Chapter 5

Shuichi sighed as he entered the main doors leading into NG studios. Yet another day of work.

I can do this, he told himself. I can do this...

It had been over a month since he had seen Yuki. Everyday he longed for him. Even if it meant just hear his insults, Shuichi just wanted to be in his presence.

But he knew that was impossible.

Okay focus, he thought, staring at the song sheet. He still only had the three lines to go with his tuneless song:

Ki zukanai furi wo shite

(Pretending not to notice)

Chiisana mado kara tooku wo mitsumeteta

(I gazed far outside a small window)

Sora ni hirogaru tenshi no koe

(The voice of an angel fills the sky)

What else could he write to go with these lyrics?!

***

"C'mon, think of something!!" pleaded Sakano. "We are way beyond the deadline, though Sachou extended it. But he won't extend it any farther!!"

K grabbed the lyrics. "Here!!! Sing 'em like this!!" he started singing the lines off-key with no balance or rhythm.

"Just give me the damn lyrics!!" yelled Suguru. "I'll write the fucking song!!"

Shuichi slumped against the microphone stand. "It's hard to write a song when you don't have any inspiration."

"HERE'S YOUR INSPIRATION!!!!!!!" shouted K, jabbing a magnum into Shuichi's forehead. "Now get your ass in gear!!!!"

Hiro watched the chaos around them and shook his head slightly. "Another day, another unfinished song."

***

"Hey Aniki," said Tatsuha. "Sorry about dragging you out to Kyoto. Nee-san made me do it."

"Oh, don't apologize," said Yuki, setting up his laptop. "I haven't spoken to Tou-san in a while, and we had a pleasant visit."

Tatsuha raised an eyebrow. Even if Yuki was still suffering from amnesia, he was acting a bit...nice to be normal.

"It's pissing me off though," he continued. "She leaves me out of family decisions, yet she expects me to do her every whim."

"Onee-san only wants what's best for us."

Tatsuha leaned back in his chair. What he was about to say Mika had advised him not to bring up. Tohma had gone so far as to threaten him. But he wasn't intimidated by either of them.

"I haven't seen Shuichi around here," he fished.

Yuki paused and looked up. "Shuichi? Who's that?"

Tatsuha raised both eyebrows. "He was your...roommate for a long while."

Yuki blinked. "Are you sure? I don't ever remember having a roommate."

"Aniki, you don't remember anything."

"I know, but...I can sometimes see patches of memories. And I don't remember having a roommate."

"Well, you did. He's a good friend of mine, too."

"I think you're mistaken. Both Onee-san and Tohma told me that I had no roommate."

Tatsuha froze. "What?!"

"I'll admit, the name Shuichi does sound familiar. But I don't know from where. And I'm definitely sure I would've seen this Shuichi in my flashbacks."

Tatsuha swallowed and stood. "I gotta go, Aniki."

"All right, Tatsuha. I'll talk to you later."

"..."

***

"Mika, are you sure everything's all right?!"

"Of course, Tou-san," Mika spoke into the phone. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Eiri was too damn nice for his own good when he came over. And he's never nice to me. Did you give him Valium?!"

"No!!! He just wants to make amends with you!!"

"...I don't believe you. I think you're hiding something from me, so spit it out!!!"

"I'm hiding nothing, Tou-san!!"

"All right, fine!! Don't tell me!! I'll have Tatsuha tell me what the hell is going on!!" then he hung up on her.

Mika shut off her cell phone and sat on her bed. It had initially been her decision to hide Yuki's amnesia from their father. She knew how bad her father's health was, and knowing of Yuki's condition would cause him harm.

She was having second thoughts, though.

Maybe having him forget about Shindou-kun was a bad idea, she mused. After all, Eiri did care for him greatly. Now we're filling vivid lies into Eiri's head to replace his memories of Shindou-kun...

But it has to be the right thing. Eiri may have been an adult, but he didn't know what was healthy for him. Being with Shuichi wasn't healthy for him because it brought back unwanted memories. And their relationship had left Tohma in some bad moods...

Mika knew she was doing this for her brother's happiness and for her husband's happiness. Even though Tohma hadn't said casual affectionate words to her for a long while.

Suddenly she was struck by a wave of nausea. She knew she was about to throw up.

She ran into the bathroom and vomited up her lunch into the toilet. She could barely catch her breath before more came out.

Finally, it subsided. Gasping for air, she sat on the tiled floor next to the toilet, wiping her mouth with a towel.

What's wrong with me? she wondered. I've been vomiting a lot lately. I don't have a temperature, and I don't have an upset stomach. Then again, maybe it's psychological. Maybe my body is acting this way because it's disgusted by what I'm doing...

***

Tatsuha stared blankly out the window of the apartment he was staying at. Inside there were turmoil emotions, ranging from melancholy to anger.

"Tatsuha-kun!!" squeaked a voice. Tatsuha turned his head to become face to face with a pink stuffed rabbit. "Kumagorou wants to know what's wrong!!"

Tatsuha managed a small smile and patted Kumagorou on the head. "It's nothing. I'm just a little mad at my onee-san and Tohma-san."

"Why's that?"

"Because they're making mistakes."

"But everybody makes mistakes!!"

"I know, but they're being deliberate. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they continue to do it."

Kumagorou was silent for a long while. Then a serious voice behind him spoke. "It has to do with your brother, right?"

Tatsuha stared over the top of Kumagorou's head. "So you know, Ryuichi?"

Sakuma Ryuichi rose above Kumagorou, his expression serious. Tatsuha hardly ever saw this side of him. "I'm afraid Tohma has a fault when it comes to being right. He'll act on his own accord, regardless of how others feel, and stick with it no matter what."

Tatsuha blinked. Never once had he heard Ryuichi criticize Tohma, who was his best friend. "Ryuichi?"

"My advice is to help out Yuki in your own way, but without Tohma or Mika-san's knowledge."

"That could work. Thanks, Ryuichi."

"LET'S DRAW DRAWINGS, NO DA!!!!!!" Ryuichi suddenly shrieked, returning to his three-year-old personality.

Tatsuha managed a laugh. "I don't have any paper."

"WE CAN USE THE FLOOR, NO DA!!!!!!!!!!!" Ryuichi whipped out some crayons out of nowhere and set to work drawing on the floor of his apartment.

Tatsuha grinned. This was one of the MANY reasons he was so heavily attracted to Ryuichi. And seeing his idol/sex god drawing helped to get rid of his own angst.

***

Shuichi chewed on his eraser, while staring at the lyrics in front of him. Gradually, he was thinking of the next line.

"Okay, let's see... Kaze ni dakarete...that's it!! That's my next line!!"

A soft knock came at his bedroom door. "Onii-chan, it's past dinnertime!! Please come down!!!"

"In a minute, Maiko!!" said Shuichi, once again puzzling over the next line. "Shit, there I go again!!"

The door opened and Maiko stepped in. "Still writing those lyrics, Onii-chan?"

Since Yuki awoke with amnesia, Shuichi quickly moved out of the apartment and back home. Hiro offered him a place to stay, but his apartment was also made for one person.

"I have to!! We need to put the new single out!!"

"But Hiro tells me that you don't have a melody for it yet. Songs use to come to you naturally. Is something wrong?"

Shuichi drooped his head, letting the pencil slip from his fingers. "Yes. I can't see him."

"'Him'? You mean Yuki-san?" Maiko seated herself next to him. "Well, there's no unstoppable force that's keeping you from him."

"Yes, there is. His family with the exception of Tatsuha, don't want me anywhere near him."

Maiko shook her head. "You know, Onii-chan. There is a strong difference in following what others believe, and following what you believe. Do you think it would be beneficial to do as they say because they keep laying the guilt trip on you?"

Shuichi stared at her. "I-"

"They told you to stay away from him, yes. But they aren't monitoring you. So there's absolutely nothing that's keeping you away from him. And perhaps by seeing him...even for a small second, it'll give you the inspiration you need."

Shuichi jumped to his feet. "That's it!! Thanks, Maiko!!" then he made a mad dash out of the house.

Maiko shook her head as she stood. "That's my Onii-chan. Nothing can keep him from his love for music and Yuki-san."

***

Yuki sighed softly as he seated himself on a park bench. Instinctively he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He didn't know why he was smoking, but it seemed glued to him.

At least my life is sort of getting back on track, he mused to himself. I still can't really remember anything, but Onee-san and Tohma are helping me with that. And I gradually took to writing again, and am also done with a book. I haven't seen much of Tatsuha, though...wait, didn't he stop by today? Damn, if he did I don't remember what was said.

Not long after Tatsuha had left, Yuki had suffered a terrible headache and had passed out. He had woken up hours later, the headache deleting parts of the day's events from his memory. One of them being Tatsuha's visit. Well, Yuki could remember parts of it, just not the conversation.

I keep getting these headaches, he thought. And every time I get one I keep forgetting something. It's pretty hard to remember past things when present things keep disappearing.

He took a long drag from his cigarette and tossed the butt onto the sidewalk.

Tohma said that the pink haired boy was the cause of my amnesia, and that he came to the hospital to hurt me. I don't know how a scrawny kid could possibly hurt me, but he must be at fault. Tohma said so and he wouldn't lie to me.

"Yuki."

Yuki turned. He had grown accustomed to being called by his penname. But what he saw made him freeze.

It was the pink-haired boy.

I shouldn't be scared, he thought, turning back around. He's too small to do any real damage to me. And if he pulls anything I'll hit him as hard as I can.

"Yuki." The boy was moved closer to him.

"What do you want?" growled Yuki, feeling angry. How dare he want to see me after everything he did to me!!!

The boy stopped. "I-I-I just wanted to see you-"

"Well, I don't want to see you!! Now leave me alone!!"

The boy actually looked hurt by those words. Yuki was amazed at how manipulating he was trying to be.

"Why, Yuki? I know you've suffered amnesia, but I was sure you would remember me by now-"

"Why would I WANT to remember you?!?!" Yuki jumped to his feet, moving away from him. "You aren't anything to me as far as I know!!!"

Were those tears he was seeing rolling down his face?! Was he actually trying to be sincere?!

"B-B-But Yuki." The boy moved quickly closer and Yuki quickly backed away. Yuki didn't want him in his personal space. And when it came to his personal space with this boy, it extended across Japan.

Yuki quickly turned away. "I'm going home. Don't follow me." he started away.

The boy grabbed his hand. "Yuki-"

Flashes filled Yuki's mind. He couldn't pinpoint any of them, but he had to admit he didn't see painful scenes with this boy.

Though the flashes were giving him a headache.

"Don't touch me!!" he roared, wrenching his hand out of the boy's and indivertibly swinging it back. His hand caught the boy in the face, knocking him flat onto the damp grass. Then he started walking away again.

From behind him he heard the boy's voice. "Yuki!! Even if you don't love me, I love you!!! I always have and I always will!!!"

Yuki shuddered. He "confessed" his love.

He acts so differently than how Tohma described him, he realized. But then again, Tohma is family. I hardly remember someone like that boy. I know I'm supposed to believe Tohma, but...shit, I don't know what to believe.

***

"Onii-chan, your face!!" cried Maiko.

Shuichi stared at her through his swollen eyes. "I fell down."

"Onii-" Shuichi ran up the stairs to his room.

Maiko sighed heavily. "I'm guessing it didn't go as well as I had thought it would."

Shuichi threw himself down upon his bed, his body wracking with sobs. Yuki had hit him before in the past, but all those times were for him to shut up. Never had Yuki hit him with the intent of hurting him.

Why did he treat me so badly? he thought. I certainly did nothing to deserve a slap to the face!!

He sat up; tears still spilling down his face. Does he really not remember me? Mika and Tohma really DID put me out of his memory. No, there's something more to it. If they had actually put me out of his memory, he wouldn't have acted as violent as he did today. What did they do to him?!

He finally calmed down and lay back on his bed. He tried not to focus in on what just happened and decided to hum. It wasn't any of his tunes, or tunes from other songs. It was just...something.

He sat back up. That's it!!

He went over to the wrinkled paper on his desk. He hummed the tune that had just come to him with the lyrics on the paper. It was perfect.

"Wait...Hitomi ni utsuru...it fits!!" he scribbled the words onto the paper.

For hours and deep into the night he hummed that tune and scribbled down lyrics. If it didn't fit, he'd erase it and write others in its place.

Finally, at quarter to three in the morning, the song was finished.

"ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Shuichi, his projecting voice waking up the entire neighborhood.

***

"You guys!!" cried Shuichi as he ran into the room.

Suguru raised an eyebrow. "You're ten minutes early."

"And you have a bruise," pointed out Hiro, slightly concerned.

"Oh, that's fine!! Where's K-san?!"

"Over there," pointed Suguru to the corner.

"K-san!!" Shuichi rushed over to him, waving his paper. "Look!!"

K's eyes bulged when he saw all the words on it. "You've got the new single?!?!"

"Yep!! It took some bad inspiration, but I got it!!"

"FINALLY!!!!!" cried Sakano, jumping around the room.

Shuichi laughed. "Oh, and K-san I need you to do something for me."

"Okay, what is it?"

"Can you find me someone who can play the violin?"

Note: Okay, the J-Rock song is pretty obvious by now, but I won't put its name or the artist up until all the lyrics are displayed in the next chapter.