How?
I am alone. Utterly alone. I have no one, no one to talk to, and no one to hold me. No one to love me. And I to love them. But, I'm used to it by now. The coldness, the emptiness. It doesn't affect me as it had before. I'm not saying it doesn't faze me, it does! I cry all alone on my pillow at night, every night. No one cares. It's like I'm just a piece of furniture, they have to put up with, like a rug. That's a perfect example. A rug. Tattered, and dirty for them to walk all over. You see, what they don't think about is what this rug, me, was before it was tarnished. It could have been colorful and beautiful, something people, just might notice and possibly, dare I think it, be glad to have around. But no one dose, so what's the use of trying. I am alone. I hate it! Why me? Why not someone else!? What am I saying? I wouldn't dare think about putting this misfortune, this, this… this unbearable, agonizing, heartbreaking curse on another soul. Heartbreaking, perfect description. God, I can't even remember the last time I smiled on my own will. Heartbreaking. You don't know what it's like having your heart ripped out, grinded into the ground. Spit upon by all. Eschewed. Eschew, another good word. It means to turn your back on, steer clear, having nothing to do with. To me it means betray. That's what my life is. One big, fat betrayal. One after another, after another, after another, after another. Pitiful, I know. Why don't I leave? Why don't I run? Simple. I have nowhere to go. And if I went, not only would I not be missed, but also it would be the same. What's that verse from that song, something like 'different names, same old story.' Or something of that sort. Was the author of those words going through this living hell like me? Its not a 'phase' not something that'll pass. I know away to end it. End it all. My mind splits in a million different modes. Some say it's the coward's way out, yet I am a coward, im afraid to do it, yet im not a coward. I have endeared with this hell for, God knows how long, shouldn't that count for something? , Anything? Or will it just be thrown back in my face, like, well, everything else. What makes me think that this one tiny thought will bend the rules? I want to leave, I want to go so … so badly, go into an eternity of bliss, nothing to fear, dread or anything else of that matter. But something holds me back. I just wish I knew what it was.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*{{A/N: hey guys! I just kinda sat down at the ole' 'pooter and this just sprang out of my fingers. No im not Goth, or anything, im sick of all of these fanfics always shunning this certain character. So here it goes (don't worry it'll turnout to be interesting!) Okay now go and read a happy fic so you can get outta this depressed mode! J I'll give a krispy kreme (that is original! no more cookies! Kk's have come to stay!) to whoever can figure out who this person is!!!! See ya in chapter two!}}*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muchas smoochas,
The Magical Ferret
