Author's Notes: Yay! I can't believe how fast I'm updating! I
guess my eagerness to finish this fanfic is paying off…I'm getting tired of it,
aren't you? But don't worry, I'm not a quitter. I'll finish this fanfic and
give it the ending it deserves…
Anyways, I
just noticed some of you were thinking I was getting off the mainline of the ff
while describing all those Sakura scenes and stuff. Don't worry, it'll all come
together eventually. I've got plans for all those details that seem
disconnected to the fanfic itself. Just pay attention to Sakura's feelings and
thoughts throughout the next chapters…and, when the time comes, you'll be able
to see the point with its full magnificence…Very soon, I promise!
One last thing: I'm really sorry for not giving you more kawaii S+S moments. I know you were all expecting last chapter to be a lot different, but bear with me people! This story still has a long way to go, and I'll be sure to make it up to you guys!
Thanks a lot to all my reviewers, you guys are the best! This is for all of you!
"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"
Part Fourteen: Troubled Minds
By cherry blossom
Syaoran froze. Had he heard right? Or perhaps his ears were playing foul tricks on him? Was Sakura just kidding? But she wouldn't joke about something like that…would she? No, he was probably hearing things.
"Well, you know…" he said, letting his voice trail off. Then, instinctively he took her hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Oh, Sakura, I feared the worst…"
"I'm afraid I don't understand," she replied. Her voice was calm, and she was smiling, but the smile seemed somewhat…fake?
Syaoran opened his mouth, but he couldn't find the right words. Eriol and Tomoyo, who had evidently been overhearing the conversation, subtly approached. Syaoran attempted to continue the conversation.
"You know what I mean, Sakura…" he tried softly.
"No, I don't Syaoran, I've just told you," she replied a bit coldly. The smile on her face vanished in the act.
"Well, when…when you-you went missing and…you know…that…I…I just…" Syaoran stammered uncertainly. As he said those words, he thought he saw a horrible expression cross Sakura's face. But a moment later it was gone, so he assumed he had imagined it.
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, letting go his hand. To Syaoran, that simple gesture felt like a stab in his heart. His eyes widened a bit, and his hand remained extended, as if expecting her to take it again.
"I-I…don't make me say it, Sakura…you know-" he began quietly, definitely not like the tone of the conversation, but he was interrupted.
"I don't know! Stop saying that! I don't know! I don't want to know!" replied Sakura, raising her voice. Her cold, furious expression caught Syaoran off-guard, and he felt tiny and weak beside her. That horrible feeling he had experienced crept upon him once again. He shuddered involuntarily, as if a cold breeze had just swept by. He felt completely paralyzed by a sensation that oddly resembled fear…Fear? Could he be afraid of his Cherry Blossom?
Fortunately for him, Eriol interceded.
"Calm down, Sakura, we understand you might be a bit stressed about-" he began in a calm voice, but Sakura didn't let him finish.
"I'm not stressed! I just don't know what you're talking about!" she said loudly.
"Sakura, the best thing to do is to face what has happened and-"
"Nothing has happened! I'm perfectly fine! Now LEAVE ME ALONE!" she cried, and took off, running towards the other end of the beach. Syaoran was about to start running after her, but Eriol stopped him.
"Don't. Not
now at least. I'll be able to track later," he assured. "I think we should sit
down and have a talk, and decide how to deal with this…"
Syaoran nodded slowly, not really paying attention. Sadness tainted his heart,
as he stared at the sky with a pained, lost expression. It wasn't fair, he
thought miserably. He had only just found her…! Why? Why did he feel like he
was loosing her all over again? Physical distance had separated them before…but
this was so much worse! Even when he had held her to him, her heart had felt a
thousand miles away… And, damn it, that hurt so much more!
He could have gone on torturing himself, but he felt a small hand take his. He looked up into Tomoyo's amethyst eyes, and saw a true reflection of his own feelings. And along with all the pain, he saw determination. A warm feeling spread through his heart. If Tomoyo was still determined to win this over, then he was too. He wouldn't loose hope. He wouldn't stop trying. For Tomoyo's sake, and for his own…and for Sakura. He wouldn't leave her alone. This time he'd help her right.
He squeezed Tomoyo's hand.
We're in this together.
Eriol, Tomoyo and Syaoran sat in silence for a while. The night was cool and refreshing, and a pleasant breeze was blowing. They were supposed to talk now, but none of them seemed to want to begin. What to say, indeed?
Eriol suddenly cleared his throat. He didn't like this at all, but he knew he was the one who would have to begin. Taking a deep breath, he began speaking.
"Well, as you have noticed, Sakura is…well, she's acting weirdly," he began slowly. "Now, while Syaoran was talking to her, I carefully watched. Physically she's fine, she looks exactly like the Sakura we now. Her magic hasn't changed either; her aura is the same as always. However, we all agree she acted nothing like her usual self," he continued, and then paused his voice soft and unsure. "Is that a fine summary of everything so far?"
Syaoran and Tomoyo quietly nodded.
"Now, the most important thing to note, is that she reacted very badly when you mentioned the…well, the incident," said Eriol, looking at Syaoran.
"She acted as if she had no idea what I was talking about. As if it hadn't actually happened," confirmed Syaoran, in an emotionless voice. His haunted eyes were staring at a fixed point he could only see. He was only half-listening to what Eriol said. Talking about this…the idea was almost absurd! Words were so mundane…
"Yes, but when she started raising her voice, I distinctly remember she said she didn't want to know…" was saying Eriol, giving them a meaningful look.
"Do you think she actually doesn't remember anything?" asked Tomoyo, her eyes wide open. Upon these words, Syaoran subtly flinched, but didn't say anything.
"Yes and no," replied Eriol thoughtfully. "I think she knows something really terrible happened to her, something so terrible she locked it away in her mind…And she has been lying to herself ever since, so skillfully she has actually convinced herself that everything is what it's supposed to be. Even being in this island alone and suddenly finding us is all very natural to her…"
"Like there is another, more normal reason why she ended up here?" asked Tomoyo, trying to follow Eriol's complicated explanations.
"More like she doesn't even care…" said Syaoran suddenly. The young couple looked at him.
"Think about it…did she ask us what we were doing in this island? Or why she herself is here in the first place? She obviously doesn't know the answers to those questions…but she doesn't even bother to find out…" he continued bitterly, disbelievingly.
Eriol lowered his head. Evidently he had reached the same conclusion. Tomoyo looked from one to the other, her eyes filling with desperate tears.
"But she wouldn't! Sakura-chan would never stop car-" she began stubbornly, but Syaoran interrupted her.
"Can't you tell, Tomoyo?" he said fiercely, but then softened his tone into a whisper. "She's not Sakura anymore…"
"What the hell do you mean? How can she not be Sakura?" demanded Tomoyo, loosing all calm in the act.
"There's something different about her…Something subtle, yet so evident…" replied Syaoran, his voice rickety. He too appeared to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown…the entire situation was just too much!
"But why? How can this be? What is it that happened to her?" cried Tomoyo helplessly. Eriol immediately put his arms around her, in a warm, protective embrace. He couldn't stand to see Tomoyo so upset.
"I'm afraid that is the worst part of the whole situation," he said softly. "We can't force her to tell us…somehow she'll have to unlock the memories and deal with them alone before turning to us…"
"What?! We can't leave her alone in this!" declared Syaoran angrily. He had sworn to himself he'd never let his Sakura suffer again, and he was determined to keep his promise. There just had to be another way…
"We won't. Once she has unlocked that dark part of her mind, we'll be there to help her through it. But until she does, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do…" concluded Eriol worriedly.
Syaoran felt anger run through his veins. He felt like punching Eriol for that horrible habit of breaking bad news to them continuously…but he knew it wasn't Eriol he was mad at.
He was mad at himself…Mad for letting the whole situation happen in the first place.
This would have never happened if you weren't such an idiot, he told himself bitterly. He felt like punching himself, but he knew it wouldn't help. Nothing would, according to Eriol. Once again there was nothing to do, but to blame himself.
Oh, misery…why did he keeping walking down that road?
Sakura ran until she was out of breath and had to stop. There, panting, she sat down and cried. Her head was throbbing, and crying was making it worse, but somehow she couldn't stop. Her mind felt like a big mess, her thoughts were fuzzy and she kept hearing voices in her head.
Why was she suddenly so upset? Nothing had hurt her when she was alone…she didn't like this at all! No, no, not at all! Why had they come to disturb her peace? Why couldn't they just leave her alone?!
Because they love you…! They are worried about…about… About what? Syaoran had mentioned something about an incident, but Sakura discovered she didn't want to think about it. In fact, fear had struck her upon those words… She desperately wanted to make it all stop, but she couldn't control her mind. Inside her, an internal fight was being held…part of her told her to remember something, but the other part didn't want to.
It's important! You need to know…spoke a voice, but it was weak and thin, and soon disappeared, along with her headache. It wasn't time to think about it, she decided. She would apologize to her friends for yelling at them, and it would all be ok. Perhaps, later, she'd think about all that…but not right now.
Just not right now.
Not long after their conversation, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Eriol saw Sakura
approaching. They had all agreed it was best not to pursue the issue, at least
not now that things were still so raw, so fresh…
Sakura slowly walked up to them, a sorry look on her face. Tomoyo took that a
good sign. At least yelling at them in such a way hadn't seemed natural to her, she thought bitterly.
She looked at her as Sakura struggled to get the words out.
"Hey guys…I…I wanted to apologize for all the yelling and stuff…I didn't mean to…" she began softly, as if those words were particularly hard to say.
"It's ok, Sakura-chan," replied Tomoyo, smiling at her. Play along, she told herself. Just play along. "We understand."
Sakura smiled back at her, and Eriol and Syaoran nodded, silently agreeing with the dark haired girl.
"So…" said Eriol after a moment of silence. "Shall we get out of this island?"
"Sure thing," replied Tomoyo, already wanting to be as far away from
there as she possibly could. That island didn't hold very happy memories for
her.
"Yeah…" added Syaoran. Sakura nodded unenthusiastically. It struck Tomoyo how
weird they looked together. Together? Each seemed lost in his or her own
thoughts, as if they didn't even realize the other was finally within the reach
of their hands. Hell, they were standing at least a foot apart from each other!
Not alike anything she would have expected the final meeting to be.
Eriol instructed them to hold hands, forming a circle, and he chanted a few words. The four of them closed their eyes, and felt the earth moving beneath them, but it was over in no time.
Tomoyo opened her eyes. They were in an airport.
"Where are we, Eriol?" she asked.
"Hawaii's airport…it's the farthest I could get us. We'll have to take a plane home," he replied, and was about to go and buy the tickets, when he noticed Tomoyo had a strange look on her face.
"Is everything ok?" he asked, caressing her cheek. Tomoyo smiled uneasily.
"Yes…I'm just not really in the urge to go on a plane again…" she
replied softly. Eriol slapped his forehead. They had almost crashed on their
way to the island! How could he have forgotten? And Tomoyo had been attacked
there too…how could he be so insensitive?
The raven haired girl, reading his mind, quickly dismissed his thoughts.
"Really, Eriol…It's quite silly, I'll be ok…plus, there's nothing you can do know, so just go ahead and buy our tickets," she said quickly, with a smile on her face. Eriol nodded, unconvinced, but walked away. Tomoyo then turned her look towards her friends.
Sakura was watching the people around her, and Syaoran was doing nothing at all. The space between them gave Tomoyo a sad feeling. She could tell exactly what was going through Syaoran's head, and she knew how awful he was probably feeling right now. She wondered what Sakura might be thinking, though. Was Syaoran right? Was Sakura no longer Sakura-chan?
Her eyes saddened and she held a hand to her heart, like she always did when she was painfully worried. She tried to catch Syaoran's eye, but, unconscious or purposefully, he was avoiding her look. Tomoyo's worry increased. With no communication between them, things were bound to get worse.
Just then, Eriol returned.
"We're in luck! There's a plane to Tomoeda boarding right now…but I couldn't get the four of us sitting together. So there'll be two of us in Business, and two in Tourist section," he explained. "If you don't mind, Tomoyo and I will get the better spot…" he added, winking at her and taking her hand.
"Sure…" said Sakura indifferently, shrugging her shoulders. Syaoran merely nodded.
"Let's board the plane now, shall we?" Tomoyo pleaded, eager to get away from Sakura and Syaoran. She loved her friends very much, but being around them was frankly getting her depressed herself!
