Disclaimer: Why do I even bother?
Author's Notes: I'm so sorry! I know I haven't updated in a very long time, but I've been really busy. School is taking up all of my time lately, I'm having my finals, you see, and it's very important that I do well unless I want to spend the whole summer studying.
Anyway, we had left off with our heroes on the island, Eriol had gone to look for the medicine and Tomoyo and Syaoran had stayed behind, waiting for him. This chapter is a glimpse on both situations. Not too much action, but I promise a lot for part 12, k? Read and review!!
Dedicatory: I don't want my other reviewers to think I don't appreciate their reviews deeply, but I have a special person I want to thank, for her support, friendship and advice. Anniki, this is for you.
"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"
Part eleven: "Playing Parts"
By cherry blossom
Eriol shivered as the night fell upon him. The temperature had lowered itself noticeably, but he doubted it was the cool air that made him tremble. He was feeling cold inside...
He closes his eyes for a second and tried to regain control over himself. Losing his mind would definitely not help him in this situation. He had to keep his head cool, his mind clear, he needed to stay focused. Getting the medicine for Tomoyo would not be easy, but he knew it was imperative he did so. Eriol had promised himself he would never let Tomoyo get hurt, and even though he was failing miserably right now, he simply wouldn't let her die. And what was pushing him to act this way was, in Eriol's opinion, the most selfish, cowardly reason, and he hated himself for it.
It was fear. Raw, blind fear. He was terrified of what might happen to him without Tomoyo. What was to become of him without her deep amethyst eyes, her radiant smile, her gentle touch, her immense and unconditional love? He didn't even want to think about it. But he knew for sure that he wouldn't make it without her.
As he entered into the heart of the forest he began wondering what kind of test awaited him. A courage test? An intelligence test? Maybe a physical one...He really didn't know, and that made him feel quite vulnerable. He was used to knowing the answers to practically everything, or at least more than the others. No matter how much he hated admitting it, he liked the superiority feeling. Not that he thought he was a better person than the rest of his friends, of course, but he liked being the one they turned to when they were in trouble. Maybe he just liked being useful, feeling needed or something. Or, in simple words, he liked feeling he really had a place in this world.
Eriol sighed. Being Clow's reincarnation wasn't an easy job. He could handle pressure, duels, and physical stuff, but the issues of the heart were a something different. His mind was methodic and cool, he generally remained impassive to everyone and everything. But deep inside, his heart was filled with doubts and insecurities just like everyone or maybe even more. Was he really something besides Clow's reincarnation? All his life he had taken this last role, pushing his humanity inside, deeper, deeper into his heart, almost as if trying to make it disappear And why? Well, it was easier that way. What value did he have otherwise? He had never helped anyone, never made the smallest difference in anyone's life. And that was a thought that had slowly but surely been consuming him over the years...
Until Tomoyo came along.
He still couldn't believe that there could actually be someone like her in this world of suffering and coldness, and that he had been lucky enough to cross paths with her. More amazed even, at the fact that she shared the feelings he had for her. And she loved him, Eriol Hiraguizawa, the smart quiet boy, with the doubts and flaws common in a regular person. She had managed to separate his insecure self from Clow's perfection, and she had still chosen him. She made him feel special, wanted, loved. Being without her was unconceivable.
More determined than ever he realized he had reached his destination. A tall, dark tree stood proudly before him. If you looked at it objectively it had nothing special, there was nothing tangible that differentiated it from the rest of the evil, eerie looking trees that conformed the forest. But somehow this one managed to irradiate this horrible feeling, this dark weight in Eriol's heart, so intense it left him breathless for a while. When he had regained enough strength to go on, he slowly approached the tree and touched it with his index finger, very lightly, as expecting a bad reaction from it
But there was no reaction at all. In fact, nothing happened until Eriol had placed his palm fully over the bark. Only then, slowly and quietly one of the cracks the tree had started opening more and more, until there was enough space for a grown man to go through it. Then, just as it had started it stopped. Eriol simply stood there for a few moments, waiting for something else to occur. When nothing did, he took a deep breath and entered, his anxiousness rising rapidly, for he did not know what was awaiting him inside.
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Syaoran's gaze rested upon the sleeping girl he had in his arms. The whole night had passed without incident and he had to admit that it calmed him a bit. Besides, listening to Tomoyo's steady, regular breathing was helping him stay focused, soothing his ill-frazzled nerves. He knew he could take good care of Tomoyo for a few days, but he was so afraid of what he would do if Eriol didn't come back after the 3rd day. Should he stay with her or go look for the medicine? And if he did go, should he leave her or take her with him? Doubts tormented the heart of the young warrior as the sun began to rise, illuminating the whole island with its warm golden rays. He decided there wasn't much he could do now, so he should just focus on making Tomoyo feel good these days, until Eriol came back. He noticed Tomoyo was moving a bit, so he kissed her forehead lightly and whispered in her ear.
"Good morning, my sleeping beauty"
Tomoyo yawned. She had slept really well! In fact she didn't remember having slept as well as this in...well in a very long time. Even in the midst of the problems they were in, that very second she was feeling good. Tomoyo couldn't help herself, she smiled, and it lit up her face in such a way it surprised Syaoran.
"Why so happy this morning, Tomoyo-chan?" he asked.
"Oh, I just slept really well" she replied lightly, still smiling.
Syaoran was about to return her smile, but then frowned and spoke gravely.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. "Any pain in your waist?"
"No, it feels quite normal" she answered, the smile disappearing from her face. Syaoran regretted making that question, for Tomoyo's happiness seemed to have vanished the second he mentioned this. But what was he to do? He couldn't pretend nothing had happened! It was his duty to make sure everything was okay.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." he mumbled.
"It's ok" she sighed. "I know your just worried" Her eyes adopted a serious, sad look for a moment, but it quickly disappeared, and they sparkled with renewed energy, though it seemed false. "So what time is it?" she asked in a cheerful voice, but Syaoran noticed it was forced. He decided not to make any comments, clearly she didn't want to talk about it and he would respect that. Maybe he'd talk to her about it later, but not now, not this very moment.
"Well, I lost my watch, but sun has just risen, so I figure its...7 or 8 in the morning? I'm not quite sure about sunrise time in this place, but its probably the time I mentioned" he replied thoughtfully.
"Ok, so what should we do today?" she asked. They weren't going to spend the whole day just sitting there, right?
"Well, first thing's first. I'm going to make you some breakfast" he replied
"You're cooking? That might be dangerous, I don't know if I want to eat something you make" she said teasingly.
It was an innocently funny comment, obviously intended to lighten things up a bit, but Tomoyo's intention backfired completely. Syaoran felt an icy stab in his heart when he listened to these words. Not that long ago he had heard the very same thing from his beloved Sakura...yeah, he remembered it perfectly...their first night together, he had offered to cook dinner and she had replied in such a similar way...god, they weren't such special words, they weren't meaningful at all! But somehow, they had burned themselves in his mind that very special night, and it hurt like hell to think about it now...
So lost he was in his memories, he didn't notice he had been staring at nothing in particular for a few minutes already. Tomoyo looked at him with a worried expression.
"Did I say something wrong?" she asked quietly.
Syaoran snapped back to reality and mentally punched himself for being such a weak person. He would have to forget his grief for a moment, he needed to focus on Tomoyo now. A carefully performed smile appeared on his face, but Tomoyo knew him too well to detect a fake Syaoran smile when she saw one. Just as him, however, she decided it wasn't the right moment to purse this issue. They would talk about it later.
"No, I'm fine! So what was I saying? Ah, yes, breakfast! You do not need to worry, my dear Tomoyo-chan, I doubt I can find something more elaborate than fruit!" he said.
Tomoyo laughed. "It's ok, anything will do" she said smiling back.
Syaoran got up. "I'll check around for something edible, I won't go to far though. Will you be all right?" he asked, unsure.
"Yeah, don't worry! I can be by myself for some time" she replied.
Syaoran nodded. "Ok, I'll be right back. Don't miss me too much" he said winking at her.
Tomoyo smiled. "Oh, I think I'll be fine" she answered, following the fake cheerfulness they were both forcing between them. When Syaoran had left, however, the grave, sad expression returned. They could pretend all they wanted, but the clock was ticking. She trusted Eriol and she knew he'd die for her if it were necessary. And that was precisely what she feared. What if he died in his attempt of getting her medicine? She would die too, and poor Syaoran-kun would be left all alone in his search for Sakura-chan. What if he never found her alone? She knew she wasn't very useful, not anything but moral support, but Eriol was indeed of vital importance. He knew this place better than anyone they could count on, so what if something happened to him? And it would all be her fault, for he was risking his life to get her medicine.
Feeling terribly angry with herself, she rested her head on a tree and started thinking ways to get out of this situation.
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The first thing Eriol noticed was the cold. Freezing, piercing, intense cold. The temperature outside the tree was tropical compared to this. Hell, even the temperature in the North Pole had to be warmer than this.
Once he had taken a step away from the entrance, deeper inside this weird place, it suddenly shut itself, leaving him in the middle of the chilling darkness. Eriol was paralyzed. His brain seemed to have frozen in this irrational fear that was taking upon him. Why was he suddenly so terrified? He hadn't really expected the entrance to stay open so that he could run back if things got tough, had he?
Of course not. He knew better than that.
Mentally slapping himself for wasting so much time, he whispered a few words and the interior of the tree was lit up dimly. His fears weren't completely dissipated, but at least he could see now, and it also tranquilized him a bit to know that his magic worked just fine here. For now, at least.
The first step was hard. He led himself slowly, quietly, afraid that the lightest move could unchain disaster in here. Even his breathing was shallow and soft. In a normal situation this would have seemed like excessive paranoia, but this was not a normal situation. It wasn't his life that was in danger now, but Tomoyo's. And the truth was that nothing made him feel more vulnerable and insecure than the knowledge that if he messed up, it was Tomoyo suffering the consequences. This thought, however, was strengthening his determination, the only thing that forced him to stay sane. Once Tomoyo had her medicine and got better...well, maybe then he would panic and fall apart. But not know.
He continued down his path, which was now leading him downwards. It stretched endlessly before him, dark and unwelcoming, but he could see a glimmer at the end of it, soft, but definitely there. The funny thing about it, though, is that no matter how long he had been walking (and to him it seemed like a very long time) it didn't appear to be any closer. The distance between him and the weak sparkle was still the same. Nervous as he was, he couldn't pay too much attention to it, so decided to ignore it for the meantime.
Time passed by and he started to wonder if this was a patience test. Or maybe a psychological test, perhaps they wanted to find out how much he could take of this before losing it. He was feeling very tired, cold and sore. His feet seemed very heavy and he was having trouble breathing properly. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and his vision was blurred. And the damn glimmer that he couldn't reach was making it all worse for a reason he didn't fully understand. But it was just annoying.
Eriol was just about to have an outburst when suddenly it all became very clear to him. He looked at the soft light questioningly and it seemed to twinkle in response. He stopped right there, took a deep breath and looked backwards. There was nothing but vast darkness. Terrified and excited that his theory was correct, he turned and stretched his hand.
An again felt the cold roughness of the bark.
Damn he had been right! He wasn't moving a single inch from the entrance! He had just been walking and walking uselessly. Rage took the better of him, his breathing became heavy and his hands trembled with fury. He completely forgot about his anterior cold and tiredness, the anger running through his veins was burning him up. How could he have been so stupid he didn't notice it before? This wasn't the real test! This was just a limbo, to tire him so that he wouldn't do well afterwards. Hell, and he thought he actually was an intelligent person! Dumb, arrogant, big-headed bastard, that's what he was! He was loosing precious time and Tomoyo was paying for it. No, he just couldn't believe the jerk he was, it just...
"AAHHHRRRGH!!!"
His yell broke the eerie silence in this mortal trap. His fear, exhaustion, anxiousness, self-hatred, everything is his heart just went all out in that scream. A pure white light that came from his very soul, from his love for Tomoyo enveloped him and it grew bigger, stronger until the darkness completely disappeared.
Despite the brightness around him, Eriol felt his world going darker by the second.
I love you Tomoyo was his last thought, before everything went black, and he felt himself falling and falling...
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Syaoran rummaged through the forest distractedly, looking for something to eat. The vegetation in the island was varied, many trees and plants with the most beautiful flowers ever were everywhere. But he still couldn't find any fruit. Holding up his hand to block the sunlight out of his eyes, he scanned the woods thoroughly. A bit farther to his left he could make out a vague form of a palm tree. Maybe I can get some coconuts he thought. He started walking in that direction, a bit uneasy about stretching the distance between him and Tomoyo. True, she had seemed fine when he was talking to her a while ago. But there was something about her look, about her voice...he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was definitely something wrong. Another person might have been fooled by Tomoyo's perfect acting, but he knew her too well. The problem was that he didn't know how to handle this situation.
He wasn't the most sensitive person on earth, in fact, he had always fought against this side of him, against his feelings. Of course he had changed a lot since he had met his Sakura, but the intensive training to hide his feelings he had received in his early childhood had left deep marks. His primal instincts still were to ignore his heart. So dealing with Tomoyo would be difficult. Syaoran was by nature a quiet, reserved person. He had a great mind, very intense feelings, but he didn't voice them. He wasn't very good with when it came to words. So how could he make Tomoyo feel better? How could he show his support? He didn't really know...but he knew better than to let things just pass by. The truth was that they couldn't ignore the situation forever. They needed to talk, to connect. The two of them together were stronger than they were apart. He knew perfectly well that Tomoyo was putting the entire cheerful act for his benefit, and she was probably breaking down inside.
He was still going on about this in his mind when he reached the palm trees, and began getting coconuts down. If he hadn't been so lost in his thoughts he probably would have noticed the fresh footprints, which led all the way to the other side of the beach where an emerald-eyed beauty was sitting, her heart as troubled as his.
