Authors Notes:
After a long period of silence, I'm back.
To those who don't remember much of the plot, or have just started reading it I'll freshen your mind. In my #1 ff "I'll say goodbye for the two of us" (the prequel to this fic), 18-year-old Sakura makes the hardest choice in her life: to leave her beloved Syaoran. This is due to circumstances beyond their control, or so she thought. I think it would probably be better if you read that fic before, but it isn't absolutely necessary.
Anyway, in the previous chapters, everything has been pretty much Syaoran sided. So I decided to include this piece, with a Sakura's pov and the rest of the chapter seen through her eyes (in 3rd person, though). I'll probably be posting chapters every now and then, as soon as I get more of this story written (don't have much time these days).
This fic is dedicated to my wonderful, loyal, beloved reviewers. I have not forgotten your doubts about all the incidents, so don't worry. Everything will be explained here or in future chapters.
WARNING: This fic, and it's prequel are stories of high emotional contents. If you are a very sensitive person, do not read any of them. It sent some of my faithful reviewers over the edge, and had my less sensitive friends in tears. It will break your heart, but hopefully you'll read and review anyway.
FEEDBACK: Please DO review, or mail me at mili2004@hotmail.com, indicating you are reviewing and which story you have you read. Remember it's best to read "I'll say goodbye for the two of us" first. Both stories take place in the same universe. Every single opinion is important to me, flames are more than welcome.
To everyone who hasn't been discouraged or frightened by the notes above, get yourselves a Kleenex, and set off in this journey with me.
Enjoy!
"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: when the truth breaks the silence"
Part three: "A long night"
by cherry blossom
The moon's up and the sun's down
And a thousand starry eyes have caught me crying
You don't die of a broken heart
You just lie down and give up trying
And it's gonna be a long night, long night
Trying to get through this all right
Keeping the teardrops out of sight
Waiting for morning light
It's gonna be a long night.
Sakura's POV
That song has been haunting ever since I got here. Ever since I had a long, hard look at the mirror and realized what a stupid, brainless, pathetic excuse for a person I am.
It's a short, bittersweet song. Just nine verses, and yet says so much. It describes with the simplicity of words the most painful, shattering experience I've ever been through. But is it true? Whoever wrote this song hasn't been where I am. The pain, oh god, the harsh, intense, violent pain I'm feeling is enough to drain all hope away from me, to make me want to die. It seems so possible and tempting it makes me shudder.
A broken heart...
Perfect choice of words. But in my case it doesn't seem possible that my strained, crushed, trembling heart could take much more before finally collapsing. A long night....
An endless night.
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Kinomoto Sakura let out a short, wheezing gasp as she tried to control the compelling flow of emotions that threat to overwhelm her. Shaking weakly she forced herself to find her way to the Special Place, as she had named it some time ago. How long? It was impossible for her to even have a vague idea. Time had lost constancy there. She seemed to live in a world were nights fused into nights continuously. Where pain never had a break. Where darkness was the beginning and the end of everything.
It was enough to drive anyone crazy. And as she neared the limits of insanity, she realized she would have completely lost it if it weren't for the Special Place...
She drew in a sharp breath as she lost balance and fell. She hit the cold floor almost without noticing. Everything she had gone through, what she was still enduring.....It was slowly but surely taking the last of humanity she had left. It was making her numb. It was degrading her living to simple existence.
Why? Why was this happening to her? The harder she tried to concentrate the more her mind clouded over. Her brain seemed to be filled with a fog that got worse by the second.
She lay on her back feeling the last trace of strength being drained from her. She was so tired. Tired of this cold, dark place. Tired of everything hurting so much. It even hurt to breathe. Part of her was telling her to give up, to stop the struggle, to simply give in. But another part kept tugging at her heart, and the more she felt lost, the more insistent it got. But what did it want? Sakura had finally gotten to a decisive point. She was on a one way road, which would probably lead her to nowhere. It was time to stop trying to think, and maybe listen to her heart. It would be painful, but there was nothing left to do. She took a quivering breath in, and started searching through her anguished, troubled heart.
Distortioned images appeared before her eyes, fragmented and blurred. Portions of a life that didn't seem to belong to her. Blinded by the cold darkness of the place in which she was now, Sakura had forgotten there vas something, anything, besides pain. That there was life, a world that wasn't perfect, but wonderful anyhow. And that she had been part of it once.
The dim memories, were becoming more defined and accurate, emotions were becoming stronger and ran through her heart leaving trails that warmed her up like she could have never imagined. Faces flashed before her, as she tried to place them somewhere in her memories. A black-haired, violet-eyed young girl, with a pleasant smile and an unbelievable kindness in her eyes lingered at first. She was holding a video camera in her hand. Tomoyo, oh, Tomoyo, my dear friend Sakura thought as she recalled all the moments they had shared. The costumes she made for her, the never missing video taping, the sly and clever matchmaking that characterized her bright, incredible friend. Her everlasting, unconditional friendship warmed her up, gave her the strength she needed to continue on this journey through a life that was beginning to feel hers again. The came what seemed to be a stuffed animal, only it was moving, and saying something... more chocolate pudding? Sakura suddenly felt the desire to laugh, something she could barely remember You just loved food, didn't you, Kero-chan?
A tall man with light brown and glasses came next. A sincere, loving smile in his face and in his eyes reminded Sakura what an incredible person he was Dad.... how I miss you Then appeared a tall boy with dark hair and a defiant expression in his face that, nevertheless, couldn't hide the love and adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. Sakura remembered now the treat he had always gotten from her overprotective oni-chan. But you did those things because you loved me, Touya. And I love you right back The person that came next represented an incredible step in Sakura's recalling mission. A beautiful woman, with long wavy hair, and eyes filled with a caring gentleness that amazed Sakura. She could see this woman's soul right through her eyes, and the pure love she felt made her shake with emotion from head to toes. Mom Sakura's eyes filled with tears Can you see me, Mom? Can you see the longing and love I feel for you? Can you help me through this icy night? She could almost feel the gentleness of her touch.
More and more faces came to her, making her heart swell, clearing her mind, unleashing her soul.
But something was still missing. Who? Sakura tried with all her might to remember but the effort was draining the little energy she had left. I have to do this. I need to do this Everyone she had remembered passed again before her, sending messages of love and encouragement. Come on she told herself You can do it...
And suddenly, all her efforts, all her faith and hope, all the love and life, all the pain darkness and misery came together and led her to the final thing to remember. To the person that was buried deepest in her heart.
Syaoran she though with a pool of feelings going through her, falling like a cascade. So many, but she could make one out of all.
Love.
Everything, all the moments they had shared, their endless support for one another, their adventures while capturing the Clow Cards the incredible friendship that turned into love within the years. It all came back to her, overwhelming her in the most wonderful way. The bond that they shared was so strong, Sakura could almost see a light through all the darkness.
She remembered his messy brown hair, his fiery amber eyes, windows of his kind, honest, pure soul. Those eyes that said so much, that contained the most wonderful set of emotions when directed to her. His voice, which quavered slightly when he told her he loved her, as if not being able to control his feelings. His hands, those strong caring hands that still sent shivers down her spine when he touched her.
She loved him utterly, mindlessly. Being without him was unconceivable.
This last thought was so passionate, so fierce, it made her get up and continue her way to the Special Place. Slowly but with a lot of determination, Sakura finally got to her destination.
As she entered the room, she felt her heart lighter than ever since she had been there. As she looked through the tiny window (probably an unnoticed flaw of who had put her there) into the immense, starry sky, she allowed herself to hope again. She loved life. Everything about it. She was not to be defeated by this. The stars twinkled, as if winking at her, agreeing with her thoughts.
She would overcome this. She owed it to her friends, to her family, to her love.
And she owed it to herself.
There, in the middle of the darkness surrounding her, Sakura's heart was all light and love once more.
