remus, I can tell. I've known him since he was a baby; I was the third person to hold him. I watched Lucius suck the innocence of adolescence out of him. Through all of that, I've never seen him like this,"
"So you think that he really wants this?" Meaning: Are you sure his father isn't trying to earn Voldemort a new spy in the Order? Severus understood.
"Does Draco strike you as the type to follow orders?" Remus shook his head. "Lucius raised him too well in certain areas. Now it has come back to bite him in the arse," Remus laughed lightly. Even his laugh was calm. The man confused Draco to great lengths.
"Very true Severus... But remember, if anything happens, it's on your head,"
"I know Remus, I know. But I'd bet my life on this,"
"You are,"
Draco caught the underlying message in this as well. If he turns out to be a spy, Severus will be to blame. Severus had complete faith in him. He'd 'bet his life on it.' In taking this risk, allowing the son of a prominent Death Eater to join them, Severus is risking his life. And everyone else's. Draco felt a surge of love for his godfather. The parent he never had. He wouldn't let Severus down.
They were sitting on the couch again. Remus was studying him.
"Do you have any other reasons for your decision, Draco?" Draco thought over his reply carefully. He spoke his answer in a whisper.
"To prove that I'm a good person,"
Severus' brow furrowed, "Who could you possibly want to prove that to?" he asked, pure confusion apparent in his voice.
Draco locked eyes with his godfather. "To you... To Professor Lupin... To Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. To my peers in the other houses... and to Harry," he closed his eyes and whispered, "I want to show Harry that I'm a good person,"
A/n– The explanation for the name of Draco's kitten. I did use the correct term (Learned in Japanese class. Any issues, consult my Japanese teacher!), but it's the stuff behind it that I wanted to get across. In the morning your day can go any direction. You can't really wake up and say "Today I'm not going to fall on my face and embarrass myself" because you can't control it. Draco's kitten is sort of a peace offering between the boys, and it represents that their relationship can go in any direction. Like a fresh, new morning!
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