Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay. I'm glad to tell you that my exams are almost over, so I'll probably update more often. To the reviewers who asked about my finger, actually I broke it a silly way, a little accident with the door of the car. Anyway it's fine now, so my typing is much faster.

About this chapter: The new twist is developing. I don't particularly like the way this chapter came out, it seems a little fast, but that's probably because I'm not used to writing action. Anyway, I haven't failed to describe feelings, so my style remains.

Important note: please do not stop when you reach the final words of Tomoyo's POV. That's all I'll say.

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers. This chapter is dedicated, of course, to you.

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part nine: "Remorse"

By cherry blossom

Tomoyo's POV

"I'm fine"

Yeah, I'm damn fine. In fact, I couldn't be better. I acknowledge my statement with a small smile and a nod to Eriol, but I'm actually smiling ironically to myself. Things are great, just great.

I sigh as Eriol turns around, giving me a look that clearly says that he doesn't buy it, but that he won't argue for the moment. His perfect understanding just makes me feel worse. Do I really deserve him? He just seems so...perfect. Flawless. Like he shouldn't be with such a chaotic person as I am. Really, I've got such a jumble in my head.

I follow Eriol until we get to wherever the hell we are supposed to go. What were we doing anyway? Ah, yes the plane. I can see Eriol leaving our luggage. The room is practically deserted. I can only see a woman with a small child, a businessman, a middle-aged woman reading a novel, and a couple of teenagers who are noisily making out in a corner. Really, you guys, just get a room.

I spot Syaoran sitting quietly by himself, scowling. Then he turns around and looks at me. I shiver as his cold look meets my eyes. Oh, god, what have I done? Eriol was wrong. Or at least Syaoran thinks so, and he's mad at me for it. Should I take things back and become miserable again? That will probably hurt Eriol. But if I leave things as they are...I don't think I can take Syaoran's coldness anymore.

So I'm torn. What should I do now? A smart person once said `Always follow your heart. It will lead the way´. But what if my heart contradicts itself? It can't seem to settle down. The love I have for both Eriol and Syaoran is quite different, but it's still love. Syaoran is my friend, my touchstone. He's been there at my worst and has helped me incredibly. I'll never thank him enough. I can't afford to lose him. On the other hand there's Eriol...my heart smiles just to think about him. He is my soul mate. I know it. We are so similar and so different at the same time. But he complements me. I'll never find someone like him...

"Ready to go, Tomoyo-chan?"

"Huh?" I reply snapping back to reality. I look up and find Eriol looking at me quite preocuppied.

"I asked if you were ready to go" he repeats and I think I sense a bit of annoyance in his voice. "The plane will be departing soon"

"Already?"

"We have been here for over an hour, Tomoyo-chan" Yeah, his voice definitely sounds strained. But over an hour really? I guess time sped up while I was lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah, let's go" I say, and follow him once again.

Once we are on the plane I confirm that we are very few people travelling. Rows of seats are empty and it strikes odd to me. Wouldn't they accommodate us in another flight? Oh, well, then again maybe there wasn't another available. Why am I even thinking about this triviality? I shake my head. Really, girl, get a grip.

I watch Syaoran storm to the back of the plane and take a seat in the middle row. I am tempted to follow him, but Eriol has already taken another seat, and is looking at me expectantly. Syaoran isn't even looking. I hesitate before I walk in Eriol's direction. I sit beside him and take a deep breath, closing my eyes. This whole business is overwhelming me. The air seems insufficient and I'm starting to have a really bad headache. Eriol looks at me worriedly.

"What's wrong Tomoyo-chan?" he asks in a low voice.

"I just....I....nothing" I say shaking my head.

He seems to be about to say something but the stewardess interrupts to explain the safety measures. The belt, the oxygen mask, pinchy things, the usual. I listen absently to what she says, not really paying attention. I'm focused on Syaoran, trying to figure out his eyes at the moderate distance I am. Not an easy job from here.

"Earth to Tomoyo"

I turn around. Eriol's looking at me strangely. "What?"

"I've called you 3 times already. You should fasten your seatbelt, we'll be going any minute now." True to this, the plane starts moving almost immediately. I hurriedly fasten the belt and look straight forward. I prepare myself for the takeoff. I don't really like this part.

But the plane takes off smoothly, and we soar into the sky. In no time we are up here, an intense blue anywhere we look. It's beautiful. I dart another look at Syaoran, but he doesn't look back. I'm sure he knows I'm gazing at him, but he refuses to meet my eye. I feel sick and close my eyes once again. When I open them I see Eriol staring at me.

"Please talk to me" he pleads.

I shake my head, but it only increases the pain. I try to talk but I'm out of breath again.

Eriol puts his arm around me, wanting to comfort me, but I refuse his touch. I'm feeling suffocated and what a horrible sensation it is.

He seems rather hurt by my rejection so he aims to talk but I can't take this anymore. Breathing shallowly I get up and go down the aisle, heading for the toilet. I need to be alone for just one minute. I need to recompose myself before I do anything I regret later.

I feel relieved as I enter the quiet toilet. Its silence is soothing. I hold a hand to my heart, trying to control its irregular beating.

I look at myself in the mirror. A pale, diminished girl stares back. But who is she? Have I really become that person? I don't even know myself anymore. And that scares me. It chills me to the very end. I know I can't control the world around me, but I have always relied on having control over myself. But I don't. Ever since Sakura's disappearance I have completely lost it. And I hate that. It makes me feel so vulnerable, somehow exposed...

I finger my trembling lower lip. It still tings with the memory of Eriol's mouth over it. I reflect for a moment on what has just happened. The look in his eyes when I pulled away...it breaks my heart just to think about it. So now I've hurt both him and Syaoran. God, how did I get myself in this situation? And how can I get out of it? I lean against the tiny window, finding comfort in its cool surface. The whole cabin is spinning around wildly, making me dizzy. Is it just me or is this room getting smaller and darker by the second?

Suddenly an irrational, blind fear runs through me. A horrible anxiousness fills me and my whole body tenses, waiting. What for? I don't know. But they say that when a person suffers a lot he or she starts seeing a bit further. What lies beneath...

True to this, my reflexes have become sharper and I'm sensitive to a lot of things that go unnoticed by other people. I have a broader vision about things. But even though I try, I haven't been enlightened yet. I feel as if I'm trapped in a particular place, where I can't go either forward or backwards.

The fear mounts, and I know I'm not imagining it. The air suddenly feels very cold and thick and I instruct myself to breathe only. My eyes dart sideways. Left, right, left, right, left again. The stillness of the silence surrounding me is unbearable. Come on. Come out and play. I'm challenging you.

Then it strikes, but I'm available to dodge it. Partially. It hits my side and for a moment I'm about to faint. Then I hear a shattering sound. I look at the mirror. There's a long sharp knife incrusted to where a piece of mirror originally was. It's dripping blood. My blood, I realize with a shiver. That was close. That was way too close. It's over for the moment, my instincts are telling me so. But for how long? I'd better get out of here and tell Eriol and Syaoran right away.

Just as that thought crosses my mind, the plane starts shaking. After a few attempts I manage to open the door. Outside the couple of teenagers is quietly sitting in a corner, the businessman is yelling something into his phone and the little girl is crying, with her mother trying to calm her down. Eriol is nowhere to be found and Syaoran remains in his place, looking around bewildered. Then his eyes meet mine, and travel down to my blood-dripping waist.

Then, in a single move he lifts me and pulls me to his seat. I sleepily watch as he opens his backpack and takes some bandages out.

"Hey...hurts" I complain softly when he pulls up my shirt a bit and starts bandaging my waist putting a lot of pressure on it. But I don't even flinch. The pain is slowly slipping away and suddenly staying awake seems like a too big effort. Everything's fine, I just need to rest for a second...

Syaoran seems to notice this, so he grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me roughly.

"Do NOT die on me Tomoyo" he says fiercely.

"What do you mean?" I ask quietly. He looks at me sadly.

I see his hands covered with my blood and a big pool of it around me. How much have I lost? A lot probably, considering my state of dizziness. But surely I'm not....I mean, this situation is surreal, he certainly doesn't mean...I look into his eyes once more.

Then I understand.

I'm dying.

How can it end this way? This wasn't supposed to happen. Sakura...Eriol....Syaoran....my family...I always thought I had time. I don't want to leave you, but it seems destiny hasn't given me another option.

Little as my time might be, I won't give up yet, Syaoran, not until I make things right with you. I'll seize my last chance with all I've got.

"I need...I need to tell you something" I say between coughs.

"Don't speak, it will make it worse" he says severely, but I see his eyes are becoming blurred.

"Please forgive me. I meant no disrespect to Sakura-chan, things with Eriol just...happened" I say slowly.

He seems to want to speak but the plane looses height suddenly and he falls backwards. He gets up and returns to my side. I can barely keep my eyes open now, but I can't give up yet.

"Please, Syaoran, I need you to forgive me, you are my best friend..." I say trembling convulsively. He holds me tighter, and I can see a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Please" I whisper.

"I have nothing to forgive, I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you have every right to be happy. You deserve it, Tomoyo-chan. Forgive me for being such an insensitive bastard" he says, his voice raspy as if just wanting to break down and cry badly.

I hold my hand up to wipe away the tear he has just shed, softly caressing his cheek, as the world around me gets darker.

"Thank you. Please tell Eriol and Sakura, when you find her, that I love them" I say softly.

"No, Tomoyo, don't leave me!" he says but I can hardly hear him.

I'm sorry, Syaoran.

I won't forget you.

************************************************************************************

Syaoran's POV

No. I won't accept this.

No, just no! This can NOT be happening! I refuse to believe any of this is real. It's just another bad dream, and I'll wake up eventually. Please, let it be a dream, god if you are listening, make this just a nightmare, please, I'll do anything, anything at all, I'll...

"Mom!!! Mommy, the girl is hurt!" my thoughts are interrupted by the little girl's scream. I look at her. Her mother immediately picks her up and takes her to another seat, as far a way as she can.

And I snap out of it. It's not a dream so I'd better do something NOW.

"ERIOL!" I shout with all my strength "ERIOL WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

The plane keeps shaking badly but I can see him running in my direction.

"I was pushed forward, so I checked the pilot's cabin. There was no one there, I don't know who has been driving this-" he stops dead in the middle of the sentence when he sees who's in my arms. His eyes open wide, and I can see the terror in them. He leans down and takes Tomoyo in his arms. He listens to her heart and examines her waist.

"How long?" he asks

"Just now" I reply numbly.

"Then we have a chance" he says and I'm struck. What does he mean?

He holds his hand to her wound and a bright light appears. I can feel its warmth. What now? After what feels like an eternity, with my heart being crushed slowly, he removes his hand and checks her pulse. I simply stare. I can't think.

Then he lets out a relieved sigh and pulls Tomoyo close to him, crying and kissing her.

Then he looks at me for a moment and chokes "Fine for now"

She's alive.

God thank you so much, she's alive! I let out the shaky breath I had been holding. My nerves are still frazzled by the situation, adrenaline still running through my veins wildly. My body can't calm down and I find myself pacing up and down the aisle in the middle of the disaster that the plane has become. Not nearly as my head, though. So many thoughts cross my mind at once, confounding me...

I almost lost her too. And she stayed up for a few moments just to apologize. The effort could have really killed her but she did it anyway. For me. And I let her suffer with my cold act, thinking she didn't care. I can't believe what an egoistic, stupid, pathetic excuse for a human being I am. I just....I don't even have words to express how much I hate myself right now.

The plane then makes a sudden move, and I realize we are now descending almost vertically into the sea below us, so I'm forced to nudge Eriol. He nods and at once I feel how we are transported somewhere.

I feel myself lost in a whirlwind of colors.

Then everything goes black.

************************************************************************************

"Syaoran wake up"

I slowly open my eyes and I'm amazed at the paradisiacal place we are in. And where might that be? Wherever it is, it's beautiful. I spot Tomoyo lying beside me.

"She's fine" he says in a calm voice, but I can see his eyes shaking. The thought relieves me but I'm still not completely calm. So much has happened in the past hours, ever since we left Tomoyo's house, that I can't seem to take it all in. I try to think, but I can't clear my mind. Everything happened so fast. Our fight, the whole plane incident...I hadn't had so much action since...well, since card capturing days. And even then things had the least bit of sense. But I'm completely disorientated now. I turn to Eriol.

"I'm confused too" he admits "But one thing is clear: what attacked Tomoyo is definitely a dark force."

"But her wound...it's a knife's mark" I tell him.

"I know, but I found this too" he replies and he shows me a small tube with a fluorescent substance.

"Were did you get a tube in this place? Never mind, I don't want to know" I say as he lifts his eyebrows, ready to make an Eriol trademark retort "But tell me what this substance is"

"Those are the bad news. It's a mortal venom that kills in half an hour's time after it's applied, unless you find the cure. I worked on it as much as I could but I got there too late to heal it completely"

I don't understand. Is he saying Tomoyo's going to be all right, or...? The confusion must be evident in my eyes because he answers before I ask him the question.

"What I mean" he says "Is that I've only healed her partially, drawing out the time we have to find the real cure. I'd say we have 3 days, 2 to be safe, to find the cure and administrate it. Otherwise..."he closed his eyes and lowered his head, evidently not wanting to think about it. Neither do I.

"And where can we find this cure?" I ask him.

"Somewhere in Earlington" he replies "Which is exactly where we are"