Author's Notes: Well, I think you'll all be happy to know I'm actually getting into this story again! In fact, if you don't give up on me, and read this chapter all the way through, you'll find a little something at the very end…a treat for being so nice to me, I might say…! So anyway, after a lot of twisting and turning the story is finally getting to it's purpose…though there probably will be some twists in the future…you know how evil I can get…
So, to end this ramble, this is for all of my lovely lovely reviewers…!
Enjoy!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us: When the truth breaks the silence"

Part Sixteen: "Reminiscence"

By cherry blossom

Sakura laid spread on her bed, watching the raindrops trace little paths of crystalline water on her window. Apart from the sound of the storm outside, the house was immersed in the uttermost silence. Just the way she liked it.

For a moment, her thoughts lingered on the reason why this house was so quiet…

After her father's death, Touya had been so completely devastated he couldn't take living in Tomoeda anymore. Yukito and he had tried to persuade her to go along with them, somewhere else, somewhere far away…But Sakura had found herself unwilling, if not unable, to leave her home town. Her family was torn, and so was her heart. It was grief beyond anything she had experienced.

So first her mother and father, then Touya and Yukito…everyone left, but she stayed behind. Seeking what, she didn't know. She had thought many times about putting an end to everything, but something always held her back. Maybe it was simply cowardice.

Sakura shook her head, dismissing these thoughts. She had been haunted by them for so long…but now, all it took was to command herself to stop thinking about it and it would happen. She smiled at inwardly, gloating on the fact she had so much self control now…

Do you?

The auburn haired girl frowned. Why did she keep hearing voices in her head? It was really starting to annoy the heck out of her.

Do you?

That voice didn't seem keen on shutting up, and Sakura could feel the beginning of a nasty headache come around. Maybe it was best to answer instead of trying to ignore it. Feeling very stupid, she replied.

'Of course I do! Everything is under control…' she thought dismissively, sure that the voice would no longer bother her. But she was proved wrong when it spoke again, more firmly than she had ever heard it.

Yes, indeed. But not under *your* control…it said, emphasizing the word 'your'. Sakura was about to reply angrily when something suddenly dawned her comprehension. Realization struck her hard, so hard in fact, that she couldn't tell what it was that she had just discovered. Her brain felt like a computer trying to process too much information, and failing miserably at it. Waves of intense, familiar pain blasted through her head, and she unwillingly sat up, breathing heavily. The throbbing didn't redeem.

Clumsily, almost blind with pain, she got up from bed trying to reach the bathroom were she would surely find some aspirin. She walked for what seemed to be an eternity, and when she finally got to where she was supposed to, she had to lean on the wall for support. The world around her was growing steadily darker, and she somehow knew, as she tore apart the cabin where she kept remedies, that aspirin wouldn't help. Collapsing on the cold floor of the bathroom, she uttered one last silent plea before darkness took over.

Syaoran…

***

Just when Eriol had gathered enough courage to break the tender and anguishing seen before him, Syaoran's head shot up from Tomoyo's shoulder and he gasped. Tomoyo looked at him with blurry eyes.

"Syaoran?" she asked miserably, as though convinced he would only say something even worse. But Syaoran, his eyes wide in horror and breathing heavily, took no notice of her question as he got up. Eriol was about to interrogate him himself, but Syaoran was quicker.

"It's her," he whispered, terrified. "I-I need to get to her right away!"

"Now Syaoran, considering the situation, I hardly think it's wise to-" Eriol began in an attempt of a calm, soothing voice. He thought it sounded pretty good, considering how shaken he still was about the scene he'd just witnessed. But despite his efforts, Syaoran seemed only more upset.

"You don't understand!" he gasped, and Eriol could appreciate his eyes were watery and unstable. Syaoran was about to say something else, but apparently decided not to waste time talking and he sped off as fast as his legs could carry him. Eriol watched him, paralyzed, as the Chinese man ran into the storm outside, leaving the door wide open.

A whole minute of silence passed until Tomoyo finally spoke again.

"What has just happened?" she asked, her voice shaky and weak. Eriol noticed she was trembling from head to foot, and bent down to pick her up as the door closed itself shut. Tomoyo offered no resistance, and merely allowed him to take her wherever he wanted. Once he had let her down on the couch, still holding her in his arms, she looked at him repeating the question with silent fear.

Eriol's eyes wavered for just one second before truthfully answering.

"I have no idea."

***

Syaoran ran like mad through the streets leading to Sakura's house. His head ached terribly, his lungs were on fire and it was taking a considerable effort just to breath. But he couldn't stop. No, not now that he had heard her plea for him.

The way to Sakura's had never seemed as long as then, when horrible images of disaster flashed through his mind continuously. What had he been thinking of? Why didn't he stay with her?

Because she didn't want you to!

Syaoran physically flinched at this thought, but continued his race nonetheless. As he turned around the corner, Sakura's house finally came into view. Drenched and shivering with cold and exhaustion, he dragged himself to the door and knocked.

No response.

He knocked again, louder this time. Part of him was telling him how stupid it was to waste time with that gesture. But another part of him, that part that had shuddered with fear at Sakura back on the island, was quietly telling him that she wouldn't like her privacy to be violated like that.

He knocked one last time, and there was still no answer. That settled the matter in his opinion. Hesitating briefly, though, he pushed the door open.

Once he was inside, and had closed the door behind him, he froze in his steps. As much as he wanted to rush and find Sakura right away, he couldn't fight the terrifying paralysis that had just struck him.

This was the first time he'd ever been to her home since…well, since she had gone missing. But even though it was exactly as he remembered it, it totally different too. Syaoran knew his thoughts were incoherent, but he couldn't help but feel they were accurate.

This place…it was just like her. So as ever, yet so as never. Almost as if it were an image on a mirror…It looked real, but it wasn't.

As Syaoran recovered from his momentary stillness, that thought remained burning in the back of his head. Taking the steps two at a time, he was upstairs in a few seconds. He hesitated for the second time before he started walking through the dark hallway. He could feel his own heart beating furiously, threatening to burst out from his chest. And then he spotted it.

A hand peering out from the bathroom floor. His heart skipped a beat.

Blind fear rushed through him as he hurried forwards. In fact, he was so terrified it took him a whole minute to notice that even if his Cherry Blossom lay in the utmost stillness, her chest was still rising up and down regularly. Wasting no further time, he picked her up and led her towards her bedroom. Just when he had softly deposited her in her bed, she stirred. Syaoran, almost moved by scary reflex, backed away immediately and kneeled beside her bed.

Sakura blinked sleepily and, noticing Syaoran, she frowned. "Syaoran? What are you doing here?" she asked softly.

"I-I heard you call for me and came," he replied truthfully, fighting the urge to jump onto her and give her a hug.

"I called you?" she repeated, raising and eyebrow. Syaoran could feel another row coming up, and tried his best not to irritate her.

"I felt you do so, and when I got here you were lying in the bathroom floor, unconscious," he explained, attempting a neutral tone.

"Was I really…?" she asked vaguely, but he felt the question was directed to herself rather than to him. A few moments passed in silence, as Sakura watched the water pouring outside.

"Are you ok?" the chestnut haired boy asked in a small voice, and she frowned.

"Do I not look ok to you?" she asked calmly, but Syaoran could tell it was a fake tone.

"W-well, considering you were just out cold on the floor for no apparent reason I-" he began timidly, but didn't get a chance to finish the sentence.

"How do you no there's no reason?" she interrupted.

"Well, I assumed-"

"See? That is your problem! You assume everything!" said Sakura hotly, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Me, our relationship…Stop acting like you know and understand everything!"

"But Sakura-"

"But nothing! I will not tolerate that attitude!"

"I don't have an attitude, I'm just worried ab-" he insisted, feeling dangerously on the verge of tears again.

"Don't give me that line! You're just telling yourself that so as not to feel guilty about…" she held her hands to her head. "Ab-bout…!"

Syaoran's eyes widened. Despite the agony her words brought upon him, he felt that this was the moment he had been waiting for. Would she say it?

But after a brief moment of weakness, Sakura regained her cold, angry voice.

"I don't want to see you ever again!" she spat out furiously. "Get out!"

This time, Syaoran didn't argue. He had suddenly been reminded about the mirror images again. And surely, when he looked into her eyes, what he saw was a distortioned reflection of what they had once shown. His eyes blurred with sadness and tears, and he nodded numbly.

"I'm sorry, Sakura…" he whispered. And without even thinking, or knowing why he had, he added what he thought she should know.

"My heart is yours forever."

Everything said, he left without looking back once.

Perhaps, if he had given her one last look, he would have seen a glimpse of the real Sakura flash through her evergreen eyes, which, dawned about something he just said, finally began to recall those events she had chose to forget.   

***

Sakura had never felt so amazingly free in her whole life. There she was, alone, soaring through the sky. The air was warm but breezy, like a fine summer evening. Stars in their millions twinkled and sparkled all around her. Every worry or problem had been gently wiped out of her head, leaving nothing but vague, untraceable happiness…

But then something changed.

Sakura wasn't very sure of what it could be, but she thought she heard something. She tried to focus only on listening, and after a minute she had still not heard anything. She was just about to dismiss these straining thoughts, when she it caught her attention again. Yes, this was definitely not her imagination. In fact, it sounded like a whimper…

She began turning around in circles, trying to decipher where it came from. A third cry indicated the way, and she began floating towards the source of the sound. As she got nearer the sound intensified, and in no time she found what appeared to be a hole in the sky, big and filled with light. She approached it with mistrust, and took a peek inside. Her eyes widened.

She was staring at her own self!
Sakura seemed to looking through a gap in the ceiling of her bedroom. Her other self was crying desperately on her bed, holding onto something she couldn't see very well.

She frowned. What the hell was happening? Why was she – well, this woman! – crying like that? Was she perhaps looking at herself in a moment in the past? Or could it be in the future? Must be the latter, since she couldn't remember ever doing what she saw her double do.

After a short while, the emerald eyed girl on the bed seemed to calm down a bit. Even though tears still ran freely through her cheeks, she had stopped sobbing. Hugging something close to her chest with one hand, she wiped her tears with the other. Looking to where Sakura knew was a mirror, she sighed deeply, and then spoke in an attempt of a firm voice.

"Get a grip," she said out loud sternly, though her voice was scratchy. "You'll do what you must, and there's no way getting around it."

Sakura's frown deepened. Her other self seemed so heartbroken! She never wanted to feel that way, and prayed that scene wasn't portraying her future. She was about to back away from that weird thing, when the girl moved again. With another deep sigh, her double got up from bed and placed something lovingly over her pillow. Sakura was really curious about what it could be, since the girl kept blocking her view.

"I'm sorry…" the other Sakura whispered sadly, and – without turning back once – left the room. Sakura's eyes followed her figure until she had closed the door, and then returned to the bed, eager to see what was lying in it.

She gasped.

There, on the fine pink bedspread, lay the teddy bear Syaoran had given her when they were eleven.

Realization dawned her again and her head blazed with pain, but she did not faint immediately this time. As a million images flashed through her mind, Sakura felt the air get knocked out of her chest.

The dream.

The dress.

The farewell.

The imprisonment.

The Special Place.

The island.

Millions and millions of moments she remembered. The loneliness, the sadness…it all came back to her, shortening her breath, tainting her soul, hurting her heart… And now…

And now Syaoran, she thought shrilly. How she pushed him aside…oh, all those horrible things she said and thought! Tears prickled at the corners of her horrified eyes and she vaguely wondered why air wasn't getting to her lungs.

Light headed and weak, Sakura felt herself falling and falling, but before surrendering to the cold darkness, she uttered one last, terrified thought.

What have I done?